Green Eyes (10 page)

Alexis laughs at that one. “Without a doubt, Ryan.”

I give her a thoughtful look. “Have you ever seen me with my phone on set?”

She nods and looks back towards Leda. “He has that bromance with Jason Rhodes. He’s gotta answer those texts before Jason starts to get worried.”

I give her a grin, enjoying her teasing. “Okay, I will admit me for this one.”

“Who is more likely to forget their lines?”

“Ryan.”

“Alexis.”

We turn towards each other and I shake my head. “Just yesterday, you couldn’t seem to remember what the hell you were supposed to say.”

Her cheeks flush and I applaud her for not letting her embarrassment show. I’m a dick, I know. “Well, a couple of weeks ago, Ryan fell asleep during filming and when he woke up he couldn’t seem to remember where he was, let alone his lines,” my little green-eyed devil says.

I shake my head and laugh. “This is true.”

“What’s been keeping you up at night?” Leda asks, a devious look in her eyes.

I shrug. “I like my sleep. Every so often I like to nap when I really shouldn’t.”

“Well, let’s move on then. Alexis, can you tell us why you walked off set a few days ago?” Leda shuffles her cards around and I feel my eye twitch because I’m not going to like this line of questions she has coming up.

“It was more that I got really sick, then I just walked off set. I guess people could take it that way. I mean, when you’re running for the restroom to throw up, it could seem like I was running away from set.” Then she shrugs and I raise my hand to cover the smile I can’t quite keep from appearing on my face.

Leda turns that devious look my way and I want to shrink in my seat away from her. I keep myself relaxed in my chair though. One thing I’ve learned over the years, never show them fear. “Ryan, how are you doing after your split with Cassandra Freemont?”

I knew she was going to bring that up. “I’m doing real good. Regardless of what’s been said in the media, she and I split amicably.”

“Hmm. Do you have any ladies in mind to take her place?”

I want to roll my eyes or reach across and smack her across the face. Since I’m not a woman beater, I’ll stay safely in my seat. “I think I want to stay single for a while. Cassie and I were together for six years, might be nice to be my own person.”

I hate that I had to say that. I hate that I’m even in this position. Alexis isn’t for me, no matter how badly I want to grab her up and run far, far away with her. Occasionally you have to stay where your loyalties lie. Mine are with Jason, he’s been my best mate for way longer than I’ve known Alexis. I don’t look at her because I’m ashamed of myself.

“Alexis, you’ve been out of the spotlight for a while, care to fill us in on what you’ve been up to?” Leda asks this time with an evil smile gracing her face.

Alexis reaches up to push a strand of hair out of her face. My hands itch to do it myself, because I find myself constantly wanting to touch her. “Sitting at home, mostly. I like to play my video games and watch Netflix. Though there never seems to be enough time to watch everything, I’ve tried.” She laughs and it sounds real but I know it’s not. Her laugh is pleasant and airy; this laugh is almost harsh and hard.

“What about your child? Care to fill us in on what’s been going on in their life?”

Alexis raises both her eyebrows and I wait to see what she’s going to say. “Pass.”

Leda and I both blink at Alexis while she keeps the same serene expression on her face. “Excuse me?” Leda finally spits out.

“I said pass. I don’t have to answer any questions I don’t want to. And I’m not answering that question. I think you’ve got enough, so I’ll be leaving. Thank you for stopping by to talk to us. It was a pleasure to meet you.” Alexis gets up from her chair, bends to kiss Leda’s cheek and then just walks out of the green room. I’m right behind her but I don’t bother with saying goodbye to Evil Leda.

“Alexis,” I say, walking behind her. She doesn’t turn around or give any indication that she heard me. “Green Eyes,” I say louder.

This time her shoulders jerk and she whips around, a tear running down her face. In that fucking instant I’m floored by what I feel. Goose flesh raises the hairs on my back and I find myself moving swiftly across the distance between us. “What’s wrong?” I ask once I’m inches from her.

“Everything,” she answers, moving closer until it takes just a breath for us to touch. “Everything is wrong.”

I look around and find the exit door. I grab her hand and pull her along behind me. Once we make it outside, I cross the distance until I can open the front door of the makeup trailer. Alexis goes with me willingly as I enter the place.

I sit in one of the chairs, pulling Alexis down and settling her in my lap. Her face rests against my neck and my shirt is soon damp from her tears. My heart feels like it’s ripping out of my chest. I’ve never felt this kind of pain before, and while it scares me, I’m not going to focus on it right now. “What’s the matter, Green Eyes?”

She doesn’t lift her head so I can see those eyes I’m so obsessed with, but I can live with it, for maybe just this moment. “When people ask me about her, I want to shout from the rooftops that she’s none of their business. I’m always constantly terrified someone is going to find out the truth and she’ll hate me. She’ll hate me for every bad decision I’ve made. I can’t stop it, but I want to keep her in the dark for a bit longer.”

