Anathema (21 page)

“Evan is probably trying to talk to them.”
She nods to the kitchen. “Why don’t we get you something to
eat?”

“I’m not really hungry,” I manage. Still, I
follow her, anyway. Between the pounding in my head and my arm, I’m
having trouble focusing, but I’m doing the best I can.

“You look kind of pale, Elizabeth. Have a
seat.” She points to a bar stool by the counter. Part of me wants
to rebel and point out I’m fine. Then again, that isn’t the part of
me which is really light-headed and nauseated. I hate feeling like
a weakling. Still, I know what’s in my best interest; the bar
stool. I make my way to the stool, my hand skimming the surface of
whatever I can find to help me keep my balance until I can sit and
catch my breath.

“I’m really not hungry,” I say. But Celia
really isn’t listening. She’s already pouring cereal into a bowl
and covering it with milk. She sets the bowl in front of me and
gives me a spoon.

“There.” I start to argue, but she shakes her
head. “And will you quit telling me you’re not hungry? Do you
really want me to get in trouble with Evan and Lev? They gave me
explicit instructions on how to take care of you.”

I grab my spoon. “Because I really can’t take
care of myself, right?”

She holds up her hands in surrender. “I
didn’t say a word.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I know. I just wish everybody
would stop treating me like I’m going to fall apart or something.”
Sensing her watching me, I shove a bite of cereal into my mouth and
focus on eating. I wouldn’t want to frustrate Evan or Lev…. I keep
watching her, hoping she’ll say something to give away information
about what Lev and Evan are doing. She starts humming and sits in
the chair next to me.

“You gave us all a scare earlier,
Elizabeth.”

“Really?” I’m tired of people telling me
that. I’m so not trying to scare anybody, but things keep spinning
out of control. “So tell me more about what Lev and Evan are trying
to do.”

Celia sits up straighter, and her smile dims
slightly, telling me this is a subject she really doesn’t want to
talk about. “They’re just going to talk to Lepail. Nothing
big.”

I set the spoon in my bowl and shake my head.
“Celia, I’m eating cereal I really can’t stand because you think I
should be hungry. I’m sitting on this barstool because you think
I’m too weak to keep standing. The least you could do is be honest
with me.” A stray hair falls into my face, and I grab it and
savagely push it away. Celia’s still avoiding eye contact, which
hints that she’s going to be pretty stubborn.

“Elizabeth….” Her voice dies away, and she
shakes her head.

“Look, I know I’m human and this is a huge
mess. I get that.” I shove the bowl away, shaking my head. “But
this isn’t just about Lev and Evan and you. I have the biggest
stake in this of everyone. Don’t I deserve to know what’s
happening?”

She picks up my bowl and carries it to the
sink. “You won’t like it. Pure and simple.”

“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know—and it’s
not the first time I’ve had to learn things I didn’t like. I can
handle it, you know?”

She turns to face me and leans against the
counter. For a moment, I think about her wings and how awkward they
would be in this small kitchen. Before that thought can blossom
into full-blown laughter, I force myself to stop thinking about
it.

“All right—but you need to keep this to
yourself. If Lev or Evan find out I’ve spilled the beans, I’m
really going to be in trouble.”

“Why?” I stand and move closer.

“Because they are trying to protect you, and
you don’t listen when people tell you something for your own good.
That’s why. So--you promise?” She stares at me expectantly until I
finally nod.

“All right. I won’t tell.”

She nods but doesn’t look any more
comfortable talking than she did before. She folds her arms across
her abdomen and looks down at the floor. “Evan and Lev are trying
to approach the Triune to convince them you aren’t a threat, which
considering what you were able to do when you were asleep, isn’t
really the truth. If you can attack in your sleep, you are a
threat.”

I absently rub the bandage on my arm. “What
do you think will happen?”

She shrugs. “It’s hard to say. I guess it
really depends on how open the Triune is to what they have to say.
They know Evan.” Her voice dies suddenly, as though she’s just
stopped speaking in the middle of her thought. She’s guarding the
truth.

“There’s something you aren’t saying. Just
like Evan.”

She paces around the kitchen, her eyes
darting from the room to me and back. “You’re right. There is
something I haven’t said. But it doesn’t matter. Knowing won’t
help.” She licks her lips and looks out the window. Is she
searching for Evan, much like I had, because this conversation has
suddenly taken a turn she was never prepared to handle?

