Authors: Amanda Heath
We sit in silence for a while, both of us lost in regrets and new promises we tell ourselves. “This is the end, you know. We’re all going to put it behind us and move on. No more of this regret shit. Let’s live our lives in happiness instead of depression.”
I kiss his cheek. “You are the smartest person I know.”
“I thought I was a moron.”
“You are a moron.”
“That’s not very nice.”
“It’s true though.”
“But I’m not a moron.”
“Believe me, you are a moron.”
“I see why Ryan likes you. You’re such a bitch.”
“I’m not a bitch.”
“You’re such a bitch, even the biggest bitch is scared of you.”
“Shut up, you moron.”
“You shut up, you bitch.”
We are still in a verbal fight when Beau, Claire and Reed knock on the front door. I get up to answer it, knowing that they were bound to show up. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with them, it’s more that Jason is my favorite, but I can’t tell him that. The moron will let it go to his head.
“Have you seen the news?” Claire asks the moment I open the door. She rushes inside, with her hand in Reed’s, pulling him along behind her. Beau kisses me on the cheek as he enters the house. I’m about to shut the door when I see Ryan hurrying up the front steps. I wait with open arms for him.
“No,” I shout over my shoulder as Ryan picks me up as he enters the house. He drops a kiss on my lips as he carries me into the living room. He sits down on the couch, me in his lap. I move until I’m facing the TV, since Jason is turning it on so we can see this news report Claire is biting her nails over.
I can’t decide if she looks worried or if she finds it hilarious. I mean, she’s biting her nails but her mouth keeps lifting into a smile. “This should be good,” I tell Ryan as I pat his chest. You know, I gotta get my grope in before everyone realizes whose lap I’m sitting in.
The TV comes on and Claire tells Jason what channel to put it on. I’m surprised it’s E! and not the actual news channels. Maybe this is news to her. Yeah, I snorted out loud, causing everyone to look at me. “I see some things never change. You still snort at yourself,” Jason tells me with a wink.
I flip him off. “I do not snort at myself.”
“You do too. It’s cute, actually. Not sure how long Ryan will put up with it though. I don’t think he wants to date a pig.”
“If I’m a pig, you’re a pig,” I say.
He narrows his eyes at me. “I thought I was a moron?”
“You are a moron and a pig, and Alexis is a bitch. We all know this,” Beau says from his position on the couch between Ryan and Reed. Jason and I both stick our tongues out at him. “Things really don’t change. I thought you two would be adult enough to not act like kindergarteners.”
“They haven’t spent any time together in so long, we’re going to have to get used to this fighting constantly. It’s how they show affection. Just remember, one day they’ll get tired of it and act like normal people,” Claire throws in.
The anchor for the E! Network comes on the TV after a commercial and shocks the shit out of me. And probably Jason. Seems everyone else knew, considering Ryan is holding me tightly to him. “Thanks for joining us this morning. If you’re just tuning in, we’re going over the news we’ve received. We’ve been told that Jason Rhodes is, in fact, the father of Alexis Michaels’s four-year-old daughter.”
My entire face goes slack and then there is a picture of me on the right side and Jason on the other side. “I’m sorry Jason. You aren’t a moron,” I tell him because anyone looking at this picture can tell that we are related.
“These people aren’t using their eyes. For crying out loud she looks like me if I was a woman!” Jason exclaims rising to his feet. “I’m calling my damn lawyer. I’ll be damned if the world thinks I fathered my own god damn niece.” He pauses and holds his stomach. “I think I’m going to upchuck, excuse me.”
I’m in too much shock to even move. “Eye witness reports claim that Alexis was spotted at the private hospital where Jason was admitted after his car crash a few days ago. The same sources also say she was seen talking to Jason’s family and friends before being the first person allowed to see him.”
My phone rings in my pocket but I ignore it. It’s probably my publicist that I haven’t really used in the past five years. Or Dylan, because he’ll be laughing his ass off right now. Much like Beau, who’s almost in convulsions next to Ryan. Ryan runs his hands up and down my legs, having realized that I’m not going anywhere.
“Sources close to the two have stated that Jason and Alexis have been living together in secret for years. It’s even been said that Jason’s best friend, Ryan Danse, talked Alexis into being in a movie with him. The movie they finished wrapping up a few weeks ago. We say there’s no reason for the couple to live in secret any more. We hope they have a happy life together.” The anchor gives a bright smile and they move on to a new subject, though this will be brought up again and again.
