laughing and chatting with Leo. My mood must have shifted significantly, because Leo noticed.
"Who's on the phone?" He asked.
"His girlfriend." I said simply.
"Ohhhh..."
"Yeah."
"How long have you been with him?"
"Almost a year."
"I don't want to butt in, but..."
"But?"
He reached across the table and took my hands into his.
"Coming from a guy who wasn't always nice to women, he's only going to treat you the way you let him. If you continue to be tolerant of your
circumstances, he's not going to have a reason to change."
I stared at him as if he just said the most remarkable thing I've ever heard, and maybe he did. It was something I already knew deep down, but
to hear it vocalized by Leo real y put things in perspective.
I was stil gaping at him and he stil had my hands when Kyle cleared his throat beside us before sitting down beside me. I let go of Leo, reluctantly, when Kyle put his arm around me.
About a half hour later, after making sure that I had al of Leo's contact information and vice versa, Kyle and I headed back to our hotel.
"That was an interesting night," he said sourly as we walked into our room.
"Yes."
"What was with the hand holding?"
"Just a friendly gesture."
"What were you talking about?"
"Nothing important."
I quickly changed into a pair of pajamas and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Kyle fol owed me.
"Your demeanor was weird."
"When?" I asked with a mouth ful of toothpaste foam.
"When I came back and you two were holding hands."
"Maybe it was because you were gone in the first place."
He said nothing to this and I was able to finish brushing and rinse my mouth out.
"You never told me that you hooked up with him before."
"It wasn't important. It was a long time ago." I sighed and sat down at the table in the corner of the room. I felt like I was being interrogated. I
rested my head in my hands, feeling the effects of too much wine.
"How far did it go?"
"What do you mean how far did it go?"
"How far did it go? Just making out? Third base? Homerun?"
"I hate when people use basebal to discuss sex."
"Fine. Did you just make out with some light petting or did you fuck him?"
I looked up at him. He was standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed, smoldering.
"I thought you were cool with it?"
"Maybe I'm not."
"Wel , that's becoming very obvious, Kyle."
"You haven't answered my question."
"Maybe I don't want to answer your stupid question."
"Maybe that's an admission of guilt."
"Guilt? For something I did before I knew you existed? You can't be serious."
"So, you did fuck him."
"Yes, you hypocritical dick," I snapped. "I fucked him. Not once, not twice, but three times."
His face contorted into shock, then pain, and then anger.
"So was this trip a guise to see him again? To get some kind of revenge on me?"
"Are you listening to yourself?" I jumped up. "You sound crazy - crazy and obsessive. This trip was your idea!"
"
You
chose Miami, specifical y because of Leo!"
"I didn't come down here to sleep with Leo, Kyle. But you know what? If I wanted to, I would, because I don't belong to you."
He flinched as if I had slapped the shit out of him, and I wish that I real y had. We stood there staring at each other for a minute.
"I'm going to take a shower," he said quietly, and disappeared into the bathroom.
I was having a hard time finding a sense of inner control. I didn't want to fight with Kyle al night. In fact, I didn't want to
see
Kyle for the rest of the night. I redressed, grabbed my purse, and escaped into the night.
When I got to Leo's restaurant, he was just leaving.
"Hey, what are you doing back here?" He asked. "Where's your stud muffin?"
"I needed some air and he's back at the hotel. Are you leaving?"
"Yeah, I'm just going home though."
"Want some company?" I smiled.
He smiled back. "Of course. Let's go."
Leo's house was neater than I expected for a bachelor, neater than his bedroom was many years ago. It was tasteful y decorated and he had
pictures of friends and family, past and present, al over. Tabitha was in quite a few of them, many with Leo. It made me wonder if they had ever had
anything going on, but I didn't feel like asking.
"You want a drink?" Leo asked from the kitchen.
"Always. I think I was born with a tequila bottle in my hand."
He laughed. A minute later he handed me a pretty big, strong drink. "So why did you run away tonight?"
"Oh, you don't want to hear al of the gritty details."
"Actual y, I do. Maybe I can help."
He wanted to know, and I actual y wanted to tel him, and I'm not sure why. We sat down on opposite ends of the couch, and I started from the
beginning. Throughout the story, Leo refil ed my glass several times. By the time I got to the part where I told Kyle I didn't belong to him, I couldn't
walk in a straight line, not even in a nice zig zag.
"I mean, I'm right, right?" I slurred. "I don't belong to him. A matter of fact, I don't belong to anyone!" I leaned in close to Leo, which didn't take much. Somehow, we had both ended up in the middle of the couch, dangerously close. "I don't belong to anyone," I repeated.
I wrapped my hands around his neck and climbed into his lap, straddling him. He ran his hands up and down my back.
"You sure you want to go there?" He asked and took a nibble of my bottom lip. "You may regret it later."
"I won't be doing anything wrong. I'm technical y single," I said, slowly gyrating on his lap.
"I don't think Kyle sees it that way."
"Can you shut up?" I kissed him hard on the mouth before he could answer.
After a hot minute, Leo gently pushed me away.
"What's wrong?" I asked, baffled.
He patted my thigh. "I'm just not that guy anymore, Emmy."
"You mean you're no longer an easy lay."
"I guess that's right," he chuckled. "You're real y attractive, and I real y wouldn't mind revisiting the past, but I don't want to take advantage of you at this moment of weakness."
"It's not a moment of weakness," I argued. To try to prove him wrong, I kissed him again. It lasted a little longer before he pushed me away
again.
"If you stil want me when you're sober, I'l comply," Leo said and eased me off of him.
I sat back on the couch, sulking.
"Why do you have to be so...kind?" I growled.
