Bella (24 page)

   Years later I
came back to England and bumped into Sarah. You were nine years old. When I
looked into your eyes and face Bella, I could see myself. I never said anything
to Sarah. But eventually I had to ask her if I was your father. I knew I was.
She told me that Ted had always believed you were his
and I thought it was best left
that way. Your father had a low sperm count and they were told it was unlikely
he could father a child. Your Father, Ted loved you very much Bella. So I
decided to walk away. For a few years I wrote to your mother and she sent
pictures of you. I never got news of her  death, and when the letters stopped I
suppose I gave in. But many years later curiosity got the better of me. I found
out that both your mother and father were dead. That
’
s
how I met Tammy. I told her everything Bella. She thought it was best not to
tell you anything. That you had enough trauma to cope with, especially losing
your parents.
”

   I really couldn
’
t take the news in. As I was listening, all I could think about was
my father. The lies my mother had told him, letting him believe I was his.

I really couldn
’
t listen to anymore. I just had to run, where I didn
’
t know. I felt as if my whole life had been a lie. To find out that
Simon and Lizzie were not my siblings, and now to find out my father who I
’
d loved dearly was not my father.

   I went back to
the house, packed my things, got the children and left. I didn
’
t know where I was driving. I eventually decided to go to Scotland.
Not a place I had ever been to or ever dreamed I would end up going to.

   It was early
morning when we arrived. I was shattered. I found a nice little bed and
breakfast and settled Bella to sleep. Violet and Robert went exploring their
new surroundings, oblivious to what was going on. They just thought we were on
some sort of adventure. I wasn
’
t going to tell them at this stage that Roy was their real
grandfather. I knew I had to tell them some time but not then. I only wished
that I had heard the
truth about everything years ago, especially about Simon and Lizzie.

   Now I felt like I
didn
’
t belong anywhere. I felt like I didn
’
t
know my family anymore. My whole life felt like one big lie. I couldn
’
t let my kids go through their lives the same. I was exhausted from
the long drive so I slept for a few hours.

Bella woke me up
hungry. I took the children out to get some food. I had to admit I hadn
’
t eaten the day before and most of that day.

   Over the next few
days I didn
’
t answer my phone.

I knew I was being
selfish to Claudio and my family but I just couldn
’
t
be around anyone at that time.. I had sent them a letter telling them I was all
right and not to worry. I needed to sort my head out.

The days turned into
weeks, I still never felt the need to go home. I rented a small cottage near
Edinburgh; I hadn
’
t intended on staying there forever.

I thought it was
time to call Claudio.

  
“
Where are you Bella? I
’
ve been going out of
my mind with worry, just come home, I know everything.
”

  
“
What do you know Claudio?
”

  
“
That Roy is your Father.
” 
I knew at this
stage he didn
’
t know about Simon and Lizzie. Maybe I would never tell him.

I asked Claudio to drive up to see us. When he arrived I
was so happy to see him. I had missed him so much.

   Over the next few
days I showed him around.  I settled Violet and Robert into a school and put
Bella into nursery.

  
“
You do know we can
’
t stay here forever Bella? We have to go home sometime.
”

I knew I wasn
’
t ready and wasn
’
t sure if I would ever be.

Claudio told me that
Roy was beside himself with worry and blamed himself for me running away like I
had. But I think the reason was more down to Simon. Knowing I could never truly
have him.

   The anguish of
not telling Simon we had a son and letting Robert think Simon was his uncle.
What a mess.

The main reason I
couldn
’
t tell Simon that he wasn
’
t my brother was
because I knew the truth would have to come out about Robert.

   Summer soon came
and went. I had found myself a job in a small caf
é
.
My life no longer seemed complicated. All the lies and deceit were out. I was
finally at peace with myself. Claudio told me he had to go back. As I waved him
goodbye, I felt like my heart was going to break.

He came up most
weekends. One Saturday when he was driving up, I took the children out for
something to eat. Robert wasn
’
t feeling his normal self. I decided, given his past medical history
not to take chances and took him to the emergency doctor. The doctor decided to
take Robert into hospital to be on the safe side. At this time I realised how
much I missed my family. Blood didn
’
t matter. I loved
them and they loved me.

   As soon as
Claudio arrived I cried in his arms. When Robert was given the all clear we
travelled back to Lighthouse Cove.

Lizzie came running
out of the house as soon as we arrived.

