"I want to know what the hel is going on between you and Claire!"
"Is that what you want to know?"
"Yes!"
"No big deal right? Just a straight answer?" He was patronizing me, but I was too blind with anger to see where it was going.
"Right," I said, standing my ground.
"Okay. I wil tel you what's going on between me and Claire."
"Okay!"
"Right after you tel me what's going on between you and Kyle."
Wel ...I wanted to come clean. Here's my chance. Maybe not this way, though.
I deflated, my anger floated away.
"N-n-nothing," I stammered. I was on the verge of wailing, but bit my lip to keep it back. "Sorry I jumped on you like that. I'm...." I started towards the door. "I'm going to go."
Luke fol owed me out of the room, cal ing my name.
"Nice to meet you, Claire," I said absently. I went out the front door, forgetting my sneaks.
"I'l be right back," I heard Luke say.
"Emmy," Luke got in front of me and stopped me.
"God! Everything SUCKS!" I yel ed.
The Lab in the next yard, Pepper, answered with barking and whining and a few kids playing in the street looked over at us. Even Luke looked
at me with apprehension.
"Give me an hour or so and I'l come pick you up from home," Luke said.
"I don't want to go home," I grumble. "My mother is there."
"Okay then stay here."
"I don't want to stay here with Claire."
Luke put his hands together in front of him, like he was trying not to flip out.
"Emmy," he said with control ed quietness. "Go do what you have to do to get yourself together. I wil cal you soon."
I sighed noisily and got into my car. It wasn't until I was a couple of miles away that I remembered my sneakers.
An hour later my cel rang. I dug it out of my pocket and answered.
"Where are you?" Luke asked.
"At McDonalds. Eating the entire menu."
"I have your shoes. Why don't you come get them?" His tone was light, almost playful.
"Is Claire gone?"
"Yes."
"Why did it take you an hour to get rid of her?"
"Actual y,
you
kind of got rid of her, and she left fifteen minutes after you. I was outside washing your sneaks."
"Sorry and thank you."
"Come home," he softly commanded.
I finished my fries and milkshake and drove back to Luke's. He was waiting for me at the door.
"In a few minutes, I'm going to take you to the bedroom and make you scream my name," he said as he closed and locked the door.
It wasn't real y what I expected to hear. I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't screaming orgasms.
"But first," he continued. "I dated Claire years ago. Nothing was going on when you came in today. We were just talking."
"You were cozy," I blurted out.
"Yeah, we were cozy, but nothing more.
I
would never hurt you like that."
The way he said that made me believe that he thought that
I
could hurt
him
like that, and he wouldn't be wrong. I felt like a douche puddle.
"There are some things in our relationship that need to be fixed," he said careful y. "I'l do my part, but you have to do your part, too, Emmy."
"Okay."
I was confused. Sometimes I thought that Luke knew more than what he was saying about Kyle, but then I thought there was no way that he
would just stand aside and let some other guy do as he wished to his woman. There's no way he would stand for my divided heart. I believed that
maybe whatever vibe I was giving off was the culprit. Maybe it was my own guilt surfacing on my face that registered in his mind and not some other
solid fact. After al , I had been very careful with Kyle.
For me to do my part, Kyle had to go, but before I could begin to think of how to do that, Luke scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the
bedroom. My screaming orgasms overshadowed any thoughts of Kyle.
As summer neared its end, my parents started discussing their travel plans back to Louisiana. My mom harassed me about getting married,
and gave me ridiculous suggestions on how to accomplish it. I couldn't tel her I wasn't in any position to accept anyone's proposal. My dad reminded me that I didn't have to go anywhere if I didn't want to, but said he may not spend the whole summer in Jersey next year.
"It's not that I don't want to be with my favorite girl," he explained one morning. "But I am old, and I want to spend time with my grandkids and
great grandkids while I stil have time."
It made me sad to remember that my dad was getting older, and I felt bad for keeping him away from the rest of the family. I told myself that I
would have to make a bigger effort to go back to Louisiana more often. Their life down there was important to them and I shouldn't negate that.
***
cake, enormous pretzels and salt water taffy. I couldn't wait to get on a few rides, play a few games, and to whip him at mini golf. I was even more
excited just to spend the day with him. While things had not necessarily improved, they had not worsened.
I drove over early that morning. I was going to drag him from bed if I had to. I let myself in and headed towards the bedroom, but a slight noise
from the kitchen caught my attention. I found him already dressed, leaning against the kitchen counter. My happiness and excitement instantly
began to fade. The look on his face was serious, dead serious.
"Lena's not doing as wel as we had hoped," he said so quietly that it unnerved me.
"I'm sorry," I said, unsure whether or not to reach for him.
"I'm going to leave sooner than I planned."
"How soon?" My heart began to race because I knew which conversation was about to take place, even though I had put it off for the entire
summer.
"Next week. By the end of next week." He was speaking so stiffly to me that I took a step backward without thinking about it. "I've decided I don't want you to come with me."
I swal owed hard and offered the smal est of smiles. "I understand. You have a lot going on with your sister and family."
"This isn't about my family, it's about you. I don't want you."
Even though I knew I didn't deserve him, it was stil harsh. My smile instantly vanished and I took another involuntary step back.
"I thought if I gave you some time, you would make a decision," he started in a firm voice, but I could hear the anger and hurting behind it. "I
thought you would stop stringing me along as a backup and real y commit, but you haven't. You're stil seeing Kyle."
I closed my eyes, dizzied and stunned and scared. I didn't give Luke any credit. I total y took him for a fool, but al along he could see right
through me.
I didn't have a defense and I didn't think he wanted to hear my apologies yet, so I stayed quiet, head hung in shame, tears tickling my eyes and
waited for him to berate me - rightful y so.
