Diary of the Pirate Killer (10 page)

The first is they will realize what I was doing after Justin comes back,
then let it go because it was obviously the only option.  The second, and I think the most likely of the two, is they will just be perplexed when the vessels stop being taken and will never put two and two together.  While it would be nice not to have to deal with the questions and investigation, I kind of hope it’s the first one.  It’s the only way the department will face the punishment they deserve.  I’m just going to let it play out, though.  If it never becomes clear to them, I’ll find another way to make sure the citizens of Addison Valley know it’s the department who’s to blame.

6/25/09- I spent an hour sitting in front of the memorial I built to Justin in the back of my closet today.  I wanted to see him so bad, but he didn’t come.  I know it’s a bit of an adjustment when he leaves the vessels and has to go back to the in between.  He has to get used to being in that state again before he will have enough control to come visit me.  I found another picture tucked in a book today that I added to it.  It’s one that Justin and I took that day in San Antonio at the zoo.  We spent the entire day running around, then took their little train to the museum to check out the dinosaurs.  I don’t think I remember ever having so much fun.  It was pretty cool that the zoo train drops people off at the museum, then picks them back up again.

I was really hoping Justin would be strong enough to come to me.  It’s nice to be able to talk to his memorial and remember the fun times we had together, but it’s nothing compared to having him there in front of me.

6/26/09- I took the day off today to clean the cabin.  I’ve been falling behind and the mess was driving me crazy.  It’s quiet around here without anyone else.  I’m feeling ready to have another man.  I know it’s too soon, though.  Justin isn’t strong enough yet.  I’m not going to wait when he is.  As soon as I know he’s ready, I’m grabbing the next man.  I guess I should start looking for the right one.  I want to be prepared for when the time comes.

6/29/09- Went to go see Dr. G today.  This was my last appointment before reducing my sessions.  It was a pretty bland appointment.  We actually ended up talking about baseball.  Like me, he’s a Rangers fan.  And not one of those bandwagon ones who only started liking them after they started winning.  It was actually a pretty pleasant session. 
I will say that I’m glad he recommended I start writing in a journal.  It’s actually been really fun.  Well, not so much fun as a good way to get my thoughts out.  I think it’s the one thing that’s keeping me sane.  Not really much more to report.

6/30/09- I was out looking for a new man today.  I think I found the right one.  He’s a real family man.  I think me might even be a stay at home father.  Justin was always really big on family.  That’s the reason he put off school to take care of Ben after their parents died.  I don’t think there’s a better characteristic for a man to have.  He does have a tattoo on his arm, though.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  I guess beggars can’t be choosers.

7/2/09- I heard a new detective was brought in.  By the way the detectives have been
talking, she’s supposed to be good.  There was a moving truck parked out in front of my building yesterday.  I wonder if that’s her.  Detective Wilcome must really be desperate if he’s pulling in detectives from across the country just to help him out.

7/4/09- I spent the entire day out with Ben today.  It was pretty fun.  He was thinking about getting a sofa for his place, and he invited me along.  I still can’t believe he doesn’t actually have one yet.  I always saw those gamer chairs as more of a teenage or college thing.  Adults don’t usually use them.  It’s also not really romantic.  I mean, how are you supposed to get cozy with someone if all you have is two chairs?!  Maybe he’s thinking that it’s time to start dating.  I tried to probe him about it, but he talked his way around the subject.  I wonder if he’s already met someone.  I don’t see why he wouldn’t have told me.  I’m just going to have to keep pushing him about it.

It was a pretty fun day.  We hit both of the furniture stores in town before he gave up and said something about ordering one online.  After that, we went out for dinner at that really good
Mexican restaurant across town.  Their salsa is fantastic.  If we hadn’t been going out after, I would have grabbed some to-go.  I love putting it on my breakfast tacos in the morning.

We hung out for a while after dinner until the party started.  It wasn’t nearly as large as last year, but that’s not surprising.  People are being incredibly cautious these days.  I guess that won’t change until
Justin is back and the vessels are no longer needed.  The fireworks were pretty, though.  There was also only one fire this year!  Well, at least as far as I know.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more.  If memory serves, three houses actually burned down last year.  One was just in the path of a brush fire, but two were because of stupid kids lighting fireworks either inside or too close to the house.  The only fire I heard about tonight was a grass fire on the high school football field.

I was hoping the new detective would show up.  I heard the guys talking about her and they said she was still at the office.  Apparently she didn’t waste
any time before starting on the case, and she hasn’t done much else over the last few days.  I was also hoping they might have a little juice on her.   I really want to find something I can use to distract her if I need to.  No such luck.  They all seem to be pretty impressed with her, and no one mentioned any attachments or weaknesses she might have.  Would it really be too much to ask for her to be some kind of junkie or something?!  I guess I will have to keep asking.  I don’t really want to get near her... at least not right now.  I would much rather just remain hidden.  If I could stay out of her view but still distract her, which would be perfect.

7/6/09- I brought another man back to my apartment tonight.  This one was just as easy to drug and get into bed as the others.  The only difference this time was Justin was waiting in the living room for me when I walked back out.  He just grinned at me and rolled his eyes.  I nearly fell over laughing.

