Diary of the Pirate Killer (8 page)

Well, I have a pretty bad headache.  I think that’s enough writing for now.

4/15/09- Not much to report today.  Work was pretty busy, but at least time went by fast.  I bounced from crime scene to crime scene all day.  Now I’m about to head out to the cabin.  Only two more days left, and I want to make the most of them.

4/16/09- The vessel is sleeping.  I figured I would use the time to find the perfect stop to leave the body.  I’m stuck between two places right now.  I guess it doesn’t really matter which one I choose, because I’ll just use the next one for the next vessel, but I still want to pick the one that will provide the best chance of it getting found quickly.  I also have to decide which one will be easiest for me to leave him at without being seen.

I was actually thinking about it last night.  I was considering what I would do if someone actually saw me.  I never thought that I would be capable to killing someone, but now I think it would be the only option.  I
still don’t know if I would be able to do it.  Not really.  I have to put Justin first, though.  I have to do what’s best for him and that’s bringing him back.  I would hate doing it, but I know that I need to do everything I can in order to guarantee I have enough time to finish the entire process.  Luckily, I’m off tomorrow.  If one site just isn’t going to work, I can just go over to the next one.  Hopefully I won’t have any problems, though.  I don’t really want to be toting around a chopped up body all day.  It’s not like it’s exactly light.  Oh, it would be so much easier to just toss them into a dumpster... or bury them.  I know I wouldn’t be able to accomplish the second part of the plan if I do those, though.  As much as I really want to get Justin back, it’s still very important that the department gets what’s coming to them.

4/17/09- Everything went very smooth today.  It was much easier than the last one, at least.  Since this one is from out of town, he hasn’t heard the reports from the previous vessels.  He put up a bigger fight when the time came, but it didn’t last long.  I took my time cutting into this one.  I feel horrible for saying it, but I actually liked the way it felt to slice into him.  Cutting through the bones is still difficult, but there is something fascinating about watching the body open up when a knife slides into it.  I’m definitely glad now that I didn’t just decide to go with a chainsaw to get the job done.  It wouldn’t have been nearly as satisfying.  Oddly enough, it’s almost therapeutic.  I know that sounds nuts, but it is strangely calming.

Well, the first site didn’t work.  There were a group of hikers in the area, so I didn’t want to risk it.  Luckily, I saw them before I made it too
deep into the woods.  The second site was completely vacant.  I scattered the pieces and made it out of there in just over ten minutes.

Detective Wilcome still hasn’t been able to identify the latest vessel.  I don’t think they’ll know who he was before the pieces are found.  Sometimes I wonder what would happen if they weren’t found.  I think I could actually leave numbers out every week and no one would be the wiser.  The public would be panicked, and the department would feel like they’re even more of a failure than they already are.  It would be fun!

4/18/09- I know it’s only been a day, but I miss him already.  I really wish I could take another one now.  I don’t think Justin would be strong enough to enter another vessel so soon, though.  I have a feeling it would just be a giant waste of time.  I really, really wish I could have him back.  I’m tired of the waiting part of this game.

4/19/09- So I’ve been thinking over everything and I definitely need to try to diversify the men as much as possible.  They need to still all have something in common with Justin, but I think the reason he’s getting stronger is because all of the men have had different strengths.  The third vessel was in great physical shape, and I could tell that it made him much stronger.  This last one was very bright and driven.  It strengthened Justin cognitively.  I need to make sure that I’m finding men with the different characteristics that Justin needs.  That way it won’t take as long to get him back.

4/23/09- There was a report about a body found in the woods today.  I thought for sure that it was my vessel.  As soon as I heard the location, though, I knew it wasn’t him.  This one was a young girl.  I felt bad when I was examining the area around her. 
She couldn’t have been out there for more than a couple days.  There were visible signs on her ankles that looked like she had been restrained.  She was just a teenage girl.

While it would only further show how the department is making people suffer, I don’t want to think that someone is attempting to copy what I’m doing by killing young girls.  I’m not doing this because I like it.  I’m doing it because it needs to be done.    This was just a kid.  She must have been so scared.

