Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad! (20 page)

It was springtime in the South, and not even the pine pollen could take away from my nervous excitement. My wife was pregnant, and we were closing in on the due date. Tall and skinny, my beautiful wife looked like a sporty car with one of those big travel “eggs” strapped onto her. Boy, that baby looked big in there! We knew it was going to be a girl because we simply could not resist finding out the sex of the baby. We had considered keeping it a surprise, but when it came down to it, and the ultrasound technician asked, since she was already looking, “Did you want to know?” we took the plunge.

We had a name selected, but it was being closely protected from prying family. To be honest, we didn’t really want their feedback, positive or otherwise. We had the name suggestion box, and after reading the groups of names that had been scribbled on paper and dropped in, we were not sure whose taste we could trust anymore.

Then, as we were in the last few weeks approaching the due date, we went in to a doctor’s appointment thinking we were on track. Only, at this appointment we discovered that our baby had become breech. [Author’s Note: Breech babies are turned the wrong way for delivery. See, you learned something new today.]Because everything had gone relatively smoothly to this point, we weren’t quite sure what to do. Our patient doctor covered the problems a breech baby can present and explained that they would attempt a “version.” [Author’s Note: It’s me again. This is a technique in which the doctor attempts to turn the baby the correct way. It works about 50 percent of the time.] If the baby remained breech, the doctor informed us, she might be deliverable this way, but sometimes a C-section is performed.

So we were back the next appointment, full of nerves and concern. We were really coming down to the wire on the due date! As the doctors came in, we weren’t sure what to expect. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I saw them use some sort of technique that, in reality, looked like they were just pressing on my wife’s abdomen and forcing the baby to turn the correct way. Of course there’s no way I would have tried to do it. After a few minutes of this we found out it was a success. Our child was turned to the correct delivery position and we were able to put all of those other possibilities out of our mind.

Now we were closing in on week 40. As excited as I felt, my wife was feeling ready to give birth. I could really tell the baby was wearing her out. At the same time, I knew she would carry the baby for another year if that was what was required of her. She was feeling that if the baby was ready, so was she. On the elevator on the way up to the doctor’s office, she hinted that if there was a way to get a discussion started around inducing labor that she would be okay with that.

Once we were in the office, the doctor checked on my wife and the baby. I forget the exact conversation, but basically because we were so close to the due date, our doctor asked us about the possibility of induction. Seeing an opening, we basically told him that if he thought it was prudent, then we were quite okay with getting this delivery on the road.

For some reason, I figured this was a scheduled delivery, like one of the many (many!) doctor’s appointments we had been to during the pregnancy. So you can imagine my surprise when we were told that this was more of an on-call situation. Once we got to thinking about it, it made more sense to us. The hospital of course needed to take care of those who had no choice but to deliver (because the baby had the final say on timing), and then take on the voluntary cases like ours. So we had an approximate date and time, but we were told to go about our routine and they would let us know.

So, we did go about our business. But throughout the day, we kept glancing at our cell phones. Are these things on? Are we sure they still work? Are they charged? And then as soon as we sat down to eat at our church’s fish-fry dinner, the phone magically rang. It was the hospital. They were ready for us. There was no need to rush, they assured us, just get our belongings and head their way. Well, we felt strange finishing our meal, but knowing what we were about to do, we did it with a smile. We couldn’t resist telling the people sitting at our table what was going on. They all wished us well, and we proceeded to get our things.

On the way to the hospital, it was exciting but slightly strange. After all the thoughts of rushing to the hospital, with Baby coming at any second, this was rather calm. We didn’t need to run any red lights, didn’t even worry about flooring the gas pedal when we saw a green light turn yellow. We talked. She was glad that she was going to be delivering soon, and we were both excited.

The staff at the hospital got us checked into our room. Northside Hospital in Atlanta is an award-winning facility that delivers over 18,000 babies a year. Based on its reputation, our tour, and the group of doctors we were working with, we felt that we were in good hands.

Our room was exactly the same as we saw on our tour. It almost looked like a normal bedroom. The bed of course was a hospital bed, and you couldn’t help but notice the monitoring equipment that was present. But there was also a TV and movie player, and a music player, and it had a nice overall feel to it. I did see the small couch I would be sleeping on the next few nights, and I think my mind was playing tricks on me, because my back was starting to hurt already.

Once we found out that Dr. X [Author’s Note: Name omitted for obvious reasons] was on call that evening, we were slightly disappointed. We had ranked the doctors in the group; she was not our top choice. She came by to say a brief hello, and then she was gone. The nursing staff continued our preparation. There were IVs to hook up, and the fetal monitoring belt. They assured us they would be able to keep an eye on the fetal monitor from the nurses' station. Then it was just the two of us. We talked and watched movies. The whole thing seemed, I don’t know, calmer than what I had pictured.

As we waited for the Pitocin to work its magic, I could tell my wife was starting to feel labor pains. She was a trooper about the whole thing, but I could tell she was hurting. They couldn’t give her the painkilling epidural right away. She was allowed ice chips to stay hydrated and that was about it.

We had a few moments of excitement. The fetal monitoring belt slipped out of place, and the nurses came pretty quickly. At least it was good to know someone was paying attention! There were moments when the baby’s heart began going both faster and slower, and as a nervous first-timer, I was scared by both situations. Occasionally a nurse would stop by and check on us. I’m guessing we were a reasonable garden-variety delivery at this point. This seemed strange to me, as my child’s birth seemed anything but normal to me.

