Diary of the Pirate Killer (4 page)

12/26/08- I feel so ALIVE!  My body is almost vibrating with excitement right now.  I planned everything out so well, but it went even better than I could have imagined.  Here’s how it went...

I knew from watching Adam that he always went for a run on Friday mornings. 

I dressed up in that old clown costume I used when I helped out in the children’s ward of the hospital a few years ago.  It’s black and silver, so I thought it would be a little comical since I’m using the same black cards and silver ink I did with John.

I was shaking with excitement when I stopped my car beside the park entrance.  As I took in deep breaths to try to calm myself, I could only
feel it growing.  I thought I might actually explode by the time I saw him coming up the trail to get back in his car.

As soon as he was in sight, I dropped the boxes I was holding.  I knew he was the type of man who would help someone in need, and he did.  He jogged right over and leaned down to help me.  He was so sweet and made a joke about what could possibly be in a clown’s boxes.  If I hadn’t needed him in order to complete the process, I would have actually felt bad about pushing the needle into his arm.  He didn’t even know what was happening at first.  He placed the box into the trunk and then reached up as if he had been bitten by a bug.  When his hand hit the needle, he just turned and looked at me with a look of utter confusion.  Luckily the tranquilizer took effect before he could even react.  He just toppled forward and I was able to easily push him into the trunk.

I was so excited that I nearly forgot to leave the card behind.  I did regret dressing like a clown by the time I got back to the cabin.  I only really did it because I was a little nervous about someone seeing me.  It took me forever to get all of that damn makeup off.  Adam had already come to by the time I finished and walked to the room in the basement.

He didn’t even say anything when I first walked in.  He just sat on the bed and stared at me.  I could see that he had been struggling against the restraints on his wrists, though.  He pulled on them so hard that his skin was swollen and red. 

We just started at each other for several long minutes before I finally started talking.  I remembered how much John calmed when I told him that I wasn’t going to hurt him.  I told Adam that I just needed one thing from him and then I would let him go.  He relaxed a bit after that.  He told me about his kids and about trying to work things out with his ex wife.  We talked until it was time for the second step.  Then I just walked over to him and smiled kindly before injecting him again.  It took effect pretty quickly that time too.  He just let out a low groan and fell back on his pillow. 

I wasn’t really nervous when I was doing John’s leg.  I didn’t even consider the possibility that I would be this time.  When it came time to do it, though, I found that I really was.  I had to psych myself out just to keep my hand from shaking.  The feeling passed pretty quickly, though.  As soon as I started on the bone, I was completely steady.  He bled a little more than John did, but his leg looks pretty good.  When I was finished, I went ahead and shaved his head and gave him the piercing.  I figured it would be better to just get it all done in one sitting.  I gave him enough drugs to keep him out for another few hours.  Hopefully he will be out through the night.

I put the leg out with John’s.  I want to keep them close.

12/27/08- Adam woke me up screaming at three this morning.  It took me a few moments to realize what was going on.  He was completely freaking by the time I made it into the room.  I’m glad I hadn’t taken the restraints off.  It I had, I think he would have been on the floor.  I was so tempted to just give him another dose to knock him back out.  Especially when he saw me go in and started yelling at me.  I just took a deep breath and walked back out.  I figured it would be better for the process to let him scream it out.  That way he will have it out of his system by the time I get everything going today.

His yells carried through the cabin for over an hour before they died down and were replaced by cries.  My first thought was that I made a mistake.  I felt that I might have picked the wrong man.  Justin never cried, not once.  Even when he knew he was on his way out.  I never saw him break down like that.  I know I picked the right one, though.  I can feel Justin when I’m around him.

His leg looks nice.  I told him I would bring in a prosthetic for him to use when I went in to give him breakfast.  He wouldn't even look at me.  He kept asking me why I was doing this to him.  I tried to explain it as best as I could.  I told him about Justin and how I lost him because he didn’t have the surgery in time.  He just turned away and wouldn't even look at me after that.  He understands it now; I know he does.

I left him alone to absorb everything for a little while.  I’ll start the process in a little bit.  I can’t wait until I get Justin inside of him.  I’m so excited!

Oh, and I almost forgot... Adam’s car was found today.  It was actually found completely by accident.  Some officer was taking his son out for a run and saw it.  He happened to have responded to the first abduction, so he recognized the black note I left under the windshield wiper.  Right now they’re frantically trying to locate Adam and see if he’s really missing.  The detectives are in a panic, though.  I won’t lie... It’s fantastic.

12/28/08- It worked!  I went back in after lunch yesterday and it was Justin.  I could see him.  Even more than that, I could feel him.

