Guarded Heart (18 page)

For the next twenty four hours he floated through the
motions. Visit Sam…go see his son…visit Sam…Coffee…quick bite…visit Sam…feed his
son…repeat…repeat.

He refused to leave the hospital he needed to be there
when she woke up. His sister convinced him to go down to the cafeteria and eat
something. He knew they had his number upstairs and if anything changed they
would call him. He really did not care about eating but he forced himself to.
Rachel just felt he needed to get out of that waiting room for a little while.
She managed to keep him away for about forty five minutes at which time he then
took Allison and Mitch back to see Kane.

It was rounding the thirty six hour mark of Samantha
being placed in ICU and Wes had falling asleep in the recliner in the waiting
room.  Wade his brother decided to stay late with him the family had been
taking turns being there with him. A doctor entered the waiting area and after
he approached the receptionist she pointed over to the chair where Wes was
sleeping. He started to approach when Wade smacked Wes’s knee, “Wes Wake up…the
doctor coming.” He scrambled up and started to stand when the doctor motioned
for him to stay seated as he took a seat next to him leaning forward to rest
his arms onto his thighs. “Mr. Craven I wanted to personally inform you that
Samantha is awake…”What…What? She is awake. He fought the urge to take off to
her room. He knew he needed to listen to the doctor. “She woke up very confused
and scared. We had to give her some anxiety medication and after it began to
take effect we were able to explain what had happened. We assured her that her
son was fine and that she would be able to see him very soon. She is asking for
you…she is still very groggy and needs her rest but I know that being able to
see you and talk to you may relax her.”

Wes was ready he felt like he had been waiting a life
time to see her with her eyes open. Once he entered her room she turned to him
and her eyes filled with tears. He quickly walked to her and leaned over
hugging her close. “Wow baby you have no idea how happy I am to see you awake.
You scared the hell out of me Sam.” He leaned back and kissed her resting his
forehead to hers. After the tears had dwindled and the kisses that he could not
stop himself from giving her they talked he explained everything about finding
her in the kitchen, to the ambulance and surgery. He told her about their son
and how beautiful he was. “Baby he is amazing, and perfect. He looks like both
of us the perfect combination. He is so quiet and tiny. I just need you to rest
a little and then we will get him to you…I promise okay.” After agreeing Sam
dosed off and Wes left her to sleep.

“Samantha honey, would you like to meet your son?” I
could hear a women speaking and I wanted to open my eyes but they were so
heavy. My son…wait a minute my hands went directly to my stomach…what.
Where…Ouch! I cringed damn it…that hurt. Why did it hurt so much? I had my
baby? I don’t even remember. I forced my eyes open. Slowly everything came in
focus…

Wes…Alli and…my son…Wes was holding our son. He came
closer and sat onto the bed next to me. “Kane meet your mommy buddy.” Wes moved
him in closer to me and oh my god he was beautiful…I was a mommy. When my eyes
met Wes I could tell he was holding back the tears as he watched me. It was
amazing and almost unbelievable that our son was here. I continued to hold him
and because I was still weak and sore I insisted that Wes keep his hand
securely under Kane just in case.

After another day they moved me into a regular room on
the maternity floor which allowed me to have longer visits and more time with
Kane. Wes finally snuck away to get a shower and a change of clothes. It wasn’t
hard to make sure someone stayed with me and Kane because everyone seemed to
want that job, Aunt Alli was now addicted and Uncle Mitch was mesmerized. They
never left me side once. I had to admit seeing Mitch holding Kane gave me a
sense of how good he was going to be with their baby when the time came. I
found out that both Kane and I may get to go home tomorrow and I was really
ready to get out of here. I knew the nursery was still unfinished along with
the train wreck that we called our kitchen. I couldn’t forget either about the
mound of baby clothes and bedding that would need to be done…I may consider
hiring a cleaning company…ugh.

Friday rolled around and our little man was now five days
old and he and I have just been giving our release papers. Wes was on his way
with the car seat and I was beyond ready to take our son home. After we loaded
Kane into his car seat and grabbed up everything that had accumulated in both
his room and mine we were finally on our way.

