Carry Me Home (The Home Series: Book Three) (5 page)

Chapter Five

“I had to read Mandy’s text like five times to actually believe it,” Holly said.  She’d just gotten in from Manhattan and had come straight to my house. “I haven’t seen Jesse since we had lunch with him at A&W before he left for boot camp.” She stopped talking and then looked over at me. “Sorry.  I don’t mean to be carrying on.  How are you doing with all of this?”

“I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” She looked at me doubtfully and I knew she didn’t believe me.

“I’m not gonna lie.  It was hard to see him at first.  I didn’t expect it and it took me by surprise.  Shocked the hell out of me, but I’m okay.”

“Really?
  Because I don’t see how you could be after the way he just left.”

“I don’t want to rehash this.  I really don’t.  It’s in the past.  There was a reason he did what he did and I’ve moved on.”

“I know you have, but that was before you saw Jesse again.  That had to have changed things.”

“Changed?  No.  It hasn’t changed anything. But, I’d be lying if I said seeing
him didn’t bring it all back.”

“And how do you feel about all that?”

“Part of me is still hurt and pissed off, but what am I gonna do?  I still care about him.  He was my best friend and I’ve missed him, but I can’t carry on about it.  I really believe everything happens for a reason and even though I didn’t think so at the time, I guess mine and Jesse’s lives weren’t supposed to go the way I thought they would.  I’m with Evan and Jesse’s with…well, I don’t know what he’s doing, but it’s not my concern anymore because he’s not my boyfriend…hasn’t been in over three years. I mean, I’ve been with Evan longer than I was with Jesse.”

“You know I like Evan.  He’s great, but what you and Jesse had was different and it was special.”

“And it’s over,” I said flatly.

“I really don’t know how you’re handling this so calmly, like it’s no big deal.  I really expected you to freak out or something.”

“And where would that get me?  Nowhere.  Besides, I already did that, remember?  It wasn’t pretty,” I said, looking over at her and she nodded and I could tell her mind was drifting to the same place mine was.

When Jesse left and I realized it wasn’t just for the thirteen weeks, that it was forever, I thought I might not recover.  I was eighteen and so crazy in love with him, I couldn’t imagine a life without him, not when everything I’d planned had been ripped out from under me.  I’d spent the summer watching him fall apart, watching his world fall
apart, and doing all I could to help him, even though it turned out, I wasn’t actually helping him at all.

The night he left, I was in denial.  Matt stayed until my mom got home and then he turned the babysitting over to her.  I’d been surprisingly okay, but by the third night, it hit me and I sobbed uncontrollably when Holly, Laura and Mandy had come by after I hadn’t returned any of their calls or texts.  I hadn’t told them about Jesse’s note, but when I told them everything, I lost it.  Yelling and crying and basically crumbling. 

“No, it wasn’t a good time,” Holly said, shaking her head and we both returned to the present.

“Let’s just go and hang out.  Who knows, it might actually be fun?” I said, shrugging my shoulders. 

“I wish I could share in your optimism,” she said doubtfully and I knew she wouldn’t think I was optimistic if she knew what was really going on in my head. “Jesse’s making burgers, right?  Because I’m starving.”

“I guess that’s the plan. 
Mandy’s in charge of everything.  We should probably get going actually,” I said, standing up and Holly followed. 

I hadn’t been to Jesse’s house since the morning I picked him up to take him
to the airport and I didn’t know how I would feel seeing it again.  The drive took longer than I remembered and when the familiar blue house came into view, it was as if nothing had changed.  It looked exactly as I remembered it and when I opened the door, I half expected to see Rocky and Jasper, Jesse’s dogs, come bounding out of the house to greet us.  I knew they wouldn’t though.  I’d been with Jesse when he’d driven them over to his uncle’s house before he left. 

