All New Letters From a Nut (50 page)

Authors: Alan. Ted L.,Marder Nancy

Full text of the above letter to follow.

TED L. NANCY
1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201
[email protected]

MR. SCOTT MCCOY
E FINANCIAL LIFE INSURANCE
[email protected]

20 July 2009

Dear MR. SCOTT MCCOY,

Scott. Listen to me. I am in a full body cast and crutches from an accident. I fell into a barrel of shellack by mistake answering a cell phone call. I was COMPLETELY ENCASED IN VARNISH. Bineesh Chong poked a hole in my mouth with his bic pen for me to breathe. Then he placed me in a barrel of goo swabee which he said would soften me. (he called it Gixm or gimoo) Then Mr Bineesh Chong carried me around over his head to get circulation in my limbs. BINEEESH CHONG IS A STUPENDOUS CAMBODIAN!!

I can’t be weighed now or give blood at my home. Or go to Starbucks. (Although i do like their frappee.) Phyllis and Walter Neff are having an affair. Neff’s boss, Barton Keyes, knows what is going on. He runs Pacific All Risk. He heard Neff tell the whole story into a Dictaphone. Neff told Keyes he is going to Mexico.

I can’t have anyone weigh me now. The cast alone weighs 60 pounds. Starbucks is out of the question. I can’t get thorough the door, let alone sit there. How about Coffee Bean?

I need insurance now! A policy for over 2 million WITHOUT Phyllis Dietrichson as the beneficiary. Barton Keyes adjusted my wig netting once.

So … when can we finalize this policy for this insurance? I am ready. What did we ever decide about the Pest Strip collection? Let me know what is a good time for you.

Sincerely,

Full text of the above letter to follow.

WEIGH ME AT HOME

Scott McCoy <
[email protected]
>
Reply-To:
[email protected]
To: “TED L. NANCY” <
[email protected]
>

Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 4:31 PM

Ted,

It is not possible to get you a 2 million dollar policy without a medical exam plus your current condition.

How long were your hospitalized from your accident?

Did you have to have surgery?

The only option at this time would be a non-medical policy (no medical exam). I would have to investigate further to see if you could qualify.

The most you would be able to get would be $250,000 - $300,000. Are you interested?

We only sell life insurance so I would not be able to help you with the pest strips.

Scott

Full text of the above letter to follow.

F. D. NANCY (MR)
1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201 USA

PRESIDENT DR. H. SUSILO BAMBANG YUDHOYONO
STATE SECRETARIAT
THE REPUBLIC OF INDONESIA
Jl. Veteran No 18
Jakarta 10110 Indonesia

12/11/2009

Dear PRESIDENT Dr. H. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.

Just a note to say that you are the best President of a foreign country I have ever seen. Indonesians in the U.S. want you to succeed. I admire and respect what you have done for ALL People. So do ALL members of our mens group that is made up of Indonesians. There are 72 of us. We admire Indonesia and what it means.

One of our club members was a student with you at the Tenth of November Institute of Technology and also went to Malang. He currently drives a septic truck. Another club member said you marched him around in the military. He liked it. If you like you could be the head of our dessert club. Consider it. Post will be open until 3/12/2010. Then Agus Gunter will probably get it or maybe Floyd Meeb. They both like writing poems. One of our members said you had a volleyball club called Klub Rajawali. It is a small peaceful world.

There is a very nice picture of you i have eating custard or Yogurt or some Indonesian goo. May I show it to others?

Thank you for you reply. Keep up the good work.

PLEASE SEND ME AN AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE. I will show it to my Indonesian club. (then put it away)

With utter respect,