He wasn’t happy when he saw what I had done, but I explained it to him.  I told him that using a vessel was the only way I would be able to get him back.  I explained that as soon as he was strong enough, I would have him back for good.  He relaxed after that.  I was thinking that I

12/29/08- I got pulled away yesterday.  I was supposed to have the whole day off, but I ended up getting called in.  I can’t really refuse to go.  It would look incredibly suspicious if people started to suspect me. 

So where was I... oh, yeah.  So after I finally got the vessel to relax, Justin was able to enter him.  It was so wonderful having him there.  I could tell that he was weak, because he wasn’t able to fully control the body.  I could see it in the little things that he did, like when he smiled.  I could see the feeling behind it, but it wasn’t the same smile.  It wasn’t like before.  He also didn’t hold my hand the same way.  I guess I should have expected it.  It’s like when a person is in a coma for a long time and they have to regain the strength in their muscles.  We did have a nice talk, though.  He told me he missed me.  I nearly cried.  I told him I couldn’t wait until he was strong enough so we could start our lives together.  He got really quiet for a few moments.  He was upset about leaving me, I know he was.  Then he started talking about his kids.  We had talked about having kids, but everything was always in the abstract.  I guess we both wanted to make sure he made it past the cancer before we really started planning it.  It was nice to hear him talk about it today.  It means he is as sure as I am that this is going to work.  We’re finally going to be together again!  This is all so wonderful that I can’t even control my excitement.  I want to jump up and down and scream to the world that I’m going to bring him back.  It also really sucks that I can’t tell anyone.  I really wish I could tell Ben.  It’s too soon, though.  Hopefully it won’t be long.

12/30/08- I had to shave the vessel’s head again today.  I’m hoping I won’t have to do it again before the last step is complete.  He’s got a bit of a fever.  His leg isn’t looking as good as it was.  I think I’m going to need to adjust the medication next time.  It’s red, and I’m pretty sure it’s infected.  It’s not festering or anything, so I don’t foresee it causing any problems with the schedule.

I had an appointment with Dr. Gamboa yesterday.  He said he’s happy with the progress I’ve made.  He’s even suggested trying to lower my dose of antidepressants.  I had to struggle not to laugh.  I guess I should do some research on behavior when coming off of them.  I want to make sure that I get it just right.  I’m still sure that he’s the only person smart enough to figure my plan out.

On another note, I told everyone at work that I’m going out of town tomorrow night to spend the holiday with an old friend.  I figured that was the only way I would be able to get out of the New Year's party without anyone getting curious.  I want to bring in the New Year with Justin, though.  I’m so excited about it.  I went out last night and bought some hats and a bottle of champagne.  It’s going to be amazing night.  Last year I got called into work and the year before we went to the office party.  This year will be the first New Year’s Eve we get to spend together.  Well, my lunch break is over.  I better get back to work.

1/1/09- Last night was even better than I expected.  I was able to unstrap the vessel after telling him that I would only need him for two more days before letting him go.  Then Justin was able to enter him and we had an amazing night.  We couldn’t dance because of his leg, but we curled up together and drank the champagne.  After a few drinks, he really started opening up and talking more.  He told me how much he wants to go home and talking about a family and kids.  I can’t wait until we can start trying.  It took all of my strength last night not to start then.  I had to keep reminding myself that, although I was talking to Justin, the body still belonged to a vessel.  We did have our midnight kiss, though.  It felt a little strange being that he was in a different body.  It was still amazing.  Like with his other functions, it wasn’t the same as he was before.  I think, in a way, that I will know when he’s ready when he can control the bodies better.  When he moves the same and kisses the same, then I’ll know he’s strong enough for the final step.  Well, I need to go pick up everything I need for the lunch tomorrow and get everything ready.  I also need to find out exactly where I’m going to leave him.  I have a few spots picked out, but I want it to be perfect.  I definitely don’t want to put him somewhere where he won’t be found for a long time.  The department won’t face what’s coming to them if people don’t know what’s happening.

1/2/09- I have to say, I was sorry to have to release the vessel.  The lunch went over well, though.  I told him that I would be letting him go as soon
as we had our last meal together.  He seemed positively elated.  I have a feeling it won’t work this way next time.  When word gets out about what is happening because of the department, the men will know that they won’t just be walking away.  I’m going to have to come up with a good story to keep them from fighting the process.

Lunch was nice.  Justin wasn’t strong enough to stay around the entire time, but he was there for a little bit.  I think he really liked that I made his meal for him.  I know how much he loved it.  Since this vessel didn’t have the same allergy as the first, I had to dispatch him myself.  I considered stabbing him, but I didn’t want to risk injuring Justin if he was still in the body.  I decided the best option was to strangle the men.  It was actually a little harder than I expected.  He put up a decent fight.  I don’t know if I would have been successful if he had both of his legs. 