I knew Brandon and Mandy were already there when I saw Mandy’s car.  I looked over to the shed, which was actually more like an airplane hangar, and saw Jesse pulling the grill out.  He looked up when he heard us.  I hung back, but after an initial hesitation, Holly walked over to him, embracing him tightly.  As I watched their warm reunion, part of me wished I could’ve
greeted him that way, because despite everything we’d once shared and how it’d all ended, I couldn’t recall a time I’d ever been happier than when I’d seen him that day standing in the grocery store and I had wanted to run to him too because he was safe and okay and really, that’s all I wanted for him.  Above everything else, he was my friend and I’d missed him more than I’d ever missed anyone.  I couldn’t welcome him back like Holly though. 

Instead, I walked slowly, my feet dragging as I made my way towards the house.  I didn’t quite know where to go
or where my place was here and part of me wanted to just go home.  I started second-guessing my decision to come and thought maybe I shouldn’t have been part of the reunion.  Maybe things were just too different now.

“Hey!  Riley!” Mandy’s voice called out and I turned to see the screen door opening.  She held it open and Brandon followed behind her.  It still amazed me how agile he was with his prosthetic and I found myself forgetting he was disabled at all. “You made it!” She walked over quickly and hugged me.

“Yeah…of course I did.”

“I just thought you might back out or something. 
Ya know…because of Jesse and all?” Mandy said meekly and I saw Brandon nudge her and she looked apologetically at me.

“I’m fine,” I told her and she decided to change the subject.

“Jesse’s just getting the grill started and Brandon and I got the burgers together.”

“Brandon’s not going to be making a fire, is he?” I laughed and he shook his head.

“No.  I retired from fire making.  I told y’all that the last time we were together.”

“I know you did, but I wasn’t sure if all of us being togeth
er again was making you feel nostalgic,” I said, grinning to him as I heard Holly’s voice.

“Brandon!” She ran over to him with more vigor than she’d greeted Jesse with and stopped in front of him.  I could tell she wanted to hug him, but she looked nervous. “I had to get a hold of myself before I hugged you.   I might’ve knocked you down otherwise.”

“There’s no way you could knock me down. I’m sturdy as a tree.”

He opened his arms and she went into them.  I was surprised by Holly’s reaction to Jesse and Brandon’s returns.  She was usually very stoic,
but having them both around again was obviously too much for her.  When she pulled away, I could tell she’d been trying to fight back the tears.

“You look amazing,” she said, wiping her eyes.

“You seem surprised.  I’ve always looked good,” he smirked and she slugged him.

“You know what I mean,” she said, hugging him again. “I’m so glad you’re okay.  I was so worried about you.”

“Yeah…so worried it took Jesse returning to get you to come and see me,” Brandon laughed.

“No,” Holly said quickly. “I didn’t know when you were coming home and when I found out, I was gonna come soon…it’s just with class and stuff…it was hard to leave and then when I found out Jesse was only in town for a little while…” she stuttered and then Brandon cut her off.

“Chill, Holly.  I’m just glad you came.”

My eyes glanced discreetly over to the grill w
here Jesse was working.  I couldn’t help but think he was purposely keeping his eyes averted.  He looked intent on what he was doing and I wondered if he was as aware of me as I was of him.  He must’ve felt me watching him because he suddenly looked up.  I felt as if I’d been caught stealing a cookie and I shot him a little smile before looking back to my friends. 

“C’mon. Let’s go get the food,” Mandy said and held the door open for us.

“I’m gonna go help Jesse with the grill,” Brandon said, motioning to him.  I watched as he walked with just the slightest of limps and then followed Holly and Mandy inside. 

It was strange walking into his house.  It had
once been like my second home.  We’d been through so much in it.  When I stepped into the kitchen it was exactly as I remembered it, only a little dustier and I wondered how often Jesse’s uncle came over to check on the place.  Mandy had a spread laid out on the counter of burger patties and condiments along with some potato salad and baked beans.

“You really went all out,” Holly said as she picked up a fork and took a bite of the potato salad.

