His Ever After (Love Square) (14 page)

She giggles at me while I continue to eat this little piece of heaven, called a pancake. The sound makes me feel the need to continue making an ass of myself just to keep her giggling all damn day. When she laughs, she’s like a ray of sunshine in my dark world.

“I like to cook, but I prefer to bake. You’ll have to try one of my cakes sometime,” she finally answers after she’s done laughing.

“Yeah, sure,” I murmur, afraid I’m going to lead her into thinking there will be any more of these times between us.

After we finish eating, Kara starts doing the dishes, even though I insist that she leaves them. I take a shower and dress, all the while trying to figure out how to get rid of her gently. For as much as I’m enjoying being with her right now, I don’t want to make a habit out of it. Reminders of the black marks on my soul are more than enough reason to keep her at arm’s length. I’m no good for her. I’ll just end up tarnishing her beauty and causing her downward spiral to rock bottom, just like I did to Sam and Brooke.

I bring a pair of old sweatpants out for Kara and a clean shirt. “If you want to shower, I’m done in there. Here are some clothes for you to put on. I didn’t think you’d want to put that dress back on.” I motion towards the clothes on the back of the couch.

“Thanks. A shower sounds perfect.” She grabs the clothes and disappears down the hall. I start putting away the dishes she hadn’t gotten to yet, while I wait for her to come out. Since she doesn’t have a car here, I need to take her home. It’s not exactly safe for a woman to be walking around the city alone.

A half hour later, Kara comes out to the living room with partially dried hair looking adorable in my oversized clothes. The primitive part of me likes seeing her in my clothing and would love nothing more than to strip them off of her, and spend some more time buried inside her. I mentally shake my head to stop my wayward thoughts. It’s that kind of thinking that got me in this position.

“If you’re ready, I’ll take you home now,” I say while heading over to my keys on the table where she left them last night.

“Oh. I didn’t realize you had something to do. I’m sorry.” She grabs her folded up clothing, her face blushing red in embarrassment.

“I don’t have anywhere to be, I just figured it was time you should go home.” My words sound harsher than I mean for them to. But it serves my purpose for her to be offended by them.

“I see,” she mumbles and looks at me with defeat in her eyes. “I should have known you wouldn’t feel about me the way I feel about you. I’m not sure what I was thinking. I’m not beautiful like Brooke. I’m not funny and charming.
God
, I’m such an idiot for thinking this was more than it was.”

At a loss for words after hearing her confession of having feelings for me, I reach out to touch her and try to minimize her pain. She pulls away and runs a hand through her hair.

“No. Don’t bother. I get it. I’m delusional. I was stupid for thinking you cared about me as anything more than the pathetic hanger-on that you called me last night. Don’t bother taking me home. I’ll call a taxi.” She walks out the door, slamming it behind her, and I’m left standing with my mouth open, trying to figure out how the fuck that just blew up in my face.

Chapter Nine

Day one… Melanie.
Day three… Shawna.
Day four… Lisa.
Day six… Jessica.
Day eight… Christine.
Day ten… Monica and Stacy.
Day thirteen … Susie.
Day fourteen… Debi.
Day fifteen… Natalie.
Day sixteen… Shelly.
Day eighteen… Emily.
Day twenty… Courtney.
Day twenty-one… Marie.
Day twenty-two… Elle and Nicole.
Day twenty-three… Kelly.
Day twenty-four… Mary.
Day twenty-six… Rachel.
Day twenty-eight… Megan.
Day twenty-nine… Alicia.
Day thirty…

It’s been a month since we buried Brooke. It’s also been a month since I treated Kara like a piece of trash. I haven’t seen or heard from her since. I don’t like myself for the way I acted, but she needed to stay the fuck away from me. If I had known she secretly liked me all this time, I might not have slept with her.

Who am I kidding? Of course, I would have slept with her. She was a world class lay, and I’m a heartless bastard. Getting what I wanted by her ignoring me, sucks more than I imagined it would. I refuse to dwell on it and pick it apart, for fear of what I’ll discover.

