Anathema (24 page)

He lifts his hands. “Relax, child. I will not
harm you.”

“Why are you here? I would think you’d be
glad I was dying.”

He folds his long arms across his chest. “I’m
afraid your introduction to Lepail has given you the wrong
impression of what we are supposed to be doing. Yes, I number
myself in the Triune. That does not mean I agree either with Lepail
or Turnoc at all times. In this case, I strongly disagree.”

I shake my head. “What exactly is the point
of living when Lepail and Turnoc will come after me
again—especially when it has destroyed the being that mattered most
to me?” My voice softens and dies as I look over at Lev. “I can’t
believe he’s really gone.”

“The future is not always clear, Elizabeth.
You cannot see all your path at this moment, and what appears to be
the truth may in fact be far from it.”

His whitish-blue eyes stare at Lev as Celia
hovers over him, her expression worried. Atmir’s face is long and
skinny, so different from the other angels I’ve known.

“So I’m supposed to just have faith
everything will work out all right no matter how it looks now?”

He shrugs. “I cannot answer that for you. But
I can tell you this: a life without faith isn’t much of a
life.”

Neither is a life without Lev
, I
think, feeling tears burn my eyes. “I’m scared.”

He nods. “Yes, I know that. But you have very
little time, and you need to make your choice. If you choose to
stay, I will send your spirit back. Should you choose to go, I will
carry your soul. It is a matter of direction now, Elizabeth.”

I flinch at his words. “I thought Lev would
be my sojourner.” The world feels cold. I start shaking. Yeah, me,
the one’s stuck without a body shouldn’t feel anything.

Atmir shakes his head. “Lev is beyond the
duties of a sojourner. He cannot carry your soul when his is so
close to that same journey. You must decide.”

“If you carry my soul, will I be with Lev?”
My voice is thick with tears, and I just try to breathe.

“I cannot make such a promise, Elizabeth. No
matter which path you take, it may not lead you to Lev. That is no
basis for your decision.” He points to Evan. “Your chance is almost
gone. In a few seconds, it will no longer be your choice. Do you
understand what I am telling you?” He turns his ancient gaze my
way.

I nod. Then I force myself to speak. “I want
to go back to my body. I want to finish whatever has been left
undone.”

Atmir smiles at me, and for a moment, I
wonder what I misunderstand. Has he tricked me? Does he know
something more than I do? Is there something I have yet to do of
significance? How can I know the right path considering I’m blinded
with pain and sadness? How can I know I have chosen wisely?

“You will never know which path is better,
Elizabeth. You can only know the outcome of the one you choose.
Farewell.”

Suddenly the pain returns, and I feel my
chest burn as I gasp for enough air to fill my lungs. I start
crying. The pain is so intense, and I cannot escape it, no matter
what I do.

“Elizabeth! I am so glad to see you.” Evan’s
hands hover above me, ready to begin compressions again should it
be necessary. He keeps shaking his head as though he can’t quite
believe I’m right in front of him. “I thought I’d lost you, and it
was killing me.” His expression is shaken, and he seems
stunned.

“It hurts,” I whisper. “Bad.” The pain stabs
me constantly, and I’m cold--so cold. My body shakes convulsively,
and I can’t make it stop.

He nods. “Hang in there. An ambulance is on
the way.”

In the background, I hear the scream of
sirens, and I force myself to peer into his eyes. “Lev--how is
he?”

“We’ll talk about it later, Elizabeth. Right
now, you need to save your strength, okay?” He tries to smile
reassuringly, but I know something is wrong. He won’t tell me what
is happening with Lev. He doesn’t want me to know the truth.

“No! I have to know.” The sound of the siren
is deafening, and the colored lights whirl around us, bathing
everything in red and blue. Knowing I am far too weak, I still try
to stand. Evan keeps talking to me in that low, soothing tone, but
I hear none of his words over my own screams. I just have to get to
Lev. I have to.

Suddenly an EMT is there. Evan holds my arm.
I see the needle hovering over my skin. I try to jerk away. I have
to get to Lev. I have to.

The needle sinks into my flesh, and blackness
washes over me completely.

The ticking wakes me, and I open my eyes to
find myself in the white antiseptic hell of a hospital room. I can
tell that much, even though my vision is blurry. Well, that answers
my question about whether I’ve made it back or if Atmir had ferried
my soul.