“Of course I did.  This is a big deal.  When’s the next time this will happen again?  Probably never.  I mean, who knows how long Jesse’s gonna stick around?  He’ll probably up and disappear again for all we know.  I wanted to make it special.  It’s just too bad Laura couldn’t be here,” Mandy said with a frown and we all nodded in agreement. It wouldn’t be the same without her. “Let’s just try and have some fun tonight.” She handed me the plate of burgers, while Holly picked up the condiments and salad and Mandy grabbed the beans. 

Smoke was trailing up from the grill when we walked outside and the air smelled of charcoal.  Brandon and Jesse were sitting in lawn chairs talking when we put the food on the table. 

“Is the grill about ready?” Mandy asked.

“Just a few more minutes,” Jesse answered and I thought his voice sounded deeper than I’d remembered.  He’d changed since he left Carver, it was obvious just by looking at him, but he was still Jesse.  The Marines could never change that. 

Holly and Mandy each sat down.  I sat down too, and I wasn’t sure if they did it on purpose or not, but they made sure the chair I got was as far away from Jesse as possible. 

“I can’t believe we’re all here,” Mandy s
aid, looking around at the group. “We’ve gotta take a picture for Laura.  I know she wants to be here and she’ll love seeing us all together.  I’m still trying to convince her to drive up here.  I know she’d like to see you guys.”

“I actually saw her about a year and a half ago,” Jesse said unexpectedly and we all turned to look at him.

“She never mentioned that,” Mandy said curiously.

“I was in Oklahoma for some training and we met up.”

“So you were in Oklahoma for training?” Holly asked and Jesse nodded. “Where are you stationed at right now?” she continued and I thought it odd that none of us knew.  We’d been so close and it was like he’d vanished.  I felt like we were getting to know a stranger that had tagged along.

“Technically I’m in North Carolina. 
Camp Lejune.”

“How much longer are you there for?” Holly continued.

“Technically, I’m attached there for about another month.”

“That’s a whole lot of technically,” Holly laughed. “What does that mean anyway?”

“It means I’m in the process of getting out.  I’m on terminal leave.”

“For the laymen in the group, could you please expound?” Holly asked and I was grateful she was being so nosey.  She was asking all the questions I wanted to know.

“It’s the leave time I have saved up.  I can use it to get myself together for when I transition to civilian life and when that leave is up, I just mail in my ID and I’m done, although I’ll probably go back to check out.  I’ve got some loose ends to tie up there.”

“And what will your civilian life be?”

“Ya know, Holly, I don’t recall you being this nosey.  That was more Mandy’s department,” he said as he grinned between my two friends.  I smiled too because it was true.

“While that honor
is
usually reserved for Mandy, I thought I’d take over for tonight.  She needs a break every once in a while.  I think we’re all just interested in your life seeing as how you’ve basically shut us out.” There was sarcasm in her voice that rippled uncomfortably in the air.  Holly sounded sad and even a little angry. 

“A
nyway,” Mandy cut in, obviously wanting to diffuse the situation. “I think that grill is probably ready, don’t you think, Jesse?”

I watched as Jesse nodded and stood up, taking the plate of burgers and placing them on the grill with a loud sizzle. 

Conversation was minimal as Jesse grilled.  Brandon got up and went into the back of the shed, turning on the stereo.  Soon Hunter Hays was flowing from the speakers and the tension Holly had incited seemed to go away.  Jesse finished grilling the burgers and soon we were all eating.  I noticed Jesse never did answer Holly’s question regarding what he planned to do after he got out of the Marines.  I had to admit I was curious though.  When we were together, he mentioned wanting to be a cop or possibly do something with computers.  I wondered if that was still the case. 

“Should I bring out the quads?” Jesse asked, looking around at the group as we finished up.

“Hell yeah!” Brandon said before he took the last bite of his burger and then followed Jesse into the shed.

“Things seem to be going pretty well,” Mandy said, smiling eagerly over to me.