Frozen Hearts (Beyond Reality Book 3) (6 page)

“Do you think I should bring them a couple of matches? I mean, they look awful. I know Eddie doesn’t want us helping them, but I hate just sitting here watching this.”

Jonathan grinned at her. For all her brashness, she really was a softie. He whispered back, “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Kina smiled at him and walked toward Darius and Roger. She came back soon after, still grinning.

“Did they take them?” Jonathan asked, wondering if the men would try to play the game honestly or if they were too miserable to care anymore.

“They took them.” Kina said simply. There was Jonathan’s answer.

They watched as the fire the men were desperately trying to light suddenly came to life. The glow of the flames made its way across the distance to where Jonathan and Kina were sitting. There was no official rule that they couldn’t go and sit with the men, but ther
e
wa
s
an unwritten one. Kina didn’t really want to go and sit by the fire anyway, she was enjoying being with Jonathan in their own little dark world.

As darkness fell and the temperature got colder, Jonathan put his arm around Kina and pulled her into his side. He argued with himself on whether or not he should make the play, but in the end decided to go for it.

God, he loved this woman. He hadn’t admitted that to himself before, but Jonathan knew it was true. Kina was hardworking, honest, and a softie deep, down inside. Thinking about what she’d said about her last boyfriend, he couldn’t stand the fact that someone had tried to crush her spirit. There was no way he’d want to tell her what to do all the time. Jonathan knew he’d have to try to curb his natural tendency to protect her, but he wasn’t as bad as his brother was with that. Dean was the true alpha in their family. Jonathan decided to try to keep things light between them for the moment.

“Would you rather be illiterate, but able to read minds, or just have the ability to read?”

              Kina had to think about that one for a moment. At first it seemed like a hard question, but the more she thought about it the easier it got.

“Definitely just have the ability to read. Think about it, after a while you’d be so sick of hearing what others thought. ‘Should I order the nuggets or the burger?’ ‘Look at how fat he is.’ ‘I have to poop.’” She shuddered, but teased as she continued, “But I’d love to know what you’re thinking half the time when you’re looking at me.”

Jonathan looked at the woman snuggled into his side and told her honestly, “I’ll tell you what I’m thinking. I’m thinking how beautiful you are. I’m thinking how much I enjoy being around you and laughing with you. I’m thinking how badly I want to sink my hands in your hair and taste your lips. I’m wondering if you’ll taste half as good as I’ve imagined.”

Kina’s breath caught. Holy Mother of God, he was good. Goosebumps broke out all down her arms. He was never afraid to put himself out there, emotionally. Did she dare do the same?

“I’ve wondered the same thing.” She dared.

Jonathan immediately stood up and called over to the other men without responding to Kina’s words. “We’re hitting the sack. If you need anything, emergency-wise, just let us know. Otherwise, we’ll see you in the morning.”

The guys nodded and turned back to their fire, huddling as close as they dared to try to keep warm and ignoring the two camera crew.

Jonathan held his hand down to Kina. “Ready for bed?”

Wow. Jonathan was looking at her in that intense way he had. Kina reached up to take hold of his hand. She had no idea what he had in mind, but for now, in this place, she trusted him. Was he going to escort her to her tent? Had what she said turned him off? Maybe this being honest thing wasn’t working out after all.

Jonathan pulled Kina upright and headed to the two small tents they’d put up earlier. They’d set them up so they were facing each other and the doors opened toward each other. Jonathan walked around to the back of the tents, away from the other men and their fire. He never let go of Kina’s hand. He stopped in front of the openings to the tents and turned Kina to face him. She really was tiny compared to him. He lifted her chin with one finger so she was looking into his eyes.

“There’s nothing more I’d like to do than to take you inside one of our tents and make love to you all night long. I want to see your muscular little body more than I want my next breath. Unfortunately...” Jonathan blew out a long breath of air. They both watched as the chilly temperature turned it into a visible vapor. “It’s way too cold to do what I want to do. To take the time, to do what I want to do.”

Kina’s breath was coming in pants. She couldn’t hide what she was feeling because of the coldness of the air. Every little puff that came from her mouth was being broadcasted to Jonathan, loud and clear. She guessed her being honest worked after all. She wanted the same thing. The images his words brought to her mind were hot as hell. She could almost imagine him braced over her, his hair hanging down and brushing over her chest. She shuddered. How could she want this so quickly? She thought about it. Did she just want sex or was it Jonathan? She decided it was definitely Jonathan. No one else had made her feel this way in a long time.

              Jonathan ran a finger down Kina’s cheek and continued. “Even though it’s too cold to make love to you tonight, I want you next to me. I want to feel you along my body. I want to hold you all night. I need to feel every inch of you curled up next to me. I’ll understand if you think it’s too soon. I won’t force you, Kina, it’s up to you. Just know I want this. I want this more than anything.”

