His Ever After (Love Square) (18 page)

“I don’t know. Daddy’s been gone for a long time and Jacob didn’t answer when I called. You didn’t want to do it.” She shrugs and her eyes fill with tears. “I had no choice.”

And just like that the memory of a ball in a tree comes back to me. Slamming into me like a freight train.

Last week when I was spending a day completely sloshed, I ignored a call from Emma’s house. I had assumed it was her calling to harass me again. When I finally listened to the voicemail, I ignored the quiet, sweet pleading voice of my niece who wanted me to come visit and take her ball out of the tree. I ignored her sweet, little voice telling me how much she missed me. I ignored her, and she broke her arm because of it.

My eyes close and shame washes over me. The extent of my shortcomings just keeps growing and growing. Even if I wasn’t sure before now, I’m convinced that I ruin everything I touch.

“I am so sorry, Grace. I am so, so sorry.” I apologize over and over to the poor, little thing wearing a cast on her arm thanks to me.

“Jacob, I get that you’re sorry, but she deliberately went against my wishes when she climbed that tree. There is no reason why she couldn’t have waited for John to come home in a couple of days.” Emma gives me the evil eye telling me to shut the hell up.

“You’re grounded for the next two weeks. No phone, no playing after school, nothing. You come home, you do your homework and you spend time with your family. Next time, you better think twice about breaking the rules set by your father or me.” Emma drops the bomb and Grace starts crying. Being the good girl that she is, she nods and doesn’t talk back.

Later that night, I tuck the girls in bed, apologizing again to a sleepy Grace and walk back into the living room to find Emma on the phone with John.

“John says hi,” she murmurs, looking worriedly at me.

I smile and say hello in return. I grab a beer from the kitchen and return to the living room. I sit in the chair across from Emma, who is on the couch. She says her goodbyes to her husband, hangs up the phone and looks at me expectedly. She knows me so well. Even without me saying a word, she knows I have something weighing on my mind.

“There’s something I need to tell you. But I need you to promise me you’ll hear me out, before you freak out.”

“You’re scaring me. You’ve been doing that a lot lately you know.”

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose, hoping to stifle the headache that is threatening.

“Kara brought over some of Brooke’s old journals. Remember that box you were going to throw away?” She nods, so I continue, “I started reading them and learned some really fucked up things. Worse part is I’m not even through all of them. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s only going to get worse.”

“We know she had a mental illness, I’m not surprised she wrote some twisted things,” Emma says, not quite grasping the severity of my words.

“Maybe I should explain. It seems that a year ago, Brooke was approached by a man who was trying to win his wife back. A man whose wife was having an affair with someone Brooke knew, someone Brooke wanted for her own. This man offered to pay her five thousand dollars to seduce the other man, taking his focus away from his wife. Brooke accepted that offer and worked her ass off to drive a wedge between the two.”

Understanding lights up her face. “No! You don’t mean?” She stammers and is speechless afterward.

“That’s exactly what I mean. Like I said, I’ve only just started reading these journals, so I’m not sure what else I’m going to learn. But think about it… the lies, the jealousy, the pregnancy, it’s all starting to add up. She was playing me the whole time.” I grip my hair in frustration and anger. “She probably got pregnant on purpose. She knew how drunk I was the night we supposedly conceived that baby. For all I know she encouraged me not to use a condom.”

“Oh my God! That is so crazy! Sam’s husband paid her?” Emma still looks disbelieving. I know it’s not because she thinks I’d lie about it, rather the fact that doing something like this is lower than low.

“Yes, Aiden Parker decided to play God with my life and Sam’s.”

“Does Sam know? Have you told her?”

“No. Not yet. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do. I need the rest of the story before I can make those kinds of decisions. She has a daughter now. I can’t just storm in and rock the boat. I have to think about what’s best for both of them.”

She nods, and I see pride reflected in her eyes. “You’re a good man, Jacob. I know you’ll do the right thing. Please don’t blame yourself for this too. Don’t you see? You might get your happy ending, after all. I know Sam loved you. Any idiot could see that. Don’t let the past and your imagined mistakes keep you from it.”