“What are you going on about? Hmm? You aren’t making any sense,” I tell her while I run my fingers through her hair. Her legs hang off the side of mine so I reach down and pull them up against me. Then I wrap my arms around her, holding her close.

She sniffles and it’s the cutest damn sound. “Talia. She’s going to hate me if she ever finds out what I did. I hate myself most of the time.”

My eyebrows inch together over that one. “What did you do? What could be that bad that she’d hate you?”

She moves her head back until I can see into those sad green eyes, until I can see the despair she’s been living with. “I signed a contract. I can never tell her who her father is. I can never fill in those blanks for her.” Her hand comes up and traces my lips, her eyes completely lost in her sadness. “I did what I had to do. He was going to take her away from me. She was everything and he was nothing. I couldn’t do that to her.”

I reach up and catch her hand, twining my fingers with hers, our hands resting against my face. “Who? Who made you sign a contract? Talia’s father?”

She nods. “He didn’t want to be with me, which was fine because, at that point, I was done with him. But he couldn’t just let her have a normal life. His life was more important than hers. How could he do that? How could he pick himself over that beautiful little girl? I don’t understand how he could just abandon his child. I’d never abandon her. Never.”

“Who is this guy? Is he the reason you won’t talk about her in public?” I question, concerned about all this. I knew she was alone but it sounds worse than that. It sounds like this guy worked her over and then fucked her good. And not like we did last night and this morning.

“I can’t tell you.”

I give her a confused look. “You can’t or you won’t?”

“Can’t. I signed a contract. If I tell anyone anything about the situation, then he’ll take her.” She looks scared now, her eyes as wide as saucers. “He can’t take her, Ryan. She’s mine.”

I smooth the hair from her face and take a deep breath. My first instinct is to get the answer from her so I can go kill this motherfucker. I refrain though because Alexis undoubtedly doesn’t need that right now. She needs her family around her.

We sit like that for a long time. It’s quiet and I love it because I can hear her breathing and I know she’s all right. Eventually she lifts up and looks down at my shirt. “I didn’t mean to cry all over you.”

I move her around until she straddles me in the chair. “You can cry on me any time you want.” I lean up and kiss her on the lips. This is the weirdest situation I’ve ever been in. I want to kiss her and fuck her. I also want to hold her hand and sleep next to her at night. But it all seems so sudden and so weird. I find myself wondering why I feel like this and wondering if she feels it too. One minute I couldn’t stand the sight of her and the next I wanted nothing but to get my hands on her and fuck her crazy.

Her lips move against mine softly. We kiss like that for a while and it’s not even about sex. It’s about us exploring what we feel and going with it.

Until the trailer door opens and my best mate walks inside.

“Seriously?” Jason asks, his sunglasses hanging off his nose, his green eyes bright with shock.

Chapter Ten

Alexis

“So you…” Jason says, his mouth moving like a fish gulping water. “I’m confused.” Then he literally picks his hand up and scratches at the back of his head.

My twin is a moron. Let’s just put that out there for everyone.

“We slept together, moron,” I tell him because he just needs to know how stupid he is.

My words have him widening his eyes and it’s just as comical as when Leda, the evil reporter, did it earlier.

“You know, you spend a decade ignoring me and the first chance you get to talk to me, it’s like you never stopped.” Then the moron smiles like we are all going to have a nice big party or some shit.

I totally forgot about Ryan, who has gotten stiff under me. Now, I’m not a moron, so I slowly climb off his lap and back away from him. I don’t think he’s going to hurt me but he’s not real happy with me, I can tell that.

“Did you really have to talk to him like that?” Ryan asks, his mouth set in a grim line. The red t-shirt he’s wearing is tight enough to get a good look at all his muscles and I’ve come to understand that Ryan just likes these kinds of shirts. He seems to like his jeans tight too, but it’s not my place to comment on that.

“Chill, dude. She’s been a bitch to me since the day she was born. Moron is like a term of endearment from her,” Jason says, pointing at me and everything.

Ryan turns that grim line towards Jason, who shrinks back in shame. “That’s why she’s like this, because you let her treat you like crap.”

My mouth drops open. “Excuse me?”

Ryan looks up at me, and where his blue eyes have been warm towards me lately, they are ice cold again. “You heard me. You treat him like crap. You also treat your other brother and sister like crap.”

I find myself blinking at him in complete shock. I’m in so much shock I just stay silent and stare at him. Where is the man who looked ready to go kill Aaron? Where is my savior?

That’s the problem with relationships. You think you’re about to be in one, and then the man shows his true colors. I tell myself that he doesn’t know what they did to me, my father’s other children. But he does know what they did to me because Jason has told him. I know Jason has to have told him.