Claire leans over Reed to face me with her eyes bright. “I had my best friend calling at six thirty in the morning laughing her ass off. She works for the network and had no idea what to do. I told her to let it alone because we’d take care of it.”
I nod. “I’m glad to let everyone think it’s true for a while. Serves them all right for being fucking idiots.”
Jason comes back into the room, a little less green. “Okay, okay. I can handle it now.”
“Good, because apparently we’ve been living together in secret, making sweet sweet love every day. Sources close to both of us have told them.” I’m not even going to lie, I get a sick thrill out of the fact he looks sick again. It’s so awesome to fuck with my brother again.
Ryan laughs under me, his dick poking me in the butt. I guess he likes it when I sit in his lap. I’ll have to remember that. “They hope you two come out in the open and live happily ever after.”
“Great. Now I have two of you. You have to break up, I can’t take it.” My brother’s green eyes darken in anger but then he smiles. “On second thought, you can stay together. Just wait till I find someone. She’ll bring you both to your knees on a daily basis.”
I just shake my head. “So, you want to be in a committed relationship now?”
“Yes. It looks good on you, thought I might try it out,” he tells me with a bright smile.
“And here I thought you were going to wait until you were fifty. Who knew it would only take your sister finding a boyfriend before you just had to do it too,” Ryan says, wrapping his arms around me again and kissing the back of my neck.
“Well, I got famous first and she just had to follow in my footsteps. We’re twins, we have to have the same things in life for it to be even.” I give Jason a thoughtful look at that one. That kind of made sense, not that I’d tell him that.
For once in my life, I’m not pissed at my hands for being sweaty. It’s, like, a hundred degrees in Texas tonight. Most of my body is sweaty. Though I am nervous because I’ll be walking onto a concert stage tonight to introduce Dirty Deeds before they play to a sold out house. This is the kind of thing that freaks me out. A crowd of thousands of people, that’s terrify. It’s why I could never be in a band.
With acting, you’re mostly on a film set with a handful of people watching you perform. The same amount of people have watched my movies but I’m not there to witness all their reactions.
Talia dances around backstage, right at my feet. She’s wearing headphones because I know it’s going to get loud and I don’t want her getting brain damage. They’re soundproof and Bluetooth capable so she can still hear everything that’s going on, but it’s at a normal sound level. She’s wearing an Elsa costume and she even asked Claire’s hair stylist to braid her hair. She thinks she’s the ice queen of Texas. I wish it were so, because this heat is awful.
She took Ryan coming into our lives much like she took my brothers and sister. With excited joy and screams. Then she asked if she could have a little sister. I had to tell her she’d have to wait for that. Like, really wait for that. Like, waiting years for that.
Ryan places his hands on my hips and makes me sway back and forth to the opening band. They’re pretty good but I guess they should be, considering they’re opening for one of the biggest bands in America. “You look so good tonight,” he says right into my ear.
I shake my head at him. He tells me how good I look whether I’m wearing yoga pants and a hoodie or a skintight dress. I wore such a dress last night when he took me out for a fancy steak dinner. I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck. “You think I look good no matter what I wear.”
“That’s because you do look good no matter what you wear. Prettiest girl in the world.” He kisses me with a laughing smile.
“I’m so glad you think so.” I kiss him back, about to really get into it but I remember my daughter is only inches away. “You’re really good for my self esteem. You should really start being an asshole and telling me how fat my ass looks in these jeans.”
He gets a serious expression on his face before replying, “For starters, even if your ass was fat, I would still tell you how good you look. In fact, you should start eating more so your ass does get fatter.”
I slap his arm and burst into giggles. “Oh my God. You’re so full of shit.”
He places his hands on said ass and squeezes before quickly drawing away. “I am. I love your ass no matter how big or small it is.”
“Are you ever going to tell me?” I ask, putting a Cheshire smile on my face.
Both of his eyebrows rise. “I’m waiting on you to say it. Seems fair, you made me wait around for you for weeks.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “It was only, like, two weeks. You were the one who wanted me to fix myself.”
He rubs his nose against mine, that smile I love so much gracing his face. “At least I wanted you to fix yourself and I didn’t try to fix you myself.”