He was still sitting at the table when I walked up behind him.  He pushed himself up out of the chair, but lost his footing.  I was able to use his weight against him as he fell.  It was much easier after he lost consciousness.  I initially stopped right after he went still, but I checked and he still had a pulse.  It didn’t take much for me finish him off.  Dragging him to the bathroom was a little more difficult.  I wasn’t counting on him falling out of the wheelchair.

Cutting him into pieces was much easier this time.  Last time I was panicking and just acting off of instinct.  This time I knew exactly what I was doing.  I was able to get him completely dismembered, move him out to the scene, and make it back to the station before my lunch break was over.

Well, it’s been a really long day, and I’m exhausted.  I think I’m going to head to bed.

1/3/09- I can’t believe that worked.  I knew it would, but it’s still so unbelievable.  I guess part of me thought deep down that it wouldn’t.  I had him back, though!  I feel so exhilarated.  I hate that I have to wait before I can do it again.  Now I’ll just have to wait until the body is found.  I think I’m nearly as excited for the department to face what’s coming to them as I am about having Justin back!

1/4/09- The body was found today.  I’m glad it didn’t take as long as last time.  There was a young couple out hiking when they came upon him.  The woman was still in hysterics when I arrived.  I was hoping to handle this scene myself this time, but there was no talking Ben about it.  It was obvious when the call came in that Adam had been found.  I didn’t even have the opportunity to try to convince him to let me take it before he was out the door.  I wonder if he’s so eager because he could feel Justin around the last one.  He would never admit it if he was.

When we were at the scene, I had to struggle not to let my pleasure show.  I felt like I was going to burst.  Even more than the joy from watching the panic on the face of the woman who found him, the look on Detective Wilcome’s face was a delight.  The only thing that would have made it better was if he already knew that he is in part responsible for this happening.

The press picked up the story pretty quickly.  I’m pretty sure there is a leak in the department.  That just proves my point further that the department is flawed.  But I digress... Like they always do, the press has given the “killer” a name.  They are calling me the Pirate Killer!  Are you kidding me?!  I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so ridiculous in my life.  I’m sure they think it’s clever because of the leg amputation.  Just wait until they find out the real reason behind this.  They will give me a much more appropriate name.  I’m thinking something like Justice Killer or something else that shows how important the work I’m doing really is.

1/5/09- I’m trying so hard not to let anyone see how amused I am with the panic through the station right now.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen it like this.  It only got worse when Dr. Andrews confirmed the vessel’s identity.  I actually heard that Wilcome recommended the FBI be called in, but the chief refused and said it should be handled within the department.  While I will admit that I am a little glad the feds aren’t coming to town, it was a pretty stupid call.  I never did like the chief.  He’s always been more concerned with his image than doing what’s right.  That’s the same reason he passed that no fraternization rule.  He really is a moron.  He did agree to let Detective Wilcome consult with a profiler, though.  I haven’t heard it, but it’s probably pretty amusing.  I bet they aren’t even a little close.

I SO wanted to bring up the case to Dr. Gamboa today at my appointment.  I knew if I did, though, he might see right through me.  It’s hard not to be able to talk to anyone about it.  It’s the first thing that I’ve been truly excited about in a long time.  It actually reminds me of the way I had to keep my love and excitement for Justin to myself at work.  As hard as it was to do, I had to make an effort to avoid seeing him in
the station.  I knew if anyone actually saw us together, it wouldn’t be hard to figure out what was going on.

Wilcome went on the news today to address the questions about the case.  He assured the public that they were doing everything they could to ensure the “man responsible” was stopped.  He also mentioned that evidence was found that was helping them narrow down the suspect pool, but I know that was a lie.  Like the first time, the body was completely clean when I staged it.  The only thing they have it the fiber I left on the first man.  They can’t do anything with that except tie it to someone after they have a suspect.  Being that they’re all looking for a man, I think I’m pretty safe.

1/6/09- Today was supposed to be my day off, but they ended up calling me in.  I really didn’t want to go it.  Ben has been assigned to look over everything from both of the vessels, so I’m stuck covering his other cases.  Though I know he wants to work on the case, he was still annoyed by the decision.  He’s never liked having to hand over a case to someone else.  He’s a bit of a perfectionist.  I just know that looking over the vessels is going to drive him crazy.  I’m sure he thinks he will be able to find something the rest of us missed.  I know he’s at the top of our field but come on.  It’s not like everyone else here is incompetent.  I will give him one thing, though.  He sure doesn't have the ego of others in his position.  If he did, I would probably consider using him as a vessel just to knock the cockiness right out of him.  Well, my lunch break is over.  I guess I should get back to work.  I don’t want to, though.  I just want to go back home.  I hate that stupid place.