Finally it began. The contractions finally warmed up and began to strengthen. I was amazed at the casual atmosphere surrounding these events. It was very matter-of-fact as my wife began to push out our child. Nurses hovered, family was in the waiting area (hopefully to stay), and this dad was nervous. I felt excited and jumpy, both scared something was going to go wrong and excited that nothing seemed wrong at the moment.

Just when it seemed the doctor was going to miss all of the fun, she showed up. I had really been hoping she was going to make an appearance. The baby’s head was already starting to show (look at that hair!), and I was considering either yelling for help or putting on those gloves — I couldn’t decide. The doctor showed up, and the whole thing was pretty quick from that point. All of a sudden, “WHOOSH!” the baby was out, and the doctor was offering me the honor of cutting the umbilical cord. I declined, partly because of being slightly squeamish around blood and partly because I was scared I would mess up and injure my child in some way.

As quickly as it had started, it was over. The doctor was gone like a flash, and the nurses took it from there. They took our beautiful baby girl under the heat lamp, and checked her out, For some reason I wanted her to get a perfect score on the Apgar test. They assured us everything was in good order, and we could hold the baby. We took turns for a minute before unleashing the grandparents on the poor child. We were moved pretty quickly from the delivery room to the recovery room, and my father-in-law was kind enough to help us celebrate by sparing us the cafeteria and getting us some great food.

In the recovery room, we were all smiles. The nurses came in and attached matching bracelets to Mom, Dad, and Baby so there would be no doubt which baby belonged to us. They also told us that an alarm would go off if our child was taken past a certain point in the hospital. Scary thought!

Once we settled into our recovery room, we learned about how things would go for the next few days. The nurses would be happy to watch our girl in the nursery for us, and we could come get her at any time. When we had her, there was a panic button available for us if something went wrong. As for us, we had a TV, but all of our conversation and attention was on our baby. We felt like we should keep her with us as much as possible. I know, despite what the nurses said, I felt if I sent her to the nursery I would already be shirking my duty as a dad!

So keep her we did. One of us always tried to stay awake to make sure she was okay and breathing. It’s something I thought was just us, but it seems all new parents do it: we’re so scared something is going to happen that we listen to our babies breathe. Once at somewhere around 3
A.M.
the nurse finally convinced me I should let our newborn go to the nursery and the parents should get some sleep. It was hard for me to refuse, because I was asleep holding my daughter anyway.

The only other excitement came when our daughter began coughing, and then began, as far as we could tell, choking. We looked at each other for what felt like forever, and then my wife smashed the panic button. A nurse came storming into our rooms, with urgency, but with the confidence of someone who knows what she is doing. While my wife told her our daughter was choking, I just sat there, pointing at the baby and saying, “choking!” The nurse simply nodded, gently but firmly took our child, flipped her over, and gave her a few well-placed thuds on the back. Whatever it was clogging things up was released, and all was well with the world again. The nurse, now one of my favorite people in the world, calmly left, and on her way out she told us to notify them if it happened again.

Now that the excitement was over, I took a deep breath. We felt like maybe our one scare was over. We decided to let our daughter spend a little more time in the nursery during the rest of our stay as we figured there was nowhere she would be safer. The rest of our visit was actually nice. We had a lot of time just to enjoy our child and share some time together.

As we left the hospital, we were a little sad. We knew we were reentering the real world. As I pulled the car around, we double-checked the infant car seat to make sure it was secure, and then we triple-checked to see whether we had buckled her in correctly. On the way home, we couldn’t help but check on her constantly. It felt good to bring her home to her home, and to the room we had redone for her. We knew it was the start of a different phase of our lives together.

Told with the permission of John Mueller

Pretty cool, huh? This narrative was a father’s account of the birth of his daughter, told in his words. As you can see, giving birth comes at you fast. That’s why birth plans became both so popular and elaborate, because there isn’t time for careful consideration and research when problems arise. Those decisions need to be already researched and discussed, and options evaluated by the time your bundle of joy enters your life.

As much as it pains me to put this into print, I will tell you something my wife figured out a long time ago: I don’t know everything. Because this topic is as old as people themselves, there is a lot written on the subject matter, of course. There are circumstances that may arise during the pregnancy where you may need to drill down deeper into certain subject matter. Pregnancy has been covered by many people in many styles from mild to wild, and everywhere in between. Because the styles and manner in which the information is presented and prioritized, it is helpful to gain multiple perspectives on this topic.

I wouldn’t be paying homage to the era of lawyers if I didn’t tell you that these are sources of information I recommend, but by all means, direct specific questions to your chosen health-care provider. They are the ones with the malpractice insurance after all. So depending on your needs, here are ten of the most helpful resources I have discovered:

(Heidi Murkoff, Sharon Mazel)

This is roughly the equivalent of the Bible for members of the Christian faith. Lots of juicy and well researched information lies within these pages. Plus you can review yet another “For Dads” section written by, wait for it, a woman. But lots of the detailed medical stuff is spot-on. Special tip: the real good stuff by Dads for Dads is on the website of the same name in the “Message Board” area.

All the information is there for you to go ahead and misdiagnose your situation. So go ahead, tell me you’re not confused by the article saying your child’s ADHD could just be immaturity. Which one is it? But seriously, there’s tons of useful information here for you.

They have so much here, especially in the “Men’s Health” section. Remember when we were discussing you taking care of yourself? This site has a good bit of helpful information to that end.

What does Mr. DeMille have to do with pregnancy? Nothing, to be honest. But between all of the doctor’s appointments and potential waiting to be done, I suggest you keep a good book around to help pass the time. Anything John Corey especially.

It’s an easy-to-reference website where the links for each week are right there for you in a bold purple. As you click into the respective weeks, try to stay focused on the useful information and not be distracted by the avant-garde cartoons of your BMP’s insides.