And Playing the Role of Herself... (6 page)

She chuckled and sighed, settling back into her seat. We were quiet for several minutes, just enjoying the night and the view.
"Thanks for coming over tonight, Caid," she said finally, and looked over at me. "It's nice…to get to know you better."
I thought of how much I enjoyed her company, how I liked her intelligence, her humor…and I remembered how good she and Josh had looked together in the kitchen. My smile was bittersweet. "Yes, it is."
She took a sip of wine and looked away. "Especially since I'm going to be kissing you in a week or so."
Goddamn. The woman had all sorts of ways to leave me breathless.
"You are?" My voice cracked. Like a freaking fourteen-year-old boy.
"Yes…" She went back to tracing the rim of her glass, staring at it intently. "That is, if you're sure you're okay with it. I know Grant was being kind of a dickhead yesterday and didn't give you much choice, so if you're not okay with it, I can probably talk to someone..."
"No, really. I'm okay with it." It was nice she was willing to do that, but I really was fine with it, especially now that I knew it was going to be her. Although it would probably be better for me if it wasn't.
"You're sure?"
"Absolutely." I frowned, and asked cautiously, "Are you?"
"Absolutely."
"Good."
"Good."
I gulped at my wine. "Uh…how does Josh feel about all this?"
She was quiet for a moment, staring at her glass. "We're not together, you know. Not a couple, I mean." She delivered the information matter-of-factly, as though she hadn't just said something that completely stunned me. Then she laughed. "Actually, Josh thinks I'm very lucky."
"Pardon?" I stammered.
"Josh thinks I'm lucky. To get a chance to kiss you…"
"No, no…I mean the 'not together' part." I sat up in my chair and put my wineglass down. "Robyn, the last time I was at the store, I saw the two of you on no less than five magazine or newspaper covers. Most of them speculating on the date of your impending nuptials, except for the one that said Josh was wildly jealous because you were pregnant with George Clooney's baby."
"Caid," she said lightly, amusement coloring her tone, "you should know as well as anyone not to believe a word of that garbage. Don't tell me you actually read those things."
"I was bored," I mumbled defensively, my head spinning with the realization that Robyn had suddenly gone from completely, unattainably safe, to something else. I didn't know what that 'else' was yet, but it scared the crap out of me. "I don't…"
"Besides," she waved her hand dismissively, "I've never even met George Clooney."
The look on my face must have been priceless, because when she looked at me, she burst out laughing. "Oh, god, Caid. You are so damn adorable."
She thinks I'm adorable.
I shook my head. I'd think about that later. Right now, I wanted her to stay on the subject.
"I just spent the evening with the two of you, and you seemed pretty damned together to me. This isn't just me believing what I read in the tabloids, Robyn, this is what the entire world has been led to believe for the past two years."
She shrugged, and took a sip of wine. "We're good friends, and enjoy being with each other, but we're not together romantically. If the tabloids misconstrue that, that's their problem."
She seemed so nonchalant about it, and I tried to match her attitude. Honestly, I should be leaping for joy. Praising the heavens. She was - technically - single. But instead I was angry. I was like any other human being, and didn't like to be duped. I also didn't like contemplating other parts of who I thought Robyn was that might not be genuine.
Conversation after that was forced - she tried to draw me out, but I was distracted by her announcement, and I'm sure my answers seemed curt, verging on outright rude. When I told her I needed to head home, she didn't argue, only nodded resignedly, and showed me to the door.
The mixture of sadness and confusion on her face as we said painfully polite goodbyes made me feel like an ass, and I berated myself the entire way home, trying to figure out why I'd reacted the way I had. So Robyn wasn't with Josh. So what? So they let the public think they were. So what?
What really had set me off, I realized, was my fear at her sudden change in status from forbidden to not-so-forbidden, and that was ridiculous. She was still just as straight, just as unattainable as ever.
Wasn't she?
That was the question. All my dealings with Robyn up to now; the smiles, the slightly flirtatious banter, the touches…all that time I'd been under the impression that she was with Josh. I'd assumed she was flirtatious by nature, and touchy.
But what if…
What if.
I sighed, frustrated. With guys, it was easy. But I'd never done this before with a woman. Were the signs the same? How did you know? How could you tell what was friendship and what was more?
I let myself into my small, cottage-style house in the hills outside of La Canada, still puzzling over these questions, and no closer to an answer, although I had come to the conclusion that I needed to call Robyn first thing in the morning and apologize.
Robyn beat me to it.
The voice on my machine was hesitant and subdued. "Caid…it's Robyn. I don't know what happened…but I feel like somehow I upset you…whatever I did, I'm sorry." There was a sigh, and I could picture her running a hand through her hair. "I'd like to talk to you, please call me."
She left a number, which I automatically wrote down, and then stared at.
I picked up the phone and tapped it against my forehead a few times.
Ok. You can do this. Just tell her you're sorry, that you had a nice evening…something like that.
I took a breath and punched in the numbers.
Her breathless voice answered on the fourth ring, and I basked for just a moment in the warmth that flowed through my body at the sound.
