Echoes of the Heart (14 page)

Lots of people had casual sex. At twenty-seven years of age, she’d only known one lover. In their brief time together, Jake had satisfied her every physical need. It was unlikely she’d ever feel such an intense attraction to another man, let alone trust enough again to know another lover. If she was going to remain celibate for the rest of her life, was it so wrong to enjoy a month of sexual fulfilment in the arms of the only man she still found so attractive? By losing herself in his lovemaking, she could surely forget the circumstances that brought them together and just allow herself to enjoy being with him.

She raised her head from Jake’s chest and touched his face, tracing the hard planes and running her thumb across the soft curve of his lower lip. She yearned to kiss him. She was confused about her feelings, but on one point she was crystal clear. Tonight she needed to lose herself in him more than she needed to breathe. Shifting in his embrace she found the courage to touch her lips against his.

Jake’s eyes were closed. They flew open at the soft pressure of Amanda’s lips against his. The sweet slide of her tongue tip along his lips instantly inflamed him. His desire for her could not be contained. Even knowing who she’d become, he couldn’t get enough of the sweetness of her as he returned her kisses.

Her soft body pressed closer to the hardness of his and it made him want to flip her over onto her back and drive into her. Of their own volition his hands ran up and down her back, then around so he could cup her firm breasts. She groaned into his mouth, causing an answering tremor of need to run through him.

This wasn’t right. Telling himself she was exhausted and worried about her aunt, he tried to assert some self-control. ‘I want you, Amanda, but —’

She pulled her head away from him. ‘No buts. I still want you, and tonight I need you. I’m not going to deny that to myself or to you any longer.’

His heart skipped a beat at her admission. ‘There’s no reason to deny it,’ he told her huskily. ‘You drive me crazy, too. It’s always been that way between us.’

The light touch of her fingertips across his shoulders and up into his hair stoked the fire inside him.

‘I want to see all of you,’ he murmured.

Slowly he unbuttoned the long-sleeved blouse she wore and sucked in a breath as he exposed the tops of the creamy flesh of her breasts above the delicate lace of her bra. His hands slid the blouse off her shoulders and she gave a little shiver as it fell to the floor.

‘You’re so perfect,’ he rasped.

He observed Amanda’s nervous swallow and her trembling fingers as she undid the front clasp of her bra. Wordlessly, she uncovered the flawlessness of her breasts.

A charming faint pink flush spread across the skin of her chest and swept up her neck as he surveyed the twin rosy nipples with satisfaction.

‘Touch me, Jake,’ she whispered.

His erection throbbed painfully. Wanting to do more than just touch her, he lowered his head to one nipple and then the other, drew each into his mouth in turn and sucked hard. The taste of her skin was as delicious as he remembered. It drove him wild to hear her abandoned moan of pleasure. Throwing her head backwards, she gripped his shoulders tight as he sucked and licked each sensitive peak.

‘I want you, Jake.’

‘I know, sweetheart. I know.’ He wanted her, too.

Working quickly he unzipped her black skirt. It joined her blouse on the floor.

Amanda shrugged herself out of her bra, unbuttoned his shirt and fumbled at the belt of his jeans.

‘Let me help,’ he told her urgently.

An instant later he was naked and on his knees. He eased her black lace knickers down over her slender hips and boots and marvelled at her form. Caressing her smooth, firm thighs with his hands, he breathed in the perfume of her arousal. One hand cupped her buttocks, the other delved into the blonde curls at the apex of her thighs. The moist heat of her beckoned him as his fingers separated her feminine folds. Finding the nub of flesh, he rubbed and tugged it gently making her body jerk fiercely.

‘I can’t stand up when you do that,’ she moaned.

Regarding her flushed features, elation shot through him. Her pleasure was more important than anything else at this moment. He wanted her wild with longing for him, the way she’d always been. With every touch and taste, he wanted to wipe out the last couple of years as though they had never been. The time they’d shared had been special—he wanted her acknowledgement of that.

‘I want you inside me, Jake,’ she begged. Her trembling hands urged him to stand up again.

‘Not so fast,’ he soothed. He wanted to draw out their lovemaking, to bring her to the edge again and again until she was mindless. He’d planned to take this first night of their reunion slowly. Tonight he wanted to live the illusion and forget her betrayal.

