And Playing the Role of Herself... (7 page)

"Nice job Liz, Caid…you too, Danny." Nate Wiley rapped on his bound script and pointed at the three of us on the set. "That one will work fine…let's print it and move on. You three are off for now - check with Addy for when we need you back." He turned and raised his voice further. "Micah, Henry, Joe, Arturo, Irene…you're up. Extra's for 12, check in with Brent. Brent, where are you?"
There was a whistle from across the stage. "Over here!"
The director pointed. "Check in with Brent over there. Regulars, let's get this blocked out, and do a run through…"
"Thank god," Liz sighed, blowing a stray piece of hair out of her eyes and rolling the tension from her neck. "I thought he was going to make us go again."
I just grunted, arching my back until it popped.
"I thought we nailed it the first time," Danny grumbled. "Picky damn bastard."
There was no venom in his words - we all liked Nate, and trusted his direction.
The three of us moved off the squad room set where we'd done the last scene, dodging members of the crew who darted around purposefully, with a controlled sense of urgency that always accompanied the shoots that Nate directed.
"Danny, back in forty-five," yelled Addison Couch, a small, curly-haired man who was several yards away, conferring with the lighting tech. "Liz, we need you at one, and Caid…" he consulted the clipboard in his hands, "two-thirty, for the bust scene."
We all nodded, and headed for the exit of the cavernous warehouse where the soundstages were housed.
"And Caid…" I paused expectantly, noting that Liz had stopped at the door and was waiting for me. Addy finished his conversation with the lighting tech and walked over to me, flipping through the papers on his clipboard. He eventually pulled out a small envelope and handed it to me. "This came with a script delivery from
ITD
…"
I frowned, but took the envelope. I wasn't up for a guest role on
In Their Defense
any time in the near future…I wondered what this was for.
"Thanks, Addy," I said absently, looking at the envelope. It was small, invitation or note card size, with my name written in bold, very precise capitol letters on the front. There were no other markings on it.
I felt Liz move over beside me. "What's that for?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. As far as I know, I don't have anything going on over there."
I slipped a finger under the flap and drew out a small card.
Caid,
I'll give you a chance to redeem yourself. Tomorrow, same time and place.
Loser buys coffee, winner gets taunting rights.
Robyn
The grin that split my face was huge, and I laughed out loud.
Several crew members stopped what they were doing to stare.
Okay, more than several.
In fact, just about all of them. I wasn't known for my spontaneous laughter.
"Caid?" Liz was frowning, and she looked genuinely concerned. "Are you okay?"
Jeez, can't a woman laugh like an idiot anymore?
"I'm fine," I answered, dimming the wattage of my smile but still thinking of Robyn. "Just fine."
Liz shrugged, and started walking towards the door. "Paula's picking up from that Thai place you like so much…come by in ten."
It was not optional.
I'd managed to avoid talking with Liz since the 'have you ever wanted to kiss a woman' incident, but it didn't look like I was going to be able to avoid it any longer.
I sighed internally and I nodded. "See you in a bit." At least she made the effort to get something I liked.
In my trailer, I gratefully pulled off the black, lightweight jacket I wore for the last scene and hung it neatly on the back of the door. I unclipped the leather holster and rubber prop gun from my hip and clipped it on the hanger with the jacket so I wouldn't forget it, and then looked down at the wine colored v-neck shirt I wore. After a moment of debate, I stripped it off too, hung it on a different hanger, and pulled on the tank top I'd worn in to the set that morning. Zoe in wardrobe would kill me if I dribbled pad thai all over the v-neck and they had to find something similar to finish up with today.
I checked my cell for messages - one from my agent Connie, who wanted to know my thoughts about shampoo commercials, and one from my brother, Perry. He and a friend were hiking a two-week section of the Pacific Crest Trail in June, ending up in Big Bear. I'd agreed to send them a re-supply package in Idyllwild and when they were through, pick the two up in Big Bear, let them stay with me a few days, and put them on a plane back to Madison where they were both in school at UW. Perry was calling to confirm dates and try to taunt me into joining him on the trip, clucking like a chicken and spouting insults about my advanced age in some kind of weird Slavic accent that made me laugh out loud.
I made a mental note to call him later when I had more time, then I phoned Connie back and left her a reminder that I'd just gotten out of doing commercials, and I didn't want to get back into them. Finally, after some hesitation, I called the studio's main switchboard and talked the admin out of Robyn's cell number. I only felt slightly guilty that I lied to get the number - I didn't think Robyn would mind.