"Robyn? It's…"
"Caid." The relief in her voice was obvious, and I kicked myself again for being such an ass. "Caid, I'm sorry. Whatever I did…"
"No," I stopped her, "It's me that should apologize. I'm sorry, Robyn, you just…you just surprised me, and I felt like I'd been lied to, and I overreacted."
Ohhhh. Good thinking on your feet, Harris. Maybe you should go into acting.
"Oh." That stopped her, and it was several seconds before she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Caid, I never thought about it that way. Josh and I…we've never actually lied about it, but I guess lies of omission are just as bad…it's been good for both of our careers to be seen as a couple…"
"You don't owe me any explanation, Robyn. It's your business, and I had no right to act the way I did."
She sighed. "Caid, I like you. Very much. I haven't felt…I haven't had a new…friend…in a long time. That's why I told you tonight." She paused, and continued quietly. "I'm sorry if you felt as though I'd lied to you. I didn't do it purposely; Josh and I, we've just been doing this so long…"
"Are you running in the morning?" I asked suddenly. I didn't want to hear her apologize anymore for my stupid behavior.
A beat.
"Yes," came the hesitant answer.
"When?"
"Usually at 6:30 or so." No hesitation this time.
"Where?"
"Silver Lake trail. I start out from here, there's an entrance about five blocks down the hill."
"I'll see you at 6:30, then."
Another pause, then she laughed. "Deal."

When I pulled into Robyn's drive the next morning, she was already out front, pushing against the wall and stretching out her calves. She wore mid-calf black running tights and a gray and black, zip-up top against the morning chill, both items hugging the flat planes and subtle curves of her body, accentuating her athletic build and long limbs. I'd been hoping she wouldn't run in shorts, not knowing if I could function with a view of her bare legs, but I wasn't so sure this was any better.
I took a deep, calming breath, got out of the car and walked over.
She smiled a greeting, pulling her hair back into a tight ponytail as I approached. "Morning."
"Morning."
"Gonna be warm enough?" she asked with a teasing grin. I had chosen loose navy blue running pants, a gray hooded sweatshirt with the sleeves cut out, and a lightweight white skull hat. It was a cold morning, and I hated running cold. Compared to Robyn, thought, I looked like a thug.
I smiled back at the jab, wondering if I should bring up the night before, or wait for her to do it.
"Ready to go?" she asked, bouncing on her toes a few times.
Or maybe we wouldn't talk about it at all. That was okay by me.
"Yep."
She nodded, and set off down the drive at a good clip. I chased after her and settled into stride on her left. I'd been right about those endless legs of hers - she had a long, easy stride and I could tell immediately I was going to have my work cut out for me this morning.
I felt a competitive spark flare inside me, and did my best to squelch it. I didn't know how far Robyn planned to run, and already her pace was faster than my usual speed. I'd end up killing myself if I tried to outrun her.
Robyn told me during one of our few spurts of conversation that the trail around Silver Lake was just over two and a half miles long, and she usually ran it twice. I was welcome to go further if I wanted.
"Twice is fine," I assured her hastily, trying to keep from showing that I was already breathing heavily.
I did myself proud for four miles, keeping up with her stride for stride. Then she glanced over at me with a wicked grin.
Damn.
I was about to get crushed.
She lengthened her stride and I managed to keep up for another hundred yards before my lack of breakfast and lack of sleep the night before caught up with me. At least that's what I told myself.
Soon Robyn was just a speck in the distance, and I shook my head with a wry grin, slowing down and finishing the last mile at more comfortable pace.
She was sitting against a tree on the grass, pretending to take a nap when I jogged up and collapsed beside her, breathing heavily. She opened one eye and looked over at me with a lazy grin.
"I was wondering when you'd show up."
"Bite me, Ward," I growled through gasping breaths, shedding my sweatshirt and using it to wipe the sweat from my arms and face before tossing it to the side. I groaned and leaned back on my elbows, closing my eyes and listening to my breathing and heart rate slow.
Underneath the sweatshirt I'd worn a gray and white bra top that ended a few inches above my navel, and the early morning sun felt good on the damp, exposed skin of my stomach and shoulders. I sighed in pleasure and turned to Robyn to comment on how quickly it had warmed up. The words stuck in my throat when I saw the look on her face as she watched the rise and fall of my stomach. She seemed…enthralled was a good word for it, I guess.
I tensed in reaction; she flicked a glance at my face and looked away quickly.
"Nice morning," she said, and picked at the grass under her hand.
"Sure is." I replied when I was able. "Warmed up quick."
"Supposed to rain this weekend, though." She held up several blades of grass and let them go, watching as they floated away in the breeze.
"Well, we could use the moisture." I watched the grass fall to the ground between us.
"Yeah, they're predicting a pretty bad fire season this year."
Jesus.
I'd had this exact conversation with my grandfather about a million times. I never expected to be having it with Robyn.
I rolled on my side, and propped my head on my hand. "Robyn," I paused until she met my gaze. "I'm sorry about last night. I was having a really nice time, and I feel like I ruined it. I haven't had a new friend in a while either…I hope we can try again some time."
She looked down at the grass again, then back at me. "How about Friday?"
I felt the smile spread across my face. "Really?"
She smiled back. "Eight o'clock again?"
