Carry Me Home (The Home Series: Book Three) (10 page)

“Really, Jesse.  How are you?” I tried to make my voice as soft and safe as possible so he might open up to me, something he hadn’t done much after his dad died.  I wondered if maybe he had, things might’ve been different. 

“I’m alright now. 
I  mean…I still miss him.  Every day.  But, life has to go on, ya know?” he asked and I nodded in agreement, even though I didn’t know how he’d managed to go on with all he’d been through. “I don’t think I really grieved until I left.  I couldn’t do it here for some reason.  It was too hard.  I didn’t have time to deal with it at boot camp, which I was actually grateful for, but once I was finally settled, or as settled as a transient Marine can be,” he said with a little grin. “I realized I’d lost those people who’d meant the most to me and it sucked.” The way he was looking at me told me he wasn’t just talking about his father and his deadbeat mother.

“You didn’t lose everyone,” I said softly and
I took his hand.  He looked down at it before lifting it up and gently kissing the back of it, his lips soft and warm on my skin, before letting go and resting it back down on my lap.

Sitting next to him felt so familiar and right and I wanted Jesse in my life.  Before any of it, we’d started off as great friends and I wanted that back. 

“Can we be friends again, Jesse?” I asked bluntly and he looked at me with surprise on his face.

“I want that more than you can know,” he said, smiling timidly at me.

“I don’t know what that means exactly, but since you came back I’ve been fighting between wanting to push you away and wanting to be closer to you and I’m tired of fighting it. I just want you in my life again, even if it’s just an occasional email or text just to say hi and know we’re both okay.  It was so hard not knowing if you were okay,” I rambled and I saw him shaking his head. “What is it, Jesse?”

“I’m just surprised you even want anything to do with me.  How you can forgive me is crazy to me, but for whatever reason, Ry, I’ll take it,” he said and then we
leaned in, wrapping our arms around each other and I finally got to hug him, the way I’d wanted to from the moment we saw each other that day in the grocery store.  His arms felt stronger than I remembered as he held me tightly.  It felt good, like everything was alright again.  We were okay.  We were friends and even though I knew it would never be the way it’d been before we were a couple, at least he’d be there in some way and that would have to do because that was all I could take from him.

Chapter Thirteen

I stood at the counter, chopping the vegetables for the salad when the doorbell rang.  My knife stopped mid-chop and I looked into the living room.  I hadn’t had much time to think about Jesse coming to dinner during the day.  I’d gone to see my grandma before work.  She was still tired and her eyes only fluttered open a few times while I was there, but the color had returned to her skin and the nurse I spoke to told me she’d probably be released in a couple of days, which made heading to work easier to take.  The flower shop had kept me busy too as I spent my day making arrangements and going on deliveries, but now with nothing else to distract me, I found myself filled with nerves. 

According to our talk the nig
ht before, we were friends, something I’d never thought us capable of being again, but I’d thought a lot about the words we’d exchanged as we sat on Mrs. Kramer’s old dock and the way I’d held his hand and the feel of his embrace, and I knew we could be friends again.  I wasn’t delusional enough to think it would be easy and I knew there would be that awkward tension between us at times, but we both wanted to be in each other’s lives again and tonight was the first step. 

“Can you get that, Ry?” my mom asked as she stirred the stroganoff on the stove top.

“Yeah,” I said, resting the knife on the cutting board and wiping my hands before walking to the door.  When I’d left his house, we’d both been relaxed and hopeful.  We’d finally decided where we stood, but that had been in the safety of our little bubble tucked away from everyone, the real world seemingly so far away, but now we had to see how it all appeared in the light of day. 

He stood on the porch and I knew he was as anxious as I was, but then I smiled to myself when I saw the familiar Red Sox hat on his head I’d given him after the trip to Boston I’d made shortly before he left. I could still hear the reluctant groan he let out when I’d put it on his head for the first time, but obviously, it had meant something to him if he was still wearing it and by the looks of it, faded and molded perfectly to his head, it seemed he wore it a lot.

“Hey,” he said, taking a nervous step into the house. 

“Nice hat,” I laughed.

“I thought you might appreciate it.”

“You hated
that hat when I gave it to you.”

“Now let’s be clea
r.  I hate the Red Sox.  I love the hat.”

I just grinned and shook my head, finally shutting the door.

“I didn’t know you were here.  Your Jeep used to always give you away.  You kinda snuck up on me this time.  What ever happened to that old thing anyway?”

