ASK DR. PRESTON
Why does it help to praise yourself when you’re depressed?
People are able to change their moods by way of internal images and self-talk. When you think to yourself,
Look what you did! You screwed up again!
this can, in a potent way, turn up the volume on your depressive feelings. Supportive and encouraging self-talk can do just the opposite. It influences perceptions and helps break through that negative thinking.
You Can Change Your Internal Language
Try this the next time you can only eek out a few movements: “Good job,
(your name here)
!” When you get a project done, “Good job,
(your name here)
! I’m proud of you.” Considering the negative voices in your head and the inertia caused by depression, you really are a success if you manage to finish something. Don’t discount that. Praise yourself every single time you do something. Say it out loud until it becomes a habit.
Here are some other thoughts to consider:
• If you have a door that’s stuck and you really want to get through, you’ll keep pushing through that door until you’re on the other side. It’s the same with praising yourself when you’re depressed. Depression makes you stuck; you have to keep going to get through.
• Write
Good for me!
on a sticky note and put it where you can see it. Say “Good for me!” out loud each time you pass the note. Repetition helps you train your brain.
• You don’t have to believe everything you say at the beginning, but the more you say it, the more you can believe it.
Remember:
Depression will never praise you, but you can praise yourself all day long.
Conclusion
Now that you have 50 strategies to choose from, you’re ready to end the hold depression has on your productivity. How do you feel? Hopefully, you can implement a few strategies today. You can then open the book each time you get stuck and try something new. Give yourself time to use them all. I consistently use the 50 strategies to make it through my days. They work!
A FINAL QUESTION FOR DR. PRESTON
What advice do you have for people who have trouble getting things done when they’re depressed?
It helps to stop struggling against the painful realities of depression and work on accepting your life circumstances as a very difficult yet human experience. Thinking,
This shouldn’t happen; it’s not fair!
or
What the hell is wrong with me?!
is a common and understandable reaction to the thoughts that occur in the wake of very distressing events. The turning point often occurs when you stop the harsh self-statements and the
should
s and simply say, “I hurt, and I’m sad at what depression does to my life.”
This isn’t pop psychology, although it has been supported in psychological research. Reframing the negative to something more heartfelt and productive can change the way you view depression in the moment. This is also a part of many spiritual practices. Stopping the struggle against understandable human feelings, combined with developing an attitude of compassion for yourself, is often the key to living with and overcoming depression.
Once you’ve done that, you can have more energy and enthusiasm to get things done, because you’re more able to see that depression does
affect
your life but it doesn’t have to
define
your life anymore.
A Final Note from Julie
Two months into writing the book:
I woke up depressed today. Before I even got out of bed I had the thought,
What’s the point of getting up?
It’s hard to feel good about the day and the things you have to get done when your brain is against you from the beginning.
But I knew what I had to do. I said to myself,
I have things to look forward to today, and I’m going to do them. I will not let this thought ruin my day.
