Get It Done When You're Depressed (16 page)
ASK DR. PRESTON
ASK DR. PRESTON
Why do people with depression either sleep too much or too little? What’s happening in the brain that causes so many sleep problems for depressed people?
The hormone cortisol and a brain peptide (CRF or corticotrophin releasing factor) are both released in higher amounts during times of depression. Both interfere with the depressed person’s ability to go into slow wave or deep sleep. So whether or not a person experiences insomnia or even hypersomnia (sleeping way too much), they still experience chronic deprivation of deep, restorative sleep. In addition, it’s common that people with depression have trouble with frequent awakenings at night and/or early morning awakening when they haven’t had enough sleep.
Regulated Sleep Is EssentialIt can’t be stressed enough that good, regular, deep sleep is essential for a stable mood. It’s also a requirement for maximum productivity. Your brain chemicals change during sleep in order to support your mood and physical body throughout your waking hours. Regular sleep gives you the energy you need to face the day and get things done, even if you feel depressed.
Here are the top five tips for restful sleep:
1. Get some regular exercise at least three hours before bed. Avoid exercising too close to bedtime.
2. Avoid substances that hold off or otherwise negatively affect deep sleep such as caffeine, alcohol, and overuse of tranquilizers.
3. Avoid taking unneeded naps, and be sure to wake up at the same time each day, even on the weekends. When you wake up, go outside for 10 minutes. (This regular exposure to outdoor light, even on a cloudy day, helps normalize your circadian rhythm.)
4. Keep your sleeping environment cool. A cooler body temperature enables you to go into deeper stages of sleep.
5. Check any medications you’re taking for possible sleep side effects. Many antidepressants can affect sleep significantly.
Remember:
If you do one thing when you put down this book today, think of your plan to get a good night’s sleep. What do you need to do now?
If you do one thing when you put down this book today, think of your plan to get a good night’s sleep. What do you need to do now?
23
Work with a Friend
When you’re depressed, feelings of motivation, excitement, and the ability to work in a timely manner are often nonexistent. Yet you still have deadlines and obligations to meet. You might feel very alone and overwhelmed when you think of all you have to get done. This can be quite a detriment to getting going, especially in the morning.
Trying to take care of this alone can be very difficult. That’s what friends are for, as the song goes.
Feed Off the Energy of OthersIt can help to work with a friend who
does
have the energy, excitement, and productivity you lack. Maybe you have a positive friend who wants to help you but doesn’t really know how. Now’s the time to ask him or her to work with you on a specific project. Another person’s positive energy can help immensely when you’re down.
does
have the energy, excitement, and productivity you lack. Maybe you have a positive friend who wants to help you but doesn’t really know how. Now’s the time to ask him or her to work with you on a specific project. Another person’s positive energy can help immensely when you’re down.
It’s best if you work on a plan with a friend when you’re not depressed so your friend can take action when you start to have trouble. A friend can help you set time limits that feel impossible to stick to when you’re depressed. A friend can offer hope when you have none. Most importantly, a friend can help you become more productive when getting things done feels impossible.
Consider these benefits of working with a friend:
• You feel a lot less lonely.
• Your friend can help you manage your time more effectively.
• A nondepressed friend can help you get to places on time and stay as long as you need to.
• Collaboration creates positive energy, even if you work on separate projects. This is especially true if your friend is a co-worker.
Friends often want to help but aren’t sure what to do. When you ask them for something specific, they can feel that they’re making a difference in your life.
Lisa’s StoryI’m a teacher, and I often have to write lesson plans. It’s rotten to try to do this on a depressed day. I have a fellow teacher I really like, and we sit down and do our work together. She’s not depressed, so I follow her example and work as hard as she does. It helps that I have to be there because we made a time to meet with each other. We go to a coffee shop that has big tables. I put on my headphones and feel so much better just seeing her across from me. I model her behavior, and my lesson plans get finished without such a terrible struggle.
My StoryI simply hate writing alone when I’m depressed. It’s a necessary evil, of course, but I don’t like it. I have trouble getting started and often leave my work space early due to lack of mental and physical comfort. When I leave early, I actually get more depressed because I know I’m not meeting my obligations. I often just wander around anyway. I’m so easily distracted when I don’t have anybody to account to. I know this about myself and I’m finally learning to accept it. I need supervision! I need to know that I have to be somewhere at a certain time because someone else is depending on me.
