As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys) (18 page)

Jonah chuckled under his breath and stood. Quinn sank into her seat but straightened when he came back with popcorn. Damn him, he know how hard it was for her to resist hot popcorn. Quinn crossed her arms over her chest, but the smell wafted toward her. She politely refused the first time Jonah offered the bucket to her, smiling too innocently at her, but eventually she couldn’t do it any longer. She reached for the bucket just as he did, and their hands touched.

The sensation of his warm skin grazing hers sent her back into her shell. Quinn sat rigidly through the rest of the movie, barely daring to move, or breathe deeply. She was far too aware of the man beside her to concentrate on the film. She felt heady from the nearness of him, from the scent of his cologne. Dazed by thoughts she shouldn’t be having, couldn’t
afford
to have when she wasn’t whole, or anywhere near okay. She stared at the movie screen without seeing much of what was going on, and when the lights came back on, she jumped to her feet.

“You aren’t going to stay for the credits?” Jonah frowned at her, rising to his full height. “You used to love doing that.”

“No, I-I need to get home.” Quinn headed for the door to dump her garbage, walking fast. Jonah caught up with her just outside the room, and put a hand on her elbow.

“Can I drive you home? It’s getting late.” He gave her a small smile. “Ma would kill me if she knew I didn’t offer.”

Quinn shook her head back and forth and then finally made herself stop. “No, it’s fine. Darren is home tonight so if I need anything before I get there, I can call him.” She paused, her heartbeat zooming into overdrive. Jonah was still touching her. “I had fun, Jonah.”

She forced herself to pull away, and practically ran to her car. She sped out of the parking lot and all the way home, trying not to think about their hands brushing in the popcorn bucket, and how familiar it felt. Quinn parked her car and walked inside, then slumped against the door, chest heaving.

If the night had shown her one thing, it was that she wanted to be who she was with Jonah. She wanted nights together watching stars fall. She wanted dances to old, slow music, wrapped tightly in his arms. She wanted to feel his hands in her hair as they made love. She wanted to come home to him at the end of the day and know they were together. She wanted to be the stronger version of herself she’d been with him. She wanted to believe in herself enough again to
be
that person.

In that moment it didn’t matter—and maybe it never
had
mattered—what they’d said in the cemetery just days ago, about being friends. People like them weren’t friends. Jonah might feel like he could be a friend to her, but it would never,
ever
be enough for Quinn. Not now that she was letting herself remember what being his was like.

The sob burst from her lips before she even realized she was crying. She put her hand over her mouth, but tears continued their lonely march down her face.

Darren raced into the room in a white t-shirt and boxers, flaxen hair flying every which way. He looked around as if he expected to see someone attacking her. “Is everything okay? You sounded like you were crying, and…” He trailed off, his mouth forming an “O” as he studied her.

Quinn shut her eyes, digging the heels of her hands into her temples. God alone knew how hard she’d tried to avoid this. She’d taken her memories of Jonah and locked them away in her mind, then in a chest, buried somewhere. But coming back here, seeing him, being around him…After yesterday at the diner, and tonight, she knew it was a losing battle. And always had been.

“I’m still in love with him,” she whispered.

To his credit, Darren didn’t say anything, and he didn’t go into a rage. He just crossed the room and held her while she cried.

“Ouch,” Quinn muttered, as the beautician jabbed a comb at her scalp. She put a hand over her mouth, but the older woman didn’t seem to have heard her. Small miracles.

The “get-together”, despite her dad’s protests, had spiraled out of control into a full-fledged soiree. Her mother had hired a decorator to redo the foyer, and formal living room, and had morphed the latter into a party space. Moira Reynolds was in her element controlling the party plans and Quinn actually felt bad for her dad. He’d spent more nights working late, probably to stay away from endless discussions about the menu and the guest list.

When the stylist finally finished, Quinn rose and made her way downstairs after thanking the woman. She almost tripped in the heels her mom forced her to wear, and she was constantly worried about stepping on the dress, which was fancier than anything she’d worn before. She made it into the foyer though, where her mother was holding court, her laughter ringing out often, and loud. But there was a sharp edge to it, and once Quinn got closer, she realized why. Her dad was late.

She couldn’t blame him for wanting to miss this.