‘I want you now,’ she insisted, anguish in her voice. ‘I can’t wait.’

Just the sound of her yearning made him abandon all his intentions to take it slow. The need in her eyes was surely a reflection of his own.

Without taking his eyes from hers he got to his feet. A month of days and nights stretched before him. There would be plenty of opportunities for him to pleasure her in every way possible. Right now she was as desperate for completion as he was.

He started to move them toward the bedroom.

‘No.’ Her voice sounded strangled. Her need was palpable. ‘I can’t wait another second. I need you here. Now.’

His breath expanded his chest and, knowing she wanted him so desperately, his heart swelled with emotions he couldn’t identify.

She groaned her urgent need. ‘Now, Jake,’ she insisted.

‘Put your legs around me,’ he commanded as he lifted her.

The slide of her smooth leather boots against his back was erotic. A couple of steps and he lowered her on to the cool marble bench of the bathroom vanity.

‘Too cold?’ he queried.

‘Warm me,’ she said.

He grinned at her demand. ‘Warm’ was an understatement of what he’d do to her. He’d blaze into her. She’d be on fire, just as he was.

Leather-clad calves squeezed at his back, urging him closer as she looked up at him with passion-glazed eyes. Giving in to her demands and the dictate of his own body, he slid into her hot, tight flesh with a guttural cry of satisfaction. She tensed fractionally.

Instantly he stilled, searching her face for any sign of discomfort. ‘Okay?’ he queried.

‘Yes,’ she breathed. ‘More than okay.’ Her teeth nipped at his shoulder. ‘Move, Jake.’

He moved. It was even more fantastic than he remembered. Her body fit around his like a custom-made glove. Her legs clutched and released his body as he thrust deeply into her, over and over again in a reckless quest for completion. Short fingernails scraped down his back as the intensity of their passion built.

Wilder and more passionate than she’d been with him before, she was on fire. Less inhibited. More demanding. Frantically, she clung to him and moved her body to urge him to increase the tempo of their lovemaking. Her fervour drove him crazy. This was a woman who knew what she wanted, and he was determined to give it to her. All her other lovers would be obliterated from her memory.

She would remember only him.

Want only him.

Respond to him alone.

The little tremors inside her grew into strong spasms of climax. It took every ounce of his control to hold off his own orgasm. When her limbs grew heavy around him he gave his body permission to soar to the same peak. He reached his own utopia, spilling himself deep within her.

No! What the hell had he been thinking?

Cursing, he pulled out of her abruptly and dropped his arms as reality came crashing in. The condoms were in his bedroom but he’d failed to give contraception a second thought.

How bloody irresponsible!

He never failed to use protection. The medical check she’d undergone was proof there was no risk of disease, but the risk of pregnancy…

The muscles across his shoulders tightened painfully as he backed away from her. Tension made his guts twist. ‘Are you on the pill?’

The dreamy, satisfied glow of completion on her face was replaced by a wide-eyed look of alarm. Her flushed cheeks drained of colour, leaving him in no doubt that the unprotected sex they’d just shared hadn’t been a premeditated ploy on her part.

Belatedly, she snapped her legs together and crossed her arms over her breasts.

He cursed his recklessness. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t…What are the chances of you falling pregnant?’

Frantically counting the days since her last period, Amanda’s stomach plummeted. She hoped he wasn’t as virile as he looked, because she was right in the middle of her normal cycle. But then, her body’s rhythm hadn’t been normal lately. With all the stress of the last couple of months, she’d become very irregular. With a bit of luck her cycle was still out of whack and she wasn’t smack-bang at the optimum time for conception.

Surely it couldn’t happen to her? She’d heard of fertile couples trying for months or even years without success. The odds had to be in her favour.

This union could not result in a child. Not when Jake didn’t love her. Not when she was merely being used as his playmate for a month. She firmly believed children should be conceived from love. Her birth was a result of lust, and she’d suffered the feelings of being unwanted when she’d discovered her mother hadn’t planned her birth and hadn’t wanted her.

‘Answer me, Amanda.’

