My Story
Thank heavens for publishing deadlines. I know my work would drag on forever if I didn’t have a whole group of people expecting my manuscript at a certain time. It’s the only way I can write books and get them on the market. My deadlines can be intense, but still, they help organize my brain because I know that no matter what, whether I’m depressed or well, people are depending on me. If I feel too depressed to work, I know that if I don’t have a deadline, I’ll end up talking with a friend, going to lunch, feeling sorry for myself, and doing everything except my work. That, in turn, makes me a lot more depressed. I feel better if I know I have to turn in a project at a very specific time.
What I do now:
• I focus on the date I’m given and force myself to take the deadline very seriously. I remind myself that getting out of it is not an option.
• If I truly am too sick to work, I look at my days carefully and know how long I can put something off. If that’s not possible, I talk to my editor and ask for an extension. Then I stick to that deadline.
• I get help from a variety of people and organizations by letting them know my problem and how they can help. I say, “Get on my case! Call me and let me know when you expect something to get back to you.”
• I know that I do my most creative and calm work if someone or something else limits my work time.
Exercise
Find your personal taskmaster. Working with someone who is very precise about time is a good way to get yourself on track when you’re depressed. Think about the people in your life. Who likes calendars, deadlines, watches, and handheld devices that tell them where they are every minute of the day? That person might be a very good taskmaster for you!
List the tasks you need to get done and show this person the list:
Get out a calendar and go over it with your taskmaster. Ask him or her to call you and check in on certain dates. Set a time once a week to meet and go over your progress. This works especially well when you work with a therapist or group.
ASK DR. PRESTON
Why does depression often respond to outside limitations and obligations?
Limits are tremendously important and effective. You can have all kinds of good intentions when you want to do something, yet moments before going out to eat, working out, or going shopping, the immediate sensation often is one of fatigue, despair, and a lack of motivation. Even something as simple as getting off the couch is very hard to do in such moments. Once you get moving, though, it feels easier. The obligation to meet a friend, for example, puts extra pressure on the task and makes it a powerful incentive for you to get moving.
Get Others to Help Your Work
Being open to outside limits helps you get work done. Period. Your goal is to put yourself in a situation where someone or something forces you to work even when you feel depressed. Having an outside deadline helps you focus on what you
can
do instead of what you
can’t
do. When you feel unable to clean your house, have someone come over who kicks your behind and makes you focus on your work so you can have coffee together when your house is clean. Ask people at work to kindly remind you that a deadline is coming up. Put yourself in a place where an organization is depending on you. Do what you can to leave the timeline to others so you can finally have some relief from the pressure of having to do things by yourself all the time.
Here are some other thoughts to consider:
• If you’re on a committee or have to work in a group, let others set your work timelines and tell them you want extra help to get them done. You can then focus on the work itself.
• Ask a friend to drop you off at work and pick you up at a specific time.
• Join a club where people write, work out, sing, fix things, learn a craft, golf, sail, and generally do things in groups so they can decide when you come and go.
• Set outside limits that are reasonable for you so you don’t quit and go back to your old ways.
Remember:
When depression doesn’t allow you to be your own taskmaster, find someone or something that can.
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Get Some Exercise
Action and human contact can help reduce the symptoms of depression. Exercise is the best way to do both. But getting out and taking action is one of the main difficulties you face when you’re depressed. As with many of your depression symptoms, you have to work to make positive changes when you’re in the middle of a downswing, but exercise is so imperative to depression management that any effort you can make is well worth it.
Just Twenty Minutes a Day
Numerous research studies substantiate the idea that exercise helps depression. Most importantly, the research also indicates that it doesn’t take much exercise to make a difference. Just 20 minutes a day can help you get out and get something done. Depressed people often feel greater stress and get down on themselves for longer than the time it takes to actually get out and exercise. Remind yourself of this.
A good, brisk walk, for example, is one of the best treatments for depression. You might never want to walk when you’re depressed, but you’ll almost always feel better after you walk. You don’t have to walk far, and you don’t have to enjoy the walk (though you probably will after you start), but it’s important that you get outside and move your legs and swing your arms at least once a day. The more endorphins you can create, the better you’ll feel.
Do any of these signs you need to exercise ring true to you?
• You’re overweight, and that alone makes you more depressed, which makes you sit around instead of getting things done.
• You’ve stopped participating in a sport you used to love.
• Sitting in front of the television just isn’t working for you.
• You’re alone way too much and want to be with people.
• You want to improve your mood
while
getting something done.
