Hold My Hand (16 page)

*****

I was grateful to go
to work on Monday morning. For once, rising at five o’clock wasn’t
a dreadful task as I looked forward to interacting with the
customers, especially the regulars, who came into the coffee shop.
I knew it wasn’t likely William would stop by. I knew it was likely
I had lost him, and now I was lost too.
I knew you’d ruin
any chance you had, foolish little girl.
Even if I wanted him back, I doubted he’d accept me
after I fled from him like an immature girl.

Thankfully, the day flew by
as Mondays always did. It seemed everyone needed the extra caffeine
on the first workday of the week. I had no time to think about
William, which was a good thing after two days of doing little
else. It did exhaust me though since I’d insisted on skipping my
morning break when the crowd hadn’t seemed to lessen. When my
afternoon break came, I sought a few minutes off my feet in the
break room.

Gabby walked into the room
just as soon as I sat down. I hadn’t even gotten the opportunity to
open the latest novel I was reading. It took one look and one
question from Gabby for my tears to burst free from the dam I’d
erected. She was the closest friend I had and, despite not giving
her details about William and I, she knew the most about us through
observation.

Gabby plopped into the
other stuffed chair beside mine. Her hand covered mine where I’d
left it on top of the book. “What is it, Aubrey?”

“I left him. I just couldn’t
do it,” I spoke around the sniffles. “There were parts of our
relationship that confused me.”

“Because you believe they’re
wrong? Or because you believe others think they’re wrong?”

“W-what do you mean?” She
stunned me with her question. It seemed as if she was alluding to
our lifestyle. How would she know? I’d never spoken about that side
of our relationship.

A soft chuckle came
from behind the hand she used to cover it up. She waggled her
eyebrows. “It doesn’t take a genius to see what type of man he is.
He’s very domineering,” Gabby paused, “or should I say dominating?
I saw the looks, you lucky girl, and it isn’t that hard to guess
the rest. Your look of shock right now just confirms my
suspicion.”

“P-please don’t say
anything. Don’t tell anyone,” I blurted out.

“Aubrey,” she reassured me,
“I won’t say a word. We’re friends. I just thought if you knew I
suspected it, you could talk to me about it.”

I didn’t respond because I
couldn’t fathom where to begin. Gabby seemed to be accepting this
but I’d never talked to another person about something so intimate.
I just kept my head down and my eyes averted.

“Look, Aubrey. I know you
and I have never really been that close but I’m a friend. You can
trust me.”

I looked up to see
determination and perhaps empathy in her gaze. “I keep thinking
it’s wrong. My subconscious maybe, it keeps yelling at me that I’m
some kind of moral deviant. I don’t really know how else to explain
it.” I sighed at myself, frustrated beyond words.

“All women have a right to
live the life that makes them happy. Don’t let others’ opinions
determine your life,” Gabby’s words were firm but still managed to
convey her concern, “I see you at mass. I see you interacting with
people here at the coffee shop. I know you’re a good person.
There’s no doubt.”

“You see me at mass? Why
haven’t you ever said something?”

“You keep our head down. I
figured you wanted to be left alone,” Gabby shrugged.

I shook my head and
wiped the tears that continued to fall. “Oh Gabby, I’m so sorry.” I
took a cleansing breath before continuing, “I have things I’ve
carried all my life that make me miserable. Now our relationship
–how William and I are together- makes me feel free of them.
Everything else falls away when I’m with him.”

“
So why is this so
bad?” Gabby smiled and gave me an inquisitive look.

“First off, I’m allowing him
to fix me. I should be taking responsibility for myself.”

“
I’d argue that you
have taken control. Did you not agree to see him? Did you not enter
into the relationship willingly? Did you not choose this of your
own free will?” she paused and when I said nothing, she sighed,
“Aubrey, how is the dynamic of your consensual relationship any
different than other couple’s consensual relationships?”

“You know how we’re
different.” I rolled my eyes.

“
What I mean to say is
that your relationship is no more wrong than how others live out
their relationships, so long as both you and Mr. Hottie are
happy.”

