Her Brother's Keeper (33 page)

Isaac had noticed a playfulness between his parents lately, so he was going to assume that it was okay for his mother to laugh about his father's comment, since it sure tickled her something fierce every time it was mentioned.

“Ach
, so tell me . . . how are things with you and the King girl?” His mother pulled a feather duster and busied herself at the knickknacks on the fireplace mantel.

“Gut
. We will be going to John and Edna's wedding together.” Isaac wished he didn't have to attend the event. Every time he saw Edna, he envisioned her with Ethan at the restaurant that day. He'd questioned what he saw a hundred times, but Ethan's persistence that Isaac not tell Hannah was enough evidence of his guilt.

“How is Lena doing? It frightens me how many people in our district have turned up with the cancer. And to make things worse, we're forced to spend extended time among the
Englisch
for treatment.”

“Not all
Englisch
are bad,
Mamm.
”

His mother gasped. “Isaac. I did not say they were bad. I'd just rather not have to spend so much time around them. And that cousin of theirs, Mary . . . well, she was a
gut
example why we need to stay separate from their kind.” She turned to face him. “I shudder to think how you could have ended up with that
maedel
.”

“It was never like that with me and Charlotte,
Mamm
. We were friends.”

“There is always trouble when outsiders are allowed into our world. I don't think they should be able to convert to our ways. Ethan and Mary both brought trouble to our community. Ethan broke poor Hannah's heart, and Mary . . .
ach
, we know how that went.”

By now, everyone knew that Charlotte had pretended her name was Mary, and they knew that Charlotte was Ethan's sister. What they didn't know was that Lena had agreed to stay with Charlotte in Houston during her chemotherapy sessions that would be starting in a few weeks.

Charlotte had just said good-night to Ryan when her cell phone chirped.

“Hannah?”

“Wie bischt . . .
Charlotte.” She paused for a long while. “I still can't get used to that.”

“How is your mother?”

“That's why I'm calling.”

Charlotte could hear the tremble in Hannah's voice, and she wondered if it was because she was nervous making the call or scared for her mother. “At first,
Daed
forbade
Mamm
to stay with you in Houston, but Jacob talked to him for a long time. I don't know what was said, but
Daed
has agreed. I'm worried that this will be too much trouble for you.”

“No.” Charlotte smiled as a heaviness lifted from her heart. “I am so happy to do this, Hannah. Like I said, I know I can't make up for what happened, but . . .”

“Were you able to read Ethan's book?”

Charlotte had hoped to avoid this conversation, and she'd prayed about it every day. She squeezed her eyes closed as she recalled translating the first few pages.

I am in love with a woman named Edna. I see her as often as I can. I feel awful for Hannah because I don't think I ever really loved her. I know I never deserved her love, but Edna is the only woman I want to be with.

From there, Ethan had gone on to detail his relationship with Edna, not Hannah. And forty-two pages later,
it was quite clear to Charlotte that Ethan killed himself because he had a lot of emotional problems left over from when they were young—and because Edna would not leave John to be with Ethan. One page stood out in particular, and Charlotte had read it so many times, she practically had it memorized.

I've left eight voicemail messages for Edna this week. I can tell she has her cell phone turned off, and she won't call me back. Twice, when I caught up with her at the market, and another time at the bookstore, she tried to avoid me. I don't get it. She said she loved me. I'm starting to believe that love isn't real. It's a word people throw around to pull you in, only to throw you away later, like a piece of trash. But hey, who am I to talk? I did the same thing to Hannah, so maybe this is what I deserve. Whatever the situation, it's become abundantly clear to me that I'm never going to be happy. I thought I'd found God here in Lancaster County, but that's not panning out the way I'd hoped. He seems to have forsaken me, allowed me to creep into a sinful way of living, and then kicked me to the curb like everyone else I've ever known. Except maybe Charlotte. But my sister has her own issues, so I can't really go to her.

Charlotte was afraid that part would haunt her forever. She closed her eyes as she recalled the rest of the page.

So, here I am. Alone. The voices in my head are loud, and sometimes I want to just shut them up forever. Alma Jean pops into my head all the time. I can hear her saying, “Boy, get over here and drop your pants.” I can feel the sting of the belt against my rear, so hard my skin would split and bleed, then she'd be mad because there was blood on the sheets. She was a mean foster-mother. But not the meanest.

I'm going to give Edna a week. I know she'll realize that I'm the one she wants to be with. She just needs some time.

Charlotte wondered how long Ethan had waited. She was still thinking about this when she heard Hannah's voice.

“Charlotte, are you there? Were you able to read Ethan's book?”

“What? Yes.” She gave her head a quick shake to get her thoughts back in order. “It was in a fun little language we used to play around with when we were kids.” She cleared her throat. “So, when is your mother coming for her treatments? I'm eager to see her. Thank you all for allowing me to do this. I miss you and—”

“What did his book say?”

Charlotte would have paid good money just to hear Hannah say that they'd all missed her, too, and to avoid this conversation altogether, especially by phone. But the
moment was upon her. Was she going to lie to Hannah? Again? Or break her heart and tell her that Ethan loved Edna and gave up his life because he couldn't have her?