“Yeah, I guess you get points for that. Loser.” We’re starting to draw stares from the crew and groupies. You’d be surprised how many people believed that Jason and I are in a relationship behind the scenes, and here I am locking lips with his best friend. I’ve just come to the conclusion that people will think what they want to think.
That’s kind of what tonight is about. It’s time to finally put the past behind us; move into a future filled with love, trust and friendship between my family and me.
Harriet, Dirty Deed’s band manager, walks over to us, clearing her throat. She looks around at the people gawking with a slight smile on her face. “You ready to head out, Alexis?”
I nod before placing a very sexy kiss right on Ryan’s lips. He returns it, his tongue slipping into my mouth, making my toes curl in my high heels. I don’t hate the shoes so much anymore, you know, since they put me at the right height for kissing. I was worried he was going to throw his back out picking me up to kiss me all the time. I told him this but he just laughed and told me I was silly. I might be but his health is important to me. You know, I can’t get the sex if he’s hurt. Must have the sex.
I pull away from him and his hands almost refuse to let me go, but he does at the last minute. I smile softly at him and head to the edge of backstage. I watch the opening band, Fearies, finish up their set before heading off sweaty and exhausted. They’re an all female group and they rock it out with the best of them.
The lights dim in the crowd and my stomach bottoms out because that’s my cue to head on stage. I almost give a sigh of relief because with the spotlights on me, I can only see the first few rows of people. The noise they make when I walk on stage though is deafening. I smile brightly and wave before I reach the microphone. It’s been adjusted for my height but I grip it tight for courage.
“Hello, Dallas. It’s nice to see y’all out here tonight,” I say, getting even more screams than when I came out. Jesus. I laugh though. “Calm down, you’ve got to save those screams for Dirty Deeds!” Okay, I’ve got to stop getting them to scream, though I admit it’s really fun. “Anyway, you might be wondering why I’m up here, why I’m here at all. First off, my name is Alexis Michaels, if you don’t know who I am, and it’s okay if you don’t.
“I’m here to introduce one of the biggest bands in America. I’m also here to clear the air because a lot of things have gotten screwed up in the media.” My sweaty hands start to slip on the microphone so I adjust them a bit. “For the past ten years, I’ve been separated from my family. No one knows this because we didn’t want them to know. My family was stupid, I was stupid, but we’re all better now.” I turn to the side and look behind me, where a slide show starts up. “I’m proud to call Beau my older brother.” There is dead silence after that announcement. It’s surreal when you can get an entire crowd of people to shut up for five seconds. “He’s an amazing songwriter and an amazing person. He was always there to pick me up when I fell and beat up all the boys who hurt my feelings.” A picture of Beau and me, when he was sixteen and I was twelve changes to a picture of Claire and me, her ten and me eight. “Claire was the one who taught me how to do my makeup and how to cook. She was always good for late night stories and gossip. I’m proud to call her sister.”
The last photo comes on screen and the crowd screams because you can’t really tell the difference between Jason and I in the picture except my hair is long and his is shaved close to his head. It’s the picture we took the last time I really saw him before he left for the tour. Our faces are close together and we’re smiling like idiots. “Last, but certainly not least, I’m proud to call Jason, my twin brother. We’ve always shared everything in our lives. And I was lost without him for those ten years, but once we got over our shit, it was like we’d never been separated.” I turn back to the crowd with the biggest smile I’ve ever had in my life on my face. “So, no, Jason Rhodes is not the father of my child. And yes, ‘Little Sister’ is about me. So here’s Dirty Deeds and they can’t wait to give you an amazing show.” I bite my lip as the crowd goes wild and the band comes out on stage. Jason comes by to kiss me on the cheek. Beau rubs my hair and waves at the crowd. Claire comes to stand by me before grabbing my hand and pulling me into a hug.
The lights go dark around the stage and we’re plunged into blue lights. The chords for ‘Little Sister’ start and Claire faces the microphone. “Hey guys, I hope you don’t mind but Alexis is gonna stick around for this song.”
“
Golden hair flowing through the wind, she stands with those shoulders back
,” Claire sings into the microphone, her arm wrapped around my shoulders. “
She’s definite and absolute when she puts me down, she’ll never let me in before she drowns
,”
“
Villain or hero, we’ll never know
,” I sing now hearing my voice coming back at me in the little earpiece I have in place, “
I call out to her, over and over but she never answers, she’s lost at sea never to surrender
.”
