His Ever After (Love Square) (15 page)

I used to feel so guilty watching him with Brooke. I knew I shouldn’t feel the way I did about him. Only a horrible person would covet her best friend’s boyfriend. It was out of my control though. My reactions to him are visceral. After the funeral, I would have never imagined that we’d end up sleeping together. The fact that my best friend was barely laid to rest six hours before was not lost on me. I just couldn’t deny my attraction any longer. I had to seize the moment and take what I wanted. The fact that I loved him outweighed the fact that I should feel guilty, especially knowing now how Brooke got his affection in the first place.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if I love him. It’s an unrequited love. I should have known he would never feel that way about me. I’m just a freckled faced, carrot top. What hot, sexy man would ever want me for forever?

I fooled myself into believing Jacob might actually love me back. I dismissed the cruel way he spoke to me at the bar, knowing he was just lashing out at me because I was there, and he was hurting. I was okay with being his punching bag, thanks to that nasty, foul thing called love.

I allowed myself to live in a fantasy. The way he took me in the middle of the night felt an awful lot like making love. When I woke up the next morning, it felt like everything had changed. I was his and he was mine. It felt like we were meant to be – kismet, if you will.

But what do I know? I’ve only been with two men in my whole life. Both of which I loved. Both of which didn’t love me in return.

I’ve lived my life vicariously through books, movies and songs. I always thought that the day I found my soul mate, I would get that damn fantasy. My happily ever after. All I know now is that love is nothing more than pain and sorrow. The only small sense of relief I feel about what happened, is that I got to enjoy the fantasy for a little while. I’ll have the memory of how I felt in those few hours for the rest of my life.

I’m convinced that this Samantha woman who Brooke wrote about is who Jacob really loves. Brooke knew it, and she feared it. She knew she would never be able to hold a candle to Samantha as long as she was around. That’s why she did what she did. Because Brooke fought for things. She went after what she wanted. Brooke never would have run from Jacob and that hussy. She would have kicked the girl’s ass and sent her packing. I was too busy trying not to let my shattered heart overtake my body, to fight for him. Besides, he probably would have just laughed at me and my patheticness.

And to make matters worse, I’m the fool who just gave Jacob every reason in the world to go after Samantha. He’ll never be with me the way I want or need him to be.

***

Jacob

“Jacob, this place is filthy. You need to pull your head out of your ass and start walking amongst the living again,” Emma chastises me from across the room. “I hope you haven’t actually entertained people here with it looking and smelling the way it does. Do you even remember how to take out the damn garbage?”

I roll my eyes and choose to ignore her. She doesn’t need to know that the only time I leave the apartment is to go down to Murphy’s in order to drink and find a new person to fuck.

The last three weeks have been a blur. Ever since Kara came over with Brooke’s journals, each day has been the same as the last. I really don’t care to change my routine either. What’s the point? The same old bullshit will still be there tomorrow.

“What do you want me to do with this box?” Emma drops the box with Brooke’s journals on the table.

“Throw it away with the rest of the garbage.” I shrug and take a swig of my bottle of beer. I don’t give a shit what happens to those.

“I have a better idea, why don’t
you
throw it away? Not for nothing, but I’ve been here for hours cleaning up your mess. Empty bottles of liquor and beer, take out and pizza containers, and way too many condom wrappers for any one human being to have. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you want your dick to fall off? You’d think that your common sense died when Brooke did! And don’t even get me started on the fact that I can’t even get a God damn thank you for all my trouble!” Emma rants and raves at me.

“I didn’t ask you to come and do this. I was fine before you got here and I’ll be fine once you leave.” I walk out of the kitchen and sit on the couch. I reach for the remote and turn the television on, going back to ignoring her.

After a few minutes she stomps into the room with her purse on her shoulder. “I love you little brother, but this bullshit has to stop. You need to get your act together and get back to work. You’re burning through your savings and won’t be able to keep up with this lifestyle much longer. Mom would be beside herself if she saw what a pathetic excuse for a man you’re becoming. You haven’t even seen the girls in weeks. Their little hearts are broken and you could give two shits. What are they supposed to think when they suddenly don’t even rate in your life? They used to be one of the most important things!”