(Strategy 16)
I then felt my typical lack of motivation for getting to work, but I reminded myself that motivation is not what gets me to work—I get myself to work. I know I’ll feel more motivated once I’m working. In fact, just writing this is already making me feel better. (Strategy 1)
I also knew that driving to my office space would give me a way out if work seemed overwhelming, so I asked my mom to drop me off and pick me up to be sure I’d stay at the office. (Strategy 37)
One problem with working as a writer is the lack of structure. Yes, I have deadlines, but the rest is up to me. No boss looks over my shoulder making sure I get things done. I actually wish I did have someone who could be my taskmaster all day long! When I got to my office, I felt scattered and sad. I had the feeling that I couldn’t work today, so I just called up my inner drill sergeant. (Strategy 6)
I also turned off my cell phone. (Strategy 9)
It’s so much easier to look at e-mail and chat with friends than do what I have to do. By the time I got to work, I could feel that today was going to be an anxious day if I didn’t do something about it immediately. So I reminded myself to breathe and just let my body relax a bit. When I could tell I was going to need more help than my normal treatments, I took a small amount of my antianxiety medication. (Strategies 41 and 45)
I then made out a list of what I had to do and wrote down the times next to each project so I could stay on track. I got out my calendar and made a writing plan for the next two months in order to meet my deadlines. (Strategy 24)
I reminded myself that depression doesn’t want me to work, but I want and have to work. (Strategy 14)
It’s so hard to stay focused when my mind is all over the place like this, but I remind myself over and over that if I just sit down and work, I will feel
so
much better by the time my mother picks me up that I can truly enjoy my evening. (Strategy 19)
And yes, I do have something to look forward to tonight. I want to be able to enjoy it. Being depressed is hard. It takes a lot of energy to get things done when my brain is not functioning the way I would like it to. When I get to the final chapter edits and feel like I can’t continue, I know that this really is a time to think like an athlete. What would a professional athlete do if they had a game to play? They would get out there and do it! (Strategy 10)
So as of this minute, I’m going to work as efficiently as possible and not focus on what I
can’t
do. I have a deadline, and I always meet my deadlines. The work might not feel good now, and I might think it’s poor writing (Strategy 3), but I know that when the book comes out, I won’t be able to tell what I wrote when I was depressed. It will all look good. I won’t give up, and I know tomorrow can truly be a better day. (As drill sergeant Scarlet O’Hara would say!)
Present day:
You’re holding the book in your hand that was so difficult to write on
so
many days. There were days when depression did get the better of me and I couldn’t and didn’t work, but I still got the project done on time to the best of my ability. There were many days when the strategies looked ridiculous and I wanted to change everything. But I didn’t, because I remembered that depression loves to lie to me about these things (Strategy 20) and that I have to keep going. Doing my best is all that I can do when I’m depressed. (Strategy 33)
I’m proud of myself and can honestly say, “Good for you, Julie!” (Strategy 50)
Index
A
accepting
limitations
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
losses
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
mom’s story
ACTH (adrenocorticotropic hormone)
action-oriented therapists
ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)
agitated depression
allowing time for positive results
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
anxiety
author’s story
brain structures
exercise
linking with depression
managing
physical symptoms of depression
symptoms
artistic creativity
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
painter’s story
asking for help
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
athletic thinking
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
baseball player’s story
exercise
goal focused
“Just do it!,”
removing mental thoughts
teamwork
visualizing success
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
avoiding isolation
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
signs of
awareness
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
overview
self-reminders
B
babysitters
The Beatles’ “Revolution # ,”
best efforts
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
changing
exercise
quality of work
brain
anxiety brain structures
chatter
agitated depression
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
interference with making decisions
overriding
recognizing
reducing
lying brain
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
finding truths
breaking
depression barrier
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
projects into steps
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
C
caffeine highs
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
candy example
exercise
mood fluctuations
catatonic depression
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
overview
self-reminders
chatter in the brain
agitated depression
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
interference with making decisions
overriding
recognizing
reducing
choosing exercises
circadian rhythm
completing physical tasks
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
baseball player’s story
exercise
goal focused
“Just do it!,”
removing mental thoughts
teamwork
visualizing success
conveniences
corticotrophin releasing factor (CRF)
creating
feelings of motivation
work spaces
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
constantly searching for
exercise
options
software engineer’s story
creativity
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
painter’s story
CRF (corticotrophin releasing factor)
crying
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
managing
D
daily life structure
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
benefits
exercise
importance
decision making
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
brain interference with
exercise
guilt
overriding your brain
delay of gratification
depression
ADHD, compared
agitated
barrier
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
catatonic
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
overview
self-reminders
compared to low self-esteem
educating friends/family about
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
lack of information
nieces/nephews story
lethargic
symptoms
distractions
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
doing your best
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
changing
exercise
quality of work
drill sergeant voice
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
remaining positive
E
educating friends/family about depression
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
exercise
lack of information
nieces/nephews story
education.
See
school
exercise programs
amount needed
ask Dr. Preston
author’s story
choosing exercises
night before planning
personal trainers
exercises
accepting limitations
anxiety
asking for help
awareness
brain chatter
breaking projects into steps
caffeine/sugar highs
creativity
crying
daily life structure
decision making
depression barrier
distractions