I dialed the number, expecting, and hoping, to get voicemail, but that raspy voice answered on the third ring.
"'lo," she sounded annoyed at the interruption, and I winced. Maybe I shouldn't have called her on the set.
Too late now.
"I got your message, Ward, and you got a deal," I told her, "but let's make it Ledos Canyon at six…we'll see how those pencil legs do in some real terrain. Six o'clock." I heard her laughter as I hung up, and smiled like a Cheshire cat.
After puttering around for a while longer, my ten minutes were up and I strolled over to Liz's trailer, hopefully ready for whatever she was going to lay on me.
I knocked on the trailer door and let myself in; Paula was sitting at a desk at the far end of the trailer, talking rapidly into her headset while working away on her laptop. Liz looked up guiltily from a bowl of noodles, slurping them up hurriedly.
"Sorry, I was starving. Couldn't wait," she said when the noodles were sufficiently chewed enough that she could talk.
I shrugged and started poking around in the other containers, my mouth watering at the smell.
"This one's yours," she tapped a container with her chopsticks, "extra sauce, and spicy."
"Oh, yum. Thanks."
We both dug in hungrily, eating for several minutes without talking, the only sound in the room Paula's voice and her furious typing.
Liz eventually sighed and sat back, stabbing at the noodles. "You took off fast after shooting wrapped last night…hot date?" Another few stabs at the defenseless noodles, then a sly look up at me. "Was it a woman?"
I concentrated very hard on swallowing and not choking, finally managing after a few swigs from a bottle of water Liz calmly handed me. "Jesus, Liz." I coughed, and took another sip. "At least wait until I'm not eating to throw shit like that at me."
"Shit like what? It's just a simple question, or rather two simple questions." Seeing that I wasn't going to give her water back any time soon, she leaned over and grabbed another out of the mini-fridge. "One - was it a hot date?"
I shook my head. "No, it was not a hot date. I went to dinner…"
She pounced on that. "With a woman?"
"Well, one of them was…"
"Oh, Caid, a threesome?" She looked at me speculatively. "I never pegged you for the type."
I rolled my eyes. "Liz, do you want to know what I did last night or not? Do I even need to be present for this conversation?"
"So you didn't have a threesome?"
"No, I did not."
This seemed to disappoint her greatly and she stared at me intently. "Did you want to? Because in those online story thingies, lot's of the women seemed to want to have threesomes…"
"Jesus…" I put my food down with a sigh.
"Is that a lesbian thing?" She looked at me expectantly.
"I wouldn't know, Liz."
Maybe I would someday, but I sure didn't now.
"But you've wanted to kiss a woman though, right?"
I suddenly noticed the silence in the trailer - Paula had stopped typing and was looking at me, her mouth an astonished little 'O'.
Shit.
"Liz…"
"Because, you know, that makes you an almost lesbian, right?" she nodded, as though it were obvious. "So, who
did
you go out with last night? Oh…was it the same person who sent you that note today? I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that, Caid, it must have been…"
"I had dinner with Robyn, and Josh Riley," I cut in, before she could get rolling about why I might be getting notes that made me smile.
That stopped her. "Really?"
"Really."
"What's Josh Riley like? Is he as attractive in person? Ohhh, those blue eyes and those cute, sexy little buns…"
Well, at least we were off the subject of me kissing women.
"…but I've heard that he cheats on her when he's on tour. Marty said that Ken said that Anthony said that he met this girl at a club in Rio who swears she spent the night with Josh Riley…"
"What?"
Maybe Josh needed to work on his discreetness.
"Oh, who knows if it's true or not, you know how Anthony is with the girls…"
Indeed I did know how Anthony was with the girls, having made the mistake of letting Liz set me up with him once. A very pretty man with a serious coke problem and a desperate need to be liked…Anthony would say anything to anyone if he thought it would make him more popular.
"…so, what did you think of him?"
"I thought he was very nice…" I could tell she expected more. "And he's gorgeous. Much better in person."
That seemed to satisfy her, and she sat back with a tiny smile on her face. Then she leaned forward. "Did you ever want to kiss me?"
I blinked. Conversing with this woman was like ping-pong.
I cleared my throat and looked over at Paula who was typing again, or at least pretending to.
"No, Liz, I never wanted to kiss you."
"Why not! What's wrong with me?"
I sighed. "There's nothing wrong with you…"
"Don't you think I'm attractive? For god sakes, I'm one of People's 100 Most Beautiful People!"
"Of course your attractive, Liz," I said in exasperation, "I just don't want to kiss you, okay?"
"You don't?
"No, I don't."
