Green Eyes (13 page)

“So you’re basically comparing me to a knight from the middle ages?” I ask, laughing at her.

She shakes her head. “No. When I say Paladin, I mean Paladin Danse from Fallout 4.”

I look at her and we both laugh together. “Then why did you give me that other definition?”

She moves closer and lifts a hand to pat me on the face. “Because that is what Paladin means. Or what they were. Which doesn’t make any sense because in the game, Paladin’s are high-ranking members of the Brotherhood of Steel. The Brotherhood already has knights.”

“Is this a video game?” I ask because I have no idea. I don’t play video games, I’m more likely to go outside and kick a football around.

She nods. “It’s one of my favorites. I’ve been waiting a long time to call you Paladin.”

“You’re a big nerd. I can’t believe it. I’d never have known just looking at you.” I reach up and wrap my hand around her wrist, keeping her close to me.

She frowns at me and I find I don’t like it. “I am not a nerd.”

“You can tell me random historical facts off the top of your head and you’ve called me a character from a video game. And don’t for a second think I don’t know what TV show that t-shirt you’re wearing is from.”

She rolls onto her stomach so I can’t see it anymore. “You don’t know. You’re just guessing.”

“‘My heart belongs to two boys, an old drunk and a fallen angel’,” I quote because I’ve been staring at her tits all night. I’ve read that damn shirt a million times by now. “The two boys are Sam and Dean, the old drunk is Bobby Springer and the fallen angel is Castiel AKA the love of your life.”

Her eyes go soft. “So you’ve been watching Supernatural?”

I nod. “I thought maybe if I ever saw you again, you might be impressed with my knowledge of the show.”

She gets a thoughtful look on her face. “So you’re saying you’ll watch it with me?”

I give her a small smile. “Yeah, Green Eyes. That’s what I’m saying.”

She hides her face in her pillow and I feel the butterflies in my stomach erupt. I sound like such a girl, but you can’t explain it any other way. Soft flutters like butterflies flapping their wings. “I’ll do anything with you, as long as I’m with you,” I say when she doesn’t come up for air.

“So…you want to be with me?” she asks, her words muffled since she refuses to peek out from the pillow.

I don’t say anything, knowing that will get her to show her face to me faster than anything else. I’m right when she turns her face to find me grinning at her. “Yes,” I say simply.

“What changed?” she asks, moving a little closer to me.

“You did.” And she has. The last time we saw each other before the hospital she wouldn’t budge. She still refused to forgive and be a part of her family again. Then Jason got hurt and all of a sudden it became real to her that she could lose one of them and never have settled all the things between them. She still needs to do that, but she’s made steps to make that happen. And I’ll be right here to hold her hand if she needs me to.

She looks away but only for a moment. When those eyes come back to mine, I feel it all the way down to my toes. “I need you to do something for me, before we can move on.”

I look at her, confused. “What?”

She swallows, hard, before she spits out, “I need you to guess who Talia’s father is.” Then her cheeks turn bright pink.

I sit up, no longer tired at all. “Why do I have to guess?”

She sits up with me and moves herself right into my lap. Her tits press against my arm and her bum snuggles against my groin. I like this position, her sitting in my lap. She presses her face into my neck, her skin hot. “Because I can’t tell you and I refuse to be with you if you don’t know. She’s an important part of my life and I don’t want to keep secrets. If you guess, I’m not legally in trouble. I’ll give you some hints. And honestly, I’m pretty sure you were in a movie with him.”

“I was in a movie with him? Which movie?” This should be easy then. I’ve worked with a few British males, but if she gives me a specific movie, this should be a cakewalk.

She bites her lip and looks away. “A Baker’s Dozen.”

I groan. “Yeah, there were, like, eight different British people in that movie, six of them male.” It was an action movie I did about two years ago. I played an American man looking for his missing girlfriend in England. She was kidnapped by a local gang and lots of horrible things happened to her. It was a really dark movie, considering it didn’t have a very happy ending. She was raped and murdered long before my character found her grave.

“I know. You’ll just have to guess which one,” she tells me.

I laugh. “You’re not going to tell me which part he played?”

She shakes her head. “That would make it too easy.”

I think about it for a moment. There was Rupert York, who played the leader, but he’s, like, fifty and gay. Talon Gunderson, the character who knew all the answers and only helped mine along the way. Aaron Carrington, the guy who kidnapped the girlfriend in the first place. He has a really sadistic part that he played really well. He’s married though. Nathan Taylor, who played the girlfriend’s brother and he got himself killed because he was hotheaded. Nate had a girlfriend while filming but I couldn’t tell you five years ago. Peter Hutcenson, but he was also in his fifties and married with several children. He played the girlfriend’s father. Then there was Daniel Denton; he played the cop helping me find the girlfriend. He’s single, but I also couldn’t tell you about five years ago.

