Hold My Hand (17 page)

I went into the bathroom,
undressed and checked over the freshly waxed areas from last week’s
trip to the spa. Everything passing inspection, I returned to the
bedroom to see William had turned down the covers.

“Up you go, on your hands
and knees.” His instruction was different from any other in the
past but I still obeyed automatically. I crawled up the bed, legs
shaking, and remained in the position as he instructed.

“William?” I knew I
shouldn’t speak but I needed his reassurance.

The room grew silent
as he stopped what he was doing. He sat on the bed by my head and
smiled at me. “What is it, little elf?”

“I’m nervous. Will you talk
to me?”

William’s smile grew wider
as he placed his palms on each of my cheeks and kissed my nose. “I
am so proud of you. Do you know why?”

“No sir.”

“You told me what you
needed.”

My eyes widened, as I
understood the importance of what he’d said, and of what I’d done.
I’d been trained never to ask for more than I was given, never to
believe I deserved more but here I was, asking for my needs to be
met. “I-I…” Words couldn’t be found for what I wanted to express,
all too aware of who brought me to a place where I was comfortable
asking for what I needed.

“It’s all right. I’ll talk
you through this just like our earlier punishment sessions. Now
reach your arms forward for me so I can secure them. Go down onto
your elbows and stretch.”

I was silent, simply
watching this large man handle me so gently, as William secured
both of my wrists to the restraints attached to the headboard. He
was so self-directed, so self-assured and I envied those traits. I
wanted to absorb his strength into my body the same as I absorbed
his essence that entered me each time he took me.

William has been my buoy
these past few months whenever my life turned into an ocean storm
of rough waters. When I couldn’t see past the waves rolling over my
head, when my life appeared chaotic, he stabilized me. He seemed to
know what I needed without my spoken words, and even more important
to me, he provided for my needs without making me feel weak. Grace
brought me to him. If I clung to William, I knew I wouldn’t drown
in life’s struggles that tried to take me down. Why had I doubted
this?

William was behind me now. I
shrieked and stiffened when I felt him massage a cold gel along my
anus. This was a new sensation. He’d never touched me like this and
I wasn’t sure if I liked it. That place seemed taboo. Yet even as
the thought entered my mind, I also recognized a delicious twinge
when his finger circled my hole. Gently caressing the ring of
muscle, William pressed along my boundaries.

“
Relax, little elf,
I’m not planning to take you here. Today,” William assured me, “but
I’m going to start to stretch you here and prepare you so someday I
can claim each part of your body.”

I trembled at his promise. I
wanted to belong to him so completely but I was terrified by what
he was insinuating. His hand slipped lower as I contemplated his
words.

“Stop thinking. Just relax
and let go. Let go and allow me to help you center. Allow me to
help you found your focus.”

I steadied my breathing,
took deep breaths and felt my muscles relax. My folds grew slick as
his fingers expertly stroked through them, dipping into my center
with the tip of his finger only to quickly extract it again. I was
completely exposed to his exploration in this position and I eased
into the knowledge that William would take care of me. His soothing
voice and calm reassurances as he stroked me moved me effortlessly
into a state of calm. I relaxed into his touch only to whimper when
he took his hands away.

Then I felt the rasp of the
hairs on his thighs against mine, his legs firmly set behind me. He
nudged my legs further apart and situated himself between my legs.
Something brushed against my anus and I automatically tightened
against the invasion.

“
Ssh,” William soothed
me, “This is a tiny plug to help stretch you just a bit, to get you
accustomed to the feel of something being in there.”

My mind began to whirl
as fear of the unknown swept me up. I wasn’t sure I could do this.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to. It’d hurt and we hadn’t talked about
this before now. “William, I can’t. I can’t. I can’t do this,” I
chanted as my knees turned to jelly.

“Are you using your
safeword, little elf?”

All my senses automatically
flew into high alert. No, I didn’t want to use my safeword. I
didn’t want him to stop taking care of me. God, why was I
questioning him? “No, please.”