I’ve been on leave from the force for the last month as well. True to his word, Brooke’s father attempted to ruin my career. After the funeral, the bastard contacted the department and filed a complaint against me for assaulting him. After explaining my side to my Captain, he placed me on leave and told me that he wants me to grieve. His words, not mine. Instead, what I’ve been doing is drowning my sorrows in a bottle and as much pussy as I can. I’m not even sure exactly how many women I’ve slept with or what all their names are. All I know is that it allows me to forget everything for a little while, before it all comes crashing back in on me.

I pick up my phone as it rings and look at the display. When I see Emma’s name flash on the screen, I hit the ignore button and throw it back on the table. She is the last person I want to talk to right now. I grab the bottle of Jack Daniels and take a swig. I’ve drank so much of this shit the last few weeks, that it doesn’t even burn anymore.

Emma’s been calling me constantly. She wants me to talk about my feelings. She even asked me to see the station’s therapist about what happened. Emma honestly believes I’m having a hard time because of what I saw, not because of what I’ve done. Of course, she doesn’t believe I’m to blame, she’s my sister. She’ll stick up for me until the day I die.

She even dealt with Brooke’s parents when they came to get a few of her things that were accidentally left behind in the move. Her parents are even more pissed at me since Brooke’s will was read, and everyone learned that she left her trust fund to me. I don’t know why she would do that, and I have absolutely no clue what to do with all that money. All I know is I don’t want any of it. When Brooke’s father tried to attack me, Emma is the one who stepped in and stopped him. Lord knows I’m feeling so low right now that I probably would have let him kick my ass. It’s nothing less than I deserve. The fight is gone from me. I’m such a pathetic piece of shit.

I turn my head to stare at the door when there is a knock on it. I sit quietly and debate on whether I should answer it or not. With my luck, it’s Emma coming to check on me. It doesn’t take me long to decide to ignore it. I take another swig from my bottle and close my eyes.

The knocking grows progressively louder, making it harder and harder to ignore. I slam the bottle on the table and slowly make my way to the door when I realize that the fucker banging on it is determined to draw me out. I look through the peephole and am surprised to see Kara standing there holding a box. I do not want to see her right now.

When she starts banging even louder than before, I know she’s going to piss off my neighbors if I leave her there. With no other choice, I swing open the door. She stumbles a bit as she goes to knock again and is met with air. She quickly rights herself and shoves the box in my arms.

“You need to look at this,” she says as she marches past me into the apartment.

“And what exactly is this?” I ask, following her and setting the box on the couch.

“Remember I had some of Brooke’s stuff still at my apartment?” The mention of her name makes me flinch. Kara’s eyes soften for a second before she squares her shoulders and continues.

“Well, I finally decided to go through them. You know, to see if any of it was important. Anyway, she had a bunch of journals in there. At first I wasn’t going to look at them, but then I thought maybe there might be some answers in there about why she would take her own life.”

I know why she did it. I just don’t have the heart to tell Kara. I don’t want to see the look on her face when she finally realizes what a fucking asshole I am. Up until I broke her heart a few weeks back, she looked at me like I hung the moon. If she knew the truth, I know I’d never see that look again. Of course, I might never see it again regardless.

I never did look at Brooke’s suicide note. Her parents took it from the police once the investigation was concluded. I know from comments her father made though, that it says exactly what I expected it to say – that it’s all my fucking fault she killed herself. I wouldn’t generally believe a word out of his slimy mouth, but the circumstances leading up to her death leads me to believe that he isn’t full of shit this time.

“Jacob. There is some really scary stuff in these journals. And a lot of it has to do with you. You need to read these,” her tone is pleading with me to listen.

“Sorry, but I’m not going to read those. There is nothing in there that will change the fact that she’s gone.” Kara flinches at my harsh tone.

“I think you’re wrong.” She walks over to the box and picks one up. She thumbs through to a page before reading aloud.