1/8/09- I went to the bar tonight with a few people from work.  I knew that I needed to put on a show in order to keep anyone from suspecting
me, but it wasn’t easy.  I felt almost dirty and like I was cheating on Justin by just flirting with another man.  Ben is the only person who could connect me to this if it were ever discovered that the men strongly resemble Justin, though, so I made it look good. 

I found a guy sitting at the end of the bar and left the group to go talk to him.  I did all of the classic moves like touching his arm or flipping my hair back.  They definitely worked on him.  After a few minutes, he was putty in my hands.  It also worked on Ben.  I could see his reflection in the mirror behind this guy and he was staring at me with the angriest glare I think I’ve ever seen from him.  I’m pretty sure after tonight he won’t even consider the possibility that I still love Justin just as much as I did before and would go to these lengths to have him back.  I was so glad when he left a few minutes later and I could return back to the group.  Though I felt like I needed a shower by the time I got home, I would say that it was a successful evening.

1/9/09- I want Justin back so badly.  I know it’s only been a week, but I really want to try again.  Even if I already had a man picked out, I still couldn’t do it right now.  Ben left this morning for a conference somewhere.  I need to make sure that he never has a strong alibi during the times that I have the vessels or I won’t be able to use him as a decoy if they ever catch on.  Part of me is actually glad he’s gone right now so I can make sure I take my time to get it all right.  I don’t want to make a mistake and all of this
have been for nothing.  I’m growing really antsy, though.  I want to feel him around me and feel him in my arms.  The vessels will suffice for now, but I know it won’t be too long before even they aren’t enough.  I want him.  I want to feel his body against mine.  I know that it will take a little time for him to grow strong enough, but I wish it could just happen now.  I just hope it doesn’t take too long.

1/11/09- I found the next vessel.  It was strange.  I took the list I made of potentials out with me today to see if I could find any of them.  He was the first man on the list, a guy named Brad Palmer.  He was actually a cop before he retired last year.  I almost skipped him, because I was considering the possibility that only younger men would have the energy to make Justin stronger.  I’m glad I didn’t!  He may be forty but he doesn’t look it.  He actually looks younger now than he did when we worked together a few years back.  I guess he’s decided to use his retirement to get out there and do stuff.  He was carrying his bike out of the front door of his house when I pulled up.  I knew as soon as I saw him that he was the one.  It wasn’t just a feeling that I had; he had a glow around him.  It was like Justin was around him, making sure I knew that he was the perfect one. 

Now I’m even more excited!  I have to say, I’m actually enjoying this part of things more than I thought.  I had assumed this would just be like work and the time with them would be the part that I liked.  Following them and getting to know their routines and habits is great, though!  I know it’s a little silly, but I feel almost like a hunter, or maybe a spy.  It’s so exciting to watch them while making sure they don’t see me.

1/14/09- Work sucks!  That’s all I have to say.

1/17/09- I went to the bar again last night.  After listening to Wilcome talk about only having a few months to catch “this guy” before another man was taken, I almost left work and grabbed the vessel.  I wanted more than anything to make him look like a fool.  I was actually on my way out of the station when I stopped myself.  I can’t act
out of emotion like that.  When people are emotional, they make mistakes.  I can’t risk making one and leaving something behind.  Justin isn’t even close to strong enough yet.  I have to remain hidden until he is.

I decided to hit the bar after leaving to try and calm myself.  As I did last week, I walked in and gravitated toward a random guy.  It didn’t really calm me at all, but I have to make sure that I appear unattached.  This time I started making out with him.  I felt like I was going to throw up and cry at the same time.  The bar was pretty full, though, so I wanted to make sure enough people saw it.  It definitely drew a crowd.  After a few minutes I acted like I was getting a phone call and walked out to take it.  I went straight to my car and drove home.  I barely made it through the front door when I broke down.  I know that it’s important to keep up appearances, but I don’t think I can go that far again.  I can flirt and stuff, but that was just too hard.  Oh, I can’t wait to have Justin back.  I just wanted to curl up in his arms last night and cry.  I miss him so much.

1/18/09- I got called out to this gas station robbery today.  Oh lord, criminals are so stupid.  This guy, some nineteen year old kid, walked into the gas station with a water gun.  It did actually resemble a real gun, but come on!  That’s not even the worse part.  After he walked around the entire store and grabbed some snacks and a case of beer, he proceeded to put on a mask and walk to the register.  What on earth was he thinking!  What was the point of even putting on a mask after he walked around the store and was picked up on every camera there.  Then he pulled out his gun and aimed it at the girl behind the counter.  She started pushing buttons on the register to distract him as she reached under the counter and pulled out her own gun.  Now at this point, anyone with any intelligence at all would have just left.  Instead, he started yelling and waving his gun at her.  Then he jerked it as he pulled
the trigger and shot a stream of water at her.  It startled her just enough to make her pull her trigger and shoot the kid in the chest.