My disappointment in Ryan is staggering. I actually have to brace myself against the makeup table next to me. “Well, treat others how you want to be treated and all that,” my smart mouth says, because it’s time to pull the bitchy pants out and start putting people in their places.

Suddenly, I’m so angry I can’t see straight. I want to launch myself at Ryan, unquestionably at Jason, but I refrain because I’m an adult god damn it. My hands go to my hips and I spread my feet a bit. I will not be a weak-ass bitch today. I guess everyone thinks they can just walk all over me and it’ll be fine. Well, I’m here to teach them that you can’t walk all over this bitch.

“First off, Ryan fucking Danse, for Jason, Beau and Claire to be considered my brothers and sister, they probably should have acted like it. You don’t abandon your little sister to take care of your sick father because you became a rock star. I was not more important than music, my father was not more important than music. I’m so god damn fucking happy that they have each other because I haven’t had anyone. I will never have anyone because every single person I’ve ever met sucks a big dick.” Ryan and Jason seem to shrink back at my words, maybe because I’m showing my anger, or maybe they just don’t like what I’m saying. “My father, Ryan, had dementia, he could get violent and he did on occasion. I walked into his room once and got stabbed with a knife-”

“What?” Jason says, walking towards me but I take a step back.

“Since you two know everything, it’s my turn to talk, so shut the fuck up,” I tell him as I feel my cheeks flushing. The heat is rising in me. “I got stabbed with a knife. Not one of my supposed brothers and sister ever called me back. That’s not the worst thing that happened during his sickness but it’s the first thing. It was nice to see my family on TV because they sure as fuck weren’t around to help a sixteen-year-old girl.”

Jason uses a hand to scrub at his face, something he does a lot because he’s a moron. “We sent you money. We paid for an at-home nurse, twenty-four hours a day.”

I shrug, something I hate, but from time to time you can’t express yourself without it. It’s a flippant response. “One of those nurses stole Dad’s prized Gibson guitar, so he got fired. Another one thought I was beautiful and liked to touch my butt. Got rid of him too. Then one of the ladies wouldn’t wash Daddy, nor change his bed sheets. Once he got out of bed and fell to the floor, and that cunt took pictures of him and laughed.” I move into Jason’s face while I poke him with my index finger. “You see, Jason, your money did nothing. You and Claire and Beau did nothing to help me. None of you would listen, no one would listen. And to this day I’ve never gotten anyone to listen. I’m alone and I always will be. Thanks to you and my so-called family. You guys taught me that.”

Jason grabs my wrist and pulls me against him and wraps his arms around my shoulders. It brings me back to a time when his arms were enough to console me. But that was back when I thought butterflies made up the sky and ice cream sandwiches were the only thing that made the world go round. I sink into his hug for just a second, smelling his cologne so I can remember it when he’s gone. He still uses the same one he did when we were younger. Some things never change.

I push away from him and look into those eyes, the ones just like mine. “I hope you enjoyed that. It’s the last time you’ll ever be that close to me.” I stride to the door and open it, but something stops me. I turn back around to find Ryan right there, in my space, cupping my face.

“You’ll never be alone again,” he tells me, like he has the power to fix everything.

“Yes, I will. I was alone the second Jason walked into this room. I know where your loyalties lay, Ryan. And that’s okay.” I jerk his hands away from my face and turn to open the door.

“Things change, Alexis. People change,” Ryan says to my back.

“They may be true but I haven’t changed, nor will I. I am what I am and there’s no going back. I am what they made me and now everyone has to live with it.” I finally get the door open and walk out into the Arkansas sunshine.

I sing ‘Across the Universe’ as I trace the water running down the outside of the window in my trailer. Talia sits next to me, singing along through her Paw Patrol pup. I think this one’s name is Chase but don’t quote me on that.

I’ve missed the rain, what with California being in a drought for so long. It pitter patters against the roof and reminds me of when the weather got bad, we used to sit in the living room and sing along to anything and everything. Music was all we knew and nothing made us happier. Sometime between then and now, I began to not matter, considering they left me behind.

Jason leaving with Claire and Beau, it was really hard on me. I’d never felt abandoned like that, especially by him. He was my other half and I thought he always would be. You spend sixteen years of your life with a best friend and they disappear one day, it’s a shock to the system. It changes you, beyond any doubt, if the person had a choice in leaving.

I begged him, boy, did I beg him. I cried, I screamed and I threw the biggest tantrum I could. I even offered to play piano, but they didn’t want me. Claire got vocals, Jason on drums and Beau on guitar. Hell, I would have learned bass if they’d just asked, but they used one of their friends.

I thought we were family. I thought we were a lot of things, but in the end none of it mattered. The fact that Daddy was really sick or the fact that I wasn’t old enough to handle the responsibility.