Pulling into our driveway I was overwhelmed with emotion.
‘Welcome home Sam and Kane’ a banner had been displayed across the front of our
porch with balloons and streamers. Cars lined the street as family and friends
waited for us to arrive. “You know Alli baby…she does not pass up an
opportunity to celebrate and decorate.” I smiled at him he was right and I
loved her like crazy. She was an amazing friend. Everyone helped unload the car
and when I entered the house it had been cleaned…my kitchen was perfect,
organized…food smells filled my nose and I knew that I had my future mother in
law to thank for this. When I found her I wrapped my arms around her and cried
into her shoulder, “Thank you so much…you’re so wonderful. You have no idea how
much I love you.” She squeezed me in return, “Oh darling I would do anything
for you…Wes is not the only one is this family that adores you sweetheart. You
don’t have to thank me I am here to help.” This woman was definitely not your
typical mother in law she was unbelievably sweet and kind and never made me
feel like I wasn’t good enough.

I was sitting on the couch watching everyone as they held
Kane and hugged Wes. They were careful with me because of my staples and Wes
was watching like a hawk to be sure I was comfortable and treating me like I
was made of glass. After people started to leave and Maykayla was off to stay
with her aunt Rachel Wes carried me upstairs with Mitch and Allison following
close behind with Kane. I knew with the looks of my kitchen that the nursery
was probably put together too…or at least I was secretly hoping it was.

It was adorable…of course. Everything was organized and
all the clothes were washed and put away. “I took everything home and washed it
but Rachel and I put all of it away this morning.” I thanked Allison I really
had no idea what I would do without her. Wes had hung the curtains and the
pictures on the walls. He put up all the little animal decals and setup all the
stuffed zoo animals in their places. It really was perfect. Kane looked so tiny
in his crib. Mitch and Allison said their goodbyes and left leaving Wes and
myself alone with our son. I knew it was probably going to be a long night with
the feeding and everything but it felt great to be home and I just wanted to be
in my own bed with my man.

He brushed the hair from my face, “I have never been so
scared in my life. Baby the thought of losing you kills me. When I saw you
lying there on the kitchen floor…” he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “I am
okay Wes…I am too stubborn you know that.” I smiled at him and he just looked
into my eyes. He leaned in and kissed me so very softly and after a couple more
kisses he whispered how much he loved me and that now that I was home and Kane
was home with him and Kayla life was perfect.

The next six weeks were an adjustment but we finally got
it together. Kane was sleeping better at night which I honestly thought would
never happen we had spent the first week after he came home up all night long
he would scream no matter what. The moment we would lay him down he would wake
up…at first it was adorable but then after being sleep deprived and still
recovering from a C-section I felt like I may have lost my mind. Wes had his
mother spend a couple nights with us so we could get some rest and he could get
to work on time.

Things were better now and life was coming together. I
had lost weight and was close to my pre-pregnancy weight. I felt lucky that I
was able to bounce back so quickly. I had stretch marks now but Wes still thought
I was sexy so that was all I needed. Makayla had just turned five and she was
used to Kane being around. We went through the jealousy stage and the acting
out to get attention stage now we were able to get through the day with her
knowing that we loved her just as much as her baby brother and that would never
change. We still hadn’t heard from Sarah and Kayla has completely stopped
asking about her. I found it hard every day to figure out how she walked away
from her child. I made it my goal to make sure that Kayla knew she was amazing
and beautiful and special every day.

Wes did not want me to go back to work for a while. He
thought it would be great for me to be able to stay home with MaKayla and Kane
for longer than six weeks so I agreed to six months before I would think about
going back to work. I had to admit I was in love with being at home with our
kids. We had put off the wedding and with the adjustments and the recovery we
had not even talked about setting a date yet. I knew that I wanted to marry him
but I was waiting for him to say the word. Yeah my stubbornness was kicking in…

“Kayla sweetheart what do think…want to take bubby for a
little walk in his stroller?” It was beautiful outside and Kane was about ready
for his bottle and then his nap which would allow me to take some time to get
some things done. I thought a little fresh air would help Kane to sleep better.
She was excited and we decided a walk around the block would be nice. Once I
had him all strapped in and securely set in the stroller we grabbed our key
locking the door behind us and began walking down the side walk. Kayla was
telling me all about a picture she was working on for her daddy and how she
couldn’t find her purple crayon…she found blue but she needed purple. I was so
engrossed in her story that I had not even noticed the truck that just turned
into the driveway across the street. We were only about three houses down from
our own when I heard my name called out.