He stopped and actually took a small shuffling step away from her. He dropped his hands to his side. Kina was floored. He’d laid out what he’d wanted and was honest-to-God putting the decision in her hands. Matt would’ve just grabbed her and shoved her into the small tent.

              She nodded at Jonathan. He took a step that brought him back in direct contact with her again. She could feel the heat from his body all along the front side of hers. He wasn’t touching her, but if she took a deep breath she knew her breasts would brush against his chest. She craned her neck to look up at him.

“Say the words, hon.”

Kina loved, and hated, that he wanted to hear her say what she wanted and he wouldn’t just take a small nod from her as agreement.

“I’d love to spend the night curled up next to you,” she told him simply and honestly. She had no idea where this was going, but for now she’d take it. It’d been so long since she’d cuddled with a man. She missed it. Matt hadn’t been a cuddler. Once he’d gotten off, he turned over, with his back to her and went to sleep. Kinashook her head. She had to stop comparing everything Jonathan did to Matt. It wasn’t fair to Jonathan or her. But then again, every time sh
e
di
d
compare them, Jonathan always came out on top, so maybe it wasn’t such a horrible thing after all.

Jonathan took her hand in his again and stepped toward his tent. He unzipped the opening and motioned for Kina to precede him into the small space. And it
was
small. These tents were made to hold one person. It’d be a tight fit, but Kina supposed that was what Jonathan envisioned.

Kina entered the tent, sat down, pulled off her boots and put them by the door. She scooted away from the opening and lay down on her side to give Jonathan room to enter. She watched as he first unzipped the other tent and grabbed the sleeping bag. He tossed it into his tent and then he also sat and removed his boots before scooting back and zipping up the flimsy door.

Kina was nervous. She wasn’t sure what to do. She should’ve known Jonathan would take control. He pulled off his outer jacket and placed it where their heads would be. He turned to Kina and reached for the zipper of her jacket as well. Kina watched as he unzipped her jacket. She sat up to help him remove the coat. After placing her jacket next to his, he lay down on his side and put his head in his hand and just stared at her.

“What are you looking at?” Kina said nervously, wondering when he’d start…whatever it was he was going to do.

“I’m savoring this moment. You have no idea how often I’ve dreamed about you in my bed.” He chuckled. “Although this isn’t really what I had in mind, but I’ll take what I can get.”

Kina didn’t know what to say to that. He was so different from any man she’d ever met before in her life and she was so out of her element.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” Jonathan asked quietly, still not moving to touch her in any way.

“I’m not beautiful.” Kina told him honestly.

“You are,” he insisted, finally moving. He took his index finger and ran it lightly over her eyebrows. Then he ran his finger down her nose and lightly traced her lips. Next, his finger roamed over her cheek to her ear. He continued tracing the contours of her face.

              “Your skin is so soft. I’ve never felt anything like it. Your nose is small and slightly turned up at the end. Your lips are full and every time you speak I imagine what they’d taste like. You have cute little ears and your hair is your crowning glory. Oh, you’re beautiful all right, Kina. So beautiful I have no idea how you haven’t been snatched up by anyone else yet. But you haven’t, and if I have anything to say about it, you won’t be.” He paused, looked away for a moment and then looked back into her eyes.

“What I’m about to say is probably going to freak you out, but I’m going to say it anyway. You’re mine
.
Min
e
. I don’t care how long it takes for you to realize it and understand that I’m not going anywhere. That I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you from anyone who wants to hurt you. I’m not going to cheat on you; I’m not going to look elsewhere if you can’t decide right away. I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

“Are you for real?” Kina couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“I’m for real.
This
is real.”

Kina closed her eyes. She was so confused. How could she even for a secon
d
wan
t
to hear that kind of thing from Jonathan? This wasn’t the kind of woman she was. She couldn’t deny his words made her feel good. More than good. They made her feel as if she finally had someone to count on. Who would be there for her? But at the same time, he was right, his words did freak her out. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with them. Her heart was beating what seemed to be a million miles an hour, she was scared, but his words also touched a place deep down inside of her. A part of her that wanted to be taken care of. That wanted to be wanted. She was confused and scared, but strangely, also felt safe. Here. With Jonathan. He wouldn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t rush her.

When she didn’t say anything in response, Jonathan simply said, “Come here, it’s cold and we need to get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

He turned over on his back and held his arm up so Kina could snuggle down against him. When she tentatively dropped down next to him, he grasped one of her arms and pulled it over his chest. Her head was resting on his shoulder and she could feel his arm go around her back. He reached over and pulled the extra sleeping bag over both of them.