“Tonight I had sex with Jacob.” I look over at Kara to see her face twisted in pain while she reads. “I know he’s seeing someone. I know he was drunk. But when he took me to his car behind Murphy’s, I didn’t care about any of that. I know I should, but I just can’t bring myself to. I’ve wanted him since the first time I saw him. Every time I looked at him, with his black hair and green eyes, I couldn’t help but think about sleeping with him. I’ve imagined so many different ways we’d finally be together. My fantasies were nothing compared to the real thing. His body was hard and muscular and his cock was long, thick and beautiful. The way he moved inside me was magical. And when he looked into my eyes right before he climaxed, I thought maybe, just maybe I could find a way to make him love me. To –”

She doesn’t get to finish before I rip the book from her hands and throw it across the room. How the hell she could read that nonsense after she and I had sex and she confessed to having feelings for me, I have no idea. This shit needs to stop. I don’t want to rehash the past.

“Stop! Just fucking stop!” I bellow. “I told you before I don’t want to go there. Get the fuck out. Unless you plan on getting naked and letting me fuck that sweet, little body of yours.”

“You don’t mean that,” she whispers, as tears fill her eyes.

“Oh, I fucking mean it, sweetheart. You were one of the best fucks I’ve had this last month. And trust me, there’s been quite a few.” I taunt her.

Kara shrinks away from me, looking shredded. I know I should care, but I don’t. What am I saying? Of course, I care. I care too damn much. And that right there is the problem. Staying away from me is in her best interest.

Another knock on the door draws my attention away from her. I walk over and see Megan, no wait, maybe it’s Jessica, on the other side of the door. I can’t remember what her name is. All their faces seem to blend together.

It’s not in my nature these days to take a girl more than once, but her being here is perfect timing. I swing the door open and grab Megan (or is it Jessica?), pulling her toward me.

“Jakey. Are you happy to see me?” She giggles as I press her against the wall.

I trail my tongue up her neck and grab her ass, lifting her so she’ll wrap her legs around my waist.

“More than you know,” I murmur before shoving my tongue down her throat.

I head towards the bedroom, but stop in front of Kara. She looks like I just killed her fucking dog. For a second, I reconsider what I’m about to do, but then I remember that this is what is best for her.

“Care to join us? If not, lock the door on your way out.” I don’t wait for a response as I carry Jessica… Megan… whatever the fuck her name is, down the hall. When I set her down on her feet, I hear the front door slam.

Just as I’m getting ready to kick her out too, the girl in front of me pushes my pants down, falls to her knees and promptly begins sucking my cock. Damn, that feels fucking good. Thoughts of Kara and journals are soon washed away. I grab the girl’s hair and hold her still while I fuck her mouth. I don’t even bother giving her a warning before I come down her throat.

I pull my softening cock from her mouth and reach down to pull up my sweatpants. “Thanks, darling. You better get going.”

“What do you mean? I just got you off, I expect you to return the favor,” she pouts unattractively.

“Sorry. I don’t have the time, but thanks again for the amazing blow job.” I swat her on the ass before heading into the bathroom and locking the door behind me.

When I come out, she’s gone and I breathe a sigh of relief.

In the living room, I find the box Kara left on the couch. I lean down to pick up the journal that I threw across the room and toss it into the box with the rest of them. There’s no point in dredging up the past and resurrecting old ghosts.

***

Kara

The door shuts behind me and I lean against it trying to stop the pain from clawing up my stomach, past my heart and leaking tears into my eyes. Is it possible to survive learning that the man you love, more than anything in the whole world, doesn’t feel the same about you?

I close my eyes and the tears I tried to stop, fall down my face. My hand presses against my sternum in an attempt to relieve the rapidly growing ache in my chest. The vision of Jacob and that tramp is burned on my brain and making those dreaded tears fall more rapidly.

I’ve loved Jacob Matthews since the first time I met him. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life until I saw Brooke with him. He was so sweet and funny, and he has a way of making you feel like you are the only person in the room when you’re with him. And the way he is with his nieces, makes it virtually impossible not to imagine how he would be with his own children. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

When he stuck up for me with Brooke’s father, I knew right then and there that he was it for me. He was the man I’ve been waiting for. The man whom I’ve longed for since I knew what it meant to long for a man. Someone who would make my life complete and protect and cherish me for the rest of his life. A man who couldn’t live without me, just as I couldn’t live without him.