She crossed her arms and pouted. "Why?"
"Because you're my friend, Liz." A horrible thought struck me. "You don't want to kiss me, do you?" I asked fearfully.
"God no." She looked shocked. "Oh, Caid, ewwww."
"Hey," I started to protest, but thought better of it.
"So, do you want to kiss Paula?"
There was a squeak from the other end of the room, and the pace of typing increased.
"No, I don't want to kiss Paula," I said with a slight smile.
Liz looked at me intently. "So who have you wanted to kiss?"
I felt like I was in Junior High, playing a game of Truth or Dare.
I shook my head.
"Caaaaiiiidd…" she whined. I smiled, but kept my mouth shut.
"I'll get it out of you," she promised, and I was certain she was right.
But not today.

The muscles in my legs were screaming and my lungs burned, but I forced myself to keep going, dodging a hiker and nearly tripping over his dog, spinning and continuing on.
Almost there, almost there, almost there…
I was going to beat her this time, goddamnit.
I gritted my teeth and pushed harder. Sweat dripped in my eyes, and I didn't have the energy to wipe it away, didn't want to break the rhythm of my swinging arms…
I could see the rim, only fifty yards away.
I pushed harder…twenty-five yards…
I could see the sign for the trailhead, see people milling around it, someone sitting on a bench…
Robyn.
Sitting on the bench, looking like she just stepped out of a Nike commercial, not like she just ran three miles up hill.
Sonofabitch.
I slowed to an abrupt stop, gasping for air, hands on my knees, feeling lightheaded. I closed my eyes, chest heaving and my legs shaky, waiting for my breathing to slow.
I heard approaching footsteps and opened my eyes, still struggling for breath. A pair of running shoes came into my line of vision, and two black-clad legs.
I coughed and straightened slowly, still slightly dizzy.
"Don't…*gasp*…say it…*gasp*…Ward," I warned, and coughed again, looking over at her.
As I watched, the slightly cocky, taunting grin she'd been wearing was chased off her face by wide-eyed concern.
"Jesus, Caid," she stepped forward and placed a steadying hand on my back. "Are you alright?"
I just nodded and coughed, bending over again until my breathing finally eased a little. Robyn didn't say anything, but she didn't move away, and the hand on my back was making slow, gentle circles.
I straightened finally, and stifled a disappointed sigh as she dropped her hand. I pulled my cap from my head and ran a hand through wet hair.
Lovely.
She wordlessly handed me a water bottle, and I gulped greedily. "Thanks."
I handed it back when I was done and pulled at the front of my sweatshirt to create a slight breeze to cool the rest of my body. I glanced at Robyn, still looking at me worriedly, and after a moment's hesitation, pulled the sweatshirt over my head and mopped my face with it.
Yeah, I'm looking real attractive now
, I thought to myself and shook my head ruefully.
"How in the heck did you get up here so fast?" I finally asked when I had enough oxygen left over for talking. "And how'd you get past me?"
"I…ah…went a different way," she said evasively, a glimmer of humor in her eyes.
I put my hands on my hips and frowned. "I didn't know there was another way. Just the maintenance road…"
She started laughing, backing slowly away from me.
"…and they only allow maintenance vehicles on that path," I puzzled before it finally clicked. "You got a RIDE????"
She held out her hands. "I'm sorry, Caid, I didn't know you'd try to kill yourself…"
I began to stalk towards her, and she backpedaled faster, laughing outright. I lunged towards her and she yelped, turning to sprint away, still laughing over her shoulder.
I started after her, my own laughter welling up helplessly. I felt happy and giddy chasing Robyn across the parking lot like a couple of kids, with no thought of what I'd do if I actually caught her.
Until I did.
She headed towards a forest green Range Rover that I recognized as hers, slowing to pull something - probably the remote entry - out of her pocket. I press my advantage and caught her just as she was reaching for the car door, wrapping my arms around her from behind and holding tightly.
"Not so fast, young lady," I growled in her ear, still laughing, and delighting in her return laughter.
Until the scent of her hair in my face, and the heat from her skin, just inches from my lips, registered.
Until the press of my breasts against her back and the feel of my arms across her stomach, and the sudden, absolute stillness of her body…
Neither of us was laughing any more.
"Caid…" Her voice was soft, with a slight tremor.
My arms tightened involuntarily, then loosened, falling to my sides as I slowly stepped back.
She turned around slowly, and in that moment - that moment before the mask dropped back into place - I knew. Saw the flash of it, felt the heat…
Robyn wanted me.
I'd had that look directed at me enough to know, and I knew.