It was chilly in Charlotte's apartment, but beads of sweat gathered along her hairline. She'd promised God she would do everything in her power to be truthful, but at what expense? “Ethan had a lot of problems, Hannah. Emotional problems.”

There was a long, brittle silence. “
Ya
. I know.”

“Do you think that your mother will be on a special diet, or is there anything special that I can cook for her?” Charlotte squeezed her eyes tight again.

“It's true about Edna, isn't it?”

Charlotte took a deep breath. “Yes.”

“I think I knew the moment I saw the picture. Despite Edna lying about it.”

“Hannah, I'm so sorry.”

“Danki
for telling me.”

Charlotte loved her brother, and she'd always miss him. But she was angry at him for hurting Hannah. “What about you and Isaac?”

“Things are very
gut
.
Danki
for asking.”

Charlotte wasn't sure if Hannah's formality was because she was trying not to cry or if she was still just so angry with Charlotte that it was hard for her to share anything personal. “Are things getting serious?”

“Ya
. I think so.” She paused. “I don't know. Maybe.”

Charlotte waited for Hannah to ask about her and Ryan, but she was quiet. “Well, that sounds good. I've been praying things work out for both of you.”

“I'm not praying anymore,” Hannah whispered. “It is hard for me to trust anyone.” Charlotte had to pull the phone away from her ear as Hannah began to weep. “And it's not just your people that lie. Our own lie. And Edna and John will get married soon, and I don't understand why God let this happen. Charlotte, I don't feel God with me anymore. I'm scared of losing my mother. I can't seem to commit myself to a life with Isaac. I miss Mary. I miss my friend, my sister.”

“It's still me, Hannah. I promise you. It's me.” Charlotte grabbed a tissue as she broke out in sobs along with Hannah, who kept trying to say something, but Charlotte couldn't understand her.

Finally, after several attempts to speak clearly, Charlotte heard her say, “I feel lost. I'm thinking of leaving here. Leaving the Amish faith.”

This could be Charlotte's shining moment in God's eyes, or she could fail miserably. But for whatever reason, everything that had happened up to now seemed to all come down to this moment for Charlotte, and even though she technically knew she didn't owe God anything, she wanted to do this right. There was purpose in it, and she could make a difference in a life. She curled her feet underneath her, forced herself to be calm and levelheaded, then silently prayed for God to give her the
words, the understanding, and the wisdom to minister to one of His faithful followers who was in trouble. It was a role she couldn't have ever foreseen, but one she took on knowing that God's hand was on this.

“Hannah . . .” She closed her eyes, searching her mind for wisdom, for guidance. “God doesn't forsake us in our darkest hours. I know that now. Long before I knew Him personally, He was always with me.”

Charlotte painfully recalled the time her foster-mother made her sit in the dark, in the closet . . . for hours . . . knowing that Charlotte was afraid of the dark. She'd never been introduced to God, but she remembered reaching out, begging for help, crying for someone to save her. She didn't understand it at the time, but a sense of calm came over her. She knew now that it was the Holy Spirit, and the following week, she was sent to another foster home. A better foster home.

“You're going to be okay, Hannah,” she finally said after a few moments. “It's awful what Ethan did. And it's terrible that Edna lied about it. But that is her burden to carry. Now you know the truth. You've faced it, and I know it hurts. But I am going to help you get through this, the same way you helped me so many times without even realizing it. It's okay for your faith to falter. We all get weak and question God's plan for us.” Charlotte paused, hearing the words come out of her mouth, but knowing God was responsible for them. “I think . . . I think it's when we are at our most broken that we are
able to hear God the loudest, if we really listen. But so many times our fears and worries block out His voice or we turn away from Him. Stay on the path, Hannah. The one God chose specially for you.”

They were quiet for a while, then Hannah said, “I know you're right.”

Charlotte breathed a huge sigh of relief, still in awe of the way God was using her as His instrument. She spent the next two hours on the phone with Hannah, crying . . . and even laughing a few times—especially when they recalled the green hair incident. But by the end of the phone call, Charlotte knew that they were both going to be okay. And despite their very different backgrounds, a lifelong friendship had formed.

Charlotte looked forward to seeing what God had planned for the future. For both of them.

E
PILOGUE

Dear Ethan,

It's been three months since I left Lancaster County, and for the first time since you left this world, I am starting to feel at peace. This is largely due to my new and wonderful relationship with God, but also because Hannah and her family have shown me love in a way I haven't known before. I wish you were still here with us, and I guess I will never fully understand why you felt like you had to leave instead of facing what was ahead of you.

C
harlotte still struggled with the fact that Ethan felt like he couldn't go to her when he was at his lowest. But she prayed about it all the time.

I've learned to live with the fact that some things can't be fully understood, at least not until we get to
heaven. And now I know that God has a purpose for each and every one of us.

Lena has been traveling back and forth from Lancaster County to Houston. She stays with me when she's in town, and I go with her to her chemo treatments. Fortunately, she hasn't been as sick as some people get when they go through this. I introduced her to queso, and when she's feeling well enough, we stay up late munching on chips and dip and watching chick flicks. She said that watching television is a guilty pleasure that she thinks God would be okay with under the circumstances. She's truly the mother I never had, and I continue to learn from her.