Authors: Amanda Heath
“Okay, Jasy, I won’t settle,” I hear my twelve-year-old self say.
“Where did you just go? No looking sad right now. We are eighteen years old getting ready to party our asses off,” Lacey whispers in my ear.
I give her a huge grin and kiss her cheek. Then Victor yells cut and the music shuts off. It’s always funny to me filming a scene with a lot of extras. The boy on the table proclaiming himself the sex god stops his erotic dancing immediately and wipes his brow of sweat. The girls in the corner that have been making out the whole time stop and wipe their mouths, backing away from each other. The guys and girls standing in the corner fake drinking out of red solo cups all turn as one to the director to wait for further instructions.
Victor calls us over so we can watch the playback to see if we want to do the scene again. I hope not. Normally it takes a few takes to get everything right. This scene shouldn’t though because there weren’t any lines to mess up. We’ll get to the lines soon enough.
I stand next to Victor with Ryan on the other side, our faces pointed right at the camera rollback screen. I watch myself walk through the front door a shy smile on my face. My eyes light up when I see Lacey standing with some extras. That’s about the time the camera moves to Ryan, who looks up from his drink and sees me walking through the room. His whole entire body tenses and his fingers crunch the cup with their tight grip. His jaw goes kind of slack and his eyes…well, they say I answer all his prayers.
Fucking Jason.
“Now we’ll have you walking through the room in slow motion, Lexy, so if there’s anything you want to change let me know,” Victor says, his hand on my shoulder.
I keep watching as my face goes from happy to a little sad to joyous. I actually think it works well for the scene and for the character. Jessy just lost her mother to breast cancer, so me getting depressed about Jason there in the middle totally worked for the scene.
“I honestly think it turned out great for the first take,” I tell Victor.
He pats my back. “Well, I have such amazing actors working. Ryan you did a beautiful job. I know you haven’t done much romance but you pulled that off way better than I expected.”
“Ta,” he says. Ta is how Aussie’s say thank you, for those who didn’t know.
“I think the guy dancing on the table was a really great touch, Victor. That extra seemed to be really into it,” I tell him, joking because he puts that kind of thing in every movie he’s ever done.
Victor might be in his fifties. He might have graying hair and a potbelly. He loves to party though, even in his loafers. He’s probably been the sex god dancing on the table at every party he’s ever thrown. The man’s been married six times, that I know of.
“You caught that did you?” Victor winks at me and I laugh.
Ryan continues to watch the playback and once it’s done he nods. “I’m good with it,” he says to Victor.
Then he lifts those eyes up to mine and what I see knocks me back a few paces. “You did a lovely job. Brought tears to my eyes.”
I glare at him. I’m not even sure when we crossed into this territory but here we are. Next thing you know we are going to be at each other’s throats. “I am a legend. Did you hear?”
“Okay you two. Enough of that. Let’s get you two back in there and finish this scene out so we can get something to eat,” Victor says, a yawn sneaking past his lips.
I stand on my mark, my back towards Ryan. This take is from my view, which means the camera will be on me the whole time. We’ll do it again from Ryan’s POV. I know it sounds ridiculous but with sets and all that, you have to have the right angles and you can’t film both faces without the camera appearing in the shot consistently.
The extras all have marks to stand on and they’re not supposed to do anything they can’t repeat again, so nothing crazy should be going on. “Action!” Victor yells.
I turn around slowly, Lacey by my side, and look up into those eyes the color of the Caribbean Sea. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I say back, my face slack because I can’t believe this beautiful man just walked right up to me and said “hey”.
“What’s your name?” The accent I’m so used to is absent, replaced by a slight southern twang. It’s actually nice that I didn’t have to have voice training for this movie, considering my southern accent is natural. Though I don’t usually use it unless I’m extremely pissed off.
“Jessy Carmichael,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
He smiles at me, lighting up his face. It’s kind of like I’ve never seen him before because I’ve never seen him smile like that. At least not at me. “Jessy. It fits you. It’s short and sweet.”
“Well, aren’t you just a charmer?” Lacey pipes up, throwing her hand between us. “I’m Michaela, Jessy’s best friend. And we all know who you are, Mr. Wren Fairbanks.”
He shakes her hand giving her a sly smile. “Does my reputation precede me?”
“Yes. Yes it does,” she answers swiftly. I want to laugh because she is totally stealing this scene but I don’t because that’s rude. I don’t mind and I hope that Ryan doesn’t because she’ll only have about thirty minutes of screen time and that’s not much with a two-hour movie.
