Anathema (23 page)

“I meant no harm. I never wanted this power,
and I’d give it back, if I could.” The words are simple enough and
completely true, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t matter here.

“Then why do you have the power? Surely you
went seeking it, or you would not possess it.”

My body tenses, and I feel the first flames
of anger licking at the kindling inside me. “You assume because I
have the power I wanted it?” I can feel the heat in my hands, and I
know the fury is dangerous. But I can’t seem to stop myself.
Knowing something is bad and being able to stop yourself from
giving in are two vastly different things.

“There is no other assumption to be made.
Humans are self-absorbed and without remorse. Your actions speak
for themselves.”

He steps back. “I think we’ve spoken
enough.”

“Do you?” I ask. “I never knew the dagger’s
power when I used it—and the only reason I did was to save Lev’s
life. That was all that mattered. I did not ask for this, and I
wish you could just take it back.”

The heat is too much, and even though I’m not
looking down, I see the expanding glow from my hands. I know what’s
coming. The ball of energy leaps out, striking Lepail squarely in
his chest. He falls back.

“You dare!” Lepail yells, quickly forcing
himself to his feet.

“Get away from me, Lev!” I snap, trying to
pull free of his steel grip.

“No. My place is with you.” He is so calm and
steady.

“You aren’t supposed to die with me.”

“I’d rather die with you than live without
you.” He strokes one hand across my cheek even though I keep trying
to pull away, and free him from this death sentence I’ve left
Lepail no choice but to carry out.

“Step away from the human, Lev. Our quarrel
is with her, not you,” Turnoc says.

Lev shakes his head. “I won’t let you destroy
her. She is innocent.”

Evan walks up beside Lev. “He’s right. She
did not ask for this. It happened only as a result of her sacrifice
for Lev’s well-being. You cannot destroy her for those things she
cannot change.”

“You question my judgment?” Lepail demands.
“I trained you, Evan, yet you suddenly believe you know better than
I do what this mortal deserves? Do you understand that the perfect
magic in the weapon is now housed in an imperfect vessel? It is
unstable and will break down, destroying many more humans than you
seem insistent on protecting. If I do not destroy her, she will
destroy many others, and you cannot allow that, no matter if she
meant to take the power for selfish gain or not.”

“Lepail is right,” I whisper to Lev. “I
cannot control it. There is no other way.”

Evan leans close. “You must listen to me,
Elizabeth. Lepail will use his power against you. You must wait
until he strikes and strike back. It is the only way.” Evan touches
my hand, trying to reassure me. Instead it reminds me of the power
which has started this whole mess—the power I’d gladly return to
the triune if I could.

“Move aside!” Lepail orders.

Evan reluctantly steps back. “This is on your
conscience, Lepail. Remember that.”

“I forget nothing.”

I wait for Lev to move aside, but he holds me
even tighter. “You have to go,” I whisper, trying to detangle
myself from his arms.

“I said I would be with you until the end,
and I meant it. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Step away from the mortal, Lev,” Lepail
orders in a hard tone. “This is not judgment against you, after
all.”

“You can’t do this,” I say, struggling harder
against his impossible grip. “He will kill you, too.”

“You’re wrong, Elizabeth. I can’t not do
this. So close your eyes and lean against me. Remember what Evan
said because you will only have a couple of seconds before the pain
takes you.”

“Step away!” Lepail demands, his voice
louder.

“No,” Lev says. “I will stay with
Elizabeth.”

“You can do nothing for her,” Turnoc says,
stepping closer. “Do not destroy yourself like this.” His tone is
urgently troubled, and I wish Lev would listen to someone.

“Evan, tell him to leave,” I say, still
struggling to separate myself from him. The fire is building in my
hand again. Why won’t it stop?”

“I cannot order him away, Elizabeth. Even
angels have free wills.”

Tears prick my eyes as I realize Lev has no
intention of saving himself. If he cannot save me, he will not
abandon me to my fate, either.

“This is the last time I warn you, Lev. You
will die with her if you do not step aside.”

My body trembles so hard it’s like I’m
shivering except the cold is all in my mind. “Lev—”

He slips his finger over my lips. “Shhh. No
more. Just remember Evan’s words and hold tight.”