What I do now:
• I have a friend who takes a class at the university where I write. She comes to see me after her class, and we have lunch. If I get to the library on time and work the four hours I want to, I know I get the reward of seeing her at the end of the work. I get my writing done a lot more easily as well. It especially helps if we study together.
• I’ve found that going to a coffee shop with a friend who also needs to get something done really makes a difference in my productivity.
• Just being out with people and watching someone else work triggers my ability to work.
• When I have to get certain tasks done such as cleaning my house, I have people in my life who are willing to do them with me.
• I make sure the person I meet is very disciplined and will hold me to our time together.
Exercise
What projects do you need to finish, and who can you work with to finish them? Look at the following examples and think of who you could work with:
Cleaning my house:
mother
mother
Hanging pictures:
sister-in-law
sister-in-law
Writing:
roommate
roommate
E-mail:
anyone who can just sit with me and do their own work
anyone who can just sit with me and do their own work
Paying bills:
business partner
business partner
Finishing a work project:
co-worker who has the same goals
co-worker who has the same goals
You get the idea. Think of your projects and who you can work with to get them done.
Can a depressed person feed off the energy of a nondepressed person?
You’ll have more success getting started and finishing projects when you’re depressed if you have a buddy or coach to check in with. For example, let your wife know in the morning what you plan to do that day and then talk about it together that night. Working with a friend helps keep you focused on a project or conversation, and that helps keep you from focusing on your negative self-talk. Plus, human contact has always been shown to promote better physical and emotional health. What’s more, energy begets energy, and just moving generates increases in serotonin levels and an improved mood.
Go Easy on YourselfThere’s no reason to go it alone when you’re depressed. Just taking the first step of talking with a friend about what you need can immediately improve your mood. Your friends and loved ones care about you and want to see you succeed. Use their energy to get started and keep going, even when you feel you don’t have the energy to do anything.
For example, here are some suggestions for effectively working with a friend:
Have your friend drop you off and pick you up from a work location.
This can be a very successful tool for those who have a hard time focusing and are easily distracted while working. Depending on the kind of work you have to do, not being able to leave can be a real impetus for you to work. Getting a friend to drop you off often works because you know when the person will be back and how long you have to work.
This can be a very successful tool for those who have a hard time focusing and are easily distracted while working. Depending on the kind of work you have to do, not being able to leave can be a real impetus for you to work. Getting a friend to drop you off often works because you know when the person will be back and how long you have to work.
Have a friendly co-worker keep you motivated.
Some people respond very well to orders from others and aggressive deadlines. These are the people who find it difficult to work alone or set their own schedule. If you’re one of these people, finding a way to get a work friend to set your schedule and hold you to it may help. There’s nothing wrong with being a more passive person when it comes to tasks. Not everyone can jump in and take charge. You may need incentive and hand-holding. A co-worker can do this if you’re very clear on what you need.
Some people respond very well to orders from others and aggressive deadlines. These are the people who find it difficult to work alone or set their own schedule. If you’re one of these people, finding a way to get a work friend to set your schedule and hold you to it may help. There’s nothing wrong with being a more passive person when it comes to tasks. Not everyone can jump in and take charge. You may need incentive and hand-holding. A co-worker can do this if you’re very clear on what you need.
Put yourself in a collaborative situation.
Working with a group of friends can significantly increase your chances of finishing projects. This is one reason why study groups at school are so effective. If you’re a mother or father with young children, join a play group. If you want to exercise more, join a team. This can certainly be hard when you’re down and don’t want to be with people, but you have to do it! You might not know anyone in the group when you start, but there’s a good chance you’ll make new friends while they help you get things done.
Working with a group of friends can significantly increase your chances of finishing projects. This is one reason why study groups at school are so effective. If you’re a mother or father with young children, join a play group. If you want to exercise more, join a team. This can certainly be hard when you’re down and don’t want to be with people, but you have to do it! You might not know anyone in the group when you start, but there’s a good chance you’ll make new friends while they help you get things done.
Find an organized friend to help you manage your bills.
Paying bills can be one of the most difficult tasks you face when you’re depressed. So many feelings can come up when you have to deal with money, and the actual logistics of the work can feel very overwhelming. This is when you can throw all your bills in a folder along with stamps, envelopes, and a checkbook and meet a friend for coffee. He or she can open the file, put things in piles, and hand you one item at a time to deal with. Maybe you can also ask a friend to help you set up automatic bill payments online.