“I guess I’ll have to fix that then.” He lifts his left hand up to rub at the back of his head.
“You can start by taking Jessy here out on the town. Buy her a nice dinner and maybe a nice pair of shoes, because the girl loves her shoes.” Then she winks, flouncing off out of view.
I giggle and hope my cheeks turn pink. Jessy isn’t really a shy girl but I think we’ve all been there. When the hot popular guy talks to you, even if it’s to ask to borrow a pencil, every badass female gets a little shy. “I’m sorry about her. She was dropped on her head as a baby.”
“Would you though?” he asks, finally bringing his hand down. His fingers mingle with mine shocking the crap out of me.
“Wou-would I what?” I stutter and it’s for real because I was not expecting him to touch me like that.
“Go out with me. Tomorrow.” His fingers twist with mine and he rubs my palm gently.
My mind goes blank and I swear I’m back in high school. This is so embarrassing. I want to yank my hand away but I don’t because, obviously, I’m not going to make a big scene. Obviously not while we are filming a scene.
“This is where you tell me, ‘Yes I would love to go out with you Wren.’ See, it’s not so hard.” His grin is wide and pretty much takes up his whole entire face. Asshole.
“I’d love to. But only if you buy me those shoes,” I finally get out.
“Cut!” Victor yells.
I jerk my hand away from Ryan and feel a scowl take over my face. “I’d like it if you didn’t touch me any more than you had to,” I spit out before I can even think about what I’m saying.
Both of his eyebrows arch up. “I guess I can’t be bothered to stop. Guess you’ll have to get used to it.”
I narrow my eyes at him and turn around to see what Victor yelled cut for.
“I hate him,” I say, staring at my reflection from where I sit in the makeup chair.
Today is the eighteenth day of filming. I know that might seem a lot but, in reality, it takes time to make a movie. What with set changes and takes, it can take months. I doubt it takes us that long, considering we don’t have a bunch of action shots.
The man who plays my character’s father, well, he’s an alcoholic. It’s irritating when you have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to work, and then spend fourteen hours filming, and during all of that you have a grabby hands older man whose breath constantly smells of booze. Vodka being his favorite.
The lady who plays Wren’s mother is a diva. She bitches constantly about where the lights are and she has the poor makeup girls on her after every take. She really doesn’t need that much makeup. She screams and throws a tantrum if any of us get in her light and she demands coffee every five minutes. Which means she has to use the old ladies room every five minutes.
I’ve thought about quitting every day, but then I think about Dr. Lily and our talks over the phone once a week, and I just take a deep breath and put a smile on my face. It might be a fake smile but at least I’m not murdering half the cast.
And we can’t forget Ryan fucking Danse. He might be the sexiest man alive this year, but that doesn’t mean he’s all that agreeable. You can tell he doesn’t like to get up early. This makes the scary beast a grump at the start of our days. He continues to be touchy feely while we film. I’ve never met a leading man who uses their hands so much. Yeah, sometimes he’s directed to touch me and I don’t mind those times. It’s the times he causally just brushes my arm during one of my lines, or the way he always stands way closer than he should.
The most annoying thing about him is the fact he disagrees with every idea I have. It’s gotten to the point that I actually walked off set two days ago. We got a break yesterday, something every single person on this set needed. So I’m nervous about today. He’ll probably say something about what a diva I am. In reality, I walked off set because he’s a dick and he can suck it.
I mean, any sane woman would lose their mind if they had to work with him. I’m surprised I’ve never heard about his bad attitude before. You’d think he’d be the same about every film he’s in. I know that I have the same routine every time I’m filming. I use my “please” and “thank you”. I smile at everyone whether I want to or not. I’m polite to everyone. I don’t demand things unless they are that important. And I certainly don’t argue with the director about how a scene is being played out. It’s the director’s job to do that.
“So, that’s your answer as to why you walked off set?” Jo asks while piling my hair into a fancy up do. We are filming the wedding scene today, one I’ve been dreading. Victor is trying to get all the scenes with the other actors out of the way, since no one is getting along. He seems to think it will go far smoother when it’s just Ryan and I left, and a lot faster. This is why Ryan and I haven’t had to do any kissing yet.
Today is going to be the worst.
“Yes, that’s my answer,” I reply, tilting my head with her hands.
She stops what she’s doing to give me serious eyes. “I think you might actually hate him, because, you know, word is he’s being a huge dick, but that’s not why you walked off set.”
