All New Letters From a Nut (51 page)

I sell plate glass windows 6 feet high by 12 feet long. Only at the Airport. We keep our prices low because it’s strictly self service. These are Business Size Windows, Bank Glass, coffee shop piece of glass.

We have no employees to keep prices down. Sure you may pay more because you bought it at the Airport but you pay less because we have no help, deliveries, overhead (except airport rental)

Simply visit our store – select your large sheet of plate glass – get it from the top shelf – take it down – bring it to the register – and pay for it. It’s as easy at that. YUDHOYONO AIRPORT PLATE GLASS WINDOWS are easy to maneuver in large crowds and tight spaces. Take it on the plane.

I want to open in your airport. Can you tell em how I can lease airport space from you for my business. I may also need people to work for me. Can you assist me in getting some workers?

Sincerely,

F.D. Nancy

Full text of the above letter to follow.

Subject
     Out of Office AutoReply: Lease Space

Sent Date
     07–12–2009 3:12:14 PM

From
    “Bay Peter. PTB” <
[email protected]
>

To
    “FIRED NANCY” <
[email protected]
>

Jeg er uden af huset.
Tilbage den 3. august 2009

Uopsættelige henvendelser henvises til Edith Johansen,
[email protected]
, eller Hanne Jensen,
[email protected]
Med venlig hilsen
Peter Bay

I am out of office.
Back on 3 August, 2009
In urgent matters please address your mail to Edith Johansen,
[email protected]
or Hanne Jensen,
[email protected]

Peter Bay

Subject
    Out of Office AutoReply: Lease Space

Sent Date
    07–12–2009 3:33:09 PM

From
    “Jensen Hanne. HARJ” <
[email protected]
>

To
    “FRED NANCY” <
[email protected]
>

Jeg har ferie i uge 28 og 29, er tilbage igen mandag den 20. juli 2009

Uopsættelige henvendelser henvises til Edith Johansen (edj) 76121404 eller Bent Aaes Jakobsen (baj) 76121402

Fortsat god dag

I am out of office monday the 6th July and will return monday the 20th July 2009

Have a nice day

Mvh/kind regards

Hanne R. Jensen

Full text of the above letter to follow.

1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201

Donations Dept.
The University of South Dakota Business Office
414 East Clark St.
207 Slagle Hall
Vermillion, SD 57069

July 6, 2009

Dear The University of South Dakota:

I am writing to your fine college today with great honor for me. I would like to leave a donation to The University of South Dakota. Pierre holds a lot of fond memories and your school has educated many. I have had 12 of your former students working for me at various times.

I would like to now leave a donation to you. We are doing well. Your past students have helped our business become what it is today.

Who do I contact to leave my gift? Can you advise me? I am honored to be able to do this. I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

F.D. Nancy (MR)

Full text of the above letter to follow.

July 14, 2009

Mr. F. D. Nancy
1413 1/2 Kenneth Road
#193
Glendale, CA 91201
Dear Mr. Nancy,

How wonderful to receive your letter. We are pleased you had a good experience employing our graduates. We are proud of the young men and women who leave our campus and make this world a better place.

Your letter was received by the University of South Dakota. It was forwarded to me at the USD Foundation because the USD Foundation is the entity that accepts gifts on behalf of the University. I am the Director of Planned Giving at the USD Foundation, and you may contact me. I will be happy to advise or help you as you wish to make this gift.

Below I have listed our telephone numbers, our address, and the Tax ID Number for the USD Foundation. I am also enclosing a photograph of Old Main, the oldest academic building on campus. It was restored about 12 years ago and is a stunning classroom building.

I look forward to further communication with you.

Most sincerely,

Susan L. Tuve
Director of Planned Giving

Toll Free: 800–521–3575
Direct: 605–677–5527
Address: USD Foundation
PO Box 5555
Vermillion, SD 57069
USD Foundation Tax ID # 46–6018891

Enclosure

Full text of the above letter to follow.

1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201

MS Susan Tuve
The University of South Dakota
USD Foundation PO Box 5555
Vermillion, SD 57069

Aug 21, 2009

Dear MS Tuve.

My name is Ted L. Nancy. F.D. Nancy (Fred) sent me a postcard. He is vacationing. He snorkeled. Threw a dart. He has a rash. He likes where he is at. He ripped his bathing suit. He still has a gift for you.

Sincerely,