“I want to know,” I press. “I deserve
that.”

She stops, and her body stiffens. She closes
her eyes, and I can tell she really doesn’t want to do this.
“Elizabeth, please don’t ask me.” Her arms dangle at her sides, and
I see she is curling her fingers into fists as a way to deal with
all the stuff she doesn’t want to get into.

“Please. It’s about me. I want to know.” My
voice is small, and I look at her, my eyes begging for her to give
on this one score.

She nods. “All right. But you can’t do
anything rash, Elizabeth. It’s impossible to know which path the
future will take, and reacting according to one possibility won’t
get us anywhere, okay?”

I sense the build-up of what actually means,
“Don’t be stupid after I tell you,” so I nod. I’d promise pretty
much anything if it meant she would eventually tell me the truth no
one else will.

“There is a slight chance that things could
go wrong with the Triune. Terribly wrong.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

“Because the Triune will know the connection
between you and Lev, the angels might assume Evan is just taking
your side, that his judgment is flawed and cannot be trusted.”

My whole body begins to stiffen, and I
suddenly have an urge to fly out of there and find Lev before
something dreadful occurs—something that would be all my fault,
which I can’t bear. “If they don’t trust Evan and won’t listen to
him, what happens?” No matter how hard I try to keep my voice even,
the panic makes it sound uneven and higher pitched than normal.

“Look, it doesn’t matter. It’s only one
possibility.” She looks down at her hands, pretending there is a
cuticle that bothers her.

I shake my head, and my body starts to sway
slightly, so I lean against the counter. “I have trouble believing
that. You wouldn’t have mentioned it if it weren’t a strong
possibility. You keep looking for them like you know something bad
has happened. You’re just as worried as I am.”

She looks away. “I’m not worried, Elizabeth.
I still think things will work out for the best.”

“No, you don’t—at least give me that much
credit. You know the Triune could easily kill them, don’t you? The
Triune will demand I be handed over. Lev would rather be destroyed
than give in, and that’s what will happen, isn’t it?”

Celia quickly grabs my shoulders. “Don’t jump
to conclusions, Elizabeth. It won’t help anyone.”

I pull away. “I’m not jumping to anything.
What I’m thinking is all over your face for anyone to read. It
doesn’t take much.” I shake my head. My body hurts, but right now I
notice the deeper pain in my heart as I realize Evan and Lev could
be in over their heads.

“There’s nothing you can do!” Celia snaps.
“No matter what you’re thinking, you can’t change things. Whatever
occurs isn’t your fault.”

How many times have I heard that one? I shake
my head and start for the door. “I can’t just sit back and let this
happen. I won’t.”

“It’s not your decision.” Celia starts toward
me. “Lev and Evan already made it. They told me to keep you
here.”

“No!” I argue and rush toward the door. Of
course, I’m mistaken in thinking I’ll get through it before Celia.
She’s too fast, and wraps her arms around me before I know it.
Although she’s short, there’s no limit to the strength she
possesses, and I can’t get free, no matter how hard I try.

“Let go!” I shout.

“No.” Celia maintains that same calm Evan
has, and it chills me to the bone. I hate it. “You have to stay
here.”

At once, my vision starts to change, and I
scream. “Let me go!” I yell.

“Calm down, Elizabeth!”

“What’s going on?” Jimmie’s voice.

“Get out of here!” I scream. I see the light
forms ahead of me as Jimmie and Griffin stand in the doorway,
watching in shock. But the glow of their bodies is nothing compared
to the heat which is starting to burn in my hands. The ball of
fiery light appears, and I know what’s coming. I try to think of
the blanket as Evan taught me, but I can’t. The bright light won’t
go away. I can’t control it. Evan was wrong. The Triune is right,
and now three people I love are in danger.

“Celia! You have to let me go!” I try to
break free, but I can’t. She’s too strong. Jimmie and Griffin
approach.

“What can I do?” Jimmie asks.

“Give me a—”

The light flies from my hands in three
directions, knocking them all to the ground. I hear my own horrible
keening. It’s wordless and high-pitched. Then I start falling.
Nothing holds me. My vision tries to go black and strand me in
unconsciousness, but I fight it. I’m crying and screaming, rocking
back and forth and waiting to be able to see again.