“My imagined mistakes? Are we seriously back to this? You need to stop acting like I’m innocent in this whole situation, because I’m not. If I hadn’t slept with Brooke to get back at Sam, none of this would have happened in the first place.” I can feel my frustration rising due to the fact that she still doesn’t get it.

“Are you sure about that? Brooke had to have been determined to succeed in what you say she did. Don’t you think that she might have still been obliged to go after you?” She argues.

“Highly unlikely. Aiden knew that we had hooked up. He knew she could be a potential weakness.” I feel like pinging her on the forehead and saying “duh” really loudly in her face.

“Maybe. Maybe not. There is no way to know for sure, so all you can do is look forward and stop beating yourself up for this. I feel like a damned broken record whenever I talk to you.”

Well that makes two of us.

“That should tell you something. Now let’s talk about Kara for a second.” I hate to bring this up. The conversation is already shit so might as well get it all out at once. “I don’t care that you talk to her, just don’t encourage her. She’s a great girl. The best. I just can’t go there. Not with my baggage of Brooke and not with the fact that my heart still does and always will be with Sam. When all is said and done, I’m hoping I’m able to still spend my life with Sam.”

“And if you can’t? What then? You die a lonely, old man?” Emma looks at me disbelievingly.

“No. There are plenty of women who would warm my bed whenever I need it,” I joke and wink at her, hoping to lighten the mood.

“You are such a slut!” She laughs and then sobers. “I can’t believe Brooke was such a cunt! And you know I don’t use that word lightly. I welcomed that bitch into my home and offered to help her find her way into our family. Guess I was as blind as you were. John is never going to let me live this down. He accused me of being weak when it came to going easy on her last time you guys were here. He said he didn’t trust her at all.”

Well, it would seem my brother in law was a better judge of character than we were.

“Even if he had said it straight out to me, I wouldn’t have listened. You were just doing what you thought was right. If I was going to marry her, we needed to have a compromise of sorts. There was no way she couldn’t get along with you guys. You made that happen, albeit briefly,” I tell her, trying to make her feel better about her decision to call a truce with Brooke.

“Does Kara know about her best friend?”

“I think so. She tried to encourage me to read the damn things.”

“Oh my God! What if I had thrown away that box? You would have never known!” Emma brings her hands to her mouth in disbelief.

“Everything happens for a reason.” I chug the last of my beer before standing up. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?”

“Yeah. Love you, baby brother.”

“Love you too.” I murmur after I kiss her cheek and walk away.

Chapter Twelve

I walk into my apartment and drop the keys on the table. That drive from Pennsylvania sucks. Sometimes I consider moving closer to Emma and the girls. It would definitely be better when emergencies happen. I still can’t believe that Grace broke her arm because I’m a world class prick. If I wasn’t wallowing in self-pity, drinking more than my weight in booze, I would have answered the fucking phone and gotten the damn ball for her.

Never again. I don’t care what happens, I will not let alcohol become my crutch. If I’m going to win Sam back, I need to have my shit together. She has a baby and is going to need me to be strong. The prospect of seeing her again, sends a shot of adrenaline through my veins, followed by a shot of longing. I’ve missed her so damn much. I’ve missed how she feels in my arms. I’ve missed waking up to her beautiful face. I’ve missed moving inside her. And I’ve missed talking to her. I haven’t even picked up her book since Brooke’s death. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I know what I need to do if I’m going to win her back. I need to finish reading those damn journals. I turn and eye the box like a horde of snakes is going to crawl out of it at any moment.

I brew a quick cup of coffee and walk back out to the living room. I take my shoes off and collapse on the couch in exhaustion. I wonder if sleeping pills would help me get past my nightmares. I suppose it’s worth looking into.

First things first. I reach over and grab a journal from the top of the stack. I thumb through the pages and find the entry where I left off. I take a deep breath and prepare to experience more agony at the hands of my dead fiancée.