The tension and strain in Jake’s face told her he was appalled at the prospect of her being pregnant. Her body tensed. Did he think she wanted to fall pregnant to gain financial support?

‘I’m extremely unlikely to fall pregnant at this stage in my cycle,’ she replied, hoping that the words were true. There was no point in creating more tension between them when she’d lost track of exactly when her next period was due.

‘If you are…’ He broke off, running his hands through his hair.

‘I won’t be.’

He walked back to her and touched her cheek with the palm of his hand. ‘I promise I won’t be so careless again,’ he vowed.

Of course he wouldn’t
, she thought sadly
, pregnancy wasn’t part of the contract
. He’d hardly risk the chance of being trapped into marriage or into on-going financial support when all he wanted was the use of her body for a month. What was it his father had said? Something along the lines of girls like her arriving on the door step with a little bundle of pink or blue and claiming half Jake’s inheritance. She had to make him realise that she wasn’t like that.

Avoiding his eyes, she lowered herself off the marble vanity and pushed past him. Supremely conscious that she wore only knee-high boots, she reached for a white towelling robe that hung on the back of the bathroom door. Making sure her back was to him, she wrapped herself in the robe and secured the belt firmly at her waist.

‘Amanda —’

‘I didn’t intend for that to happen,’ she said, trying to avoid looking at his nakedness. ‘Well, I wanted that to happen, but not —’

‘I —’

‘I wasn’t thinking,’ she reinforced.

‘We’re both guilty of that,’ he told her, each word clipped.

Silence.

Tension.

She was aware of every shallow breath she took. Felt his eyes on her, tracing her tumbled hair, the gaping robe. She wished he would put some clothes on. He might be uncaring of his nakedness, but she couldn’t look at him without wanting to touch him.

Jake let out a long breath and wrapped a towel around his waist. ‘There’s always the morning-after pill.’

The tight band constricting her chest released.

‘Yes,’ she agreed at once.

‘I’ll organise one for you.’ He gathered his clothes up and moved toward the door. ‘I’ll let you sleep and see you in the morning.’

As soon as he was gone, she sank back against the wall. She didn’t think she could regret being Jake’s lover. They’d had wild and strenuous, physically fulfilling, mind-blowing sex. Better still, she’d instigated it. She hadn’t sat by and waited for his commands. She’d taken the initiative and now her limbs were heavy with physical satisfaction. The problem was that her heart was afflicted by the same weighty sensation.

She and Jake hadn’t made love. There was no point deluding herself that her experiences with Jake would ever be emotionally fulfilling. For Jake it had only ever been about sex and she had to accept that.

Surely her previous experience with him would stop her weaving romantic dreams into a relationship that had nothing to do with love? She had to be realistic. To Jake what they had shared was just sex.

No-strings-attached sex.

Hot, mind-blowing sex.

Unprotected
sex.

Apprehension made her chew on her lower lip. She denied the possibility of pregnancy in her own mind. Once she’d dreamed of having Jake’s children, but that had been when she believed he loved her. They had no future and she had no right to bring a child into the world when it would feel unwanted by one of its parents.

Jake would organise the morning-after pill, and everything would be alright.

***

‘No!’ Amanda called out in her sleep as she tossed and turned.

She was at Lloyd’s funeral. Fiona Bennett stood with hatred in her eyes. ‘You killed him!’ Fiona declared. Accusing faces stared at her. They surrounded her. Their voices joined Fiona’s in a chant. ‘You killed him! You killed him!’

‘I didn’t!’ she cried. She tried to run, but the hostile crowd closed in on her.

The scene changed. Cold steel clamped around her wrists. A burly policeman prodded her into a cold, bare cell. She heard the clang of the metal door as it locked behind her. The musty odour of rising damp assaulted her nostrils.

‘No!’ she sobbed again. It couldn’t be true. She’d escaped from the prison of her marriage only to face another long, unfair incarceration. ‘You don’t know the truth!’

Hearing Amanda’s cries, Jake raced to her room and flicked on the bedroom light. The sheets were in disarray around her as she thrashed about. The hair at her temples was damp with perspiration.

He sat on the edge of her bed and gripped her shoulders with his hands. ‘Amanda!’