Robyn Ward wanted me.
Then the mask fell back in place and we stared at each other for long moments. I wanted to push her against the car and kiss her senseless…I wanted to bury my face in her neck, to wrap my arms around her and not let go…
Instead I smiled shakily and took another tiny step back. "You cheated."
And you're a chickenshit, Harris.
She looked as though she was going to take a step forward and close the distance between us, but then she leaned back against the car and smiled slightly. "Guess that means I owe you coffee."
"Hey, Lady!" The yell behind me startled us both. I turned to find a young boy, probably no older than eleven, jogging towards me, holding out a gray wad of cloth in one hand and a smaller white bundle in the other. "This your stuff? My mom said you dropped it back there."
I stepped forward to meet him and sheepishly took my sweatshirt and hat, thanking him and getting an absent "uh-huh" in response. He jogged away, back to his parents, and I turned to find Robyn inside her car, staring at her steering wheel with intense concentration.
I stepped over. "You trying to start the car through the power of your mind? I bet the key would work better."
That only got a tiny smile. "Caid, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to get you back on the coffee, okay? I just remembered a thing I need to do…"
I blinked. "Uh…okay, sure." I stepped back hastily as she started the car and put it in gear. "Robyn?"
But she just waved briefly and pulled away.
I walked to my car slowly, pulling on my sweatshirt.
What the hell just happened?
##
Friday morning, Robyn left a message canceling dinner that evening, saying she was going out of town.
Saturday morning, her picture was in the paper. She and Josh had been photographed coming out of the The Mondrian, a supposed LA hotspot, the night before. I stared at the picture for a long time, surprised at the intensity of the betrayal I felt.
Sunday morning I went mountain biking, pushing myself hard and taking risks, hoping to push thoughts of Robyn out of my head with adrenaline.
Sunday afternoon, after a two-hour stop at the emergency room, I limped into my house with a swollen jaw, bruised ribs, several nasty scratches and a two thousand dollar bike that was probably totaled.
And Robyn was still in my head.
The phone rang as I was loading the blender with ice for an icepack. I let the blender run and took the phone out of the kitchen as I answered.
It was Liz. "Caid, where are you?? We expected you hours ago."
I could hear voices in the background, and could tell instantly that she was at least one drink on the wrong side of one drink to many. I heard someone in the background - it sounded like Danny - asking very loudly where the fuck I was.
Crap. I'd totally forgotten. Danny's house-warming at his new place in West Hollywood.
"Ah, shit, Liz, I forgot about it. I went biking this morning…"
"You forgot?!?" I winced, pulling the phone back slightly from my ear. My head throbbed, my jaw ached, my ribs…my ribs felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to them repeatedly.
"Yeah, I'm sorry…listen, tell Danny…"
"Now that you've been reminded, get your butt over here!" She giggled wildly.
Make that two or three drinks.
"I can't, Liz." I walked back into the kitchen and turned off the blender. Holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder, I poured the crushed ice into a large zip lock baggie, refilled the blender, and started it up again.
"Of course you can. Just get in that shiny little car of yours and start driving. It'll take you thirty minutes, tops." She paused. "What in the hell is that noise? Where are you?"
"I'm at home - you just called me on my home phone, remember?"
"No one likes a smart-ass, Caid." I didn't answer, biting back a groan as I pulled up my shirt and placed the ice on my battered ribs. I pulled the stretchy material down over the bag, holding it in place, then turned off the blender and filled another, smaller bag. "Caid, what are you doing? Why can't you come?"
I debated making up an excuse, but Liz, and everyone else, would see the damage in the morning anyway.
"I crashed my bike this morning, and right now I'm putting ice on various parts of my body that didn't fare so well when I went flying over the handlebars at twenty miles an hour and rolled down a hill."
It took her a while to decipher it - I could hear people talking to her in the background, and her trying to shush them and concentrate on what I'd just said.
"You crashed? Caid, are you alright?"
I smiled. She really could be very sweet. "Yes, I'm okay, the hospital people said…"
"The
hospital
?" she gasped. "You're at the
hospital
?"
Okay. Maybe the entire truth hadn't been necessary.
I sighed, and held the smaller bag to my jaw. "No, Liz, remember, I'm at home? Where you called me?"
"But Caid, you said the hospital people…"
"Liz," I interrupted firmly, sensing a mini Liz freak-out coming and forestalling it. "I was at the hospital to get checked out. Now I'm home. I'm fine. Well, I'm not completely fine, but I will be. But I don't feel up to coming to Danny's party, alright?"