I bite my lip and look away from my reflection in the mirror. Today is just an annoying day altogether. My nanny, Teresa, had to quit because her mother was put in the hospital and she wants to be there for her. I mean, I can’t blame anyone for it, but I’d rather not have Talia on set. I like the way things are going in the media, seeing as half of them doubt the existence of Talia in the first place. The other half stalk me constantly trying to get a picture of her. This is why I generally get out of the car and let Marley take it to park somewhere else, sneaking Talia right under their noses while they are preoccupied with me.
I’ll live though.
Then my period decided to start so I’m extra fucking bitchy, and seeing as I have to wear a white wedding dress, I’m praying there are no accidents. There’s no telling how expensive the dress is.
And to top it all off, I have a meeting with the head of the studio, so I might be getting fired from the movie because of my actions. I also have to attend this meeting in the stupid dress, so I’ll feel ridiculous.
“I walked off set because he was controlling everything. He wanted to stand in a certain place and someone was already standing there. I’d pipe up with an idea I would have liked to try for the next take and he’d shoot it down like he was the director or something,” I complain, twisting my fingers around each other because I really don’t like talking shit about anyone. My dad hated that kind of behavior. He was a real believer that if you had nothing nice to say, then you didn’t have anything to say at all.
Jo laughs and continues to mess with my hair. She tugs and pulls the strands into a beautiful bun with twists up and down my scalp. “I can’t believe he was acting like that. Usually he doesn’t seem to mind sitting back and letting others get everything done. Hell, he comes in here and doesn’t say a word about what he gets dressed in or how I style his hair.”
I roll my eyes at that one. “Probably because he doesn’t have any hair to really get done. Plus, they can’t seem to find him any clothes that actually fit. Everything they put him in is, like, three sizes too small. He looks amazing. I wouldn’t complain either.”
This makes Jo cackle like a hyena and I just sigh. I’ve learned that Jo likes to laugh, and laugh she does often. On occasion it’s comical but today I’m bitchy. I don’t really mind anyway. She’s laughing at the horrible things I’m saying about Ryan.
“Honey, you’ll get through with this movie before you know it. Then you’ll only have to see him on the red carpet. I promise you that.”
That makes me smile. I can’t wait for this movie to be over with. The further away I am from Ryan Danse the better.
Jo pats me on the back as I walk out the door, headed for wardrobe. I’ve already got my makeup done. I’m just hoping I don’t get any on the dress.
I’ve got to be honest here, I’m seriously nervous about this fake wedding. I guess I just thought I’d have already walked down the aisle by now. I’ve always wanted the whole shebang. The amazing dress, a church full of my loved ones, the Beatles playing while I walk down the aisle, and a cake the size of my body.
There lies the problem too; I don’t have a church full of people that love me. I have one, and I figure if I ever got married now, she’d be standing up there with me. She’d be the maid of honor because there’s no one better.
Now I’m getting fake married before I get real married. And I’m getting fake married to an asshole, so that just makes the whole thing awesome. I’m most looking forward to a huge set of extras and production workers. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, considering I’ve never been this nervous on a movie set in my life. I’m usually the picture of calm.
Anxiety is the bane of my existence.
I enter the costume trailer, which is helpfully right next door to the makeup and hair trailer. The girls usher me into this huge pure white dress. It doesn’t have much fanfare on it; other than the fact the train is longer than a semi truck. The bodice is heart shaped, making my B cup breasts look bigger than they are.
Jesus, I look magical.
I want to twirl around in this dress, just like a little girl, but it doesn’t leave much room for me to do that. Nancy, the head of the wardrobe department, detaches the train for me so I can hurry to my meeting with the big wigs.
My heels clink and clank against the asphalt as I run for the director’s trailer, where this meeting is being held. I lift my dress as I rush, hoping that I don’t trip on anything I can’t see because of the big puffy skirt.
Victor is waiting outside with another older gentleman. I stop when I reach them with a smile on my face even though I’m kind of out of breath. “Hello,” I say, reaching down to straighten out my dress.
“Alexis, this is Mr. Wright, head of the studio. Mr. Wright just has a few questions and then we can head to set, okay?” Victor places his hand on my shoulder, offering support I suppose. I guess I am getting fired. I knew I should have studied my lines more. I’ve only fouled up a few lines.
“That’s fine, Mr. Wright.” I take the hand he offers me to shake.