Then it hits me. Talia smiling up at me as I show her pictures of where I grew up in Sydney. The way her lips tilted up in a way that reminded you of a cat who ate the cream. I remember Aaron Carrington smiling at me like that after an intense scene. I think I’d punched him on accident and he was a real sport about it.

“Aaron, it’s Aaron. Talia has his smile,” I tell her, wrapping my arms around her tighter because I’m not sure how she’ll react to what I’m about to say. “He’s married though, been married for, like, seven years.”

She nods, her nose moving along my Adam’s apple. “He was married then. That’s why all the secrecy. He didn’t want his wife to know that he knocked someone else up.”

I use my hand to rub against her back, trying to offer comfort for a horrible situation. “She can’t have kids. He told me about that one day after filming. He seemed so depressed about it too. I’m going to beat that fucker in his pretty face.”

She chokes out a laugh, wiggling around on my lap. “He likes to pretend that Talia doesn’t exist. I’m so lucky that she looks like me but I still try to hide her from the media. I don’t know if his wife ever saw a picture of her, if she would know. I feel like she’d know his face the best.”

“How could he just abandon you like that? And I thought he was a great guy.” I shake my head at my own stupidity. Though sometimes you never know about someone.

“Welcome to my world. We’d already had a falling out before I found out I was pregnant. I happened to throw up one day on set and he figured it out. Had his lawyers send me papers immediately. I still think he thought I was going to just give my baby to him. I don’t think we knew each other at all. And now I have his child and I can never tell her anything about him.” She moves around until she straddles my hips and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “It sucks more than words can say.”

I shake my head at her. “You tell her whatever you want to tell her. Screw what his contract says. Do you really think he’s going to come and take your four-year-old daughter? The only reason he used that was to scare you. That asshole just doesn’t want his wife to know what he did. He’s trying to put you in a box and shut the lid, hoping you never see the light of day.”

Chapter Thirteen

Alexis

This is where right and wrong has a blurred line. I slept with a married man on multiple occasions. I knew he was married even though he never came to me with his wedding ring on. I fell in love with the wrong man and I fucked with all of womanhood. I mean, that is one of the unspoken rules between women; you don’t covet another woman’s husband. You stay far away from him.

I have no excuses. The only reason I did it was because I thought I was in love. I thought he loved me too. And maybe I did love him but I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have let him come to my trailer that first night. I should have told him it was wrong when he started kissing me, but I didn’t. I let him kiss me; I let him inside of me. I was just as wrong as he was.

Then I was pregnant and he was threatening to take my child away because I was a party girl. I liked to use drugs and drink with those I thought were my friends. They disappeared about the time Aaron did. It was hard to see him when the movie we made came out. Luckily, I wasn’t pregnant at that point anymore. We smiled and waved down the red carpet, we sat through interviews together and he never once asked about his child. That hurt more than anything.

“He can’t take her away from me,” I tell Ryan, just to say it out loud. I’ve been so terrified of being alone; I realize that Aaron doesn’t stand a chance of getting custody of her. He’s never paid a cent to her upbringing. He wasn’t there the entire time I was pregnant and he hasn’t been around since I gave birth. I have. I’ve raised Talia all by myself, well, with Marley, and honestly, I wouldn’t be upset if she started calling Marley Dad, it’d make me the happiest person alive.

Ryan cups my face and looks deep into my eyes. “He isn’t around and he never will be. She’s made it this long without incident; no judge would ever take her away from you. Plus, you’re America’s sweetheart, he’s the one who cheated on his wife. Yeah, people might bitch because you slept with a married man, but in the end, he’s more of a bad guy.”

“I knew he was married, though. I slept with him anyway. No second thoughts,” I tell Ryan. For some reason I feel so close to him right now and it’s not because I’m sitting in his lap.

Ryan looks pensive for a second before replying, “Yeah, you did. You fucked up, just like the rest of us. Look at it this way, your brothers and sister hurt you a lot and here you are trying to forgive them. If it ever gets out about you and Aaron, then all you can do is wait for his wife to forgive you. In the end though, I think it might be an eye opener for her. She needs to see his true colors.”

Ryan moves his hands away from my face to lean in and place a kiss on my lips. It’s soft and there’s no sexual heat behind it. It’s just a kiss because he can kiss me whenever he wants. And I can kiss him whenever I want because he wants me to and he’s not married.