“Sammy…hey how are you”, no god damn way…you have got to
be kidding me. Tony was standing behind his truck which was securely parked
into the garage of the condo diagonal from our house. The air had left my lungs
and I couldn’t force my feet to move. He was walking across the street toward
me. Kayla pulled on the side of my shorts, “Momma who is that?”  She has found
it easier to call me Momma which she calls her real mother Mommy so I did not
feel right correcting her. “It is okay sweetheart come on lets go”, I began to
push forward but he didn’t get the hint. “Is that your baby…wow when did you
have…him right?” He leaned over and looked into the stroller reaching his hand
out like he was going to touch his face. “Don’t!” It was all I could manage and
he stopped pulling his arm back in. “You live around here? I actually just
moved into that condo over there about a week ago. It is really nice you should
come and see it sometime.” Yeah right not going to happen. I had to end this
and quickly, “Listen Tony just because we see each other doesn’t mean we have
to talk in fact….we shouldn’t talk we should just pretend we don’t even see
each other. I have to go.” We started walking again, “What your boyfriend can’t
handle you talking to me…Is he scared I am going to steal you away. Is he
worried that when you’re near me all those old feelings may resurface?” I just
ignored him and kept walking. The conversation I knew I was going to have to handle
later with Wes was going to be stressful I could see it now.

Dinner was on the table and ready when Wes came through
the door, “Hey everybody…it is good to be home. How was your day?” He came up
behind me placing a kiss onto my neck. “Hey baby…I missed you. How were the
kids today?” I turned to face him and kissed him softly, “Our day was good but
now that daddy is home I have to say it just got a whole lot better.” We shared
a few more kisses and he ran up to take a quick shower.

After dinner I had planned on talking to him about Tony
once the kids were in bed and we had time alone. Once baths were done and the
kids were tucked in I made my way to our bedroom. He was sitting on the side of
the bed and he looked stressed, “What’s wrong babe…you tired?” I now stood in
front of him with my hands firmly rested on his shoulders. He reached up and
pulled me to him kissing me deeply and pulling me over him as he rested back
onto the bed. I didn’t stop him as he kissed me rolling me over onto my back
and bringing his body over mine. We lay there together making out like two
teenagers. He stopped and looked down into my eyes I was about to ask why he
stopped when he decided to tell me what was on his mind.

“Sarah showed up today…at work. I guess she went to the
old apartment and when she found out I no longer lived there she um…came
looking for me. She is so strung out. She looks horrible with stringy ass hair
and about ninety pounds if that. I bet she hasn’t had a shower in a week. I
figured she wanted to see MaKayla or she would ask how she was…no she didn’t…She
just she uh…She sold my daughter…just sold her.” I looked up at him dumbfounded
for a moment. What did he mean she sold MaKayla? “Wes you are confusing me…what
do you mean?” He kissed me softly, “Baby you are an amazing woman. You love my
little girl more than her own mother did. You make her feel special and
loved…Sarah signed over her rights as Kayla’s mom. She no longer has any legal
rights to her…it only cost two thousand dollars. Can you believe that Two
thousand dollars and she signed the papers and walked away from her no
questions asked.” I could tell he was conflicted with it. “At first Sam I felt
angry and I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself when she asked for the
money…I mean she actually said ‘If you give me two thousand dollars I will give
you MaKayla and you will never see me again’. After I thought about it I
realized that it was probably the best thing I could ever do. So I called my
attorney and we met at his office after I stopped at the bank. Within an hour I
was handing her the money and the papers where signed. It’s done!”