As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys) (17 page)

“I know you don’t need that menu, Quinn.” The voice made her look up; her expression must have been comical because Maddy let out a giggle. “Large chocolate shake and chili-cheese fries, right?” The older woman quirked an eyebrow at Quinn.

“Maddy!” Quinn stood as quickly as she dared on her newly liberated leg, and walked into Maddy’s open arms. Her friend held her tight, and neither of them said anything until Quinn finally pulled back. Maddy was another exception, like Ethan, to Quinn’s shyness about affection. Maddy was safe. “Can you sit for a minute?”

Looking around the mostly-empty diner, Maddy nodded. “Sure thing, honey. We’re in between lunch and dinner so as you can see, we’re not busy.” She grinned. “I’ve been hoping you’d stop in and see me.”

“I can’t believe you’re still here,” Quinn responded. “Weren’t you going to open your own restaurant?”

Maddy waved a hand, as if swatting the words away. “I was, kept saving, but…” She rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t leave Jack. Even though he’s the owner, you know how we take care of him. He’d be lost without me and the girls, or Tony.”

Quinn sat back against the plush seat, and nodded. “Leaving is difficult sometimes.”

“And so is coming back.” Maddy pulled at her apron, but she didn’t take her eyes off Quinn. “How are things?”

The sigh was soft, but Quinn couldn’t have held it back. She rubbed at the name on the menu again, and flipped it open, noticing there were a few new specials. “Things are…complicated.” She closed the menu, and met Maddy’s gaze. “Daddy’s doing much better—his doctor is still amazed he’s making such a quick recovery. The head trauma was the scariest, but he also had some real bad lacerations, and a fractured hip.” She smiled, knowing she’d see him later on at the house. “He’s doing well though, like I said, and we’re mending our relationship.”

Maddy nodded, as if she’d expected—or hoped—to hear just that. She reached out and Quinn let the older woman take her hand. “And your mama? How are you doin’ with her passing?”

The words stung, despite the gentle tone. Quinn squeezed her hand, and Maddy automatically squeezed back. Quinn wasn’t sure how to respond. She could tell Maddy about the nightmares she still had about the crash—even now, two months later. She could tell her about the long talks she and her father were having, and how it was helping her work through some of her disappointment with herself, and her anger at losing her mother before their relationship could improve. But she wasn’t sure how to voice the moments that took her by surprise with the force of the longing to just
see
her mom again. And she didn’t know how to put into words how
angry
she still was with her mother.

“Never mind honey, you don’t have to tell me. I can tell it’s still hard for you.” Maddy released her hand, but patted it. “I lost my own mom about ten years ago, and it doesn’t ever really go away. You’re always thinking of something to tell her, but you remember you can’t.” The older woman sought Quinn’s gaze. “But it does get easier to remember the good times, and focus on those, instead of on the pain, or on the bad memories.”

Standing, Maddy scribbled something on her order pad. “On a happier note, your young man was in here last week with his brothers.”

Quinn rubbed at her eyes before she looked up at Maddy. “Oh no, Maddy, Jonah and I aren’t—he isn’t…” She stopped, because as always when she spoke about Jonah, her words and her thoughts got hopelessly tangled around each other. “We aren’t a couple anymore. We ended things before I left.”

Maddy just looked at her, and nodded toward the door. “Well, seein’ as I waited on his table, and you were those boys’ topic of conversation, he had a lot to say about someone he doesn’t care about anymore.” If Quinn didn’t know any better, she would have called Maddy’s smile a smirk. “And he’s coming this way, honey.”

As Maddy walked away, Quinn glanced in the direction she’d indicated, and sure enough, Jonah was walking through the door. He hadn’t seen her yet, so Quinn glanced back down quickly, letting her hair fall around her face. In the weeks since her trip to the farmer’s market, she’d seen Jonah a handful of times in public places. They texted some, but Quinn was careful to keep the conversation light. She answered his questions about how she or her dad were doing, and she laughed at the jokes he texted her, but she was still too nervous to initiate a conversation.

Today was different, though. Darren was spending the weekend with friends, and Lanie had in-service that kept her in the city, so Quinn was alone. If Jonah saw her and wanted to talk to her, there was no way to politely escape. No one to save her from her own awkwardness around him.

And if she
didn’t
want to escape?

Quinn’s face felt hot enough to burn as she buried it in the menu Maddy left. She wasn’t ready to answer that question. And they were
just
friends. She bit her lip and chanced a glance around, sure he was past her by now, but as her luck would have it, he slowed to a saunter when he caught sight of her.

“Hey, Princess.” A sexy grin made itself at home on his lips, and Quinn wondered if he was remembering their first meeting here. When her eyes met his and she saw the mischief there, she almost groaned. He was definitely thinking about it, which meant he was remembering her embarrassing display of open-mouth-insert-foot-syndrome.

“Jonah Randall Walker, you
know
how much I hate that nickname!” The chide emerged almost without her realizing what she was saying, and this time she did groan aloud. “Of course you know I do, and that’s why you did it.”

Ducking his head, Jonah tried to hide his wordless response, but Quinn could see the slight shake to his shoulders. She smacked her menu on the table, and that got his attention. He met her eyes again, and this time along with amusement there was something else. Something she felt dancing along the edge of her awareness, but she couldn’t name just yet. She matched his grin, and pointed to the seat opposite her.

“Sit
down
.”

He did so, and gave her a two-finger salute. “Yes ma’m.” He leaned forward and grabbed the menu, opening it, but not before he let his gaze linger on her. “What’re you doing here by yourself, Quinn?”