“
Little sister, little sister, you’re the brightest star
,” we sing together. “
Little sister, little sister, you’re the darkest part of me
,” Claire grips my hand tight, feeling the words move through her much like they do me. “
You’ll never know just how much I’d lose just to see you, You’ll never know just how much I’ll always love you
.”
“
She’s the strongest one, the one without fear, without malice
,” we sing together, the crowd going along with us. “
She fights her way out, she never backs down
,”
“
Green eyes I see in the mirror, oh how much they hurt
,” Claire sings, her voice all smoky and velvet. “
I’ll never see little feet pitter patter, she’ll hold me out for longer than I’m living,
”
Claire turns the microphone towards the crowd, letting them sing the chorus. “
Would you let me in, little sister, would you take the win, little sister, would you cross your heart and hope to die
,” Claire and I sing together, her hips swaying with the rhythm Beau and Jason have going. “
Never say never, little sister, I’ll be here, little sister, forever and ever.
”
I wave and blow kisses as I leave the stage. Talia comes running up to me when I get backstage. “Momma, you got to sing! That was so awesome!” She jumps into my arms, almost banging her head into mine.
“Yeah, I did and hopefully I never have to do it again. That was terrifying,” I tell her but then I remember she can’t hear me as she tries to dance around in my arms.
Ryan just shakes his head when he walks up to us. “You were amazing!” he yells to be heard over the music of the next song.
I set Talia down and she immediately runs over to Marley and decides to dance in his arms. I wrap myself around Ryan and kiss the side of his mouth. “You know I love you, right?”
He leans his head away so those amazing blue eyes look into mine. “I know.” Then he smiles so big I’m afraid he’s going to break his face. “I love you too, Green Eyes.”
And just like that, everything falls into place. I feel at peace for the first time in a long time.
I’m living with a man and it’s weird, yet awesome. When I say weird, I mean the fact that I have someone else in my space. I’m not used to it. Talia likes to sleep with me on occasion but she has her own room where she keeps her things.
I stare down at the bathroom counter, noting his shaving cream, deodorant and toothbrush. He’s a neat guy, he doesn’t leave his clothes all over the floor and he cleans out the sink after shaving. I like that about him because I have no desire to pick up his dirty underwear or clean up the hair in the sink. The bathroom is how I left it the night before.
I move into my bedroom, after brushing my teeth. We have an awards show we have to attend in a few hours. I need to start getting ready but I’m too fascinated by living with a man.
I walk to my closet to find my dress, but all the clothes that have been moved into it over the past couple of days distract me. I never asked him to move in with me by the way. The other day he came home from a jog with Jason and just stated he was moving his stuff in. We didn’t argue about it, mostly because I wanted him close by. I just wasn’t moving to San Francisco.
I pass my dresser, my fingers passing over the knife Ryan made me. It’s small, the blade sharp. The handle is the real thing of beauty. It’s hand carved, the inside hollow, the outside shaped into a spiral, the piece of the wedding dress trapped inside. It’s elegant and feminine. I left this one out because I can’t stop staring at it, but his others are locked up tight in the downstairs office. There’s no telling what Talia would do if she got her hand on any of those.
He brought his dog, which Talia was overexcited about, considering she’s wanted one for forever. She was sad it wasn’t a puppy, but a full-grown dog. It didn’t matter after two seconds in the company of Joey, they became fast friends. Now it’s impossible to separate them and I’ve even relented and let the damn dog sleep with her at night. Ryan likes to joke that Talia stole his heart and his dog.
Talia comes into my room with mud on her clothes and her face. I swear the girl is a contradiction. One day she wants to be a pretty princess and she stays clean. The next day she wants to be a boy and comes inside muddy and smelly. “You better get yourself in a bath. You’re filthy.”
A second later, Ryan walks in, his clothes and face also covered in mud. I sigh and put my hands on my hips. He’s growing his hair out and it’s gotten to that shaggy stage and I kind of like it. I wonder if he’s going to grow the beard back. Or the hair. Or maybe both, that might be nice. “What the hell have y’all been doing?”
Talia puts her hands on her hips and looks at Ryan accusingly. “Ryan said it would be fun to give Joey a bath. But then the yard got all wet and muddy. Then Joey decided to roll around in it and then he covered us in mud.”
I give Ryan a look. “I hope Joey is still outside.”
Ryan laughs going into the bathroom. “Yeah. It was punishment.”