“It’s okay if you need to. I
can stop,” William assured me.

“No, please sir. I don’t
want you to stop. Please, William,” my voice caught on the last
words as tears burned the back of my eyes.

“Then you need to do as I
say. Go back down onto your elbows and arch your back so you’re
open to me.” William gave the instructions while he lightly rubbed
circles on my back. I knew this was the only reassurance he’d give.
His non-compromising words and his gentle touch were so
contradictory but still, I obeyed the command.

His fingers returned to my
folds, pushed through and sank into my core. I allowed myself to
relax again because I trusted William. I’ve always been safe with
him so, in this, I could trust him too. I could do this. I could
take this step with him. I was repeating this mantra in my head as
I felt the length of his fingers move back to spread my cream along
the crease of my ass.

Another cool sensation mixed
with the warm cream. “I’m using a lot of lubricant so the plug will
go in very easily. And I’m using the smallest plug I could
found.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Very nice manners, little
elf. Now, as I push in, I suggest you bear down as if you’re
pushing out.” The pressure of the unforgivingly firm plug startled
me but I tried my best to follow his instructions. Slowly,
painfully slowly, he pushed the plug through the initial rim as my
skin stretched and an incessant burning brought out a steady groan
from somewhere deep inside me.

The burn intensified and I
wanted to scream but I held it back. I didn’t want to disappoint
him. God, I didn’t want to disappoint myself. I felt a sudden pop
and the pressure was more bearable now. It was still there but the
sensation was more discomfort than pain. I panted and brought my
breathing back to normal.

“Good, little elf, well
done.” William tapped the end of the plug and sent a sharp
vibration thrumming through me. “Now if you stay relaxed, you’re
not even going to know it’s there before long.”

Not
likely
, I thought but remained
silent as I listened to his movements. He left the bed and I heard
him open a drawer and knew he intended to use an instrument other
than his hand to spank me. He’d never done this before though he’d
shown me the paddles he owned.

William returned and tapped
the plug before speaking, “This is a spanking paddle. Isn’t it
beautiful?” He held it in front of my face for me to see. The gleam
in his eye put me on alert.

The black leather screamed
pain, not beauty but I decided to bite my tongue and instead I
responded with a simple, “Yes sir” as I tried to look away from
this awful piece of leather and wood. I had a sudden and unprovoked
feeling of hatred towards the instrument.

William rubbed the leather
along my jaw, tracing from ear to ear. He placed it to my nose.
“Smell it. It’s like ambrosia, don’t you think so?”

It was as if he were
deliberately taunting me. I breathed in the rich scent of leather
but it wasn’t ambrosia to me. All too soon, this paddle would warm
my bottom. I didn’t know whether I just wanted him to get on with
it or if I was grateful for this time to prepare myself. Again, I
considered the possibility William was successfully torturing
me.

“No sir,” I answered him
after a quick flick of his hand on my hip.

“I suppose you can’t
appreciate its beauty right now.” William brought it to his face
and I listened as he inhaled the fragrant leather before he placed
the paddle against my lips. “Kiss it and accept your
punishment.”

I followed his command and
caressed the leather softly with my lips.

“Tell me why you’re being
punished.”

“To – To remind me not to
run when I get scared.” I answered his question, already berating
my foolishness. Why hadn’t I been strong enough to trust in him? In
us?

“Right. This punishment will
be harsher than you’ve experienced before because your offense was
worse. You ran from me, from us. You cannot run. I want you to
think of this paddle on your flesh the next time you consider
running.” He rubbed my cheeks, drawing circles as he continued
talking to me. “But also know that when this punishment is done,
all is forgiven. We move on and focus on our future.”

At his final word, the first
strike came down on my bottom with stinging accuracy, the paddle
spreading the sting across both cheeks. The force of it caused me
to clench my muscles, which squeezed the plug and caused me to cry
out.