“I had Glenn sell it.  Used the money for a down payment on my truck,” he said and I gla
nced out the window at the pick-up I’d seen at his house.  I don’t know why, but it made me sad to know he’d sold the old Wagoneer.  I’d always associated it with Jesse.  It’d been a perfect fit for him and I found it difficult to imagine him driving around in a fancy pick-up truck. 

My mom st
epped into the living room and Jesse’s eyes traveled over to her.  I knew she was happy to see him and she crossed the room, giving him a quick hug as Jack came down the stairs.  

“I’m so glad you could come.”  H
er smile and the tone of her voice was warm and I could see Jesse starting to relax. 

“Hi, Mrs.
Regas.  Good to see you, Jack,” Jesse said, shaking Jack’s hand.

“Same here.
  How’ve you been, Jesse?” Jack asked, ushering us all into the kitchen.  I went over to the counter to finish the salad and Jesse and Jack sat down at the table.

“I can’t complain,” Jesse answered as my mom started
loading stroganoff onto plates.

“I hope you’re hungry,” my mom said as she
set a plate in front of Jesse and I walked over with the salad, sitting down across from him. 

“I am.  I’ve been doing a lot of work over at the house since I’ve been back.  I haven’t had any real meals though,” he said with a light laugh. “Thank you for having me.”

“You know you’re always welcome here,” my mom said as she sat down and we all started eating. “Are you going to be in Carver long?”

“I’
m not sure yet. I’m still trying to figure everything out.  I’m applying to different colleges and I’ll officially be out of the Marines in a few weeks.”

“How’d you like your time in the service?” Jack asked.

“I loved it.”

“What’d yo
u do in the Marines?” Jack continued, which didn’t surprise me.  He was always watching stuff on the History Channel about the military.

“Intelligence.”

“Sounds interesting.  What kind of intelligence?” Jack pressed.

“Imagery intelligence.”

“Sounds pretty fancy, like Jack Bauer stuff,” I said and Jesse let out a little chuckle, shaking his head.

“Not really.  I just analyzed satellite images to find positions and patterns of movement.  Stuff like that.”

“Why are you so modest?” I asked, smiling over to him.  Jesse had never liked attention drawn to him.

“I’m not.  It’s just not as glamorous as it sounds.”

“Well, it sounds glamorous to me,” I said, our eyes meeting again.

“I’m with Riley on this one,” Jack added. “Where were stationed?”

“After boot camp, I was in Fort Belvoir in Virginia for training.  It’s an army base, but there’s a Marine detachment there for imagery training.  Then I went to Iraq and then to Camp Lejune.”

“You’ve certainly come a long way from Carver,” Jack said with an encouraging smile.

“It’s good to be home though.  It’s been too long,” he said, his gaze reaching mine across the table. 

“It’s good to have you back.” My mom reached her hand over to his, giving it a quick squeeze and I knew the gesture meant a lot to Jesse. 

“How’s your grandma?” he asked, looking over to me again.

“She seemed a lot better this morning. 
She should go back to the nursing home in a couple of days.  Thanks for asking.”

He just nodded and we ate quietly for a few minutes before Jesse started speaking again.

“I…I um…” he stammered and I wondered what had him so nervous. “I need to apologize to you, Mrs. Regas…for how I left.  After the way you opened your home to me and everything you did for me.  I’m sorry.”

My mom set her fork down and she covered Jesse’s hand with hers
again and she smiled supportively at him.

“Thank you, but that’s the past
.  I’m just glad you’re okay,” she said and he nodded, looking shy and unsure, but after her words, he seemed to relax and the ease of earlier returned.

“Riley told me you two are getting married,” he said a few moments later and my mom blushed, smiling over to Jack.  I loved how in love m
y mom seemed to be with him. 

“Yes, we are,” Jack
said. “June twenty-fifth, actually.”

“You should come,” my mom spoke up. “It’s not going
to be anything fancy.  I just wanted to go to the courthouse, but Riley won’t allow it.  She’s insisting we have a ceremony in the backyard.  It’ll just be something simple,” she said, shooting me a warning look because she was tired of me trying to make it into a bigger production than she wanted. “But you should come.”

“Thanks.  I will if I’m still in town,” he said, and I didn’t know why I hated it when he said if. “And if you need help with anything, just let me know.” He looked over to me and I nodded, hopeful if he was asking to help, he’d probably be around for the ceremony.  

Jesse offered to do the dishes once we were all done.  My mom was insistent he not, but he prevailed and started clearing the table while ignoring her protests.  She finally relented and she and Jack went into the living room while Jesse and I cleaned up.

“I see you finally got a dishwasher,” he pointed out as he scraped some food into the garbage disposal and I set some plates on the edge of the sink.