"But Caid…"
"I'm fine," I said again, even more firmly. "Go have fun, Liz, and I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Danny I'm sorry, okay?"
"Caid…"
"Bye." I hung up the phone and limped into the bedroom, removing the ice under my shirt and struggling out of my biking outfit into a pair of cutoff sweats and a baggy t-shirt.
Finally I lowered myself onto the couch, put the icepacks back in place on my ribs and jaw, and closed my eyes.
The icepacks had become lukewarm bags of water and it was near dusk when a knock at the door roused me from sleep. I automatically moved to get off the couch, and fell back with a groan as the various aches and bruises I'd gathered earlier in the day made themselves known.
"Hang on!" I croaked, and cautiously tried to sit up again. It was painful, but bearable as long as I moved slowly, and eventually I shuffled my way to the front entryway. The form on my doorstep, even distorted by four inches of glass block window, was unmistakable.
Robyn.
The jumble of anger and gladness, longing and hurt that washed through me at the sight of her confused the hell out of me, and only intensified when I pulled the door open and saw the magnitude of her relief when she saw me.
"Caid," she said breathlessly in that damned smoky, bedroom, honey-soaked voice of hers.
I gripped the door tightly, waiting for the now familiar emotional havoc that Robyn created inside me to subside.
"Robyn," I managed neutrally when it passed. "What are you doing here?"
She ignored my question, cataloging my scraped face and arms, bruised jaw and pain-stiffened posture with the intensity of a medical resident.
"Oh, baby, are you okay?" She stepped forward, and before I could move away, I was pulled tightly against her, engulfed in long, strong arms. I fought it for all of five milliseconds, and then relaxed into the embrace, resting my cheek against her neck and soaking up her warmth.
It felt…amazing.
She smelled slightly of cigarette smoke and cooking spices; party smells that told me how she knew I'd been hurt. Underneath was the faint floral scent she wore, the one that clung to the sweatshirt of hers that I still had, the one that lingered in our trailer, even when she wasn't there.
I breathed it in - breathed her in - and felt her arms tighten in response.
I gasped as a knife of pain from my ribs sliced through my haze of hug-induced euphoria.
"Ow…shit…"
Robyn released me immediately and stepped back as though stung.
"My ribs…" I blew out a steadying breath as the pain eased.
She stood with her hands partially outstretched, looking uncertain, wanting to help but not knowing what to do. At this distance I remembered what had immediately flown from my head the moment Robyn had touched me. She had lied to me, and I was supposed to be angry with her.
"Robyn, why are you here?" I repeated my earlier question, and the look of concern she had been giving my ribs turned to a tiny frown at my tone.
"I dropped by Danny's party…Liz told me that you'd been in an accident, a crash of some sort…I couldn't get any more information out of her, so I volunteered to come see how you were." She paused, and asked tentatively, "that bike…in the truck," she glanced behind her in the drive to where a beat-up pickup was parked next to Twila. In the bed lay a red mountain bike, its front rim bent almost in half, the fork twisted, and the handlebars skewed at an odd angle. "Was that…"
I nodded, not looking at the bike. Every time I looked at it, I realized that it could have been much, much worse. If I hadn't been wearing a helmet…I shivered and yawned, suddenly realizing I was very, very tired.
"Thank you for coming by, Robyn. You can tell everyone I'm fine. I need to go sit down." I stepped back and started to close the door.
Her frown deepened. "Caid…"
I stopped, the door half closed, waiting.
"Can I come in for a while?"
I didn't have enough energy to say no, so I just turned and walked into the kitchen, leaving the door open for her to either come in or not. While I slept, the ice machine in my freezer had made enough ice for another couple of icepacks, and I filled the blender up and started it crunching. I limped into the living room to retrieve the bags I'd used before, noticing as I crossed the hall that Robyn had stepped inside and was watching me, her dark eyes following my every jerky, painful move.
I dumped the water out of the larger bag, refilled it with ice, and started the next blender full, motioning to the refrigerator as Robyn stepped into the kitchen.
"Forgive me if I'm not up to being hostess today…help yourself to whatever. There's beer or juice in the fridge, wine in the cabinet, whiskey, and some scotch too…"
She didn't say anything, just continued to watch.
I stopped the blender and filled up the smaller bag, then took them both into the living room, flipped on the television, found a baseball game, and gingerly lowered myself on the couch. I pulled up my shirt to check the swelling and heard her startled intake of breath.
She crossed the room in two long strides and sank onto the couch beside me, reaching out to run gentle fingers across the swollen, blue-black scrape along my ribs.