But when my vision returns, I wish I were
blind. Three bodies lying there—my fault. I look at my hands and
scream louder. How could I have done this? How?

I should check to see if they are breathing,
but I can’t. I’m afraid. I just rock harder and faster, as if that
will help me stay sane. They all look dead, and so I do the only
thing I know that can still save Evan and Lev: I run and hope the
Triune will follow.

Chapter Sixteen

At first, I have no clue where I’m running
to. I’m not sure it makes a difference. I keep looking over my
shoulder, as if I’m expecting Celia to follow me. Somehow I doubt
Celia will ever follow anyone again. And it’s my fault. It’s all my
fault.

Even though I should be hot because I’m
running, it’s cold outside—much colder than in Tennessee—and I sure
didn’t pack warm enough stuff, not that it matters. I have to find
the Triune. I have to stop whatever Evan and Lev have put into
motion before they get hurt. I won’t let them sacrifice themselves
for me.

But how do I find them?

I stop running a moment, trying to catch my
breath and mull over this problem. Then the answer comes. I don’t
have to find them. I have to help them find me. I look back at the
distant outline of the cabin. No one follows me. So I rush toward
the trail head which will lead to the falls. I guess if I’m going
to die, that’s as good a place as any. At least it’s beautiful.

By the time I’m halfway up the trail, I’m
crying so hard I can’t see anything. My side cramps, but I force
myself to at least walk quickly. The sooner I get there, the sooner
I can help Lev and Evan, even if they really don’t want my help.
This is my mess to clean up. My fingers are bright red. My arm
aches from running, and my head pounds, probably from the exertion
of my powers. I’m sure I’d look half wild to anyone who saw me, but
I don’t care. All I care about is finding the falls and starting
things into motion.

I know the angels in the Triune will have
felt the disturbance when I used the powers against Celia. I don’t
know for sure if they would know exactly what I did, but I know,
and I’ll never forgive myself. Maybe Lev and Evan can find it in
their hearts to still love me unconditionally, but I can’t do that
for myself. Celia was like my sister. She didn’t deserve this.

Ahead, I see the trail open up, and I know
just around the corner are the falls. That makes me start running
again, ignoring all the pain in my body. Pretty soon, the pain
won’t matter anymore. I’ll be free of that, too.

Sobbing, I rush toward the rail, and I lean
over for a moment, trying to catch my breath. The air is heavy with
cold mist from the falls, and the crash of it rivals the thundering
of my heart in my ears. The world spins around me, threatening to
dump me back into the blackness, but I fight it. I have to do this.
I don’t care how much I hurt right now. I wait until I can
straighten up and close my eyes, searching my body for that power
core which is tucked away. I know it’s there. It’s been a curse
ever since I stabbed myself, and now I have to find it to go on
with whatever needs to happen.

Nothing. What am I doing wrong? I know the
power is there.

Frustrated, I force myself to lie on the
ground and try to relax, hoping that will help me channel into it.
If I can’t go to the Triune because I don’t have a clue where they
are, I’ll summon them—not that I’m expecting them to be happy about
it. I can’t have everything, can I? And after Celia, Griffin, and
Jimmie, it really doesn’t much matter; I’ll take whatever fate
decides to give me.

For a moment, I sense nothing, no matter how
hard I reach for it. It’s like the power has fused itself so finely
to my body I can’t tell the difference between it and me. But it’s
there. I know it is. I just have to find the fine seam between the
two, the artificial line to tell me what is inside of me that
should not be there.

I push deeper, envisioning my body as I lie
there, probing harder. That’s when I find it—the faint, tell-tale
lines like the aura of wings draping Lev or Celia’s body. That’s
the reason I couldn’t find the source of the power at first: I was
looking for a glowing ball of power like right before it surges
when I see it gather at my fingertips. I don’t know if it’s because
I’ve been using the power or because of the amount of time which
has passed since I used the dagger, but something has allowed the
power to change the way it is distributed in my body. That makes me
wonder what else the power has done. It would also explain why the
power is easily accessible now. It’s pretty much fused throughout
my body in all the integral places. Of course I have no idea what
the power is really doing. No one does, which means the angels from
the triune are right to be concerned. This gradual shift could
definitely be something bad.