For a few more seconds we just stand there,
waiting. Time slows to the gallop of my heartbeat, and I try to
measure my life, weighing what it was before Lev and what it became
after. There’s no question I would take the after every time. I
don’t remember that I was really alive until I met him.

One moment I’m staring at the angel glows
ahead; the next I see a streak of white-hot light lance toward me.
The pain cuts through me. It’s a good thing the power is now a
reflex because it jumps from my hand through Lev’s body and out
towards Lepail. The light changes colors from a whitish-blue to
red. Somewhere in the chaos of my thoughts, I hear myself scream.
Lev, too. The world is on fire, and I burn with it. It seems like
forever that we stand there. The pain sears everything, and even
when I think there is nothing left inside of me, the light keeps
flying from my hands and wrapping itself around Lepail.

Lepail falls, and the pain stops. But it
feels as though electricity has torched the inside of my body. For
a second I don’t even know the white light is gone. My knees
buckle, and I find myself falling. A passing thought of Lev
catching me floats through my mind, but his grip is so weak.

“What has she done?” Turnoc demands.

“Only what was necessary.” Evan replies.

My vision is still weird. But I feel Lev
weakly wrap his arms around me, one hand interweaving his fingers
with mine. Then he clumsily lifts me into the air as he struggles
to fly He’s making this wheezing sort of sound as though he’s
struggling to breath, and the movements of his wings is rough and
unsteady, nothing at all like Lev’s usual fluidity. As he takes me
into the sky, I look at him, expecting to find the brilliant glow
which always surrounds him. Instead, I find a fleeting, flickering
light that’s dim at best. The sun above is so much brighter than he
is now.

Lev, my angel, is dying—for good, this
time.

Fear cuts through me, and I try to understand
how this is possible. How am I still alive and he is weak? Where is
the justice in any of it? Why am I not dead? No answers. I blink
repeatedly, trying to clear the faultiness of my vision so I can
look upon Lev’s face. All the time I thought our moments were
infinite. Now that my cup is empty, I want one last chance.
Whatever is going to happen, I want to see him one last time, to
memorize his face. I don’t know if that memory will transcend my
death, but I want it just the same. Just in case. It seems to take
forever before I see the outline of his faces gradually filled in.
Of course, I see his tattered and burned wings behind him before I
see the painful expression on his face. His wrecked expression
betrays the pain he cannot hide.

Lev gasps sharply, and I feel the sudden
free-fall claim me as we start to plummet. Lev’s fingers stiffen
slightly and release me. He doesn’t seem to be aware of anything
anymore as he, too, begins to fall, wings first, his arms splayed
wide. His eyes are open, and I see his blue eyes blaze with white
flame. His head lolls to the side, and his lips part in a shocked
“O.”

“Lev,” I scream, more frightened of begin
separated than falling. He seems so still, as though everything is
beyond him, and it tears through me. I claw at the air, trying to
grab him, but the wind takes our bodies in different directions,
separating us completely. I keep screaming his name; right now he
is all I know. My body somersaults in the air, and I realize the
earth is dangerously close to meeting me as I take things in from
an upside-down angle in a perfect blue sky that seems to promise
summer in spite of it being the start of winter—yet another broken
dream.

I think of Jimmie and Griffin and how sorry I
am things turned out this way for all of us. But being sorry
doesn’t change anything.

“Lev, I love you,” I think, hoping wherever
he is he can hear that one last thought.

Chapter Eighteen

I close my eyes and splay out my hands, as if
that will help me against the impact. Suddenly I feel someone slide
an arm around my abdomen and pull me close. The falling sensation
stops.

“Lev?” I cry, jerking open my eyelids.

“No.”

I look up into Celia’s blue eyes. Her mouth
is drawn into a tight line, and she appears to struggle in
flight.

“Oh God, Celia! I thought I’d killed you. I’m
so sorry.” The words gush out so fast. The world is spinning, and I
can only keep my eyes open for a second. Otherwise, I’m going to
vomit again.

“No, you didn’t kill me. You just stunned the
crap out of me. Have to say I don’t want you to do that again.”