Kina felt Jonathan’s arm rubbing sensuously over her back. Up and down. Up and down. God, it felt good. She was warm, comfortable lying against his chest and content. She never wanted the morning to come.

“Would you rather gain fifty pounds or lose fifty pounds?”

Kina giggled. She loved this. She was so relaxed. It wasn’t weird. It wasn’t creepy. It was awesome. He totally got that she didn’t want know what to say to his intimate words. He didn’t push. He didn’t insist she talk to him. He’d just changed the subject back to something light. They played the game for a while until she was so tired she couldn’t stay awake anymore.

“This is nice,” she said sleepily, losing the battle to stay awake. She was so comfortable.

“Thi
s
i
s
nice.” Jonathan whispered back. “Sleep, hon. I’ll be right here.”

Kina smiled and fell asleep immediately.

* * *

Kina slowly came aware of her surroundings. It was still mostly dark outside and she couldn’t understand what had woken her.

“No! Becky? Where are you? No!”

Kina suddenly remembered where she was and who she was with. She could feel Jonathan thrashing in the throes of a nightmare beside her.

“Becky?” he yelled louder, obviously distraught.

Kina put her hand on his chest. “It’s okay, wake up, Jonathan.” She spoke firmly, trying to break the grip the dream had on him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Jonathan sobbed, still stuck in whatever he was seeing in his dream world.

“Jonathan,” Kina said more firmly. “Wake up.”

After saying his name a few more times Kina saw his eyes open in the dim morning light and the bleakness she saw there made her gasp.

Jonathan shut his eyes tightly. Crap. He’d had the damn dream again. He’d hoped he’d put it behind him, but it was obvious he hadn’t.

“Talk to me,” Kina said quietly, rubbing her hand over his chest soothingly.

Jonathan wanted nothing more than to get up and pace, to get away from the sympathy he could see in her eyes in the minimal light in the tent. Could he let her in? Was it too soon? Would she think badly of him? He knew he had to tell her, he’d just hoped it would be later.

Without opening his eyes, he put his hand over his face and scrubbed. “I’m not sure this is the right time to tell you,” he told Kina honestly.

“If not now, when?” she asked stubbornly. She put her hand over his, resting on his face. “You said I was yours, I think I want that as well, but you have to talk to me. You have to let me in.”

Crap. She was right. Jonathan knew Kina was right, but this was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life. He hoped like hell she wouldn’t look at him differently when he was done. His entire life felt like it was at stake. If she rejected him he didn’t know what he’d do.

“You know what happened to Becky, my brother’s wife, right?”

Kina simply said, “Yes, you know I do.”

“I could have prevented it,” Jonathan said bleakly, laying it right out there.

“Jonathan, you told me that before. I didn’t believe it then and I don’t believe it now.”

He interrupted her before she could say anything else. He had to get this out all in one shot or he’d never be able to get through it.

“It’s true. I went to the hotel that night. I knew something was wrong. I don’t know how I knew it, I just did. I was worried about her. When the front desk clerk wouldn’t tell me what room she was in, I let it go. He’d only connect me to her room via the phone and she didn’t answer. I just left. I should’ve insisted. I should’ve called the police or something. I should’ve done more to find her. I left her there, for those men to hurt her.” Jonathan said in anguish. “I left her there,” he said again, in a whisper.

Kina came up on an elbow and leaned over Jonathan, getting in his face so he couldn’t ignore her words. “It wasn’t your fault, Jonathan.”

When he didn’t say anything she knew she wasn’t getting to him. She tried a different tactic. “What did Becky say? Does she blame you?” When he didn’t answer she continued. “What about your brother? Does he blame you for what happened to his woman? Did he tell you it was your fault?”

“No,” Jonathan said softly.

“Why don’t you believe them? Do you really think they’d lie to you? Do you really think Becky would be doing so well if they blamed you? If she still held some angst toward you?” Kina tried one last question to try to get through to Jonathan. “Would your brother still want you to come home and work with him if he thought you were i
n
an
y
way responsible for what happened to Becky?”

Jonathan didn’t say anything. Kina leaned down and brushed her lips over his cheek, then his forehead, then finally his lips. She kept her mouth close to his and said resolutely, her lips brushing his with each word. “It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.”

Jonathan didn’t say anything, but his arms came up around her, knocking her off balance. She fell onto his chest and his lips claimed hers. He left her no room to back off, no room to say no. He conquered her mouth with his. His tongue swept inside her mouth, curling around hers and memorizing her taste, the feel of her. He ran his tongue over her teeth, around and over her tongue, and finally he drew back, nipping her lips with his teeth before curling his hand around the back of her neck and bringing her forehead to rest against his. He didn’t apologize for the rough kiss he’d stolen. Her hair fell around them, cocooning them into their own private world.