Jimmie sees my eyes open and jumps from the
chair beside my bed to hover over me. His hand touches my face.
“Lizzie. Baby. Can you hear me?”

“Jimmie,” I manage weakly and reach for his
hand. “I can hear you.” Tears fill my eyes, and I’m so glad to see
him. I try to sit up, but Jimmie gently holds my shoulder.

“You need to rest, Lizzie. You almost
died.”

Which only reminds me of Lev and makes me
want to get up all the more. “Lev. Where is he?”

“If you lie back down I’ll tell you.”

Stubborn Jimmie. What was I expecting? I
force myself to stop struggling even though that’s far from what I
want. Then again, as weak as I feel, I probably wouldn’t make it
that far, anyway. Jimmie’s hand hovers there for a moment, and when
he finally moves it away, I stare at him expectantly, waiting for
his end of the bargain.

“He’s down the hall from you.” His voice is
quiet.

My head is swimming with confusion. “Is that
the morgue? Why would they take him there? He’s an angel.”

Jimmie arches his eyebrows questioningly.
“He’s not dead, Lizzie. Granted, he’s in bad shape, like you, but
that’s a far cry from needing cold storage.” He slips his hand over
my forehead, probably checking for a fever.

“I’m not delusional, Jimmie. Lev looked dead,
and I thought I’d lost him.” If I close my eyes, even for one
moment, I see his face, ashen, eyes closed. He’s so still, like
I’ve never seen him. Even though it’s just a memory, I shudder.

“You okay?” Jimmie asks, grabbing my
hand.

I open my eyes and really look at him. He’s
wearing a thick stubble that has more grey in it than the
reddish-blonde I’m used to. His blue eyes are bloodshot, and dark
circles pool under his eyes. His hand trembles as he brushes his
fingers across the top of my hand, and I can tell he’s afraid.

“How long have I been here?” I lift my other
hand to brush through my hair, but that’s the one with the IV. I
quickly change my mind. The last thing I need is to tangle my hair
with the IV, which, considering my luck, would definitely
happen.

“Three days.” Jimmie eyes me one last time,
and I guess he figures I’m not going anywhere; he finally sits back
down. “For a while, it was touch-and-go. You almost died twice.” He
averts his gaze, and I can tell he’s been having some nightmares of
his own. As hard as it is for me to think about losing Lev, Jimmie
can’t bear the thought of anything happening to me, which means
it’s a good thing I’m still here. Jimmie has given so much to raise
me, and I know he loves me. Always has.

“I’m gonna be okay. I promise.”

“Yeah,” he says, swallowing hard. “I
know.”

I nod at the water. “I’m thirsty.”

He quickly stands and adjusts the head of
this bed so I’m sitting up. Although I feel my body shifting with
the bed and it hurts, I manage to keep my expression neutral so
Jimmie won’t know. Right now he’s pretty scared of most anything,
and I don’t want to add to that. He hands me a half-full cup of
water and a straw, and I drink it all, amazed at how good the cold
water tastes and feels going down my throat.

“Has Lev regained consciousness yet?” I lick
my dry lips.

Jimmie shakes his head. “No, not yet.” His
frown deepens, and he looks at the floor like he’s completely at a
loss for how to comfort me. I guess what he doesn’t realize is
there is no way to comfort me through this one. I love Lev. I think
I’ve always loved him, even before this lifetime began, and trying
to stop now because I could lose him would be futile. It’s like
fighting fate, which I’ve done my share of, and it never turns out
well. So no matter what happens, I have to ride this one out.

“Can I see him?”

He squeezes my hand. “It’s a small miracle
you’re even alive, baby. I don’t want to tempt fate and get you out
of this bed yet, okay? Please, take my word; you can’t change what
is happening with him. Lord knows, I’ve been trying to do that with
you. Only God knows the things I’ve promised in the last three days
just to get you back.” He closes his eyes for a moment, as though
he’s trying to deal with something, and then he opens his them.
“You need to rest, baby. Tomorrow we’ll see about getting you up
and around, okay?”

I want to argue with him, probably because I
have to believe my love can save Lev, even if nothing else can, but
Jimmie is right. I’m too weak to go anywhere. I’m still not sure
what Lepail did to me, and I really don’t want to know. I just want
to get stronger and stop this pain cutting through my body.

