After the Sky Fell Down (16 page)

“This is Ben’s brother, Luke,” Kathryn said as Carly looked back at him again.

“Hey,” Luke said.

“
Oh yeah.  I remember you from the funeral.  Wow, the similarities between you and Ben are crazy,” she continued.

Luke gently took Kathryn’s arm from behind as an indication that it was time for them to get away from Carly.

“Well, Luke and I are going to hang out in my room.  It was good to see you again Carly,” Kathryn said looking past Carly’s shoulder to Lacey who was mouthing “I’m sorry”.

Carly mumbled something as Kathryn and Luke walked passed her, but Kathryn just tuned her out and quickly shut the door when they walked into her bedroom. 

“Was that a friend of yours?” Luke asked sarcastically as he flung himself on the bed.

“That would be a resounding no,” she said rolling her eyes. “She’s Lacey’s friend.  I just deal with her when I have to.”

“Is she here a lot?”

“No, thank goodness,” Kathryn said setting her purse down and sitting at the foot of the bed while Luke remained stretched out, tucking his hands behind his head.

“Yeah, that would be kinda strange after the baby comes,” he said and then paused before continuing. “I mean, I assume you’re staying here after the baby’s born.”

Kathryn sighed and turned and looked at Luke.  She couldn’t keep her eyes from drifting from his face to the face of his brother, who stared back at her from the picture on the nightstand.  While Carly was nearly intolerable, she was right about the similarities between Luke and Ben.  The same hazel eyes, long, lean body, and soft smile.  And if she let herself look too long, her mind played tricks on her and she thought she was looking at Ben.  She felt her eyes brimming with tears as she tore her gaze from Luke, realizing it wasn’t Ben.

“You okay?” he asked a few moments later and she looked back to him.

“What?”

“I asked if you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said quickly even though it was a lie. “And I don’t know what I’m going to do once the baby comes.”

“You might not stay here then?” he asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

“I don’t know,” she sighed and laid back on the bed so she was laying perpendicular to Luke. “I have no clue what I’m going to do.”  Her eyes grew warm again as the weight of everything she was facing hit her.  The baby had created a barrier between her and reality.  The sadness of Ben’s death didn’t seem so heavy when she thought about their daughter.  But no matter how hard she tried to be positive and focus her energy on the baby, it didn’t change the fact that she had to find a way to survive and raise a child and it would be without Ben.

Kathryn felt the tears traveling down her face now, splashing onto the comforter.  She stared at the ceiling trying to figure out what she was going to do.  The baby would be here in just a few months and she’d hardly done anything to get ready for her. 

The mattress moved and Luke sat up.  He swung his legs around so they were hanging off the bed and he turned to look at her. 

“I shouldn’t stay here.  It’s not fair to Lacey.  She doesn’t need to be woken up to a crying a baby and there’s no room for the baby here,” and then she started tearing up again, her voice cracking as she spoke. “Plus, I can’t do it alone.” 

The room was quiet.  She knew he didn’t know what to say.  She knew there was nothing he could say to make it better.  His brother was gone and nothing would change that.

“I’ll probably move back in with my parents.  My mom has hinted about it a little, about wanting me to come home.”

“Well,” he began quietly, “That’s an idea or… you could move in with me.”

“What’d you say?” Kathryn asked sitting up abruptly and joining him on the edge of the bed.

“I said you could move in with me.  I could help you Kathryn.” His voice was low and timid, almost as if he’d been afraid to say it, like he was afraid of her reaction.

“Are you serious?” she choked out.

“I’m completely serious.”

She stared up at him and knew he was.  This was not a joke to him.  He wanted to help her and she wanted him to, but knew she couldn’t.  It wouldn’t be right.

“I can’t ask you to do that.  It’s going to be your freshman year in college.  You shouldn’t be tied down with helping to raise a baby.”

“I wouldn’t be tied down,” he said insistently. “Like I’ve said, things changed when Ben died.  Priorities changed.  Your daughter, his daughter, is top priority.  I want to do this.  I graduate in a couple of months and instead of moving into the dorms like I’d planned, we can find an apartment.”

“Your mom would never allow it,” Kathryn said hesitantly.

“She can’t stop me Kathryn.  Plus, I don’t think she’d mind.  She’s changed a lot since Ben’s death.  You’d be surprised.”

“Actually, I don’t think I’d be surprised.  We’ve all changed.”

“I just want you to know the offer’s open.  You just let me know.”

She turned to face Luke again and then found herself in his arms.  She squeezed him tightly and then felt his arms wrap around her.

“Are you sure about this Luke?” she asked, her voice muffled in his chest.

“Absolutely,” he responded and she nodded her head.

“Then let’s do it.”

She felt him squeeze her tighter and for the first time in a long time, she thought she might just be okay.

He held her for a few moments and she closed her eyes, realizing how much she missed

Ben’s embrace.  The warm, strong arms always made her feel safe.  She hadn’t felt safe since that horrible November morning, but being in his arms, right now, she did feel safe, even though she knew in her heart it wasn’t Ben’s arms around her.  Still, she kept her eyes closed, pretending, just for a little while, it was.

She felt a soft thumping in her abdomen just then.  She’d been feeling the baby move for a few weeks, but hadn’t shared it with anyone. There had been no one to share it with, but now there was.

“She’s moving,” Kathryn said, gently pulling away from Luke’s grasp, smiling up at him.

“She is?” he said and she nodded.  She took his hand and laid his palm across her stomach.  He seemed nervous, touching her in such an intimate way, but then the baby kicked and his eyes grew wide.

“Is that her?”

“Yeah, it is,” she said watching his eyes grow even bigger and a smile spread across his face.