***

Journal Entry
August 15

Sorry it’s been a few days. Things have been a little crazy between work and Jacob. The case I was working on has finally been solved. After an anonymous tip, we found the rapist and murderer hiding in his aunt’s attic. I’m so thankful that we were able to set the victim’s family’s mind at ease. With him being stupid enough to leave his DNA on the victim, the case against him is solid. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

The stress I’ve been under lately has really been getting to me. I find myself feeling jittery during the day and having a hard time focusing. I’m not sleeping that well either. It seems I sleep best when curled into Jacob. He’s better than any drug, in my opinion. All will be okay, as long as I have him.

I got a call from Aiden last week asking me if Sam has been sniffing around Jacob. From what I can tell she hasn’t. We’ve spent the majority of our time outside of work either hanging out or making love. Aiden told me that he finally confronted his wife and sent her packing. It was a heat of the moment decision that he apparently is now regretting. She’s been staying with a friend and told him she wanted time to figure out her feelings for Jacob. He warned me I might need to make a power play, in order to solidify my place in Jacob’s life, if Sam decides to pursue him.

This is the cause of some of that stress I was just talking about. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. All I know is, if I make this power play that he refers to and it goes bad, I’ll lose Jacob forever. Every day that ticks by, I get more anxious that Sam is going to come to stake her claim. I can’t let that happen. I won’t live without him, especially now that I know how wonderful it is to be with him.

We
will
have the perfect life. That’s the only future I can see… Yes. I know what I need to do. I just hope it doesn’t backfire on me.

***

Journal Entry
August 17

Well, I did it. I made my power play last night, and the timing of it couldn’t have been more perfect. It’s like God wanted me to succeed.

As far as Jacob knows, I’m pregnant.
Brilliant
! Right?

I’m pregnant, and I don’t know if I’m going to keep the baby. This, of course, is because of his lingering feelings for his ex. The story is fucking genius, if I do say so myself.

And the reason why my timing was perfect is because no sooner did Jacob tell me he would stand by me no matter what, then Sam appeared out of nowhere to tell him she left her husband. I just about died when I saw her come towards us through the crowd. I couldn’t believe my luck. Of course, I still held some trepidation as she approached. I didn’t know what she wanted or if she’d get it.

Here’s how it all went down…

Jacob and I had just solidified our future with a kiss, and he was holding my hand when she approached us. It was the first time I had gotten a good look at her. She had stopped by the station a while back, but was too far away for me to tell what she really looked like. Much to my dismay, she’s gorgeous. You wouldn’t think brown hair and brown eyes would be extraordinary. You’d think they’d blend in, but on her, they are definitely extraordinary. I wanted to rip her hair out when I saw her. How dare she string two men along. And how dare she go after
my
man. It will be over my dead body when she gets her claws in Jacob again.

She was pissed that he would cheat on her with me. Seriously. I wanted to laugh in her face at how hypocritical she was sounding. I could see the indecision on Jacob’s face when she announced her big news and stormed off in a huff. I knew he wanted to go after her, even if it was just to explain and then come back. I couldn’t let that happen. It would have given her the upper hand. So I used my cry on demand technique, crafted over the years to get Jeffery off my back, and he was putty in my hands.

“This is exactly why I don’t think I can raise this baby with you, Jacob,” I wailed as he tried to soothe me. “How do I know you won’t leave me when I really need you? She’ll always come before your child and me.”

He, of course, comforted me and assured me he wasn’t going anywhere. As long as I wanted him, he was going to be there for both the baby and me.

Now I have the little matter of getting pregnant to worry about. Obviously, Jacob will wonder if I don’t start showing and have a kid. Don’t worry, I’m not one of those crazy people who will kidnap a kid and pass it off as my own. Besides, I want a piece of Jacob and me. It’s going to be amazing. We will find a house just outside of D.C., preferably in Maryland, and we’ll get married and have three kids. I can’t wait. I’m giddy just imagining it.