Marley hums the beat softly across the room. I always say I’m alone but I have these two. Maybe we should get a dog. I haven’t thought about it really since Constantine died. He didn’t like California much and he missed his sister. I honestly think he died of a broken heart and I couldn’t bear to have another dog. It’s like true love, he was my one and only. Though Talia needs a dog. A child needs to be around animals, to be taught how to treat them. That’s why there’s so much animal cruelty in the world. People have stopped teaching their children decent human behavior.

A knock sounds on the trailer door. I continue to stare out the window, fascinated by the rain. Marley shakes the trailer as he moves to open the door and I find it funny. I don’t laugh though. Seems today I forgot how.

“Alexis, we’re ready for you,” MG says with an umbrella over her head, standing right outside the door.

I bend over and place a kiss on Talia’s cheek and tell her I love her before heading off with MG.

I walk onto set fifteen minutes later to the sounds of a screaming baby. I find the little bundle of joy with her parents. They make noises at her and wave toys in her face. The little baby looks up at me and instantly smiles, probably because I’m smiling at her. “There’s a good girl,” I say to the child, smoothing my hand down her blanket.

“Alexis!” Victor yells across the room, jarring me from thoughts of having another baby. One I definitely don’t need.

I give the baby another smile before heading over to Victor. I don’t notice Ryan until I’m standing next to Victor. Ryan is sitting in the director’s chair, his chin resting in his hand.

Victor explains what he wants for this scene but I barely hear him. I’m staring off into space, still singing ‘Across the Universe’ inside my head. I’ve gone into autopilot. Reliving all those memories has shut me down in the worst way possible. I don’t even care that Ryan is sitting there staring at me.

I just don’t care about anything really.

Victor has Ryan and I move onto the set, which is half a living room. It was kind of the perfect day to film this scene; considering I’m feeling so much I’m numb from it all. All I have to do is pull out the worst of it and make acting gold.

The mother of the baby girl, whose name is Bailey, sets the three month old in my arms and then walks back to stand next to Victor. Ryan is standing off the set, while I’m sitting on the couch with the baby.

Victor yells action and off we go. I look down at the baby and coo at her, pretending she is mine for a little while. Jessy would make a great mother, you know, if she were real. She’s had some trouble with Wren but maybe one day she’ll move on with her life and find happiness. It might be weird that I think about the life of my characters after the movie is over. I always imagine them and how their lives play out after I’m done with them.

Ryan walks onto the set and comes to sit next to me on the couch. I notice that he’s careful not to touch me. Victor has ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence playing in the background and once again I think he has the best music choices when it comes to this filming business. It’s undoubtedly perfect for this scene.

Ryan reaches out to touch the baby’s head but his fingers don’t quite touch her. “She’s so beautiful, Jessy. Look what we made,” he says softly, turning his face towards mine and smiling.

I look away and back down at the baby. This whole damn movie is breaking my heart right now. Everything is breaking my heart right now. “She is, Wren, she’s perfect. The best thing we ever did together.”

“Alexis, I need you to cry,” Victor says and you’ll notice he didn’t scream, mainly because he’s only ten feet away.

I think about all the things Jason and I have missed out on over the years. I think about how alone I was when Talia was born. Tears instantly start slipping down my face.

Ryan grabs my face and pulls it towards him. “What’s wrong, Jessy? Why are you crying?”

“Because you’re not real,” I cry out, sobbing now. Because he’s not real. The Ryan I had sex with and the real Ryan are not the same person. Maybe I’m selfish and stupid, but for once I just wanted someone to pick me. And he picked Jason without even batting an eyelash. I want to wring my perfect brother’s neck. I want to scream from the tallest mountain that he’s an idiot and he hurt me badly. I want to beat him bloody and do it all over again the next day.

Ryan looks shocked and moves his head back. “What do you mean I’m not real? I’m sitting right here.”

I shake my head. “You’re not, Wren. You aren’t really here.”

He stands up and backs away from me. They’ll film this part over again with Ryan wearing a green Army fatigues so they can flash him in and out, like a ghost disappearing and reappearing, because that is what Wren is right now. He’s just a ghost.

I stand up too, crying really hard now, almost enough that I can’t see. “You died in the war, Wren. You’ve been dead for months. I watched them bury you myself,” I sob out, holding the baby to me tight but gently.

“That’s not true!” Ryan screams out in agony. “I’m right here. I’m right fucking here.”

I move one hand away from the baby and wipe at my face, hoping I’m not smearing my makeup too much because Victor will call cut and make the makeup girl fix it. “I told you, baby. I told you not to go. I had this fear and it was deserved because you came back in a box, just like I knew you would,” I tell him.

Ryan’s face contorts with the pain his character is feeling. He reaches out but doesn’t touch me. He can’t anymore because Wren has accepted that he’s a ghost. “You’ve got to move on, Wren. You can’t keep haunting me like this. I can’t move on with you here. I just can’t and I have to. I have to for this baby and for myself.”