I’m so glad he didn’t question me or give me a hard time about it.  In fact, he actually thinks that I’m doing the right thing in bringing them home.  He made some snarky comment that almost sounded like jealousy, but he quickly shrugged it off.  He may joke about it, but I know he knows that I would never betray him like that.  I just couldn’t believe he picked that time to come to me.  What would have happened if he decided to show up before that drunken bar guy passed out?!  How the hell would I have explained that one
away?  He wouldn’t have had any clue of the significance of it, but it would have lit the fuse to the end.  He would have surely told someone about what he say, and it would eventually get back to someone in the department.  I’m sure it would have taken them a while to connect the pieces, but it would have all fallen apart the moment they realized who he was.

Aside from the shock, it was so great to see him.  I won’t have to pretend to be happy when I go in tomorrow.  I just won’t tell them the reason was because I got to spend the evening with my true love instead of the man I left the bar with.

Oh, I’m so tired.  I’ve been feeling more so lately.  I guess I haven’t been getting much sleep.  I’ve been so anxious and excited that I just stare at my ceiling for hours before actually falling asleep.  My mind just races.  I asked Dr. Gamboa if he wouldn’t mind giving me something to help me get to sleep when I was at my appointment today.  I filled the prescription, but it’s not like I can take one tonight.  I don’t want to be in a deep sleep if this guy wakes up.  Maybe I’ll start on them tomorrow.  Part of me is almost afraid to.  What if I do and it messes things up.  I know it doesn’t make much sense, but what if part of the process is tied to me.  If I mess with that, I fear that it might cause problems.  I don’t know if I really want to risk that.  Besides, it’s just sleep.  I can go another month or two without it.  When I have Justin back, I can spend a few days sleeping just to catch up.

I was hoping Justin would stay the night, but he said he had to go.  He’s trying to keep his strength up for the next vessel.  Though he hasn’t said it, I can tell he’s really hoping this next one will be the last.  I don’t want to see him disappointed.

7/8/09- I saw that new detective out running while I was on my way to work this morning.  This is the second morning that I saw her, but I wasn’t really paying attention last time.  I’m pretty sure that’s who it is, though.  I’m guessing she runs to work instead of driving.  She’s pretty. 
Very petite.  I mean, she’s not to my level of pretty, but she’s not bad.  I still haven’t found the time to introduce myself.  I don’t really know if I want to, though.  I’ve been pretty confident that no one on the task force would even look at me as a suspect.  I can’t say the same for this one.  For one, she’s a woman.  What if she decides to throw out the idea that a woman could be responsible?  I was able to distract Detective Butcher, but I don’t know if I will be able to do the same with her.

On another note, it’s been a year now since Justin passed.  I was hoping I would be able to get him back by now, but at least I’m getting close.  I don’t think it will take more than a couple men before he’s ready.  Three tops.

Work in general was pretty boring.  After my shift, I spent a few hours watching James.  He’s the new vessel.  I think it will definitely be pretty easy to get this one.  He’s on a pretty routine schedule.  I won’t even have to follow him before finding the right place to grab him.  I could be waiting in a perfect spot and not have any doubts that he would come to me.  Well, I’m going to head to the bar.  I’m hoping the detectives will be nice and lubricated by the time I get there.  That way they will be more willing to talk about their latest addition.

7/9/09- I had the day off today, so I was able to follow the vessel around.  He goes out for a run before his wife leaves for work, then spends the morning inside with his child.  Just before noon, he takes her to her school, then runs errands until picking her up a couple hours later.  The most interesting stop of his day is to a house just a few doors down from his.  I couldn’t see what was going on inside, but I’m guessing he is having an affair with the woman who lives there.  When I saw it, I almost considered looking for another man.  I know my Justin would never do such a thing.  He’s adamant about taking this one, though.  I guess the other qualities he has outweigh the fact that he’s a pig.

Justin was waiting for me when I got back today.  He was just standing in the kitchen, staring at the
refrigerator.  He told me he was fine, but I could tell me was hungry.  He isn’t solid yet, though, so he can’t eat.  He is growing more so with every time I see him.  That makes me happy.  I know it won’t be much longer now.  Only one or two men after this one, and he should be strong enough to re-enter his body.  I was worried that it wouldn’t be good enough for him since so much time has passed, but he said it will be fine.  He told me that when he’s strong enough, it will heal.  He then told me that I needed to get it so we would have it when the time came.  I tried to tell him that I couldn’t, but he said it was the only way.  I’m not looking forward to seeing him like that.  I have all of these images in my head, but I know the real thing will be worse.  I wish I had someone else I could ask, but I know that would be impossible.  No one will understand until the process is done.  They will think I’m crazy, because they can’t see him.  I asked him about that, too.  I asked him why he couldn’t go to his brother and explain things to him.  Then maybe he could help me.  He said that the only reason he can appear to me is because I’m willing to accept that he’s really here.  It won’t work with anyone else.  Their minds and hearts are closed off to the idea, so they won’t be able to see him.  This would be so much easier if Ben knew.  I know he’s the one person who wants Justin back as much as I do.  I just wish there was something I could do.  I know there isn’t, though.  Oh, he will be so excited when he learns what I’ve done.  I want it to be a surprise.  I’ll take him somewhere and let him see Justin for himself.  He’s going to freak!  I’m so excited!