“Have you been here all three days?” I ask,
pushing the button on the side of the bed to lower it again.

“Yeah. I couldn’t bear to leave you.” Jimmie
rakes his fingers through his hair. “I wanted to be here when you
opened your eyes.”

“Thank you.” I stare at his face and see how
tired he looks, and I know he needs a break. “But you should take a
break from this white room before I send you to the funny
farm.”

“Lizzie,” he starts to argue, but I raise my
hand.

“I’ll still be here when you come back. But
right now you need some time to rest and relax. Okay?”

He squeezes my hand. “I’m scared to leave
you. What if something happens?”

I squeeze back. “It won’t. Now scram.”

He leans down and kisses my cheek. “I love
you, Lizzie. You know that, right?”

I smile, thinking of all the times he used to
tell me that when I was little. “Of course I do—and I love you,
too.”

He finally releases my hand and stands. As he
straightens, his knee joints pop, and I laugh. “Sounds like you’ve
been sitting in that chair way too long, Jimmie.”

Nodding, he looks down at his legs, as if
that’s going to tell him anything. “You’re definitely right on that
score. Guess I’ll go get a shower and some sleep.” He gives me one
last concerned glance before heading out the door.

Once he leaves, I exhale, relieved I don’t
have to pretend I don’t feel any pain because yes, I’m definitely
feeling it. I just don’t want to hurt Jimmie, especially not after
accidentally discharging my power on him. I’m still amazed he’s not
afraid of me, considering how unpleasant that must have been.

I start to push the television button when I
see an older man slip into the room. At first, I think he’s got the
wrong room because his eyes appear filmed over with cataracts. But
then, for some reason, he appears familiar. I just don’t know why.
He’s tall, really tall, and he looks about seventy, I’m guessing.
It totally takes me aback when he strides over to the chair Jimmie
just occupied and sits.

“How do you feel, Elizabeth?”

I swallow hard, suddenly uncomfortable. “Do I
know you?” I’m searching his worn and wrinkled face, but I can’t
place him.

“In another form, yes.” Suddenly his features
blur for just a second, and I realize Atmir sits there, his long
hands relaxing atop the arm rests. Even sitting down, he appears
tall, and it’s really disconcerting to see him in human clothes
rather than angelic robes. While Lev and the others blend easily,
it would be pretty hard for the Triune to appear like others
do—either that or I just know far too much about them to ever feel
comfortable with them walking among us.

“Atmir? What are you doing here?” I push the
button to raise the bed and try to control the racing of my heart.
Yes, I know I had a good vision of him when I was dying, but that
doesn’t change what he is, a triune angel, or what I am: an enemy
of the Triune.

“You can relax, child. I have not come to
harm you.” He even crosses one leg over the other as a human would,
which makes me want to laugh.

“You seem rather amused,” he says, his filmy
eyes peering intently at me. “Am I doing something wrong?”

I shake my head. “No. It’s not you. It’s that
I know what you are, and what you are can never blend in this
world.”

He nods . “I shall keep that in mind.”

“So why are you here, if not on Triune
business?” I ask the question even though I dread the answer. It’s
rather like waiting for the other shoe to drop. No matter what the
answer will be, I’m sure it can’t be good.

“I am on Triune business.”

My shoulders tense, and I try not to think of
Lepail’s hands and the pain shooting toward me. Why am I here,
again? “Just spit it out, Atmir.”

“It appears the problem we had with you has
resolved itself. Therefore, we shall trouble you no longer.”

For a second, I think I’m hearing only what I
want to hear, not what Atmir is actually saying. But when he starts
to rise, I hold up my hand. “Wait. I don’t understand. How is that
possible?”

He settles back into the chair. “It’s simple,
really. For a couple of moments, you died, Elizabeth. In those
moments, you lost the power. Now you are just a normal girl again,
of no consequence to a triune of angels.”

I mull over his words, trying to make sense
of them, but I can’t. “But how did the power leave--not that I’m
not really glad it’s gone.”

He shrugs. “It would be no different if the
power were housed in a weapon, Elizabeth. The moment the blade
broke, the power would have ceased to be harnessed in the physical.
It would simply have dispersed into the air for no one to possess.
The moment you stopped breathing, the power fled your body, thus
freeing you.”