Authors: Amanda Heath
“I’m not going to ring her. I swear,” I tell her, moving my rice around my plate. Unlike Cassie, Claire can cook up a dream dinner. I feel a twinge of jealously towards Gray.
“If he was going to, he’d have already done it. I told him every time he even thinks about it, just remember the sight of that asshole’s dick sinking into her fanny.” For those of you who aren’t Aussie, fanny means pussy. I had the shock of my life when I found out about fanny packs. I actually learned that from Cassie, who was talking about some tourist wearing one. I thought Americans were weird to begin with, just, Jesus, why would you name something a “pussy” pack. I thought it meant that the man was attractive or something. Cassie had to explain that one to me in great detail. I cringe whenever I hear someone say fanny pack.
I slap my best mate on the back of his head, making him spit food all over the table. Claire throws her roll at me and a spoon at Jason. This has us falling over in laughter. Even Gray has a smile behind the hand attached to his face. Beau just looks at us with boredom.
“So when are you going to let us come visit you on set?” Claire asks once we’ve settled down.
I look at her with both of my brows raised. “I didn’t realize I was letting anyone come visit me on set.” And I’m not letting them. Just because Alexis got the part and we’ll be working together, doesn’t mean I need these three out there messing everything up. Which they will.
“Oh, come on! It’s fucking Arkansas! We all grew up there,” Claire replies before lifting her wine glass to her mouth.
I shake my head. “No. Gray can come visit if he wants but you other three are staying here. Far away, where you can’t start any drama.”
Claire reaches a hand up to her chest, all dramatic like, and says, “Who? Us? We won’t start any drama.”
I just sigh and finish eating my food. They would never violate Alexis’s privacy by just showing up at her house but they know where it is. They are also very familiar with Marley, Alexis’s bodyguard/driver. Jason has even gotten a punch to the face from the guy after he wouldn’t let Jason speak to Alexis. “Over the years, little sister has made it a point not to have anything to do with any of you. I’m totally floored that she even agreed to do this movie. I thought for sure once she realized I was mates with all of you, she’d run screaming in the other direction.”
“Maybe she doesn’t know,” Claire says, squinting her eyes at me.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I usually do all the research I can on my co-stars. She might do it differently. Some actors prefer not to know anything, so they can build their relationship with their co-star strictly on set.”
Beau rolls his eyes. “I think she already knew. Lord knows everyone and their mother is in love with the two of you and your ‘bromance’.” And I might add how silly he looks when he uses air quotes like a teenage girl.
I let my fork fall to my plate with a loud clank. “I’m putting my foot down. That’s the end of it. None of you are coming to set. I pride myself on being a professional actor. That means telling you all no because I don’t want a hostile work environment.”
Beau cleans his teeth with his tongue while looking at me. We refer to it as his thinking face. “I think it’ll be hostile anyway. I think the two of you are going to end up hating each other. I give it three days there before you’re calling Jason and bitching about how awful little sister is.” Beau is the one who started referring to her as little sister. He’s also the one who wrote the famous song that’s been playing on repeat on every radio station. I’ve never even heard him call her by her first name. It’s not like we sit around and talk about Alexis, but I’ve been a part of this group for years now and she gets brought up on occasion. She’s undeniably getting brought up now since I’ll be working with her.
“Why do you say that?” Jason asks before filling his mouth with more food. The pig.
Beau picks up his drink and takes a deep drink, leaving us all waiting on him. He tends to like people waiting on him. “Little sister likes things her way. She likes control. She won’t throw fits, not like Cassie, but she’ll get her way. And she’ll want something that you don’t want. She’ll say something and it’ll get your hackles rising. And before you know it, you won’t be able to stand the sight of her.”
“And why won’t he be able to stand the sight of her?” Claire asks, an amused expression on her face.
Beau adjusts in his seat, ever the performer. “Because our dear Ryan here, he also likes control. It’s why he barely batted an eyelash when Cassie showed her true colors. She was ruining his control something fierce and now that she’s gone, he has it all back. I can promise you, Ryan, you will not want the things that Alexis will want. It’ll be like two bulls in a pen. I honestly can’t wait.”
Jason scoffs, which he seems to always do when Beau gives out his great wisdom. I, on the other hand, tend to listen to him. Unease starts to settle in my stomach.