4/30/09- I want to grab someone.  I can almost feel the need coursing under my skin.  It itches.  It itches deep within.  I look at every man I pass on the streets and think about how easy it would be to grab them.  It’s too soon, though.  Justin’s not ready yet.  I also don’t have the right candidate right now.    I’m actually considering waiting until
it’s closer before I start looking.  I don’t know if I would be able to restrain myself if I found one now.  All I feel is excitement and it’s overwhelming.  I want him so bad that it hurts.

5/5/09- I’ve added a few men to my list from the cases I’ve worked recently.  I haven’t started looking for the one to take next, but I will soon.  I don’t think I can trust myself to do it now.  I’m too eager.  I don’t think I could keep myself from grabbing someone on the spot if Justin told me he was right.

5/13/09- I’ve got the perfect guy picked out.  Okay, so morally he isn’t perfect, but he’s the one Justin wants out of the handful I was looking at.  He’s a little smaller than Justin, but they dress alike.  In fact, he was actually wearing a shirt when I saw him yesterday that Justin used to wear.  I even came home and found it in the back of my closet.  I didn’t even need to wait for Justin to show me that it was going to be him before deciding.  Justin didn’t make me wait long, though.  He showed around him just a few moments later.  I was so excited when he did.  It’s like the shirt was a sign that he was the perfect guy.

As for his morals, he’s really not THAT bad.  He was down on his luck a couple years back and ended up grabbing a woman’s purse right after she left the ATM.  He didn’t make it far before literally running into a cop.  Since being released, he appears to have kept his nose clean.  He’s working at a grocery store across town.  Going by the past few days I’ve been watching him, he seems to be pretty routine.  He doesn’t seem to have a car, so he walks to work and back.  I haven’t seen him do much else.  I haven’t seen him on a Friday, so I’m hoping it won’t be too difficult to get him in a position where I can grab him.  Maybe it would be easier if I try to grab them at night instead of during the day.  It would definitely give me more time to get them without being seen.  On the other hand, I like that I take them from the middle of an awake world.  It just proves that I’m better than all of them.  The department would have an excuse if I was taking them in the middle of the night.  When I grab them during the day, it just makes them look incompetent. 

5/14/09- I know I should be sleeping right now.  I’m just too excited!  I was really hoping the vessel would go out to a bar tonight, but he just stayed in.  I kind of wanted to go out and wait for him to walk home, then grab him then.  No such luck.  If he wasn’t living with a roommate, I would actually consider going over and knocking on his door right now.  Arg!  I’m so excited that I’m literally bouncing on my bed.  I just wish the sun would come up already!  It’s not even midnight yet.  I got into bed early because I thought that I would be able to pass out and the night would go by quickly.  Well, that isn’t happening.  Maybe I’ll go out to the bar.  A few drinks might help me get to sleep.

5/15/09- Today went super smooth.  I pulled over and offered him a ride as he was walking to work.  Then I just injected him as he was buckling up.  It was so easy.  After making sure he was out, I tacked the card to a nearby tree and we were off.  I drove straight out to the cabin and got him into the basement before having to go in for my shift.  It would be so much easier if I didn’t have to work.  Then I could just spend all of my time with the vessels and not have to worry about covering myself around others.  I would quit in a heartbeat if I could.  I know I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on the vessels without it, and I wouldn’t be able to monitor the investigation.  Oh, I can’t wait for this to be over.  I can’t wait for the day that I get to walk away from that place.  Hopefully it will be burned to the ground, either metaphorically or literally... I don’t really care. 

Well, my shift just ended.  I only stopped by my place to change and grab some clothes before heading out to the cabin.  I’m running way behind on this one, but I wasn’t able to sneak away at lunch.  Hopefully the second step of the process goes as smooth as when I took him.  Well, I should be going.

5/17/09- I didn’t get a chance to write yesterday.  Things have been a little rough around here.  The procedure didn’t go very well.  He ended up hemorrhaging, and I barely got it to stop before he bled out.  He didn’t even wake up until midday yesterday.  Luckily we have the same blood type, so I was able to give him a transfusion.  I think that’s what it’s called.  Anyway, I was able to give him my blood to save him.  I never considered needing a blood supply here in case something went wrong.  I guess it doesn’t really matter, though.  If they die, I can just go out and find someone else.  I do think I need to have a back up ready in case that happens.  I still want to keep to my timeframe, so I could just grab the second man on the same day and it wouldn’t mess anything up.