“I’d never make any of that public knowledge. The press can get horrible and I don’t want anyone calling Talia a bastard or something more awful and I don’t want her to see people on the TV calling her mom some bad names. Or her father for that matter.”

He agrees with me. “You should tell her though, so she can learn from your mistakes. And no matter where she came from, she’s here now and she can be whomever she wants. Her parentage shouldn’t really matter in her life, what with having you as a mum.”

This time I lean in and kiss him, a little longer than before. “You were what I was looking for and I didn’t even know it.”

“I wasn’t looking but I found you anyway.” He kisses me again and there’s easily heat behind this one.

“Then we found each other,” I say against his lips.

Before I know it all our clothes are on the floor. He takes mine off like a man on a mission, a mission to get between my legs anyway he knows how. I take his off with speed because I want to look at his muscles. I have a one-track mind, I swear. No matter, I don’t care how vain I am as I run my hands up and down his chest, getting a good feel of all those muscles.

I don’t get to feel him up for long because he lowers himself until his face is right up against my sex, then the fucking animal leans in and bites me gently on the thigh. Now his tongue shoots out to lick me from top to just below my vagina. He slips his tongue inside, pulling it in and out for a while until I’m squirming around. Then he uses that mouth to suck on my clit with the forces of hell. I get so hot I think I might just burst into flames. Now he’s using his tongue to flick back and forth across the hard little nub and before I know it, I’m exploding against his tongue until I see stars.

I lay boneless and spent on the mattress as he rummages around for a condom. I barely lift my eyes when he climbs on top of me, his mouth attaching to mine so I can taste myself. He moves my legs until they are tight against his sides before he slips inside of me. Unlike I’m used to with him, he moves slowly. His pelvis snags against my clit, teasing already sensitive skin. I feel it down to my toes.

I open my eyes to find him staring at me, a little grin on his lips. “You’re about to come again, aren’t you?” he asks softly, moving his hips against me until I can’t take it anymore.

We’re both coming at the same time, him still above me, me moving my hips back and forth because I can’t help myself. I don’t realize until it’s over that I’ve dug my nails so far into his shoulders he’s kind of bleeding. “I fucked up your shoulders. Sorry,” I say with a yawn. It’s a wonder I’m awake at all right now.

“You don’t sound very sorry,” he mutters and I laugh. He moves off the bed and I hear the bathroom door open. Or, I assume it’s the bathroom door since it’s been closed the whole time I’ve been in here. “Damn, I’ve got a magazine shoot tomorrow. Thanks a lot.”

“Like they can’t cover it up with makeup or use Photoshop. Don’t be a baby,” I tell him, rolling until I’m on my stomach with both my arms tucked underneath me.

“How am I supposed to explain it? ‘Yeah, my girlfriend and I had really hot sex. Sorry about that’, it’ll go over real well.” He honestly sounds pissed about it but I can’t tell if he’s playing me or not. Also, it felt really good for him to call me his girlfriend. Like really fucking good.

“Like I had to explain to Talia why I had a hickey on the back of my neck. That was real fun. At least none of those people are your daughter!” I exclaim because just thinking about that makes me a little angry. Then again, I didn’t tell him to stop when he was biting the back of my neck.

Ryan comes out of the bathroom and climbs into bed right beside me. I flip until I’m lying against his chest, my breasts pushed up against his stomach. He reaches down under the covers and pinches my nipple, making me squeak. “That was pretty funny. I guess we’re even.”

I open one eye and find his with it. “You’re not really mad about it are you?”

“Fuck no, Green Eyes. I’ll be wearing them with pride, no doubt about that.” Then the fucker winks at me.

I huff. “Then why were you being a big baby about it?”

“Because it’s fun to fuck with you.” He pinches my nipple again and I jerk against him. “Just ask Jason, I love to fuck with him. He falls for it every single time.”

I snort at that. “That’s because he’s a moron.”

He smoothes his hand down my hair, pulling some of it out of my eyes. “Yeah, but he’s my moron.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet. You looovvveeee him,” I coo, patting his pec because it’s just so pat worthy.

For some reason this makes him laugh like a hyena. I’ve never seen him laugh like that, which prompts me to open both my eyes. His head is thrown back against the pillow and his mouth is shaped into a big smile. “The two of you are so alike it constantly scares me.”

“Well, we are twins. There was a time when we used to finish each other’s sentences and I think we could have shared clothes if he wasn’t so much bigger than me. I just had to settle for Claire’s slutty clothes,” I tell him, pulling my leg up until it straddles both of his.

He yawns before putting his hand on my ass and pulling me as close as I can get. Then I’m surprised to find his lips right at mine. “Go to sleep. It’s, like, five in the morning.”