Her mother seized her immediately, parading her to this group of lawyers or doctors, then on to another one. Everyone passed by in a blur, but Quinn was polite, if not warm. Several of the families had sons her age, and her mother made more than one pointed remark about Quinn’s coming-out ball, which would happen in the fall. Quinn managed to keep her face still and composed, even though on the inside, she felt like her lungs were being crushed in an iron grip.

Coming-out ball? DAR meetings? Spending her days being lady of some man’s home, never a strand of hair out of place? Sunday dinners with her mother glaring at her, giving her backhanded compliments about how her table was lovely, but if she’d just done this differently…

She couldn’t do it. That future wasn’t hers. It was perfect for someone, but not her. She wanted a wide-open future, with ballet, and maybe school, which her mother kept insisting she didn’t need. She wanted to be lost in crowds made up of all kinds of people, from all different walks of life. She wanted to be anywhere but here.

By the time she was able to slip away from her mom and to the bathroom, Quinn felt sick to her stomach. She threw up as quietly as she could, and then faced herself in the mirror. Her face was hot to the touch, and she grabbed the sink to stay on her feet. She felt like the walls were closing in and compressing her, and the beautiful dress felt more like prison bars.

She grabbed the neckline of the dress and ripped it as hard as she could. The tearing sound echoed around her in the lavish bathroom, and Quinn kept pulling. When she was finally able to step out of the monstrosity, and into the clothes she’d hidden in the cabinet earlier, she took her first full breath of the evening—and then she ran out of the house without looking back.

Jonah smelled the ocean before he saw it. The Atlantic glimmered blue-green and fathomless in the distance; he got his first close-up glimpse when he and Ethan rounded the corner of the motel and stepped onto the sand. As soon as he heard the water rushing to meet the shore, Jonah relaxed. He helped Ethan carry their cooler down the beach until they found a spot less cluttered than others, and began to spread out. Jonah worked with Ethan to get the cooler settled while Reece chased after Jamie.

“James Alexander Walker!” Reece hollered after his son. Jamie wasn’t moving very fast in the sand though, and Reece caught him after a moment, and swept him into his arms.

Chuckling to himself, Jonah kicked off his shoes. It was a waste of time to fight the inevitable sand that would end up between his toes, and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to. Jonah loved everything about the beach—from the sand, to the water and the sounds the ocean made, to the sun warming him. He hadn’t been to the beach the entire time he was away at school, and this was Jamie’s first trip since he was a baby, so it was doubly special.

Plus, Quinn and Lanie were joining them soon.

“Bro, you gonna daydream all day?” Reece joined him, holding a squirming Jamie. “Help me with this little monster.”

Jonah held out his arms for Jamie, who shrieked when Jonah settled him on his shoulders. Jamie loved their “piggy rides,” and Jonah had him spoiled—but he didn’t regret it at all. He still felt as though he was making up for lost time with his nephew. He cherished each new memory they made together. He could truly see why Reece and so many others doted on Jamie.

“Come on Jamie.” Jonah strode across the sand until the water swirled around his feet. “Let’s see how warm the water is.” With Jamie leaning into him, Jonah walked out further, letting the water erase his footprints. Soon he was in up to his knees, and caught in the conflicting feel of the hot sun, and the cool water.

“Is it warm, Uncle Jonah?” Jamie’s little voice sounded impatient.

“Not really, bud.” Jonah smiled, thinking back to countless days spent here as a child, and as a teenager. He’d terrorized other vacationers as a kid Jamie’s size and a bit older. As a teenager, he’d only been interested in strutting around with his shirt off and trying to impress girls—then trying to impress only
one
girl. He and Quinn had their first kiss and many others here. He’d thought of it as
their
place, and planned to propose to her here, until all their plans vanished.

And now? Jonah swung Jamie around and down until the little boy’s bare feet brushed the water. Jamie laughed, kicking at the water before Jonah lifted him into his arms.

He and Reece hadn’t talked much since the night Jonah admitted his feelings for Quinn. After Jonah told his brother he was still in love with her, they’d given up on beer and brought out the Jack that Jonah kept stashed away for hard times. Jonah didn’t remember much after that, but he woke up the next morning with the sort of hangover he hadn’t had since before he left home. Getting shit-faced hadn’t solved anything or answered any questions about Quinn for him. Jonah was just as rattled now as he had been that night. But Ethan invited her today, and Jonah couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her.

“Dip me again, pwease!”