"I'm not sure which part bothers me the most, the fact that you've been lying for months or the fact that you thought I was too simple minded to
see what was going on. I can't count how many times you've lied about where you were or who you were with, or the times that you climbed into
my
bed stil reeking of him. How many times have I kissed you and your mind was with him? I've given you opportunity after opportunity to come clean,
but you never did."
He made an exasperated sound and paced the floor for a moment and stopped inches from me.
"At least give me the courtesy of looking in my fucking face while I am talking," he said so quietly, it was terrifying.
I slowly raised my head and looked at his face. He looked so damn angry, so damn hurt.
"I looked like the biggest idiot at work, committing myself to the girl who was obviously fucking Kyle Sterling."
My mouth hung open, and I started to ask what he meant, but the look on his face suggested I stay quiet.
"Everyone knows, Emmy. Despite your sneaking around, people stil know. You both think everyone else is too inferior and dumb to figure it
out."
I shook my head, denying what he was saying. There was no way people could know. We took great precautions, didn't we?
"Don't you fucking shake your head," he grumbled through gritted teeth and pointed in my face. I backed up, but he just kept closing the gap
until I was against the wal .
"You're more upset that everyone else knows than you are about
me
knowing!"
When he yel ed, I jumped, hitting my head on the wal .
"No, that's not true," I argued, wiping at my tears.
"Like I can believe anything you say now!"
"I'm so sorry,"
"Maybe you are, but I don't forgive you. I can't even forgive myself for fal ing in love with you, knowing that you were Kyle's whore." He said the
last word with such vehemence, I thought he must have injured his tongue in the process.
Luke was one of the most mild mannered people I knew. Even though he was in the right, his current state was something to fear. Looking in
his eyes, I could see the absolute fury and pain swimming around. Just as I began to think it was time for me to go, Luke's fist landed in the drywal
next to my head as he let out a scream of anger. I, too screamed, shocked, and afraid he would hit me, but instead he backed up. His hand was
bloody, but he didn't seem to notice.
"Luke, your hand!" I reached for him, but he pul ed away. "Let me at least help you take care of your hand," I insisted. I approached again,
cautiously, and this time he let me take a careful hold of his injured hand.
Silently, he al owed me to clean and bandage his hand, staring at me the whole time. When I finished, I was reluctant to let go, and dared to
lightly touch his wrist.
"I didn't know how to let go of either one of you," I whispered.
"Fortunately for you, I made that decision for you," he said, stil angry, but now I could definitely detect sadness.
I felt like such an asshole. I didn't feel like I deserved to real y cry, but I could not stop myself. The floodgates
broke
and I was trying to stay
standing, as my whole body just went weak.
I gently released Luke's hand and started to turn away, but he caught me with his good hand and pul ed me into a teary, desperate, heart
breaking kiss. When he broke it off, he held my face in his hands, wiping away tears with his thumbs. He had tears of his own, but I was afraid to
touch him again.
"Listen to me," he said. "I don't ever want to see you after today. Don't cal me, don't text me, don't email me. Whatever relationships you were
building with my family, it's done. They've already cut you off at my request.
"I love you, Emmy, but you fucking broke my heart. I know I am part to blame, I know, but..." He paused, stared at me real y hard. "I hope Kyle
Sterling rips your heart out of your chest and makes you choke on it."
The week after Labor Day always marks the beginning of a very busy period at Sterling Corp. I can't pretend to understand the logistics of why
that is, I just know that my work load builds up quickly, so that by the time Hal oween arrives, I have triple the work I would normal y have. Usual y, I
shut up and take the work and Kyle's bul shit and fight my way to the finish line (with plenty of alcohol in between), but this year I wasn't real y feeling
it.
"I need an assistant," I told Kyle one morning, handing him his coffee and a stack of files.
"Use Eliza," he said, not even looking up at me.
"Eliza has enough work to do for Jerk-Off Jeoff. You have to hire someone new, just to assist me."
"You usual y do pretty wel on your own." He wasn't even paying attention to me real y. He was blowing me off.
"Kyle, can you please pay attention?"
"I'm listening,"
I wanted to throw his coffee in his face.
"I need an assistant," I repeated, sighing.
Final y, he looked up at me, perplexed.
"Why again?"
"Because I am only one person with the work load of six people."
"But you always..."
"I know what I always do!" I snapped. "But not this time." I shook my head and sighed.
It dawned on him, final y. I could tel by the irritated expression on his face.
"You have to stay focused, Emmy. You can't keep thinking about him and what happened or what could have been."
"Focused or not, I'm always overwhelmed. Every year. This year is one of the busiest I've ever seen and it's only the last week of September.
You know what my work load is like without a busy season added in," I argued. "I need help, and I need a new person. We can't spare anyone else."
Kyle looked at me for a long time before speaking.
"Okay," he relented. "I'l sign off on hiring up to three new people on a temporary basis and if productivity rises we wil keep them. If nothing
changes, they're out."
"Thanks," I turned to leave.
"Em," he cal ed. "Come back here a minute. Why don't you look satisfied?"
"I am," I said, not convincingly.
"You're not," he said quietly. "Maybe we need a getaway?"
I glanced over my shoulder to see if anyone was mil ing around close enough to hear. Ever since Luke told me that everyone knew, I've been
extra careful not to be caught in any compromising positions, or conversations.
"We're too busy," I said.
"Yeah, but we're not as busy as we wil be in a month. Let's go now while we can."
"To where?"
"Mexico?"
"No. Too far."
"Nowhere is too far when we can fly."
"We don't have to go anywhere," I shrugged.