When he lets go, he unbuttons the last button on his suit and takes a seat on one of Victor’s patio chairs. He has a little place set up outside of his trailer with a whole set of patio furniture. A whole set of expensive patio furniture.
I eye one of the chairs but I really don’t think I could sit in this dress. I don’t want to be rude.
“I’m sorry Ms. Michaels, I have a bad knee. I won’t take but a moment of your time.” Mr. Wright gives me a kind smile while rubbing his knee under the table.
“That’s all right. What is it you wanted to know?”
“We’ve had several reporters and news stations wishing to stop by the set and interview our cast. I know you haven’t really stepped out into the public eye in the past couple of years,” Mr. Wright says, his hands moving to rest against the glass tabletop.
I give him a confused look. “I agreed to interviews when I signed my contract for this film.” I give him a little relieved laugh.
“I know that, I just wanted to let you know that we understand if you refuse to answer some of their questions. I know with your reputation that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt the studio. I asked that no questions be asked about your personal life or your child. And we’ve upped security around to keep peeping Toms away.”
I give him a small smile. “I thank you for that. You don’t know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done to accommodate me.”
Mr. Wright nods his head, returning my smile. “Well, we were very honored that you chose our studio to work with, once you decided to work again. We want to make sure that you know you made the right decision.”
I shake Mr. Wright’s hand again before I watch him hobble away. “Why are they so worried I’ll back out of this deal? I’m caught off guard, I totally thought he was going to fire me,” I tell Victor.
Victor claps me on the back, turning me towards the set we are filming on today. “He might have heard that you walked off set two days ago. He might have suggested giving everyone a day off, to rest and relax, before filming again. He might have also stated that he was coming down specifically to see you and make you as comfortable as possible.”
“And how did he find out about me walking off set? I don’t think a cameraman called and told him.” I look at Victor, both of my golden eyebrows raised.
Victor gives me a sly smile, turning me once again towards set. “It slipped out. I’m so terribly sorry about that.”
“You’re not sorry at all. You little shit,” I mutter.
Victor, for some dumb reason, wanted this to be like a real wedding. So no one in the cast saw me until it was time for me to walk down the aisle. The makeup girls flutter around me, making me glow, I assume, considering it’s my wedding day. While my mood was lifted after my talk with Mr. Wright, getting ready to film has me on edge again.
Times like these I wish I could call Dr. Lily and ask her why the hell I’m like this. One minute I’m completely fine, living my life, the next I’m hiding in my house, scared to leave because the world is a big scary place and I was all alone. I can’t stand being mad, and I can’t stand being mad when I have no actual reason to be mad. So what, my co-worker is a pain in the ass, I’m sure people with everyday kind of jobs have co-workers they want to murder in their sleep.
I just need to suck it the fuck up.
I’m directed to stand at the doors with my fake father, my arm wrapped around his. Victor yells action and the doors swing open. Wedding music is playing in the background, properly to set the right mood. My eyes immediately look for Ryan, mostly because that’s where my character would be looking. Jessy would want her eyes solely on Wren. She wouldn’t see anything else today but him. So that’s how I find myself damn near lost in an icy winter storm with the name of Ryan.
My feet move slowly across the red carpet laid out for the aisle. My eyes continue to stare right into Ryan’s. I can’t even tell you how I made it down the aisle without tripping.
‘Across the Universe’ plays out in my head, my go-to song in times of great distress. And it fits me so right; in this moment nothing is going to change my world. Ryan fucking Danse is not going to make me feel something I don’t want to feel. Lust and I are not friends. Tingles are not shooting up and down my spine.
I think about the way my body reacts after all the times he’s touched me when he didn’t have to. I think about the warmth his skin brings to mine. I think about the sharp intake of air it brings out of me and the shock of how rough those hands are. I still want to know what he does to get them that way.
The fake preacher at the front of the church says something. My fake dad, who hasn’t tried to feel my ass today, says something back. My eyes never leave Ryan. Then his hand is reaching out towards me and I tense, but in a good way. The anticipation of those hands on mine has me even more on edge.
Then his hand is sliding up against mine, pulling me towards him. Now our hands are intertwined as we stand a few inches apart in front of the preacher. We all say our lines, perfectly I might add, and I don’t even notice because my eyes still haven’t left Ryan’s. I feel like I’m lost in a trance and I can’t seem to get out of it. I wish I could but it’s like those few minutes before you get out of bed, you know you shouldn’t but it just feels so good.