Jonah obliged, letting Jamie kick and splash in the water before he cradled him against his chest and turned, making his way back to the shore. It was warm but not
too
hot—a perfect respite from the brutal Georgia summers. By the time Jonah pushed against the waves to reach the beach and set Jamie on the ground, he was ready to come out of his shirt. He tugged it over his head as Jamie ran toward their collection of chairs and beach mats. When Jonah pulled the material away from his face and glanced ahead to make sure Jamie got back to everyone okay, he almost stumbled.

Quinn was here. She was sitting in a chair and talking to Reece, and just
seeing
her unraveled Jonah. She looked over at him about the time he realized he was staring at her, and he wondered if his scrutiny drew her attention—or if there was a chance she was as aware of him as he was of her. Jonah wanted to run to her, and he wanted to stay where he was. He wanted to pause this moment, because as soon as he moved and left it, he was on his own.

Somehow, he had to figure out how to balance loving Quinn with being friends with her. They’d made a vow in the cemetery when they decided to put the past behind them. Jonah owed it to her and to himself to keep his word. He needed to take things one step at a time with Quinn. He needed her to be comfortable around him again before he ever dreamed of acting on his feelings. At this point, he wasn’t even sure if she would ever want there to be anything more between them. He’d thought she felt their chemistry too, in the diner, but maybe it was just him after all.

“Joe!” Ethan flagged him down. “Get over here.”

Jonah quickened his pace and dropped into one of the chairs. He, his brothers, Jamie, and Hannah were staying the night here, but Quinn and Lanie were only here for the day. They’d all decided a day trip was just what they needed, and it already seemed like the right choice. Jamie was having a ball, and Hannah looked relaxed. Jonah didn’t know all the details of her treatments, but he got the impression they weren’t working as well as her doctors hoped they would. She was losing weight, and she’d shaved her head a few days ago, but the summer sun was turning her cheeks pink.

Her situation was another reminder of how short life was. It made Jonah all the more glad he’d taken steps to reunite with his family. Days like today—sunshine and cold drinks and family and laughter—were rare, precious things. They couldn’t be assigned a price or value of any kind. They only came along once in awhile, and were meant to be cherished. And Jonah intended to do just that.

Ethan had his phone out and music playing quietly in the background. Hannah was helping Jamie scoop sand into one of the buckets they brought for him. Lanie was on her stomach, chin propped in her hands as she watched the two of them. Quinn was talking to Reece; Jonah couldn’t help but study her from behind his sunglasses. Reece’s hand was on her knee, and she seemed tense, but everything else about her looked at ease. She was turned toward Reece, gesturing as she talked, laughing along with him, and clearly enjoying the conversation and the company. She touched his hand once or twice, quick grazes of her skin on his—almost as though she was pulling back when she realized she’d made contact. Aside from her odd reactions to Reece’s touch, they looked like they had recaptured the easy camaraderie of their former relationship.

Jonah frowned and turned his face up toward the sun, mulling over what he’d seen. He fit it together with the way Quinn escaped their near-kiss at the diner, and her wary nature when it came to affection. For the first time, he wondered if it was
him
she was afraid of, or being physical with someone in general. She’d been skittish with him in the past, and with a mother like hers and a distant father, he knew she was terrified of rejection. As their relationship progressed before, he’d won her over, and she’d begun to initiate hugs, touches, or sex. But he knew her upbringing had marked her in definite ways, and despite the warmth of the day, he shuddered. The need to do something—to fix it, fix
her
—swelled inside him, and he hated how powerless he was. He knew if what he was thinking was true, he’d have to be patient with her, but he had time.

He had all the time in the world to win back his sweetheart. Well, all the time in the world once she finished ribbing his big brother.

“Would you just
tell
her you like her already? Honestly, Reece, you’d think this was grade school all over again.” Quinn huffed. “What, do you want to kick some sand on her? Drag her into the ocean maybe?”

Reece snorted. “Reynolds, it don’t work like that—”

“Sure it does.” Quinn shoved her sunglasses onto her head. “It’s easy. You go over to her when she comes back from her swim and you say, ‘Lanie,’” she said, her voice deepening, “I like you a lot. And I’m Reece, and I don’t like anything except my truck, so this is a really sort of a big deal.”

“No.” Reece shook his head. “I’m not into her.”