Another sharp sting came
down on my bottom. Fire streaked across my skin even as I heard
William’s voice over my own whimpers. “Do not move. Find your
center and gain control. You can do this.” William soothed the
sting by rubbing my bottom he struck just seconds before.

“I - I’m sorry. I won’t m -
move. It’s just, just a new feeling. I – I like your hand better.”
I was sniffling and found it hard to force the words out.

William snickered at my
commentary and offered little comfort. “I’m sure you do like my
hand better. It’s not nearly as hard as this paddle.”

William spanked me again,
equally as hard as the other strikes. He offered me no respite and
I cried out with each strike. I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Everything
about this session seemed so much more intense. Why was he pushing
me?

“I’m sorry, sir.” I was
sniffling, tears formed from the mix of chaotic sensations
bombarding me. I felt William everywhere. The unrelenting strikes
fell one after the other. He was all around me. I focused on the
rhythm as William used a steady beat –like a metronome- to issue my
punishment. I knew my bottom must’ve already been a flaming red and
was grateful my hands were secured so I didn’t reach back to soothe
myself.

Panic set in just when
William stopped the paddling. As if reading me, he knew I’d reached
a limit. “Good. This portion of your punishment is done. Now we’re
going to play truth or spank. Here’s how it works. I ask a
question. You tell the truth by answering simply yes or no.”

I looked at him over my
shoulder, “But what if…”

“Right. If you don’t tell
the truth, I spank you. If you tell the truth to my satisfaction,
I’ll pleasure you. Simple, right?”

“Yes sir.” I answered
William even though I knew nothing was ever as simple as William
makes it sound, not for me at least. Still, I thought, how hard can
this be?

William grinned,
pleased with my agreement. “Oh, and you will not come.” William’s
determined command reached me just in time to answer my unspoken
question. This little game was definitely going to be more
difficult than I’d first thought.

I swallowed. He knew as well
as I did I’ve not yet mastered this skill of holding back my
orgasms. This would be the true task but for William, I’d do
anything. “Yes, sir, I understand. I won’t come.”

“Good, little elf. Now,
let’s play,” William’s voice was calm and I wondered how it was
even possible that once again, I was feeling desperate while he
maintained his composure.

His first question was easy
for me to answer. “Do you enjoy spending time with me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes
sir.”

He rubbed my bottom softly
and ran his fingers up my back in gentle strokes that caused me to
arch my back. “Shit,” I cursed when the angle of the plug changed
and I tensed, a reminder of the plug so snugly embedded within me.
The sensation was more pleasant now though as I’d grown damp and
sensitive.

“I suggest you not move or
you’ll make it much more difficult on yourself. And watch your
language.”

“Yes sir.”

“Do you believe I enjoy
spending time with you?”

I delayed my response and
felt the sting of his hand on my thigh. It was light and I could
handle it easily with a few deep breaths. “Yes or no?”

“I don’t…” I began before
his hand hit against the flesh of my other thigh. This time, he
wasn’t going lightly and it took me longer to recover.

“It’s simply a yes or no
answer. Try again.”

“But I…” a flaming heat
engulfed me as his hand landed directly on my paddled ass. It took
me a long while to gain control again. I could hear him calling my
name but I couldn’t find my way out of the pain. Sweat was beading
on my forehead already and I thought I’d only answered one
question.

William tapped at the plug.
The vibrations shot through me as the pressure went directly to my
erect clit. “I’m waiting,” he said, appearing unaffected by my
suffering.

“Oh God. Oh God,” I chanted
and noticed I was amusing William who seemed to be laughing. “It
isn’t funny,” I yelled at him.

“
You’re right, little
elf, your behavior is not funny at all,” Williams’s stern voice,
the deep baritone of anger flowed just below the surface. “If you’d
only follow my instructions, we’d be done by now and I’d be working
on making you fly. Let’s try again. Remember there’s no punishment
for answering, regardless of the word you choose.”

He wiped my dripping nose
along with my tears before he asked again, “Do you believe I enjoy
spending time with you?”