I shake my head. “It’s midnight. But I’m going to sleep because I want to. And my bed is just so damn comfy.”

“I’m glad my body could be of use to you. You can use it any time you want. I don’t mind at all.”

I just close my eyes and shake my head. “That’s good to know, baby.”

“So, you and my best friend. That’s going to take some getting used to,” Jason tells me the next day after Ryan has left for his photo shoot.

I sit back in my chair and prop my feet on Jason’s coffee table. He narrows his eyes at my feet but he doesn’t say anything. “Why? Because I’ll be sucking his face all day?”

I’m not even lying when I say his face turns a little green. “Yeah…please don’t say things like that. I might puke everywhere.” He takes a deep breath and seems to get over his nausea. “At least I can babysit my niece when y’all have date night.”

I smile at him; “You’ll have to fight Marley for that privilege. They are tighter than a tight ends butt.”

He lets out a shocked laugh and throws a pencil at me. “You’ve been waiting a while to use that one, haven’t you?”

“Ten years,” I say matter of fact. Jason and I used to have this thing where we used the silliest phrases when comparing things. It got out of hand a lot and I think we ended up grounded at one point. Probably because of foul language. I’ve calmed down over the years but when I was younger every other word out of my mouth was fuck, shit or damn. I was a bad child.

“Beau and Claire want to know when you’re going to hang out with them. I told them I was the favorite, so it might take awhile.” He gives me a smug little smile and I want to slap him.

I take a sip out of the cup of coffee sitting in my hands. “You aren’t the favorite. I just find you easier to deal with.”

“And why is that?” he asks, giving me a “yeah right” look.

I just smile. “Beau’s the favorite but him and Claire just get in my business and want to fix everything. I have to fix things on my own. I might have started this whole separation business but we’ve all lived it and I’m the one who has to fix it. I’ve let the hole grow deeper.”

He sighs, sitting back in his chair, flexing his arms until he puts them behind his head. “You want to do it slowly, got it. It’s not like they have to get to know you again. You’re still the same, just grown up. You don’t need any of us anymore and that is undoubtedly going to be hard for Beau. The poor man has no idea just how independent you’ve become.”

“He’ll learn to live with it. I really don’t need any of you to help me live my life. That’s what’s important to take from this separation; I can do it alone. I just don’t want to anymore,” I tell him seriously.

He sits up completely and places his feet on the ground. He looks at me, really looks at me, for the first time since I let him back into my life. “I can’t say I’m sorry enough. We should have checked up on you more. Or put the tour off for when everything was better. We were selfish. And it ruined the last ten years.”

I sit up completely too. “It’s more than that. You all had each other. I had no one. After having the three of you there for me my whole life, I had this huge wakeup call. I think more than anything I let the anger fester and turn into a big open wound, one I let infect my entire life. If I’d tired to call Beau more than a few times and told him everything was too hard for me and explained everything that was going on, he would have fixed it. But I didn’t and that was a mistake. I always seemed to call when y’all were busy. I should have just called in the middle of the night, then he would have answered.”

Jason gets up and comes to sit next to me. He takes my hand and places it in his. His hand is way bigger than mine but I don’t mind. We’ve always had this connection, even when we weren’t speaking. All he has to do is give me some form of comfort and I’m all better. “You should have told us, but we should have listened to what you weren’t saying. I was selfish, so selfish. I wanted all the money and the girls. The drugs didn’t help, you know. They change you, make you a horrible person. Even when you don’t want to be. I could tell you were suffering and you needed help but I kept telling myself that you could handle it. You were always so much stronger than me; I thought you could handle anything. You pushed us away, yeah, but we pushed you away first. I’m sorry, Lex. I’m so fucking sorry. I look at you now and I hate myself for all those wasted years. We could have been out here living the dream together. We should have been. Now Beau, Claire and I can spend the rest of our time making it up to you and Talia.”

I stare down at our hands, our palms touching. “I told myself I was moving out here to make it big to show you guys that I could make it on my own. That I could get the same kind of attention without using our name. I never actually thought it would happen. You know? I was a starving actress living in an apartment smaller than a garden shed but I walked into an audition and for some damn reason they loved me. Then I was making money and I had all these offers shoved in my face. I started drinking and doing drugs too, and I told myself it was because I was doing what everyone else was doing. In reality, I was trying to forget you and them. I told myself I didn’t need y’all but I really did. And it hurts now because I could have reached out at any time and y’all would have welcomed me with open arms.” I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. “So, I’m sorry too, Jas. I’m sorry I kept feeding the wound and that I hurt you just as much as you hurt me.”