When I was a boy, my father was an alcoholic. He wasn’t mean and he didn’t beat my mum or me. Nothing like that. He was just messy and sloppy. He’d mess up the house and he’d wake me up in the middle of the night. He’d embarrass me in front of my mates. His actions, though, hurt my mum’s feelings and it hurt mine. I couldn’t control him and I constantly saw him spiral out of control.
So, yes, I like control. I might not make a big production out of it. I won’t fight tooth and nail but eventually I’d make a change so I had things back in my control. There’s honestly nothing wrong with it. People don’t like to feel unsure and unsafe. It’s probably a great way to be, if you ask me.
“Well, I can’t be bothered to listen to this anymore. I’ve got packing to do,” I say. Just because he’s right doesn’t mean I want to listen to him anymore. I really don’t want to listen to any of them right now. They are pushing my buttons. Claire should have known better than to ask if she could come visit. Jason at least knows better. But he’ll still call everyday and ask about her.
Beau will be the one to show up unannounced, but I don’t have to worry about him approaching her. He hasn’t in the ten years since the big falling out. Gray gives me a smile and pat on the back as I leave. The man might be king of country but he’s also king of strong and silent.
“I love you guys. You’re all my best mates, but periodically you cross the line. And I think I’ve been letting you all get away with it for too long. So this is me saying no. Her privacy is more important.”
And with that I leave the room.
Alexis
The last time I worked on a movie set, my entire life was flipped upside down. I fell in love, which was magical at the time, ended up pregnant and lost my way for a while. It still seems like I’m floating out in the vast sea, lost and alone. I have Marley and Talia, but it’s not the same as having girlfriends and a life. I don’t really miss having a life, not in this industry. All the partying and drugs. It’s nice not to have a constant hangover anymore.
‘Amnesia’ by 5 Seconds of Summer plays softly in the background while I study my lines. Though I’m more lost in my thoughts than I’m reading my script. Aaron was like fireflies at the brink of dusk in our backyard when I was growing up. Jason and I used to chase them around and around. We’d trip and fall into the soft grass and we would laugh. We would laugh until our little tummies hurt. Beau would sit on the back porch steps spread out like a cover model. He was ever the cool guy. Claire didn’t like to get dirty but I caught her peeking through the windows at us. Jason and I were always more carefree than our older brother and sister.
Aaron being Talia’s father.
He made me laugh constantly. I couldn’t remember a time that I had laughed so much, except for those nights with the fireflies. Maybe it was all an illusion but I loved smiling constantly. I loved that he made me feel that way. He reached down deep inside me and brought out the person I wanted to be. For once I was happy and I wasn’t worried about the past or what was going on around me.
Maybe I should have been.
I feel like I was living life through the lens of a camera. I was focused on one thing and while other more important things were going on, I didn’t see them. Not until they smacked me in the face. I was such a stupid fool and my daughter will forever live with the consequences.
Our children are supposed to start out with their slate clean. They aren’t supposed to have to live with our mistakes. Those kinds of things shouldn’t affect them. Yet, I made the biggest mistake of my life and Talia is the one who gets hurt by it. She has all her little friends and they all have daddies. She wants to know where her daddy is but I can’t tell her. I can’t tell her a damn thing about him. I can’t tell her how we fell in love and for a time we were happy together. I can’t tell her momma was stupid and followed her heart when she should have followed her head.
At the end, it was ugly, between Aaron and I. It was so ugly. Hateful words and nasty looks. I yelled, I threw things at him and the last time I saw him I told him he’d be in my daughter’s life over my dead body. I signed a contract that made it so. It broke something inside of me to sign that contract but I did it anyway. For Talia, I would do anything and intermittently we have to make decisions we wish we didn’t have to. I might have caused pain because of her absent daddy, but honestly, I doubt he would have been in her life even if I hadn’t signed that contract.
That contract though, it also protects her. It protects her from the media. It’s why I’m so tight lipped about the father, because legally, I’m not allowed to tell anyone. If it got out though? The media would attack me; they would attack my daughter with their lies and their truths. They wouldn’t care what it did to Talia or me. We wouldn’t have a choice but to let the whole world hear how I screwed up. It’s better this way, to stay quiet about it.
“Alexis?” someone calls, making me blink out of my thoughts. I turn around and find a smiling girl standing by the door.
“Hello,” I say politely, having no idea who she is.