Paying bills can be one of the most difficult tasks you face when you’re depressed. So many feelings can come up when you have to deal with money, and the actual logistics of the work can feel very overwhelming. This is when you can throw all your bills in a folder along with stamps, envelopes, and a checkbook and meet a friend for coffee. He or she can open the file, put things in piles, and hand you one item at a time to deal with. Maybe you can also ask a friend to help you set up automatic bill payments online.
Remember:
The energy and expectations of a nondepressed friend are very powerful. You can tap into this energy when you work together.
The energy and expectations of a nondepressed friend are very powerful. You can tap into this energy when you work together.
24
Break Projects into Steps
One of the most common symptoms of depression is feeling overwhelmed when you’re faced with large projects. It’s as though you lose the ability to think,
Ah. A big project. What is my first step?
Instead, you think,
There’s no way I can get
all
of this done!
When you combine this with the weariness and self-incrimination that often come with depression, the big stuff
can
be impossible because you may never even get started.
Think in StepsAh. A big project. What is my first step?
Instead, you think,
There’s no way I can get
all
of this done!
When you combine this with the weariness and self-incrimination that often come with depression, the big stuff
can
be impossible because you may never even get started.
When you get ready for bed at night, you perform certain steps. You brush your teeth after dinner. You may have a book near your bed or a CD you listen to. You turn off the light after you get into bed. You rarely do these out of order, and the steps make the night ritual a lot easier. You could say you have a recipe with specific steps for how to get into bed and to sleep with ease.
On the days when your work feels like a mountain you have to climb, you have to recognize that depression is making you feel this way and you
can
get past it. You can say to yourself,
I only have to do the steps in order and in a timely manner.
This will get you started.
can
get past it. You can say to yourself,
I only have to do the steps in order and in a timely manner.
This will get you started.
There are many reasons why you may be overwhelmed by a project, including the following:
• You focus on an
entire
project instead of the steps.
entire
project instead of the steps.
• You don’t know how to get started because you have no idea what to do first.
• You can’t seem to get a handle on what needs to be done.
• You assume that something will have a lot more work and take a lot more time than it actually will.
When you break a project into steps, you at least know what to do first!
Rebecca’s StoryI love to sew; it’s something I’ve always enjoyed. On my good days, I just sew and it’s no big deal. But for some reason, when I’m depressed, just getting out my machine is too much for me. I look at the pattern and it looks like an indecipherable plan. All I see are lines and geometric shapes. Then I think,
Making this skirt is so much work!
When I think of sewing as one big blob of work, I get overwhelmed and don’t even get my machine out. Depression wins again!
Making this skirt is so much work!
When I think of sewing as one big blob of work, I get overwhelmed and don’t even get my machine out. Depression wins again!
When I started to deal with my depression in a different way, I simply said no to the overwhelmed feeling and reminded myself that I wanted to sew. I just had to take the time to rationally think of the steps involved. This isn’t easy when I’m depressed, but I know that sewing makes me feel better. I tell myself,
One step at a time and then you go to the next one.
It sounds so simple, but doing this when I’m depressed really helps.
My StoryOne step at a time and then you go to the next one.
It sounds so simple, but doing this when I’m depressed really helps.
If I’d sat down and thought of this book as one big project, there’s no way I would have finished. You’re holding this book because I broke every single step into numbers and did them as separate projects:
1. This book required 222 manuscript pages with 1-inch margins, single-spaced so I had to plan out how much room I had to write before I started the project. (2) I had to use a special font and required symbols to indicate where there were bullets and numbered lists. (3) I created an outline that needed to be used in each chapter. (4) I wrote out a detailed table of contents before I was even sure of what I wanted to say in detail. (5) I created 50 strategies for getting things done, and each one had to be three to five manuscript pages. (6) I carefully thought of how much space I would have left for the introduction. (7) I constantly reminded myself to be as creative as possible so you, the reader, wouldn’t be bored while reading. (8) I made sure my ideas were clear and that I included a helpful exercise in each strategy. (9) I kept my writing at a very high standard, as my publisher is a big publishing company. (10) I sent my work to my friends and family for editing and then edited the chapters myself. (11) I organized a photo shoot with Dr. Preston. (The picture is on the back of the book!) (12) I delivered all of this on a very specific date even though I was often depressed. (13) And finally, I did a final edit based on the suggestions of my editors.
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