  
“
I have cleaned your house and there is a pot of Coffee on and I
’
ve made a casserole.
”

I gave her a hug;

  
“
I have missed you so much.
”
I said.

Lizzie told me Simon
and Victoria were back in New York.

I didn
’
t ask many questions about them because I felt jealous. Victoria was
with the man I loved.

Violets birthday
arrived. We decided to have a party; she was no longer a child, but a teenager.
She had a lot of friends over and there were plenty of snacks to choose from.
For some reason Claudio seemed very distant since we arrived back.

  
“
What
’
s wrong?
”
I asked him.

   
“
I feel I have always been second best Bella, I am not stupid I know
the attraction you and Simon once had.
”

   
“
My whole life has been a lie Claudio. I love you and I always will.
”
I told him. Claudio gave me a hug.

    'You know Bella
I am so happy to hear you say that.
”

Autumn was exceptionally warm and we were able to have a
barbecue. We invited Lizzie and Roy. I thought it was the best way to clear the
air with the family, especially Roy. If he was my father then I needed to get
to know him as my father and not as Tammy
’
s husband.

The day of the barbecue came. Roy came over and brought us
some lovely steaks to cook.

Lizzie called to say
Simon had just arrived from New York out of the blue.

  
“
I thought he wasn
’
t coming until Christmas?
”
I said sounding very
surprised.  

  
“
He wasn
’
t but Simon and Victoria aren
’
t
getting on apparently, she is giving him a hard time. She told him that if he
wanted to find out why, then he had better ask you.
”

   
I
knew that I would have to tell him. It wasn
’
t fair Victoria giving him a hard time and he didn
’
t exactly know why.

I hadn't had any
romantic contact with Simon for many years. He arrived just as we were lighting
the barbecue.

   
“
You couldn
’
t have timed in any better.
”
I joked.

He seemed extremely
agitated and tired. He sat down and put his hands through his hair.

   
“
I really can
’
t cope with everything anymore. Victoria has told me to ask you why
she is being so difficult.
”

Talk about being put
on the spot. I wasn
’
t sure if it was such a good idea to reveal everything to him at
that moment

I told Simon to get
a shower and clean himself up. Then later we would go for a walk.

The barbecue was
lovely. The weather had been warm all afternoon but then dark clouds started
looming over the sea. We quickly started cleaning up. After we had eaten, Simon
reminded me of our walk and chat.

   We were silent as
we headed for the cliff top. I was terrified about telling him that we were not
brother and sister, wondering how he would react to such news.

We sat on the same
bench we always used to sit on many years ago. Simon
’
s
hands were shaking and I could see he was as nervous as I was.

I looked at him.

   
“
I have something I must tell you; this is not easy for me. I should
have told you last Christmas when I knew but I needed to come to terms with the
news myself. Then I was told some more news and I just had to get away.
”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I told Simon to listen to what I had to say.
  
I could feel my mouth getting dryer.

He listened and didn
’
t interrupt me once. I found myself in a very
awkward situation and found it hard to get the words out
that I needed to say.
 
I mentioned the letter and Victoria finding it.

  
“
I am going to read the letter to you.
”
I
only got half way through the letter when I could hear Simon sigh.

His face was full of
anguish and sadness.

   
“
So the parents who let me call them mother and father, were not my
parents?
” 

  
“
Yes, but they adopted you and Lizzie. They loved you both very much
and gave you a loving home.
”

  
“
All that time and they never told us. They knew how we felt about
each other all those years ago. And now to find out Roy is your Father.
”

   
“
Simon it doesn
’
t matter who our parents are, we were loved and had a good
upbringing. Surely that
’
s all that matters.
“

   
“
Bella all those years of loving you and thinking how wrong it was,
but it fact it wasn
’
t.
”

   
“
I know, believe me, I was very angry myself at first but there is nothing
we can do. We can
’
t turn back the clock. We have to try and live with the news and
move on.
”

Simon sat there
quietly, trying to take everything in.

  
“
So I have a mother and father out there somewhere that I have never
met?
”

  
“
Yes!
”

 
“
I
can
’
t help but feel angry and somehow cheated. Mother and father knew we
had chemistry and absolutely nothing like a brother and sister should have had.
”

   
“
I agree, but they only did what they thought was best.
”

Simon stood up and
looked at me.

  
“
Bella I can
’
t take this news in.
”