All New Letters From a Nut (4 page)

Full text of the above letter to follow.

1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201
[email protected]

Mall Leasing Information
Swire Properties Management Ltd.
Pacific Place Management Office
13/F One Pacific Place
88 Queensway Hong Kong

Apr 9, 2009

Dear Mall Leasing:

Can you please direct me to Mall leasing information for my store.

I own “NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S DIAPER OLD TYME ICE CREAM PARLOR”. I need to rent mall space in Hong Kong. We have an 1890’s type olde tyme ice cream parlor with a player piano and all our waiters are seniors. We will hire locally. Speak to Alvin. He’s in the back. I have had many shoppes in Sweden that were successful and now I open in USA. People love the “grandfatherly”. Sweden is a wonderful old tyme country.

Can you send me leasing information? A strip mall or lesser space is fine. Does not have to be fancy. Just looking for space. We will have approximately 32 employees: servers, kitchen help, ice cream makers, jimmy loaders, maraschino cherry stem separators. There will be 16 tables and a counter. But i could reverse this.

We have a large cardboard cutout in front of our “Grandfather”. Please tell me how I can protect this cutout; that it does not get vandalized as teenagers throw food at it. I can adjust the outfit in the cutout if you deem so. It is washable. Or I can put a drape on the Grandfather. But it is our image and we like to be true to our old tyme ice cream shoppe and our name. Can we chain this cutout to a mall post? Once again, if needed, I can drape our Grandfather. But why? People expect to see our servers as they want them to look just like our cardboard cutout. That’s our attraction. Just like you see a Pirate outfit on a waiter in a Captain’s Seafood restaurant.

I look forward to hearing from you on Mall rental. Hong Kong is a beautiful city. I once had meal there and it was enjoyable. You come recommended. Call me Fred sometimes. People do.

Respectfully,

Fred D. Nancy
Ted

Full text of the above letter to follow.

MailBox: MALL SPACE

Subject
RE: Lease Mall Space

Sent Date
04–14–2009 4:52:54 AM

From
“Billy_Mui” <
[email protected]
>

To
<
[email protected]
>

Cc
“Debbie Ng” <
[email protected]
>, “Doris Chan” <
[email protected]
>

Dear Fred

Thank you for your email on 10 April 09 and some information on “GRANDFATHER”.

Regrettably, Pacific Place is fully let at the moment. Despite so, we do have plan to include your proposed trade and would be grateful if you could submit more of your company information for our review. Should there be change of plan in future and subitable opportunity coming up, we shall definitely be in contact with you.

We thank you for your interest again.

Best regards

Billy Mui
Swire Properties Management Limited
Pacific Place Management Office
Tel: 2844–3336
Fax: 2596–0616
[email protected]

Full text of the above letter to follow.

1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201
[email protected]

Billy Mui
Pacific Place Management Office
13/F One Pacific Place
88 Queensway Hong Kong

15 Apr 09

Dear Mr. Billy Mui,

Thank you so kindly for getting back to me with mall leasing information and calling me Fred. I sincerely appreciate it and that is why your company comes so recommended. I know you said Pacific Place Mall is full but you may have a plan to find me mall space. I am interestd. I plan on leasing more then one space over the next time period as my business is succeeding in other areas.

I will now seek mall space for: “NOT WITH GRANDMA’S SPORTS BRA YOU DON’T”. This was an afternoon revue in German casinos and now I want to open an eatery based on this revue. While the revue was saucy in the casinos, my restaurant will be an old tyme waffle shoppe with seniors as our waiters. (Just like in the revue). We have an 1890’s type waffle parlor with a velvet swing where our Grandma swings over the diners. We will hire locally. Speak to Maurio. He’s in the back. We will have 14 employees: waitresses, kitchen help, swing attendant, syrup sorter, butter padder. There will be 16 tables and a counter. But i could reverse this.

We have a large cardboard cutout in front of our “Grandma”. Please tell me how I can protect this cutout; that it does not get vandalized as teenagers threw food at it in front of the casino. I can adjust the outfit in the cutout if you deem so. It is washable. Or I can put a covering on the top of Grandmother. But it is our image and we like to be true to our old tyme waffles and our name. Can we chain this cutout to a kiosk? Once again, if needed, I can drape Grandma on top. But why? People expect to see our servers as they want them to look just like in our cardboard cutout. That’s our attraction. Just like you see a Ballerina costume on a waitress in a Dancer’s Restaurant.

I look forward to hearing from you on Mall rental. Hong Kong is a beautiful country. I once had a fudgicle there and it was enjoyable.

Thank you.

Fred D. Nancy

Full text of the above letter to follow.

MailBox: MALL SPACE

Subject
RE: Reply

Sent Date
04–17–2009 5:13:06 AM

From
“Billy Mui” <
[email protected]
>

To
“FRED NANCY” <
[email protected]
>

Cc
“Debbie Ng” <
[email protected]
>

Dear Fred

Thank you for your email again on 16 April 09.

Pacific Place is fully let at the moment and we do not project a space opportunity till end 2010. We shall advise you when a space becomes available.

We thank you for your interest again.

Best regards

Billy Mui
Swire Properties Management Limited
Pacific Place Management Office
Tel: 2844–8336
Fax; 2596–0616
[email protected]

Full text of the above letter to follow.

1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201

Raffles Hotel Singapore
1 Beach Road Singapore 189673
Email:
[email protected]

6 Apr 09

Dear Raffles Hotel:

You have been HIGHLY recommended to me by a Russian recommendation list. Your hotel, I understand, caters to the traveler of which I am one. I will be arriving by steamer trunk on the Cunnard and need a room for 9 nights May 12–19 exiting on the morn. of the 20th and returning by sea plane. I travel w/ my companion Roy Tonsil who looks like Lawrence Fishburne with Red Hair.

I will practice winking in my room. For a wink contest in your city. I need wink shades & wink wipes. Can you supply or do I have to go into the market square and buy them? Believe me I will pay over retail just so I can have them in the room.

Please confirm:

Room reservation 9 nights May 12–19 Suite, please Wink shades & wink wipes, possibly wink knobs