“Mom and I both decided it was a luxury that she couldn’t live without anymore.”

He laughed and started loading it while I wiped the counter.

“So,” he began while we worked. “That wasn’t as awkward as I anticipated.”

“You thought it would be awkward
, even after our talk last night?”

“
I wasn’t sure how anything would feel today after last night,” he said, looking up from loading the dishes so our eyes met.  I swallowed hard and nodded and he knew I felt the same way. 

“I’m glad you came over and I know my mom is too.”

“It was good to see her.  She was always so good to me.  You’re lucky, Riley,” he said and I knew he was thinking about his own mother, the deadbeat who’d abandoned him at the age of two and only reappeared in his life after his father died, hoping to get a piece of Mr. Baylor’s estate.  She left him again when she realized there was nothing.  I knew his mom leaving a second time was the catalyst that forced Jesse to make the decisions he had and I still found it impossible any mother could treat her child the way his mother had treated him. 

“I am lucky,” I said as Jesse loaded the last dish inside.  I rinsed out the rag I’d been using and then washed and dried my hands and we stood quietly in the kitchen.  He looked up, meeting my eyes and he looked nervous again.

“Riley…I…I was wondering,” he began in a timid voice, but was interrupted by the doorbell.  We both looked towards it and I heard my mom get up and walk to the door, opening it.  There was a muffled voice and then I heard someone walk inside.  I nearly stumbled when I saw Evan standing across the room.

“You’ve got a visitor,” my mom said, as her eyes darted between Jesse and me.

“Evan,” I said, surprised the words only came out in a whisper. “What are you doing here?”

My heart was pounding as he walked towards me, swooping in for a quick kiss.

“I told you I was thinking about coming down,” he said, smiling at me with his kind, blue eyes. “And after what happened with your grandma, I thought now was the perfect time.”  He kissed me again, but I felt paralyzed from the shock of seeing him. “I hope it’s okay that I surprised you,” he said, pulling back and I could tell he was unsure.

“Of course,” I said, trying to smile reassuringly as I rubbed his arm. “I’m just shocked to see you.  I wasn’t expecting it at all.”

“I love seeing you speechless,” he said, turning so he stood by my side as he laced his fingers with mine. 

My eyes drifted to Jesse who was leaning against the counter
.

“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything,” Evan said and I saw him looking at Jesse.

“You didn’t,” I said. “This is Jesse.  He just came over for dinner.”

I looked up and saw the way Evan was looking at him, as if he was trying to place the name and th
en his face lit up with recognition.

“Wait…
Jesse, as in your ex, Jesse?”

“That’d be the one.  Jesse Baylor,” Jesse said with an easy smile as he walked over, extending a hand towards Evan, who released his gr
ip on mine and shook Jesse’s. 

“Evan Bryant.  Good to meet you.” 

I was surprised at how relaxed they both seemed.  My heart was pounding enough for all three of us though. 

“
You too,” Jesse said, but then he turned to me, the awkwardness written all over his face.  We may be friends again, but we both knew how uncomfortable it was for all of us to be standing around like this, my past and present colliding. “I should probably get going and give you two a chance to catch up.  Thanks for dinner, Riley.  Let me know if I can help with your mom’s wedding.” He looked over to me and I nodded before he turned back to Evan. “Nice to meet you, Evan.”

“Bye, Jesse,” I said and watched as he walked into the living room to say goodbye to my mom and Jack before leaving.

“Are you okay?” Evan’s voice brought me back and he was looking at me with concern.

“Yeah,” I said, focu
sing on him. “I just can’t believe you’re here.”

I reached up and brushed my lips with his.  Now that we didn’t have an audience, h
e began kissing me more eagerly.

“I’ve missed you,” I said breathles
sly when we finally pulled back.

“Me too,” he said, kissing me again.

“How long are you here for?”

“Just till Sunday afternoon.  I’ve
gotta get back to work on Monday morning.”

“I w
ish I’d known you were coming.”

“It was
spur of the moment.  I felt guilty not being here for you with your grandma and I wanted to make it up to you.”

“Thank you for that,” I said, taking
his hand. “You wanna help me get the sheets changed in the guest room and then we can go get some ice cream or something or drive around?”

“
Actually, I got a hotel.”

“A hotel?
  You didn’t need to do that.”

“
I didn’t want to put you out.  Plus,” he said with a suggestive grin as he gave me a quick kiss. “I thought we could use some privacy.” I just smiled and kissed him again. “Did you wanna catch a movie or something after I check into my hotel?” he asked and I just laughed.