Anyway, the vessel is doing much better today.  He’s still pretty weak, but his color is almost back to normal.  I didn’t push him yesterday, but I did today.  I explained everything to him and he just nodded before kind of going limp.  It was easy for Justin to enter him after that.

He asked me how I’ve been and told me he loved me.  After an hour, I curled up in bed with him and he put his arm around me.  I could tell he was still weak because he didn’t really hold me, but it was so great to have even what little he could muster.  I
stayed there with him until he passed out.  Even then, it was another hour before I got up.  I didn’t want to.  I just wanted to say there with him all night.  I will admit that I did kiss him when I got up.  I know I shouldn’t because he isn’t in his body, but I couldn’t help it.  It was just so hard to stop there.  I didn’t want to.  I wanted so much more from him.  I had to force myself to leave, because I knew if I waited too long that I wouldn’t be able to.  I know it wouldn’t be cheating, because it’s Justin’s soul, but it just wouldn’t be good enough.  I don’t just want his soul... I want his body.  I want all of him.  I just hope I won’t have to wait too much longer before I can have him all.

5/19/09- The vessel is doing much better today.  His leg isn’t looking so good, but it will work until the process is complete.  This one isn’t putting up much of a fight at all.  He’s made it really easy for Justin to be able to transfer in.  He just gets it.  He knows that what he’s doing is important, and he’s not fighting it.  His weakness is having a little bit of an effect on Justin, though.  He has to put so much energy into controlling it because of how weak it is that it’s leaving him sounding almost tired and cold.  I know it’s not his fault, though.  He doesn’t mean it.  I know how hard it is for me to have to do all of this.  It is a gazillion times harder for him.  Not only does he get emotionally drained during the time in between the vessels, I know it’s physically taxing for him to have to get used to the different bodies.  I didn’t help anything by botching the procedure.  Now he has to work twice as hard just to make up for the loss of energy in the vessel.  I imagine it makes him a little grumpy, but I can’t hold that against him.

I know he doesn’t mean to be cold with me.  He’s just ready for this to be complete so he can be back.  I know that’s what it is.  Well, I’m
going to try to get a nap in while he’s sleeping.  I want to make a nice dinner for him tonight so he can get a little stronger.

5/20/09- The vessel has started to fight back a little.  He started crying today.  I knew right away that he had pushed Justin out and took the body back over.  Justin never cried, not even at the end.  I know there’s no way he would start now.  He’s too strong for that.

I decided just to leave him be for a little while.  I’m hoping he will wear himself out so Justin can get back in.  I’ve got to be heading into work anyway.  I’ll let my man fight his way back in while I’m gone.  I know he won’t have much trouble.  In fact, I’m sure he will be settled back in by the time I get off tonight.

5/22/09- I took the day off today.  I told them I was just too upset knowing that another man was going to die today.  I went out to the cabin early and got everything ready before bringing the vessel up for lunch.  It was actually pretty romantic.  It started raining just before we sat down.  I opened the windows and let the sounds carry through the room.  It was great.  We even had a pleasant conversation while we ate.  I could also see Justin leave when the time came.  As soon as he did, I ended it.  Since I had the day off, I took my time like I did with the last one.  I didn’t know how long it was going to be before the rain stopped, so I decided to just take him out.  I knew there was a risk in going out in the rain, especially with footprints, but I kind of liked it.  It reminded me of when Justin and I used to go out for walks in the rain.  To cover myself, I took the vessel’s boots and wore them when I got close to where I was going to leave him.  If any prints get left, they will think they belong to a man with a size ten
foot.  Being that Ben wears an eleven or something, that will actually help him out a little.  While I want them to look at him if the investigation should ever turn in my direction, I don’t really want him to get convicted.  Well, not really.  Footprints would just be circumstantial, so they wouldn't really rule him out.  I would just need him to take the blame long enough for me to continue the process.  Of course, I would have to stop leaving the notes after that.  The moment another one was found, they would stop looking at him and start the search again.

I miss having him already.  I know it’s only been a few hours, but I really do miss him.  I wish I could keep them longer.  All of this waiting is killing me.  I just wish he was strong enough to come back for good.

