Get It Done When You're Depressed (28 page)

If you’re lucky enough to be someone who doesn’t have to worry about money when you’re depressed, using this money to help you get things done is a necessity. It’s easy to be really hard on yourself when you’re depressed, “should”ing yourself all over the place:
I can’t pay $100 for someone to clean my house! I
should
be able to do it myself! I don’t want to pay for someone to do my yard. I
should
be able to cut my roses and prune my trees myself! I don’t need to hire a tutor! I
should
easily pass a physics class by myself!
The
should
s are a dangerous part of depression. You have to ignore them and use your money.

One way to be sure the help is there when you need it is to put it in motion when you’re well. Call and set up an appointment, think of money, put up an ad, and interview someone when you’re well, when your brain is better able to process the steps. These tasks don’t come easily when you’re depressed, but they are easy when you’re well. If setting up help when you’re well isn’t possible, you have to push yourself to get help in the moment when you need it. Focus on the relief you’ll feel when something gets done, even if you pay someone else to do it for you.

Look over the following signs to see if you might need to spend money to get some help:

Instead of focusing on the process of paying and the money used, think of the end result and the energy saved.

I run my own public-relations business. I usually have a lot of fun with my work, and I definitely make plenty of money. Last year, my son got sick and almost died, and I went into a deep depression. Even when he got better, I couldn’t shake it. It’s as though his illness forced me to really look at my life, such as the fact that I often worked more than 50 hours a week. People were always telling me that I should stop trying to be super-mom. My husband helped a lot, but I still felt I had to clean the house, make all the dinners, and bake cookies for my son’s band fund-raisers. No one told me to do this! I thought it made me a better mom.

Something happened when I realized he was going to be okay. I hired someone to do the yard. I started to buy prepared food. I bought cookies or just made a donation. I hired a weekly housekeeper who also takes care of my plants. And I made one really, really big decision: I hired a junior PR agent. Now I have more time for my son. I actually work less, and my depression was gone within six months.

Five years ago, I started a web page selling downloadable books. It really took off—more than I thought it would. At first I worked much more than I had ever been able to work, just to keep up with the orders and the e-mails. I thought I had to answer every single e-mail I received asking questions about mental health. I used to give a detailed answer to each one—and there were often more than 20 a day. When I thought about not answering some, I’d think,
But what will the person think of me if I don’t answer!
and continued typing away.

Keeping busy was great for me in many ways, and not being in an office setting made it possible for me to work a lot more than usual. But then the depression caught up with me. I also had a lot of anxiety. I would wake up and think of all the work I had to do and how the e-mail was like an avalanche. Eventually I got behind as I got more worried and depressed. When I got my first book deal, I was excited, but I realized there was no way I could do both. My family and friends kept telling me to hire someone, but I was sure there was no way a person could learn the business, as the work I was doing online was so new. And how would I possibly pay this person? I didn’t have a lot of cash lying around.

But I took the advice and hired a business manager. Hiring Laura was the smartest decision of my work life. Three years later she still runs what I now call “our” web page. She makes her salary every month by her creative work on the site. I don’t wake up worrying about the business anymore. Now I just worry about the books!

When you’re depressed, you experience profound pessimism. You may say you know hiring someone to clean your house would help, but inwardly you might think,
What’s the use? It won’t make any difference in how I feel.
And even if you decided to hire some help, the prospect of having to call several people or do the legwork to locate an appropriate person can feel too daunting. Low energy and lack of motivation keep you frozen in your tracks. Or maybe you don’t feel like you’re worth it. Maybe on some level you feel you’re not worthy enough to splurge on hiring a housekeeper.

There are many ways you can use money to make your life much easier when you’re depressed:

Go to restaurants or buy ready-made food.
You have plenty of very nutritious ready-made food options. Some stores even sell deliciously prepared vegetables and meats. Restaurants are quick and healthy choices, as are comfort food-style restaurants you can hit when you’re depressed. And getting something delivered is
not
a sign your kids are not fed correctly, and you’re not lazy if you take prepared food to work seven days a week.

Go to therapy.
Therapy might seem expensive, but if you have the funds, what you learn in terms of getting things done even when you’re depressed can far outweigh the cost of the therapist. When you have the funds, not seeing a therapist (or any person who can make you feel better when you’re down, such as a masseuse) because you think it’s too expensive may not be a realistic choice. Measure the cost of being depressed and what financial strains that may put on you versus seeing a therapist in order to get things done and bring in more money.

Hire a babysitter.
There are many things you can do to improve productivity if you work at home, and hiring a babysitter is one of the best, even if the sitter is there while you work. If you have a project due or a term paper to write, for example, think of the financial cost if the work doesn’t get done and weigh that against the cost of a sitter. It might seem odd to pay someone so you can be home alone, and doing this may make you feel more depressed if you feel you “don’t even have enough energy to take care of my kids like I normally do,” but getting the work done is the goal.

Hire an exercise professional.
You have many options when it comes to exercise: you can hire a personal trainer, a yoga teacher to come to your house, a Pilates instructor, a golf pro, a dietician, or you can go to a spa! This all can help depression. It might take an individual professional to get you started on a program. When you pay a professional trainer, you’re more likely to use them, especially if they come to your house.

Remember:
Having enough money to use on conveniences is a real gift when you’re depressed. Hiring someone to make things easier on you is not a weakness or a waste of money. If the extra help helps you, it’s worth it. Depression makes you think you should do it all and then takes away your ability to do things with ease. When you pay someone to do what you can’t, you’ve beaten depression once again!

For some depressed people, it might be easier to start a project than actually see it to completion. When you’re depressed, the initial rush of getting something started can be a bit of a high. You might feel enthusiasm and a belief that maybe
for once
things will be okay. In other instances, you’re forced through work or other obligations to perform a task in addition to your current work, such as when you sign up for a volunteer position. However, when the reality of the work hits you, you run out of steam and things come to a halt.

When you’re depressed and under a deadline, you often think you have to do everything at once. This can be very stressful and unproductive if you’re having attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) symptoms as well. You might flit from one project to another without really accomplishing anything. This can be so frustrating and can often cause you to stop because you feel so confused and overwhelmed. It might be that doing one project at a time is not exactly the way depression makes you behave. Instead, it makes you think you must get everything done at once and that you’re a failure if you don’t.

Luckily, there’s a way around this. You have to forget
all
that you have to do, pick
one
project (the smaller the project the better at first), and do it until you’re done. You don’t get to start anything else until the first project is completely done. This creates the focus you need to see something through even when your brain isn’t functioning properly.