"That's fine…but I can probably get off a little earlier. Unless they change the shooting schedule we're on the soundstages all day. I should be finished by seven at the latest."
"Why don't you just come over whenever you can, then?" She paused, thinking. "I might be a little later than that, myself. Josh will be here, though. Uh…oh." She bit her lip. "If that's okay?"
"That Josh is at your house?"
She nodded.
"Robyn." Again, I waited until she met my gaze. "I wasn't just being nice when I said Josh was a sweetheart. I like him, very much. Of course I wouldn't mind. Why do you think I would?"
She brushed her hands off on her pants, and pushed herself to her feet. "Come on, let's walk back." She reached down, and I grabbed her hand and let her pull me up. I scooped up my sweatshirt and tossed it over my shoulder.
We started walking and she looked over at me. "Caid, when I talked about me and Josh before…you kinda wigged out."
"I didn't….it wasn't…" I sighed. "It wasn't about Josh. It was never about Josh, really." I glanced over at her. "Tell me about the two of you? I didn't stay around last night long enough to hear the whole story."
She was quiet for a while and then started speaking as we left the trail and started up the street. "Josh and I met at school…UCLA." she said. "I was two years ahead of him, but we both played sports - he was on the tennis team, obviously, and I played some volleyball - we met at an athletic awards banquet and hit if off immediately. Like you said, he's a sweetheart. We dated through most of college, even lived together for a while."
"And then I graduated, and I went off to Europe to model, and Josh joined the circuit. We decided not to do the long distance thing, but kept in touch for the next few years, on and off. I moved back to the States, to New York, and we'd see each other occasionally, but then when I came back to LA, we started seeing each other a lot, just as friends - we'd always made better friends than lovers, and we'd both…changed a lot in that time apart."
She glanced at me, and I nodded encouragement but stayed quiet. "Josh had just broken the top fifty at that point, and was trying to find some sponsors, and I'd only had some minor acting gigs, but together," she shrugged, "we got noticed."
"The year I moved back to LA, I flew out to New York to watch him play in the US Open. I watched a few of his practices, we went out a few times before the matches started…And then the morning after the first match, my agent called - he'd gotten over fifty inquiries about me. And Josh was getting some interest suddenly from sponsors…"
She shook her head. "It was surreal for both of us. We were both nothing, then suddenly, the press was all over us."
"Anyway," she said as we got to the top of the hill, "needless to say, both our agents pushed us to do things together, and, hell…I love Josh. He's my best friend. I don't want to sleep with him, but I love him more than just about anyone it the world. It's no hardship for me to do things with him, and it's certainly good for my career." She shrugged. "So that's the story."
"So…" I didn't know if I really wanted to know this, but I asked anyway. "What if one of you…"
"Wants to date? Finds someone they're really interested in?" she paused, and made quoting motions with her fingers. "Falls in love?"
"Uh…yeah." I said, wondering at the mocking tone in her voice.
She shrugged again. "It's never been an issue before…when we started doing things together again, we were both just out of bad relationships and neither of us was looking to get serious with someone. We didn't have any fantasies about getting back together, we were just spending time with each other and being seen. We…both of us…have always pursued things on the side…"
"Things?" I repeated, only half-joking. I didn't like how she'd said that.
"People, affairs, trysts…whatever you want to call them…I know Josh sees other women sometimes, and he knows that I…have lovers, too." She looked slightly embarrassed. "Neither of us are saints, Caid…far from it. But we're both aware of the fact that what we do affects the other, and we're discreet…and so far, it's worked out."
"Uh…wow. Okay…" I wasn't quite sure what to say. Congratulations, nice ruse?
We walked for a block in silence, until we turned onto the street Robyn lived on.
"So," she asked hesitantly, "do you still want to have dinner on Friday?"
"Of course," I said, silencing any internal objections.
"Great," she replied, smiling hugely.
We turned into her drive. "Wanna come in for a bit? Have some coffee?"
I checked my watch, thought for a second, and shook my head. "I need to go home before I go to the set…" I said regretfully.
"Next time, bring your clothes and you can change here."
I fought back a grin. "Okay."
As we walked up to my car, I unlocked the doors with the keyless fob clipped inside the pocket of my pants and pulled the door open.
Robyn stopped beside me and gently patted the car's roof. "Heya Twila."
She talked to my car.
If I wasn't careful, I'd fall head over heels for this woman.
There was a good chance I already had.
I slid into the driver's seat and felt around under the floor mat for the key. Once I found it, I put it in the ignition and turned it partway, enough to roll down the window, but not start the engine.
Robyn leaned in, smiling. "Thanks for the run."
I snorted. "Thanks for the whoopin'"
She laughed, and I grinned up at her. "That wasn't really fair, you know."
"What?" she asked innocently.
"You said when you used to run with Josh, he crushed you." I allowed myself a glance up her long frame. "I imagine you kept up with him just fine."
"I said he
tried
to crush me," she corrected, placing her hands on the windowsill and gently closing the door. She leaned against the frame for a moment. "I never said he succeeded."
She winked and walked away, whistling.
I laughed and started the car.
Yep, a very good chance I already had.