“Of course you are.” Quinn jabbed a finger at his chest and winced at the impact. “You’re just too…too…”

“Too
what
?” Reece’s tone lowered as he raised an eyebrow at Quinn and waited for her answer. His eyes narrowed playfully. “How was that sentence gonna end, huh?”

“Too
Reece
to admit it!” She crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes.

Jonah didn’t mean to let his laughter slip out, but he couldn’t exactly hold it in, either. Once he started, Reece snickered, then let out a belly laugh. Ethan’s laughter was muffled by the cap over his face, but even he thought it was funny. Quinn was the only holdout, but finally she lowered her arms and giggled just as Lanie walked over to them.

“What did I miss?”

Jonah rolled his eyes. “Just these two going at it again, like always. Nothing much.”

Quinn hesitated and bit her lip as she studied Reece. He stared at her, expression impassive. She seemed to come to a decision after a moment, and laid her head on his shoulder. “Just Reece declaring his undying love for his truck.”

Lanie rolled her eyes. “You southern boys, I swear.”

~~~~~

Shortly before sunset they piled enough logs together to start a fire, and crowded around it. Ethan and Reece cooked hot dogs over the flames and Jonah spread out fixings, chips, and drinks picnic style. The evening weather was perfect—just cool enough that the fire felt nice. Jonah sat cross-legged surveying the scene: his brothers fighting over the last hot dog, Quinn talking quietly with Lanie, Hannah helping Jamie toast a marshmallow.

The sun was painting watercolors over the ocean, just beginning to dip. Jonah watched orange, yellow, pink, and red fingers stretch across the horizon and smiled. He wouldn’t have given up or traded anything for this day.

Guitar strumming brought his gaze around, and his smile widened at the sight of the guitar in Reece’s hands. Reece tuned it, tweaking the sound so it was right, while Ethan got his fiddle out of its case, and tested it. He nodded after a few notes, and raised it to shoulder, propping it there. He winked at Jonah.

“Hey Joe, you think the ladies can handle all three Walker boys playing for ’em?”

Jonah leaned into his seat. “I’m not sure. Can y’all actually play anything that sounds like music these days?”

Reece punched him in the arm. “Get your ass over there and get your damn guitar out, little brother.”

“Language!” Hannah covered Jamie’s ears, and the little boy giggled and pushed her hands away.

Jonah undid the snaps on his case and returned to his seat, then cradled his guitar. Holding it felt like coming home; it fit in his grasp so well. He’d started with a cheap acoustic his granddad bought for him, then once he actually knew what he was doing—and had the calluses to prove it—he’d bought a bit nicer one, then finally saved up for the one he had now. It had made the journey to Atlanta and back with him, and he’d even gotten it signed by a few country music singers.

He was the better guitar player, but Reece’s singing voice was stronger. Ethan blew both of them out of the water on the fiddle and drums, and their dad was awesome on the mandolin. Jonah’s mom used to joke about them starting a family band, and they’d played in a few town festivals and talent shows at school as a brother act. He’d missed being close enough both to them and
with
them to have moments like these.

“Any requests?” He strummed a few notes, just to testing the guitar. He played it and tuned it often enough that it sounded just as sweet as he’d expected it would.

Lanie called out names of a few popular country songs Jonah knew, and after talking with Reece and Ethan, they decided on one they all knew. They’d only played together once since he got home, but after the first verse and chorus, it all fell into place. The song wasn’t a stretch for any of them, and by the time they started the last chorus, Jonah felt totally alive. Full of energy. They transitioned into a song about playing a country song backward, and Hannah sang the parts she knew.

After Ethan played an instrumental song, and Reece sang “Friends in Low Places,” attracting the attention of the girls the next blanket over, Jonah asked for a break. He drained the bottle of water next to him, and thought about how much he’d missed all of this. About how right it felt to have Quinn, and even Lanie here. He didn’t know Quinn’s best friend well yet but he liked her fire. And Quinn being back in town, and especially here tonight was another puzzle piece slipping into place. She was where she belonged—she was in his life again. Even if they stayed friends, he knew he wanted and
needed
her in his life.

Reece played the opening notes then of a song that made Jonah’s heart race. He tried to catch his brother’s gaze and somehow signal he didn’t want to do this one—because Jonah always sang it, and because he’d considered it one of his and Quinn’s songs. But Reece had his head down, concentrating on his hands, so Jonah swallowed a few times, and then sang.