“Even if I allow him, um,
the control, you know, i-in a-and o-out of the b-bedroom?” Good
God, that was not easy to get out. My face was flaming red. It
probably looked like my bottom after one of our discipline
sessions. That thought made me flush even more.

“You don’t have to always be
in control. You said it yourself that William has freed you to be
more yourself than ever before. Maybe giving up control actually
gave that to you.”

“Now you sound like him.” I
tried to deny it but Gabby was right. Our weekly discipline
spankings, as he called them, had a calming effect on my entire
outlook. I’d never felt more focused. I needed William to help me
gain that perspective. I needed the freedom his control gave
me.

“He’s a smart man. You said
that yourself.” Her grin made me laugh through the stress building
inside me. I couldn’t help but know deep inside how right she was…
and how wrong I’d been.

“How am I going to fix
this?”

I was set free through
my bonds.

William’s front door opened.
It was no surprise that Baylor was the one waiting for me. It was
early Tuesday evening and I’d arrived unannounced. Would I be
welcome? I was sweating as I wondered if William would speak with
me, if he’d take me back.

“I’ll let him know you’re
here,” Baylor said as I stepped aside and he closed the door.

Before he could walk away, I
placed my hand on his arm to stop him, “Wait, Baylor, was he
terribly angry with me?”

“Perhaps it’s best to ask
him yourself.” My spine stiffened as Baylor and I peered at one
another, both of us all too aware who’d spoken those words. We
turned in sync to see William peering from down the hallway. He was
shirtless with a towel around his neck and my eyes were drawn to
the fine lines of his chiseled chest.

“I was just on my way out
when Aubrey appeared,” Baylor explained before opening the door to
leave. “Please let me know our plans for tomorrow in the morning.”
He nodded at me and bolted like a scared little kitten. Was I a
fool not to follow him?

William walked to where I
stood, placed his hands on my waist, brushed lightly on the exposed
skin and held me in place with that simple gesture. I needed
nothing to keep me here. It was exactly where I’d wanted to be
since I had left the other night – with William.

“If I allow you to stay,
you’ll stay the night. You’ll be in my bed in the morning when the
sun comes up.” His gaze was hard, determined – none of the softness
I’d grown to adore was present in his eyes. Still, I didn’t process
much beyond the word ‘if’ because that one word meant there was a
chance he might’ve made me leave.

“
I’ll stay. I’ll stay
the entire week if you’ll have me. Please, William.” I was prepared
to beg.

“It’s not just for the
night, or even the week, that I want you, Aubrey.” His voice
softened, his expression still focused on me but gentler now, “I
want to keep you, to own you. I need you to be mine.”

“
Yes. I want that.” I
was in shock he was taking me back so easily. I hadn’t been sure
he’d forgive me. I hadn’t been sure I deserved his forgiveness. I
left him. I’d turned my back on this magnificent man and now, here
he was, accepting me back into his life.

“
You will not leave me
again.” William let go of my waist, opened his arms and I walked
into them. I was home again.
And Grace will lead us home
. I grinned. This time I was certain.

“I need to tell you why.” My
lips were dry and I found it hard to speak as he continued to hold
me.

“Yes. Are you prepared to do
that now or…”

“Now, please. I just need to
put this behind us.”

He nodded. “Let’s sit in the
den.”

Thankfully, William snuggled
me in his arms as we sat together on the couch. I didn’t have to
look directly at him as he held me like this and I hoped that would
make this easier. His light curls tickled my cheek as I listened to
his heart. His skin was warm and soft to my touch as I ran my
finger along his chest, the perfectly formed muscles beneath velvet
skin that glistened with a fine sheen of sweat. I wanted to lick
him, kiss him and worship him.

“Aubrey.” William’s voice
startled me and though I understood we needed to talk, I really
wanted nothing more than to climb on top of him, tangle my legs
with his, slide my body along his – but not now. Now was time to
talk. I owed him an explanation.

“
I – I got scared,
William. What you and I have –what we do– is so far from what I
believed was normal.”