“I’m Mary Grace, MG for short. I’m a production assistant, so you’ll probably be seeing a lot of me.” Her smile gets wider if that’s even possible. “We’re ready for you in makeup.”
“Okay.” I set my script down on the little table in my trailer and head out after MG.
There go my sweaty palms. I don’t even know why I’m so nervous. It’s probably because the last time I did this, walked around getting ready for set, I found love in somebody I shouldn’t have. I just want my life to stay the way it is. But you don’t always get what you want. Occasionally you have to pull up your big girl panties and stop being a weak-ass bitch.
I will not be a weak-ass bitch anymore.
MG stops me next to a trailer away from the others, opening the door for me. I thank her and enter the little building with my head down. I’m really bad at the steps for these trailers. I’ve fallen a few times on them, even sprained my ankle once. So I make sure that my head is down, watching where I put my feet.
“Alexis.” That’s why I didn’t know Ryan Danse is sitting in the same makeup trailer. I’m shocked for a second because he’s no longer the rough-looking guy I met a few weeks ago. The long blonde hair is gone and so is the beard. The hair stylist must have spiked his hair up in the front because I can see the gel shining from this angle. He almost looks like a different person. Only, I remember those lips, the top one the same exact size as the bottom. My top lip is thin and my bottom lip full, so I tend to notice when people have the same size lips. I’m envious of them, really, I am. Also, I couldn’t forget those icy blue eyes.
I find myself blinking at him and I realize I’m being pretty fucking rude. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting to find you less-rugged Aussie and more clean-cut American.”
The right side of his lip curls up at my comment. “Can’t play an army man with long hair and a beard.”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s just a dramatic change, is all.” Then I’m quick to add, “Not that you look bad or anything this way.”
That earns me a soft chuckle. “It’s okay. I can take it if you think I’m ugly.”
I feel my eyebrows push together in confusion. Did he just flirt with me?
Ummm…hell no.
I give him a tight smile and move to sit in my own chair. There are pictures of me taped to the mirror with different hairstyles photoshopped on. There is even one of me in Natural Disasters costume.
Natural Disasters was this sci-fi movie I did about eight years ago. It was based on a YA book trilogy. Four people where experimented on and ended up with special powers. It was also a comedy. I played Frey and she could control the earth. The three movies put me on the map, kind of like Twilight did for Robert Pattinson.
“I’m a huge fan of the Natural Disasters movies. I just put it up there for fun,” the short blonde lady standing off to the side says to me.
I smile at her and reach out my hand. “Hi, I’m Alexis. It’s nice to meet you.” I always love to meet fans from that set of movies. They’re just happy to shake my hand and take a picture. They never get in my face or ask too many questions.
“Jo, and it’s lovely to meet you too.” She shakes my hand before letting go. “Now, let’s get you ready for today.”
I climb into the chair and face myself, though I can feel Ryan’s eyes on me. For some reason it makes me angry. You’d think I would get used to people just looking at me, and usually I don’t care. But something about him looking at me now, just makes me agitated.
Jo moves around me, placing my hair where she wants it. Before long she moves on to my makeup. I have my eyes closed but I can still feel him staring at me. “What?” I finally snap out, startling Jo. I grab her hand gently and look over at Ryan, who doesn’t even pretend he wasn’t staring at me.
“Not a thing,” he finally says before getting up out of his chair and leaving the trailer.
“You two are off to a good start,” Jo comments with a laugh.
I meet her eyes and bite my lip. “It went so well the first time we met.”
“My mom always says men have bigger mood swings than woman. She might be right about that one.” Then she winks and starts back on my makeup.
Before long I’ve been asked to change into my outfit for this scene. The skirt I’m wearing is pretty short and the top is red and clingy. They also put me in red high heels. We are filming the scene where Jessy and Wren meet for the first time.
Since at this point I’m portraying a teenager, my makeup and hair reflect that. My makeup being heavy and my hair being kind of fluffy. I walk onto set with my high heels in my hand instead of my feet. I catch Ryan’s eyes and I see the anger I felt earlier reflected in his eyes. So maybe this isn’t going to be as easy as I thought it would be. I wish I could get along with my co-star but I won’t put up with flirting off the set.
Victor Vole, the director, moves over to me and kisses both my cheeks. “It’s good to see you again, Lexy, are you excited to get started?”