I fel asleep on Leo's couch, but he woke me up at dawn and drove me back to the hotel. In the car I checked my phone, which had been on
silent through the night. Kyle had cal ed me thirty-two times and sent so many text messages that I didn't have time to read them al by the time we
arrived at the hotel.
"Sorry for throwing myself on you like that," I told Leo before getting out of the car.
"I hope I didn't make you feel...unwanted. I just didn't want you to regret anything."
"I wouldn't have regretted anything," I said firmly. "Thank you for being so cool about everything." I gave him a kiss, a ful tongue on tongue kiss and got out of the car.
When I walked through the door, I found Kyle sitting in the chair I was sitting in last night when we started arguing. His face was unreadable, but I
knew this wasn't going to go wel , and I knew that I was not going to play nice either.
"Where were you?" He asked quietly.
"Leo's." I stood on the other side of the room, leaning against the dresser.
"The restaurant? I checked there."
"His house."
"Were you drinking?"
"Yeah. Got pretty drunk."
He was silent for a moment, but his next words seeped out like venom.
"Did you fuck him a fourth time? Maybe a fifth?"
"I didn't have sex with him."
"Why should I believe you?"
"I have no reason to lie, Kyle. I have nothing to lose,"
"Me. You can lose me, or does that not matter to you anymore?"
"I don't
have
you, Kyle!" I yel ed. "Jessyca has you! I don't have you and you don't have me."
He sat there, just as stunned as he was when I said that the night before. I couldn't stop myself from talking, making things worse.
"For the record I did try to sleep with him, but he didn't want me to regret it when I sobered up," I started throwing various items into my carry-on
bag. "I'm sober
now
, and I wouldn't have regretted it."
One moment I was standing beside the bed and the next I was pinned down on it, Kyle's face in mine.
"Why are you trying to fucking hurt me!" He roared. "Are you satisfied now?"
When I didn't answer, he started violently shaking me, repeating the question.
"Get off of me!" I tried to push him off, starting a struggle.
Kyle was crazy with rage, obviously not thinking clearly as he fought with me. My wrist erupted in pain. I cried out, begging him to stop, but it
took a moment for him to register that I was hurt. He jumped off of me, staring in disbelief as I held onto my wrist, crying.
***
I told the doctors I fel . I don't think they believed me, but they couldn't do anything about it if I didn't tel the truth. I realized this was part of a cycle
of abuse, which scared the hel out of me. Was Kyle going to hurt me again, and if so, would I cover for him again?
In the time I've been with him, he's gotten a little rough during arguments, but for my part, so have I, but was this just the beginning? Would it
escalate?
When I returned to the hotel, Kyle was tearful y apologizing the second he saw the cast on my wrist.
"I didn't mean it," he insisted, and I believed him.
"I know," I said quietly. I let him hold me for a minute and even kissed him back when he put his lips on mine.
Love, I decided on the plane ride home, can make people crazy. Love can make us do things we never meant to do. Kyle wasn't trying to hurt
me when he broke my wrist. I wasn't trying to hurt Luke when he was around, and surely I never meant to find myself in this position in the first place.
It happened accidental y on purpose - my heart accidental y started loving two men, but I purposely (and stupidly) acted on it instead of walking
away from one of them.
Love can also borderline obsession and lunacy. Kyle was obsessed with me even though he had no right to be, and I was crazy to stay with
him, even though I had no right to do so. The whole situation was craziness, and Leo was right. As long as I al owed things to proceed this way, the
circumstances would remain the same.
Fal pressed on, as did my scandalous, dysfunctional relationship with Kyle. As I predicted, our busy season turned into the busiest ever, but I
was able to hire two assistants and three temps, greatly reducing the stress and turmoil that would have been. This was especial y helpful due to the
fact that I was in a cast for five weeks.
More and more of Kyle's time was being sucked up by the succubus Jess. Where I used to be patient and not complain (much), my patience
was now as thin as thread.
"What time do you think you wil be over next Thursday?" I asked Kyle in the elevator one night after work. It was a week before Thanksgiving
and I had a grand meal planned for us.
"Uh..." He said with a guilty look on his face. "I thought you were going to go visit your family in Louisiana."
"I never said that," I was sure that I not only didn't say it, but never even implied it.
"I'm sorry. I just assumed..."
The elevator doors slid open on the ground floor. I waited until we were outside, beyond earshot of the security guards before speaking again.
"So, you made an assumption and then made other plans with Jess," I said, making an assumption of my own.
"I honestly believed you were going down south."
I took a deep breath, trying not to go bal istic. "So, fit me into your day somewhere. Maybe you can come over at the end of the night?"
He winced, and I knew he wasn't going to be able to fit me in.
"I'm leaving Wednesday afternoon for Fiji."
"Fiji." I gaped at him. "With Jess."
"I'm sorry, sweetie," he reached for me, but I took a step back.
"That's why you asked me to keep your schedule open Wednesday," I said accusingly. "If I didn't ask, would you have told me about Fiji?"
"I guess so," he shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal. It doesn't mean anything. It was her idea..." He stopped talking, probably realizing how ridiculous he sounded.
"Yeah, okay," I said, taking another step back. "You enjoy your fucking trip to Fiji." I was supposed to be walking with Kyle to his car in the garage, but I turned in the opposite direction and stepped to the curb to hail a cab.
"Em, wait," he rushed over as a cab pul ed up.
"Stop tel ing me to wait!" I yel ed and stomped my foot, halting him. I opened the door, and before climbing in I said "Don't talk to me. Don't cal me, don't text me, don't come over."
"Throwing a fucking temper tantrum isn't helping anything," he snapped. "You make this harder than it has to be."
I wanted to punch him, but instead I slammed the cab door and didn't even turn to look at him when we pul ed away and zoomed down the
street.
***
I had let myself into his office in the middle of the morning, wearing jeans and a tee shirt instead of my usual business attire.