“That’s amazing,” he said as the baby kicked again. “She’s really in there.”

“It’s incredible,” she said resting her hand on top of Luke’s.  They were quiet while they waited for the baby to move again.

“Ben would’ve loved this,” he said, meeting her eyes with his familiar hazel ones.

“I know.  I wish he was here to share it with me,” she said, her heart aching from his absence. 

“He is,” Luke said softly, his eyes lowering to where their hands rested on her abdomen just as the baby kicked once more.

Chapter 16

Kathryn’s belly continued to grow with each passing week and soon it was June and time for Luke to graduate.  As she sat alone in the stands, she was taken back to her own graduation two years ago when Ben had still been by her side, at the same high school, the same red gowns, the same naïve hope for the future.  Her eyes spanned the sea of crimson and she wondered how many of their dreams would be crushed just as hers had been and felt she should warn them all somehow.  They needed to know a long, happy life was no guarantee. 

The memories of graduation were still fresh and she could remember sitting in those same folding chairs, giddy with excitement about the future, of all that was to come, of her life in college and her life with Ben.  She had been as innocent as all of these students she now watched, thinking her dreams would come true.  She could still see Ben looking back at her from his place among all the other B’s while she sat with the small group of L’s from their senior class.  She could still see him walking across the stage to get his diploma, thinking it was only the beginning.  She could still hear the cheers erupt from his friends and family and the goofy grin he’d given them all once he had the diploma in his hands.  She could vividly remember seeing him for the first time once all the graduates had been set free.  He’d wrapped her in his arms and if she closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough, she could feel the warmth of his breath on her cheek as he whispered congratulations in her ear.  It was all a mirage though and when she opened her eyes, she was returned to Luke’s graduation, watching the students walking across the stage, all hyped up from the encouraging speakers, each thinking themselves invincible. 

She didn’t have to wait long for Luke.  She stretched a little higher in her seat in the bleachers, trying to peek around the head of the man in front of her when she heard Allie’s name being called.  With Allie being Luke’s twin, she knew he would be next.  A moment later, Luke Dominic Bradley was called over the PA system.  She watched as he made his stroll across the stage, once again taken aback by how much he reminded her of Ben.  He walked proudly to the administrators where he shook each of their hands and received his diploma and Kathryn began clapping excitedly.  She knew he couldn’t see her, but she waved anyway. She wanted him to know she was there and that she was happy for him. 

Once all the names had been called, a flood of red caps filled the sky and the graduates disbanded to find their families and the bleachers began to empty out.  Kathryn walked slowly to the chain link fence that separated her from the football field.  She stopped for a moment and strained to find the Bradley’s, which wasn’t an easy feat among the crowd.  She finally did spot them though.  They were smiling and laughing, just as they had at hers and Ben’s graduation.  Sharon was hugging Luke and Allie and they were posing for pictures.  Kathryn just
stood silently, watching Ben’s family looking happy again, although they must all be aware of who was missing.  She rested her hand on her swollen stomach and felt her eyes grow warm, wishing Ben could be here to share in this moment.  Obviously, no amount of wishing or praying or bargaining could make that happen.  She glanced once more to the Bradley’s who were painfully unaware of her presence and then walked silently to her car.

****

Kathryn and Luke had kept their plans to find an apartment together a secret for as long as they could.  They’d looked around at different places and finally found one within their price range, but were still reluctant to say anything.  Kathryn finally broke down and told her parents when her mom wouldn’t let up on getting the nursery set up.  They weren’t thrilled.  In fact, they were adamantly opposed to it, but finally relented after she explained her reasoning.  Kathryn knew they’d have to agree with her if she wanted to make it work.  She couldn’t do it without their continued financial support.  Her partial scholarship paid for most of her tuition, but her parents still helped out with her apartment. 

Luke’s parents had been skeptical as well when he told them.  He had planned to move into the dorms or get an apartment with a couple of guys from school, but just as Luke had said, everything had changed since Ben’s death, and his parents finally agreed too. 

Kathryn had already moved in to the new place.  Luke would be joining her in July, before school started and before the baby arrived.  Lacey had been disappointed when Kathryn told her she was moving out.  She had insisted having the baby around would be okay, but Kathryn knew it wouldn’t be and deep down she knew Lacey was relieved with her decision.  Carly would move in and their carefree, college lives would continue. 

She was still getting used to living alone and for some reason, when she flipped on the light switch after returning from Luke’s graduation, the place seemed exceptionally lonesome.  She threw her purse on the counter and sauntered to her bedroom, stripping off the purple sundress and white cardigan and replacing it with a pair of gray lounge pants and an old t-shirt that used to be baggy, but now hugged her belly.  After pulling her hair up into a sloppy ponytail, she walked to the kitchen and scoured through the nearly bare fridge.  She’d never been much of a cook.  She knew this would need to change once the baby came, but for now her refrigerator was unforgiving and she finally settled on a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. 

With her dinner in tow, she headed back to the living room and set it on the coffee table and turned on the TV, settling in for a boring night, something that had become all too common since Ben passed away.  It was okay though because she didn’t want to do much of anything, not unless Ben could join her.

With the tomato soup and sandwich eaten she curled up onto the couch, setting the TV to a
Lifetime
movie.  Ben had teased her relentlessly over these movies, which was maybe why she’d decided to watch one tonight.  She imagined he was somewhere laughing at her and it brought a smile to her face. 

Halfway through the show, the doorbell startled her.  She looked up at the cl
ock.  It was nearly nine.  She struggled to her feet.  Each day it got more difficult to get around and her growing belly seemed to weigh her down.  She pushed herself up though and made her way to the door.  She looked through the peephole and was surprised to see Luke.