I nod at him, return the kisses. Victor Vole is one of the most sought after directors right now. He makes bank on anything he directs. He directed that movie I won my Oscar for. And, yes, he also received an Oscar. In his acceptance speech he even mentioned how he wouldn’t be standing up there without my beautiful performance. He’s such a flatterer.
“Ryan!” Victor yells out right about the time he notices I’m not wearing my shoes. “Lexy, you still can’t walk in heels? I thought I trained you better than that!”
I roll my eyes at him. “I can walk in them just fine, but there are a lot of cords and stuff around here. It wouldn’t be good business for me to sprain my ankle on the first day, now would it? I thought I could just put them on right before we start filming.”
Victor pats my head like I’m simple and moves me over to Ryan.
“You two are going to drive me crazy and we haven’t even gotten started yet,” Vic says before clasping his hand around my shoulder and one around Ryan’s. I face Ryan and he faces me, his eyes moving over my body in this skimpy-ass outfit. I kind of want to punch him because I have no desire to do the same to him.
Okay, maybe I lied.
You know the man works out, his biceps bunched up beautifully under his long sleeved shirt. I might have less clothing on but his are just as skimpy. That shirt has to be three sizes too small. You can make out everything, and I mean everything. The cut of his abs, the hardness of his chest and the muscles lining his shoulders.
Jesus H. Christ.
I kind of want to see the behind. And, yes, I mean his bum.
And now there’s tension and it’s not between Victor and me.
Or even Victor and Ryan.
I shake my head to clear the gutter thoughts and resume discussion of this scene. “Ryan, you’ll be sitting down on the couch and there will be a cue to let you know that Lexy has entered the room. I want your eyes to find her across the room and instantly fall in love. Your eyes are not to leave her until I yell cut, do you understand.”
“Yes,” he says simply.
“Lexy, you’ll be walking through the room, stopping to talk to people, you are not to look Ryan’s way, or even notice him until I yell cut, right?”
“Right,” I say, my eyes on Ryan’s amazing boots. They’re black with metal buckles and his tight as hell jeans are tucked inside.
“Okay, let’s get started!” Victor yells right next to my ear. Once he’s walked away I discreetly rub my ear.
I move to the back of the set, which is just a big room with half a fake house inside. An assistant stands with me with a headset on. He’ll give me the go ahead when I need to walk through the door.
‘Trap Queen’ by Fetty Wap starts over the loud speaker and my nose wrinkles at the choice of song. Though I guess if we were really a bunch of teenagers partying, we’d be listening to this song, or ones like it.
The assistant gives me a thumbs up and I open the door and walk inside. The lights are dim and there’s fake smoke wafting around. Extras smoke herbal cigarettes and I suck in the smell. Lacey Nell, who is playing Jessy’s best friend Michaela, approaches me with a huge smile on her face. I’ve met Lacey before at several after parties. She’s been on the scene for a while, appearing in smaller but funnier roles. Before long she’ll be a lead in the next big comedy.
I throw my arms around her skinny frame and we laugh. The cameras are to my right, which means Ryan, is to my left. It’s always important to remember not to look directly into the camera. “It’s so smoky in here I think I might faint,” Lacey says and I laugh.
She said it with a happy face because we are supposed to be looking like we are happy. We can actually talk about whatever we want because the words we speak won’t even be in the final cut. They’ll probably put on some sexy song and you won’t hear anything but the song. And it’ll probably just be Ryan’s view of me and his face while I walk around. “Makes me wish these were real joints,” I laugh, putting my hand on her shoulder.
“I don’t think anyone would get anything done if they were real. Or we’d all be laughing our fucking asses off.” She turns her back to the camera and sticks her tongue out at me.
I want to make a face myself, but I can’t, so I just kind of snort which has her rolling. I smile at her antics. I try my hardest not to look at Ryan but it’s so hard. I can feel those cold blue eyes on me from across the room. I want to look and see what kind of emotion he’s showing the room. I bet he looks sexy staring at me like I’m the answer to all his prayers.
I look down at the floor, chills spreading across my back. I can see twelve-year-old Jason in front of me with his gap-tooth smile and curly blonde hair. I’m looking into his green eyes, the exact same hue as mine. “Don’t ever settle for just any boy, Alex. He has to look at you like you answer all his prayers. Promise me you won’t settle,” he says to me with his changing voice.