“Of course you got scared.”
William ran his finger down my cheek, stroked my chin before
kissing me softly on the forehead. “But where you went wrong was
not talking to me about your fears.”

“I realize that now.” I
paused, biting my lip before I offered more explanation, “I also
realize that I needed to focus on what we have making me happy.
It’s just us.”

“Yes, it’s our private
life.” He reached down and pulled me up so our noses were touching.
I can’t resist leaning in to give him a tentative kiss, one he
reciprocated and deepened. It was a wet and tingling kiss as we fed
from each other, missing the connection and needing it like an
instinctual hunger, a wolf needing its mate for survival.

William pulled away first
and seemed to weigh his next statement. “Aubrey, what if I told you
that I was raised in a household by parents who lived this
lifestyle? They were still successful, well-known people in the
community. Being in the lifestyle doesn’t negate the other
qualities,” William sighed. “In fact, my mother would tell you they
enhanced them.”

“What was that like?”

William chuckled. “I was
just their kid. And that was part of their private life. It wasn’t
until I got older that my father explained it to me. He said he saw
the tendencies to dominate in me.”

“So you’ve always been this
way with women?” I bit my lip when I realized just how emboldened I
was being.

“I was the typical man
through college and most of my twenties, hell, basically until I
met you. I liked to play with many women.” He paused then and I
wondered if he’d tell me more. Already, I felt like he’d opened his
soul to me. “Yes, the women were submissives but there was nothing
more to them. I made no promises. I never dated as we are. None of
those women even saw the inside of my home.”

“But you brought me to your
home nearly right away.”

“It had already been months
for me. I’d been visiting you every day in the coffee shop. I felt
like I’d already known you for a long time and I wanted nothing
more than to see you in my home.”

My heart swelled and thudded
at his admission. This was the most I’d learned about William since
meeting him. There was no doubt he was special but now I understood
just how perfectly we fit.

“Thank you, sir,” I murmur
as I lay my head on his chest.

“You look exhausted,” he
said as he inspected the dark circles under my eyes. “You’ll need
rest before we talk about your punishment. For now, just rest and
let me hold you.” I sighed into his touch and the last thing I
remembered was William’s hand running along the column of my
neck.

*****

I woke alone on the couch,
my body wrapped in a warm, plush blanket. It was dark out now and I
could hear William’s voice in the distance. I followed it to his
office and was astonished to discover William on the phone
cancelling a business trip. He motioned me in and I moved forward
to kneel until he stopped me, pulling me to snuggle onto his
lap.

“I’m sorry I caused you to
cancel your trip,” I offered up as soon as he disconnected his
call.

“I’m not. I was dreading the
trip. Moreover, right now, you are my priority. I can go in a few
weeks instead.”

“Thank you,” I whispered as
I buried my face into his chest. He was showered and dressed. I
wondered again how long I’ve slept for.

“Since you have tomorrow off
from work, let’s grab a bite of takeout and head up to the house. I
was only here because I was flying out in the morning.” He patted
me so I’d stand. “Go freshen up. I’ll call in some dinner.”

“So I was lucky you were
here,” I mumbled as I stood.

“Or I was lucky, sweet
Aubrey,” William answered just as I walked from the room.

I found my way to the
bathroom and was grateful William seems to be allowing me the night
to relax or maybe he’s giving me the night to stew over the reality
of my impending punishment. It’s been weeks since I’d needed a
punishment. Everything had gone so smoothly right up until I ran
from him that all our sessions had been for pleasure. Even our
weekly discipline spankings over his knee were more soothing,
reassuring than painful.

Now, I found myself shaking
–literally shaking- from nervousness. Yes, this was definitely a
way to make me suffer. The waiting and anticipation just may drive
me crazy. William was a wise man.

*****

“Let’s head back upstairs. I
believe it’s time.” William enunciated every word so that the
vibrations of his voice traveled through me. The breakfast I’d just
eaten threatened to come up. The nerves in my stomach were buzzing
by the time he let go of my shoulders, grabbed my hand and tugged
me after him up the stairs. “Take a few moments to freshen up and
then join me on the bed.”