7/10/09- This one was probably the easiest out of all of the grabs.  I parked down the street from the school and raised the hood on my car.  Just as expected, the vessel pulled right over to help me out.  I told him that I needed a jump, which he grinned at, then asked if he wouldn’t mind grabbing the cables from my trunk.  It only took moments for me to drug him and push him in.  After leaving the note on his car, with the door open so it would be obvious, I brought him right out to the cabin.  Since I was on my lunch break, I didn’t have time to do to the procedure, but I did it right after I got off.  It took me a little longer to get back out here than I planned.  His car wasn’t found for a few hours, and then Detective Wilcome sent Ben and me out to the scene.  It took us an hour to go over every inch of the car, and then I was able to take off after that.  For once, I’m kind of glad Ben is his go-to guy.  I wouldn’t have been thrilled if I ended up stuck there all night.  Detective Wilcome is looking like crap.  He’s lost close to ten pounds, and I don’t think he’s sleeping much.  Good.  I’m glad.

The procedure went well.  This one actually wasn’t freaking out when he woke up like the last ones.  I guess he knows there’s nothing he can do about it.  Maybe that’s why Justin wanted him so bad.  He knew he wouldn’t fight the transfer, and he wouldn’t need to waste all of his energy just trying to get in.  I haven’t really talked to him much tonight.  I want to give him enough time to relax and get his strength up.  I can’t wait for tomorrow, though.  It’s been great getting to see him in between the vessels, but I want to touch him.  Well, off to bed for me!

7/11/09- Justin was talking about kids this morning.  I love when he talks about the future like that.  He must know that the process is working, or he wouldn’t bring it up.  He stopped talking about the future all together those last few months before he died.  If he’s doing it now, he must know that he’s going to be able to come back.

It gives me butterflies.  I had given up on the idea of having kids, but I guess he hasn’t.  He kept talking about having a daughter, then a baby boy.  He would be so great with a little girl.  I can just see him walking around with her on his shoulders or sitting down and having a tea party.  He’s such a man’s man, but I know it wouldn’t be anything like that with our daughter.  I also can’t wait to see what he’s like with our son.  I bet he’ll want to coach little league.  We will definitely need to get a big house with a nice yard.  Ben sold Justin’s house after he passed.  I was hoping he would keep it, just because I didn’t want to let it go, but he stayed in his apartment.  I would have thought he would have wanted to move out and into a house.  He is definitely one of the most curious men I’ve ever met.  I don’t understand half of what he does.  He makes good money and he has the proceeds from Justin’s house.  That definitely gives him enough money to get a house.  I know that I wouldn’t want to have to pay rent every month if I could just live in a house.

Well, back to Justin... I’m glad to see him doing so well.  He’s much stronger at this point than he’s been with any of the other vessels.  He’s at the same level of control on the second day that he’s been reaching on day four before.   I know it’s not going to be long now! 

Since he was talking about kids, I thought I might try to look into some houses for sale in the area.  I want to surprise him with one when his surgery is done and he’s released from the hospital.  I know he likes my apartment, but I want to have a home for him.  I’m pretty sure Ben stored some of his stuff, so I’ll see what I can do about getting that back.  I know how much he loved his big chair.  I don’t think Ben would have gotten rid of it.  I’m going to have to wait until he’s back to ask him for it, though.  It would be too risky to ask him before then.  Well, it sounds like he’s up.  I better get lunch ready for him.  I want to see if it would be possible to take him outside without being at risk of the vessel taking control again and trying to get away.  I know he wouldn’t be able to get far, but I don’t want to risk setting Justin back.  He’s doing so well.  I’ll talk to him about it and see what he thinks.

7/12/09- Yesterday was SO great!  After lunch, I talked to Justin about my idea to take him outside.  I reassured him that if the vessel regained control and attempted to escape that I would be right there with the injection, and I would keep him restrained after that.  He told me that he felt strong, and that he didn’t think James would be able to take over.  I was really hoping that’s what he would say.  After we ate, I got him upstairs and into the wheelchair.  We went out and sat on the porch until the sun went down.  I forgot how much I loved watching sunsets with him.  We talked a little, but we mostly just sat and enjoyed everything around us.  I could tell he had a lot on him mind, so I didn’t push him.  With the process nearing the end, I know he has to be a little nervous.  At least he’s getting used to only having one leg.  It will help to ease any fears he has about that.  He still has to be pretty concerned about the actual process.   It’s one thing to go into the body of one of the vessels... I can’t imagine how worried he must be about going into his body again.  I don’t really want to push him on it.  He’s never been one to share about what he’s feeling.  Honestly, I hated that when we first started dating.  I never knew where we stood.  He kept telling me not to worry, because if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t be.  That’s not really reassuring.  Men really suck at communicating.  They say that they’re so simple, but they really aren’t.  In fact, they are some of the most confusing things in the world.