“I don’t even know
how
to get back to normal. Everything is so damned fucked up. You have no idea what it’s like to be me, so stop trying to preach to me about what I need to do,” I tell her forcefully.

“You take it one day at a time, and one step at a time. You stop wallowing in self-pity and regret. You start to build a new life for yourself and learn from your mistakes. That’s what you do! You’re breaking my heart too. Don’t you care?” She starts crying, and I have no choice but to set my defenses aside. I never could stand to see her cry.

I stand up, wrap my arms around her and hold her close. “I’m sorry. I’ll call the girls and I’ll try not to be such a pig.” I kiss her hair and pull away from her.

She smiles and nods, knowing that is as good as she’s going to get from me.

“Here, I’ll take the trash when I walk you out.” I grab the bags of garbage and follow her down to the garage.

After putting the garbage in the dumpster and saying goodbye to Emma, I take the elevator back upstairs to my apartment. Once inside, I walk into the kitchen to get my trusty bottle of Jack. I know I told Emma I would shape up, but I only meant I would do it more neatly.

After dealing with Emma, I’m not really in the mood for company, so I think I’ll stay in tonight and watch some television. The bar and the chicks will still be there tomorrow waiting for me with open arms.

Three hours later, my Jack is empty. I walk into the kitchen to find another bottle and trip on something on the floor. I reach out to stop my fall and knock the box of journals on the floor. Cursing I bend over and pick up the books that fell from it. When I get to the last one lying on the floor, it’s open and I see a name I was not expecting to see… Aiden Parker.

Chapter Ten

Journal Entry
July 26

The strangest thing happened to me today. I was walking out of the station, when I was approached by a man wearing a fedora hat and sunglasses. The evening was drawing near and the sun was setting, so he seemed out of place with glasses shielding his eyes. I know my paranoia tends to get the best of me (hazard of my job I suppose), so I allowed him to talk to me.

“Excuse me, miss. Are you Detective Brooke Dugan?” He asked with an attractive smile.

“Yes. Is there something I can help you with?” I replied back, putting my hand over the gun in my holster. Paranoia or not, you can never be too careful.

“I hope so. I have a client with a proposition for you.”

“Proposition?” I asked. What did he think I was? A prostitute on the side? “I think you have me confused with someone else, and I’ll warn you now that you should be careful what you ask an officer of the law.”

“You misunderstand me. Maybe I should have introduced myself first. The name is Dale Marsh. I’m a private investigator.” He shook my hand and continued, “I have a client who asked me to investigate a Detective Jacob Matthews. We are in need of your assistance. I was hoping that we could get a drink or a cup of coffee together so that I could explain.”

When he said Jacob’s name, he immediately had my attention. I wondered if Jacob was in some kind of trouble. Then I thought that if something was going down with him, I could warn him and maybe it could be my opportunity to be with him again. Ever since that night at Murphy’s, he’s been either avoiding me or politely distant. Word around the station is that things aren’t going well with his girlfriend, so this could be my chance.

I agreed to go with Dale to the coffee shop a few blocks over, instead of the one across the street. I didn’t want to run into any other officers and have them overhear our conversation.

Over coffee, he proceeded to explain to me how Jacob’s girlfriend is actually a married woman. Apparently, her husband found out about the affair and decided to look into Jacob. I can’t say as I blame him. What the hell was Jacob thinking getting involved with a married woman? That is just asking for all sorts of trouble.

Somewhere along the way, Dale got word that Jacob and I had hooked up a few weeks back. When his client heard about this, he decided he wanted to pay me to continue hooking up with Jacob. First of all, I don’t need his money. I’m independently wealthy thanks to my hefty trust fund, given to me by my loving (note my sarcasm) father. I don’t even need to work. I do it because I enjoy it. Something my loving (note that sarcasm again!) father continues to threaten to take away from me. That’s a story for another day though. I also wouldn’t need to be bribed to sleep with Jacob again. Hello! The man is hot!

