After the Sky Fell Down (13 page)

“Where are you going Luke?” his mom asked as he walked down the hall.

“I need some time Mom,” Luke answered and they could hear him stomping up the stairs. Kathryn looked over to Sharon and then stood up and walked quickly up the stairs, catching him just as he was about to enter his room.

“Wait, Luke,” she called to him and he stopped and looked at her and if she wasn’t mistaken she thought she saw tears in his eyes.

“What?” he asked indifferently.

“You seem upset.  Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said turning the handle on the door and opening it.

“I…I just kind of expected you to react…I don’t know…I thought you might be a little excited or something
.  I mean, you’re going to be an uncle,” she said awkwardly, suddenly feeling very shy and he sighed loudly.

“Like I told my mom, I need some time,” he said flatly and Kathryn stared at him, waiting for his easy, reassuring smile to spread across his face, but when it didn’t, she knew she should leave him alone.

“Okay,” she said quietly, shoving her hands in her pockets.

He looked at her once more and without a word, stepped into his room and loudly shut the door.  Her joy was hampered for a moment as she waited and wished Luke would open the door and come back out and hug her and tell her he was as excited as she was.  After a few moments though, she knew he wasn’t coming back out
and she turned and walked downstairs.

“He didn’t take that well,” Kathryn said sadly as she took her seat next to Sharon.

“He’ll be fine.  It’s overwhelming, but he’ll be okay.  What matters is that you’re okay.  You are okay, aren’t you?”

“I’m scared, but I’m also excited.  I’m excited to have a piece of Ben back…to have him live on in a way.”

“Me too,” Sharon said as her eyes filled with tears again. “What did your parents say?”

“I haven’t told them yet.  I’m too scared to.  I don’t know how they’ll react.  They’re going to be so disappointed.”

“Give them a chance Kathryn.  They might surprise you.  Do you want me to come with you when you tell them?”

She thought about it for a moment.  Sharon’s reaction had been completely unexpected.  She seemed genuinely excited and happy.  It would be nice to have an ally with her when she broke the news to her parents, but knew she owed it to them to tell them on her own. 

“I appreciate that but I think I’m going to handle it by myself.”

And with those words, Kathryn knew she had to tell her parents immediately before she lost her nerve.

****

Her parent’s house was only a few miles from the Bradley’s, but
it took her longer than normal because she never allowed the speedometer to creep past twenty miles per hour.  She wanted to share the happiness she was feeling with her family, but was terrified of how they would react.  She had always been the good girl, never really getting in trouble, never really doing anything wrong.  This would definitely constitute wrong in their eyes, even if Kathryn didn’t feel that way.

She pulled the car into the driveway, never having felt as nervous to come home as at this moment.  The driveway was slippery and Kathryn walked cautiously so she wouldn’t fall. She finally got to the front door and opened it.

“Mom?  Dad?” she called as she shut the door behind her. 

“In here,” she heard her mother’s voice answer from the kitchen. 

It was a typical Saturday morning.  She was certain her parents had been up for hours, cleaning the house, drinking their morning coffee, reading the paper.  Sure enough, they were sitting at the kitchen table.  It seemed like they had been talking about something, probably her, when she walked in.

“Good morning,” her mother said.

“Hey,” Kathryn said quietly, standing in the archway that led from the entryway to the kitchen.

“Are you okay?  I didn’t expect you home
this weekend,” her mother said.

“I need to talk to you guys,” she said with her eyes focused on the floor and then she walked timidly over to the table and pulled out one of the oak chairs.

“Is everything alright?” her mom asked. 

Kathryn’s eyes darted from her mom to her dad.  It was evident from both of their faces they were concerned about her, even more so than they already were.

“Kathryn, what’s going on?” her father stepped in.

“I need to tell you something,” she began and it was obvious from their expressions that her words had caused their stomachs to knot.  They stared at her, waiting for her to talk, but she couldn’t get any words out.  Her mouth opened, but only silence came out and her lips began to quiver.

“What is it?” her mom asked, taking her hand from across the table. 

A tear fell down Kathryn’s cheek and she tried to speak again, but couldn’t. 

“What is going on?” her father repeated again.

She stared at each of her parents, trying to say she was sorry even before they knew she had anything to be sorry about.  She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply before she was finally able to talk.

“I found out yesterday…” she began quietly and then stopped to gain control of the butterflies in her stomach. “I found out yesterday that I’m…that I’m pregnant.”

She closed her eyes and held her head
down, afraid to see their reactions.  She wasn’t sure, but she thought she heard a collective gasp flow between her parents and she felt her mother’s hand lift from hers.

She wasn’t sure how long she kept her eyes focused on the tabletop, but she finally felt the pull of their stares and force
d herself to look up.  Their faces were frozen with looks of shock and sadness, and the look that hurt her the most, the look of disappointment, of knowing she had let them down.

“Are you sure?” her mother finally said so quietly, Kathryn had to strain to hear her.

She nodded and her father looked away and stood up, leaving the room.  Kathryn watched as he walked away and with each step, her heart broke a little more.  She adored her father and it killed her to know she had let him down.

“It is Ben’s, isn’t it?” her mother asked.

“Of course it is!” Kathryn said, almost offended that she had to ask.

“Oh Katie,” her mom said shaking her head.

“I’m sorry.  We didn’t mean for this to happen, but in a way, I’m glad it did,” Kathryn said, allowing a slight smile to cross her face to show her mom how she really felt about the situation.

“You’re glad about this?”

“Yes, I am,” she answered matter-of-factly. “It means I’ll always have a part of Ben with me.”

“It’s not that simple Kathryn.”