I feel myself drifting toward darkness, but
she shakes me awake. “No sleeping, Elizabeth. You’ve got to stay
with me so Evan can look at you.”

“My body hurts,” I murmur. “I just want to go
to sleep.”

More shaking. “No such luck. Keep your eyes
open. You go to sleep, you might not make it back.” We’re
descending. I feel the world coming toward us, and I open my eyes
to confirm it and clench them shut again.

“Where is Lev?”

“Evan’s got him.” Her clipped tone tells me
she really doesn’t want to talk about this, and it doesn’t take a
rocket scientist to know things have gone horribly wrong—again.

“How did you know all this was happening?” My
voice is breathy and weak. It’s taking so much energy to talk, but
there’re so many questions I want to ask, no matter how hard it
gets.

“Evan told me. I got there just in time to
see you and Lev start to fall. Evan flew toward Lev, and I grabbed
you.” She looks at my face. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk, Elizabeth,
You are weak, and you need to save your strength.”

“How’s Lev?” I hold my breath, hoping her
answer will be better than what I’m expecting. Please don’t tell me
he’s gone. Please.

She stares ahead, her blue eyes troubled. “I
don’t know. Probably not good; he was too weak to even fly.” Her
feet touch the ground, an abrupt bump compared to how Lev usually
glides in, his feet touching long before I ever realize we’ve
landed.

“Where is the Triune?” I look around
apprehensively, expecting they will be waiting for us.

“Evan says they are tending to Lepail’s
injury. Apparently, he did not expect you would be able to attack
him so easily or so successfully. It appears he won’t be rebounding
as quickly as he thought.

A few steps ahead, I see Evan kneeling over
Lev. Lev’s wings are still splayed, but they are broken and
battered, much like his body. The former glow is gone, replaced by
a pallor that reminds me of death.

“Lev?” I pull away from Celia to go to him,
but Evan raises his hand to ward me off.

“Keep her back,” he tells Celia, who quickly
grabs me again.

“Let go! I want to see him!” Even though I
can’t see a lot of Lev because Evan’s body blocks my line of sight,
what I can see is his body seems more broken than I imagined; he is
so still it scares me.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Celia whispers.
“Evan has to tend him.” She tries to embrace me and take away my
pain, but I never stop struggling to get free. I have to get to
him.

“Let me go!” I shout. Even as I try to pull
free, it feels as though my body is too weak to fight. Tears spill
down my face, and by some miracle I do get free, I fall in front of
him. Evan tries to shield me, but I see the stillness well enough
to know.

“No!” I shout. “You have to do something. You
have to!”

“Elizabeth, you must not fight us,” Evan
warns, gathering me in his arms. “What’s done is done.” His voice
is soothing, and I know what he’s trying to do as he holds me and
starts to lead me away from Lev.

“No! You have to go back and heal him—he
needs you! You can’t just leave him!”

“Shhh,” Evan whispers, carrying me so easily
despite the way I fight him at every moment. If I could just get
free, I could go back to Lev. I’d find a way to help him. Somehow.
It can’t be like this. It can’t!

“Lev!” I yell. “Please, take me back
there.”

Evan frowns, and I can see the pain in his
eyes. At that point, the pain in my body grabs me so forcefully I
can do nothing except clench my eyes shut.

A couple of seconds, later there is no pain.
Nothing. I don’t understand. So I open my eyes. The world has
shifted. I find myself above the scene, looking down. My body is
there, not in Evan’s arms anymore. I lie on the ground, and Evan is
frantically doing CPR. His blond hair is usually brushed back from
his face, but now, as he works so hard to save me, it falls towards
his eyes, making him appear younger.

“Come on, Elizabeth—don’t you give up on me!”
As he works on me, Celia kneels over Lev, touching his face. Both
of them are crying. Does that mean both of us are dead?

Evan’s breathing for me, then he begins the
compressions again, his movements fluid and constant. At first, I
wonder why he doesn’t just do his supernatural thing. Then I think
about what that resulted in the last time. Not good.

“Evan waits for you to make a decision.”

I turn and find the third angel of the
Triune, Atmir, standing beside me. I jump.