Well, I’m going to shower and head to the bar.  I imagine everyone will be out there tonight.  It’s become a bit of a thing.  Everyone goes out after the vessels are killed.  I guess it’s their way of grieving the fact that they lost.  I’m going to go out and watch it.  I’m not going to lie... I quite enjoy watching their misery.

5/23/09- I know it’s soon, but I’m already out looking for the next guy.  Justin came to me in a dream last night.  He’s getting so much stronger!    I’m so glad, too.  I think something deep inside of me thought that it might not work.  I never even admitted it to myself... well, not aloud.

Anyway, so I was walking through the woods in my dream and Justin came up behind me.  He wrapped his arms around me and told me that he missed me.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy.  We held hands and just walked along the tree covered paths.  We didn’t even talk.  We were just
there together.  It was amazing.  I was so upset when I woke up and I realized that it hadn’t been real.

I don’t want to have to wait before taking another vessel.  I wish I didn’t have to.  I just want him back so bad.  I don’t want to have to wait for weeks just so I can have a few days with him.  I want him back all the time.  I want to be able to hold him and go for walks with him.  I want to be able to curl up in bed together and spend the night talking.  I think I’ve missed that more than anything.  Even if I had to go the rest of my life without being able to hold him, I would still be satisfied just to be able to talk to him the way we used to.  I’m not talking about just the casual conversation here or there... I’m talking about when we turned off the television or radio and just talked.  It’s something that you take for granted until it’s gone.  I would give anything just to have one of those conversations again.  It’s not the same with the vessels.  I know it’s him talking, but it’s just not the same.  Well, I think I’m going to get some sleep.  I’m not really tired, but I’m hoping he’ll be waiting there for me.

5/25/09- Dr. Gamboa brought up the case again today.  He’s trying not to show it, but I can tell that he’s a little concerned.  Since the department isn’t smart enough to figure out the pattern, it seems that all men are a little nervous these days.  I think he’s hoping I will be able to give him some information that the news isn’t reporting.  Oh, if only he knew!

The vessel’s body was found today.  I didn’t go to the scene, but I heard he was found by a group of high schoolers that were looking for a place to drink.  They didn’t even bother to get rid of the beer before calling the police.  I guess that’s teenage boys for you.  The good part about them finding the body is I know they will tell everyone they can get to listen.  Since they are adolescents, I know they will also make it sound even more brutal than it already is.  Are they adolescents?  I can never remember if that’s just young children or anyone who’s a minor.  It might just be young children.  Oh well, that’s not the point.  All in all, it was a great day!

5/29/09- I’ve made up my mind.  I can’t keep waiting as long in between the vessels.  This isn’t moving fast enough.  I should have him back by now.  It’s been long enough.  I don’t have anything else to say right now.

5/30/09- I can’t sleep.  Something happened today that was so amazing that I can’t get over.  When I walked into my bedroom today after work, Justin was sitting on my bed.  I couldn’t even speak.  I just stood there and stared at him, while he smiled back at me.  He wasn’t completely here, almost like a ghost, but it was him.  It’s working!  He’s getting strong enough to come to me without needing a vessel.

I couldn’t even make myself move until he finally spoke.  “Hi, monkey,” he said.  His voice was so sweet on my ears.  My heart jumped when I heard it and I rushed toward him.  I tried to touch him, but he wasn’t solid enough.  My hand just went right through.  I felt like crying, both from sadness and happiness.  It was so hard not being able to touch him.  I wanted to so badly.  We just sat next to each other and talked until I fell asleep.  I really wish I hadn’t fallen asleep in the middle of the afternoon.  Not just because I can’t sleep now, but because he was gone when I woke up.  As AMAZING as it was to see him, it almost hurt
worse when I woke up and he wasn’t there beside me.  At first I thought it might have just been a dream, but it wasn’t.  He was here.  Oh, I can’t believe it.  He was actually here.  It was so amazing to see him and to be able to talk to him.  It’s so much better than seeing him in dreams or talking to him through the vessels.  I value those times, but it’s nothing compared to actually having him here in front of me.  I just wish he had been strong enough for me to be able to hold him.  Falling asleep next to him was great, but I wish I could have fallen asleep in his arms.  I really can’t wait until this process is complete so I can feel him up against me.