Robert’s Story
When my wife left me, my life fell apart. My work suffered, and I was depressed for the first time in my life. I now understand what a few of my friends have gone through. Before the breakup, I’d had down times, but never a depression like this. It was terrible. It went on for months and months and seemed like it would never end. I would go into the restaurant where I work and knew I
had
to work. I had customers who depended on me. This helped set up parameters that kept me getting out of bed.
That wasn’t enough, though, so I started working out—every single day after work, even when I didn’t want to. Every day. I lifted weights and took a spinning class. Then I started to run. I noticed results in my mood after a month, and saw a definite change in my body after a few months. I always felt better after I worked out. My energy increased at work. I actually started to look forward to things, and my depression started to lessen. It took a full year for me to consider myself fully recovered. I have no idea where I would be now without the exercise. And the best thing? At 50, I have the best body of my life. I now work out with weights three to four times a week and run as much as I can.
My Story
I know exercise makes me feel better. It’s getting started that’s the problem. On the depressed days, I have trouble changing into my walking shoes—that’s how nonfunctioning I feel. I had shoulder surgery last year, and that really threw me off. I saw the difference that lack of exercise made within a few months—not only weight gain, but a lack of physical well-being. I need to exercise if I want to feel better. I want to focus on the good stuff: improved body and mood!
What I do now:
• I tell myself,
Just put on your shoes and walk, Julie. Stop thinking about it and do it. You say you want to be less depressed and work on your book. This is one way to do it.
• I signed up to take swimming lessons with my nephew. Being in the pool on a sunny day with children is amazingly good for the mood. And I have to accept that
no one
cares what I look like in a bathing suit.
• I walk with a friend.
• I cut out pictures from magazines of people exercising as well as those who have lost a lot of weight and put them on my refrigerator for inspiration.
• I see a physical therapist to deal with my shoulder injury. My goal is to do yoga again.
Exercise
Healthy exercise always makes you feel better. When you’re depressed, getting started is often the biggest obstacle. One solution is to pick an exercise that feels right for you.
Look over the following list and check the exercise (or exercises) that looks appealing:
Now, what exercise will you start first? You might not want to do any of them, but you know you can’t wait until you
want
to feel like doing something. You just have to take the first step and do it!
ASK DR. PRESTON
Why does action help depression?
At the heart of depression is a perception of powerlessness and helplessness. Action is the antidote for powerlessness. Seeing that you’re moving, working, and getting things done in the moment can combat the ever-present sense of powerlessness depression brings.
Exercise causes an elevation in mood that makes it much easier to keep going once you get started. Many other tasks and routines don’t have this immediate mood-boosting effect. Cleaning the house or paying bills might feel good after you get them done, but in the midst of the task, you don’t have the increased mood like you do with exercise.
Exercise can also help you have essential human contact that may be lacking when you’re depressed.
Do What’s Best for You
It’s very important that you set up an exercise program you know will work for you. For some people, going to the gym is a helpful, doable regimen. For others, just the thought of getting all the clothes ready, driving to the gym, getting changed, and then having to take a shower afterward is just too much. Pick an exercise that will
work for you
.
Here are some other thoughts to consider:
• What exercise do you like? This has nothing to do with what’s currently popular in gyms across the country. Some bodies were made to walk; some were made for tae kwon do. What have you always thought would be fun to try? It’s pretty much a given that you won’t continue with what you don’t like.
• Choose an exercise that
always
makes you feel better when you’re done, and focus on that feeling instead of how hard it is to get started.
• Exercise in a group if you tend to isolate yourself.
• Choose something you feel comfortable doing, not something that makes you feel inadequate or ashamed of your body.
• Set up an exercise schedule when you’re well that you have to stick to when you’re depressed.
• Hire a coach, explain your situation, and pay ahead. You’ll have support and be more likely to go because you already spent the money.
Remember:
You might never feel like exercising when you’re sick, but after you do the exercise, you won’t say, “Gee! I wish I hadn’t done that!” If anything, you’ll be proud of yourself that you did it.
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Pay to Get the Help You Need
The natural pessimism and lethargy that come with depression can work against you in many ways, especially in how you use your money to make life easier when you’re depressed. You might feel reluctant to pay someone else to get things done when you’re depressed. You might not feel worthy of getting the much-needed help money can buy, and the act of actually setting up appointments and taking the time to buy what you need might feel overwhelming. You might also feel outside pressure to do the work yourself, as it’s “not a big deal to do these things!” as some people ignorant of depression might point out.