“I know it’s not that simple Mom, but it’s going to be okay and I’m happy about this.”

“You’re not ready for this.”

“Yes, I am.  I’m ready Mom.  I can do this.  For the first time since Ben died I feel almost human again, like I have a purpose in life.  I have a reason to keep going now.”

She looked her daughter over, wondering when she had grown up.  Gone were the cherub cheeks and pigtails, even the patch of freckles she’d had as a child were gone, replaced with smooth, pale skin and her eyes looked
older and wiser than her nineteen years.  They had aged immensely in the last two months, and as she stared into the eyes of her daughter, she did see a spark of life that had been gone since the day Ben died.

“I don’t really know what to say,” her mother said as the inner struggle persisted in her gut.

“Tell me it’s going to be okay,” Kathryn pleaded.

“I can’t do that.  I can’t tell you everything will be okay,” she said and then hesitated before continuing. “But, we’ll be here for you…whatever you decide.”

Kathryn stood up and went to her mother, leaned down and hugged her, holding on to her like she used to when she was a child.  When she let go and looked up, she saw her father standing a few feet away.  Kathryn could tell he’d been crying by his swollen, red eyes.  But, he walked over to her, staring deep into her eyes.  Without words, he took her in his arms and Kathryn felt safe and secure like she always did with her father.

“I’m sorry Dad.”

“It’s okay,” he said, stroking her hair. 

“I’m sorry I let you down.”

“Don’t say that.  You didn’t let me down.  I’m not happy about this because I know how it’s going to change your life, but what’s done is done and we’ll move on and deal with it.”

Her heart ached at his words.  She had wanted her parents to jump with joy as Ben’s mother had, but they didn’t.  She was certain their reaction had been tamed by the fact that the father of her child was dead, but she knew they weren’t excited.  She knew they would support her, but she also knew it would take a while before they were excited about anything with the baby. 

Her joy had been dampened by her parent’s lack of enthusiasm, but as she thought about the life growing inside her, the happiness returned.  It didn’t matter what anyone thought, she knew she could do this and she wanted to do this.  Her life had renewed meaning.  She had a reason to wake up, take care of herself and go to school.  She looked over her father’s shoulder at the light shining in from the large bay window.  The gray clouds of the morning had given way to sunshine, as if the heavens had opened up, giving her a sign that she might be exiting the darkness she’d been trapped in since losing Ben.

Chapter 12

The life continued to return to Kathryn, and she was feeling more and more like her old self with each passing day.  She still ached for Ben, but felt he was with her again…the baby growing inside her reconnecting them.  There were times she could’ve sworn he was in the room, touching her stomach, like he would’ve if he was still alive and he was with her in her dreams nearly every night, giving her the peace she so desperately desired for a few hours.  Each morning though, the peace was shattered, and it felt like she was losing him all over again.  But then, she’d remember the baby, and she could put herself back together.  She was even looking forward to going back to school.  Just two weeks ago, she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to go back, but now she knew she had to. 

Her parents were still supportive, but weren’t yet showing the enthusiasm of Ben’s mother.  Sharon called nearly every day to ask how she was feeling and to make sure she was taking care of herself, which she was.  She was taking the vitamins Dr. Ware had recommended and eating lots of fruits and vegetables
, even though the vegetables made her stomach turn.

She hadn’t seen the rest of Ben’s family in a while and Sharon had invited her over for dinner to get together with Grandpa Dom and Grandma Val.  She was nervous to see them.  Ben’s grandparents had always been so traditional.  She was certain having a baby out of wedlock would not sit well with them, although she had a feeling they might be okay with it considering the situation.

She got herself ready, deciding on a pink cardigan and a pair of jeans, which were noticeably tighter around the waist.  She made a mental note to go shopping as soon as possible.She pulled her hair back into a braid and left for dinner at the Bradley’s.  It was another frigid winter evening and as she drove, light snowflakes began to fall gently.  In the driveway were the usual cars she was accustomed to seeing during the Sunday dinners she used to come to with Ben.  A bundle of excitement and nerves filled her stomach as she pulled her car in the driveway. 

Once at the front door, she rang the bell, and a moment later, it opened to Sharon’s smiling face.  She pulled Kathryn inside, greeting her with a bear hug, taking Kathryn’s coat and leading her down the hall towards the voices coming from the kitchen.  She stopped suddenly and stared at Sharon.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m really nervous.”

“Don’t be,” Sharon assured her and took her hand, walking her into the kitchen. 

The conversation came to a halt when she walked into the room and all eyes focused on her: Scott, Val, Dom, Allie, Luke.  She hadn’t seen Luke
since the day she’d told him she was pregnant and she still had no idea what he truly thought about the situation, although she could guess based on how he’d reacted.  Seeing him now gave her no clues either.  He seemed like his normal self, but she thought she saw him look away quicker than the others. 

Grandma Val, the one she secretly feared the most, was the first one to step forward.  She smiled warmly at Kathryn and wrapped her arms around her.  She felt love and warmth from the old woman’s tiny body and her fears instantly melted away.  Dom stepped up next with the same acceptance in his arms.  Allie
was as indifferent as she usually was and she hugged Kathryn with the same distance she always had.  Scott approached her then and stared at Kathryn, his eyes traveling down to her stomach and then back up to her face.  He was smiling and then he hugged her, and she knew Scott felt the same way Sharon did.  Luke came last and Kathryn sensed reluctance as he hugged her briefly, but said nothing.  She’d never had much of a relationship with Allie and she was okay with that, but Luke had been different.  She even considered him a friend.  Luke had often tagged along with her and Ben, and Luke reminded her so much of Ben at times.  His distance saddened her and she hoped to talk to him about it later.