Getting back to Dale. I don’t need the money, but the idea does intrigue me. If this guy wants me to pull Jacob’s focus from his wife over to me, what could it hurt? I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to get back in with him and show him I can be who he wants me to be.

Anyways, I ended up taking the guy’s card and told him I’d think about it. As with anything in life, there are pros and cons to going through with this. Now I need to weigh them against each other and decide what I want to do.

***

Journal Entry
July 28

I met with Dale and his client, Aiden Parker, today. I’m not sure what this Samantha chick has going on, but she must be something to have both Jacob and Aiden lusting after her. As you know, Jacob is drop dead gorgeous and unbelievably sexy. What you don’t know is that Aiden is as well. He has more of a boy next door type look going for him though. He has blond hair that he was wearing in a slightly longer style, showcasing some great waves and curls. Very studly. And his eyes were a vivid blue. I could have stared at them forever, but I’ll still take Jacob’s piercing, green eyes over his any day!

I felt bad for Aiden. He clearly loves his wife. For obvious reasons, he didn’t go into too many details about his marriage, and I didn’t ask. You could see how tormented he was when he talked about the situation. Apparently, while he was working hard for the money (cue Donna Summers singing Do-doo-do-doo!), his wife was off doing the deed behind his back.

He thinks that if I divert Jacob’s attention from Samantha, that he’ll be able to patch things up with her. She seems like a world class idiot to me, so I’m having a hard time figuring out why he’d want to do that. I guess it is true that love makes you do crazy things.

If I agree to his terms, he’ll pay me five thousand dollars – half now and half once his marriage is back intact. I couldn’t believe he was offering so much. I wonder if Samantha is super flexible or something. Maybe she can bend like Gumby and that’s why he’s willing to fork over that kind of cash to keep her in his bed. I’m attempting not to judge. It makes me seem too much like Jeffery.

I assured Aiden that he didn’t need to pay that much. I’d be willing to do it for half the originally offered amount. This guy was desperate, I figured I would do him a favor. Besides… I
am
loaded. Anyways, when I told him that, he gave me the most panty dropping smile I ever saw. Damn it was hot. Once again, I thought this Samantha chick was an idiot.

We shook hands and agreed I would make my move when Jacob and I go to our interview training tomorrow. We’ll be gone for a whole week, which will give me plenty of time to stake my claim. Especially because Samantha won’t be there to interfere.

So goodnight for now! I’ll keep you updated on my progress!

***

Journal Entry
July 29

Tonight is the night! I’m looking forward to sleeping with Jacob again! I get shivers just thinking about it!

The more I think about my mission, the more excited I get. This is going to be perfect. I know it sounds a bit devious, but Jacob and I are meant to be together. Not him and Samantha. If her husband’s devotion is anything to go off of, she should be with him.

Jacob looked horrible at training today. His face was scruffy, and his hair looked disheveled. There were dark circles forming under his eyes. I’m thinking station gossip is right and things are
not
going well between him and Samantha. Better for me of course! After dinner, I asked him what he was planning on doing tonight. He just shrugged and motioned over to the bar that is downstairs. I excused myself and told him I might see him later, knowing full well that I would indeed be seeing him later.

I came back up to my room, showered, and changed into a low cut tank top and a pair of jeans that do great things for my ass. I styled my hair, pulling my bangs back into a bump in the front, and put on just the right amount of makeup to say notice me, without saying, “HEY LOOK AT ME!” I figure I’ll wait another half hour before I head down there. This way he’ll have enough time to loosen up with a few drinks.

Wish me luck!

***

Journal Entry
July 30

Oh my god! Last night was spectacular. Wait, let me rephrase that. Everything was spectacular until this morning. But I’ll get to that in a minute.