“I got my cast off yesterday and I wanted to get out of the house for awhile.” She cringed as Maddy approached the table and set down her food and shake, then gave her a weighted look before she walked away. “Dad was asleep and I haven’t been anywhere on my own since—” She bit back the rest of her words, and took a sip of her milkshake, letting the sweetness of it melt away the memories of the accident.

“How are you feeling? Your leg I mean?”

Chancing a glance at Jonah, Quinn saw he’d sobered. She reached for a fry, dragging it through the chili-cheese, and popped it into her mouth. She pushed the basket toward him as she swallowed, and he grabbed a fork, then two fries after a hesitation. “It hurts some, but I start physical therapy tomorrow, and my doctor says that will help bring back my strength.”

Maddy appeared again with a burger and shake for Jonah, and he burst out laughing. “Maddy, you remembered.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it, and Quinn could have sworn her friend was blushing as Jonah favored her with a big smile.

The fact Maddy still knew what both of them ordered was an indication they really had spent far too many nights here in high school.
Louisa’s
was a place where Quinn felt safe—able to eat food her family wouldn’t approve of, and fall in love with a beautiful boy who made her feel alive. Being here now was making those memories crowd her thoughts. She watched Jonah interact with Maddy; seeing him here and happy felt undeniably
right
.

Something seemed to be continually drawing them together; even in their small town, Quinn wasn’t used to running into people she knew nearly as often as she’d seen Jonah in the last weeks. Having him back in her life was complicated, and she wasn’t quite sure how their friendship was going to work. But she couldn’t deny it was good to be on better terms with him, and his brothers. She’d meant what she said to him at the cemetery. She didn’t have the energy to hate him, and now she knew she never really could.

“Quinn? Where’d you go just now?” Jonah’s question drew her out of her thoughts, and as Quinn blinked, she wondered how long she’d been staring at him. She fixed her attention on her food, noticing he was doing the same.

“Just thinking,” she mumbled, reaching for more fries. She ate slowly, the minutes swelling between them.

“About?” Jonah’s prompt was curious, but unhurried. His expression was relaxed and unguarded as he took a sip of his shake.

Quinn took a minute to think before she spoke, uncertain if she would be saying too much. Their friendship was so new, but it wasn’t like either of them was unaware of their history. It was fair to admit things between them would always be complicated, wasn’t it? “Us.” She breathed out, ignoring the weightless sensation that washed over her. “How happy I am that we’re…”

Friends
. It was a simple enough word, one she said all the time. But as Jonah focused his full attention on her, she stalled. The syllables she planned on using sounded flat and lifeless in her mind, and inadequate to describe what he was to her. She was searching for something
more
.

“We’re…?” Jonah paused, and Quinn shivered under those clear, green eyes. “What are we, Quinn?” His tone changed around the words, deepening. He lingered on her name, as though he was as in love with the way he made it sound as she was. He leaned across the table toward her, and she couldn’t move in any direction but closer to him.

“
Jonah
.” Quinn closed her eyes as his name tumbled from her mouth. After so long of deliberately not saying his name, she wanted the sounds that made it up on repeat. She wanted to whisper it, to gasp it.

Never mind she didn’t have a right to either of those things.

The edge of their table pressed against her as she strained at the barrier between them. She felt his warm breath on her lips, but as she waited for the kiss she
knew
was next, she opened her eyes. She knew what the kiss would feel like. She knew what his touch felt like, what her world became with him in it. He made her feel special, stronger. He made her dig deep for the self-confidence her family never gave her. He taught her how to hold her head high when her mother tried to break her.

She made an exception for him—held his hand when doing so scared her to death, loved him when she wasn’t even sure how to love someone else, and let him inside her walls. So she knew what letting Jonah Walker
in
would feel like—and she knew, too, what being broken by him felt like.

She jerked away, and stood. “We’re
friends
, Jonah.” Quinn laid money on the table without looking at Jonah and she left him behind again.

~~~~~

Holding her ticket in her hand, Quinn stepped in line at the concession stand. She dug out a few dollars while she waited for the line to move, hoping seeing a movie would take her mind off everything for a while. After spending most of the day with her dad, and at home going through some of her mom’s things, she was exhausted mentally. Deciding what to give away from her mother’s belongings was enough stress, but when she was thinking about her mom’s passing, she was thinking about Jonah. She’d barely stopped thinking of him since their lunch yesterday.

And about how difficult being
friends
was going to be, when every time she was around him, she felt like raw nerves.

Quinn sighed and ordered nachos and a drink, then handed over her money. As she edged toward the theater, she caught sight of a familiar set of broad shoulders, and groaned. Speak of the devil; Jonah was headed toward her holding a hot dog and a drink. The crowd wasn’t moving, so she stood there, frozen, as he approached.

“Fancy meeting you here,” she forced out. He looked clean-shaven, and
of course
he
smelled
amazing. “Are you here with your brothers?”

Jonah shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers. “No. I needed a night to myself to think some things over. Figured a movie would be as good a place as any. So I’m seeing that new action flick.”

“Me too.” Quinn looked down at her food, knowing the ball was in her court. “Would you…” She exhaled, seeking Jonah’s gaze. “Would you want to sit with me?” When he smiled at her, she knew she’d made the right move. She would do anything to have
that
smile directed at her.

They found seats in the middle of the theater and Quinn spent awhile shifting in her seat before finally settling in and getting comfortable. She munched on her nachos while the previews rolled, and even though she still wasn’t sure being around Jonah was a good idea, she decided to make the best of it. She managed to relax until the first car chase, when she jumped in her seat, and grabbed for Jonah. She felt the blush staining her cheeks, and his expression as he leaned against her shoulder only cemented her humiliation.

“Why did you pick this movie, Quinn? You know you hate action movies.”

Quinn lifted her chin. “I thought maybe that had changed.” She looked down, and took a long sip of her soda. “Guess not.”