Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) (15 page)

“What’s up?” I ask worried at her facial expression.

“I… it’s… it’s a text from Wes.” She has a look on her face like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I snatch the phone from her and fire a text off.

Soph:
Don’t text me again arsehole!

I hold onto the phone and don’t give it back, expecting a reply.

Wes:
What the fuck bitch! Glad I dumped ur ass, plenty of pussy for me anyway.

I forward the texts onto Dane.

Soph:
Dane this is Pea. I’ve just forwarded you texts that Soph’s just received from that prick Wes, and my replies. I took her phone away from her and I’m now going to delete the texts and block his number, just thought you might want to know, seeing as you know this guy.

I get a text back immediately.

Dane:
I’m on it. See. A good friend.

I smile and delete all the texts then give Soph her phone back.

“Don’t worry, Soph, they’re not all arseholes. Someone special will come along,” I try to reassure her, but she sits there shaking her head.

“I’m done, Pea. I can’t go through that again, and I don’t know if I ever will be able to. I’m staying away from men.” She gets up and walks to the kitchen and I follow.

“So, no more men?” I ask and Soph shakes her head.

“I just… I,” she stops talking and looks down at her feet. I can’t see her face, but I see her tears splash and scatter on the floor. “I can’t,” her voice breaks on a sob and I rush over and grab her, pulling her close to me. I kiss the top of her head, I want to wrap her up and fight off the bad shit, the demons.

“How about a bubble bath?” I suggest knowing she loves them. She nods her head and I tell her to go get herself ready and I’ll run it. Once it’s done and she gets in, I walk into my bedroom and put on my PJ’s. I can hear her talking in the bath, she must be on the phone, then a word catches my attention, ‘Con.’ I don’t know what else she says as I don’t stop to eavesdrop, but I’m glad she’s speaking to him, he’ll help her recovery.

I snuggle into the sofa with my fleece blanket over me and a cuppa. I can feel myself drifting away when my phone alerts me to a text.

Con:
You did good precious. I’m proud of you. Sweet dreams.

I smile and feel warmth rush through my body.

Me:
Thank you, Con. Sleep tight.

We have three weeks of peace. Soph is settling in, and I’m getting used to having someone around the place again. I’ve carried on with my usual day-to-day life and found that Soph and I fit around each other nicely. She’s gone back to work, opting to keep busy once her face had cleared up and she seems happy… content. However, she hasn’t been going out like she usually would, and I don’t think that’s coincidental.

It’s Wednesday morning a few weeks later when I start feeling like I’m making a real difference to my life. As I walk into the hospital today, I feel a sense of relief like I’ve finally let myself be free. I take the lift to floor three, say a quick hello to Cheryl and make my way into room fourteen, just like I have nearly every week for the last few months.

When I get inside Saul is sitting up in bed. He smiles when he sees me. His hair is slightly longer than it used to be. It always curls around his ears, but now it’s heading for his chin, and he has a scruff. I walk over and hug him. Hold him really tight, like he might disappear.

“Hey Pea, I’ve got some news.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask whilst popping my bag on the floor, throwing my coat on the chair and taking my normal seat on the edge of his bed.

“I’m outta here, in a few days time.” I can see the relief on his face. The same feeling I had a few minutes ago.

“I’m chuffed for you Saul, it’s about bloody time!”

“So now, I want to ask you a favour?”

“Anything Saul.”

“I want you to come get me on Sunday. I want you to take me home.”

His words overwhelm me and I don’t know how to respond to his request.

“Pea?” I can sense his unease now and it makes me feel like shit.

“Sorry Saul, of course, anything you need.” I’m silent for a while.

So long that Saul asks, “Pea?... What is it?”

“Nothing,” I try to sound breezy. I suck at breezy.

“Pea?” his tone is firmer now.

“I just... I assumed you’d want your mum to pick you up. I mean... I guess… I thought she’d want to pick you up?”

“No Pea,” his tone is something else now. Cold, but it’s not directed at me.

“Urm... okay,” I don’t know what else to say. I’m aware that he has a difficult relationship with his mum. In fact, out of the four of us Con is the only one who actually had a long healthy relationship with his mum, up until she died.

Saul’s mum is wealthy and snobby to go with it. She’s never liked Soph or me, she doesn’t seem to mind Con though. Over the years, she’s tried to get Saul away, to stop him socialising with us. He never listened, even when he was young. That hasn’t changed over the years. She always wanted him to be more and always had big ideas for him. They’ve just never matched his ideas. He wanted to be a photographer, which is exactly what he has become, but his mum wanted him to be a solicitor or architect. Something she could show off to her charity cronies. Apparently a photographer, no matter how well renowned, is not a good enough career path to brag about when she’s with the country club wives, chatting about when they’re playing bridge next.

They’ve always butted heads.

Unfortunately, when Saul ended up in the hospital, he was unconscious. His mum was his next of kin. She put a ban on me visiting as she believed I caused the accident. She also decided that Soph and Con weren’t allowed to visit either. I’ve carried the burden of that decision for a while too. Now, I realise she’s just being a bitch and trying to get her way. However, she can.

When I decided to see if I could get a job at the hospital, it was purely so I could visit Saul without anyone knowing. I would’ve done any job. Luckily, I managed to land this job and as it turns out I really enjoy it. Even more so since they added the visiting the patients as part of my job description. Work feels more like a gift than a job. It’s uplifting for me to chat with the elderly patients and I realise they’ve been helping me in the last few months as much as I thought I was helping them.

The problem I’m having with this situation is that Saul isn’t aware that I’ve been banned from the hospital. He’s only been awake from the induced coma for a few weeks and I always come in on a Wednesday, which he’s never questioned. So I’ve never had the need to tell him. He’s asked about Con and Soph, but only ever how they are or what are they up to? I know he’s spoken to them on the phone, but as they aren’t talking to me about him, I have no idea what they have said or if they’ve even tried to come and see him. I don’t think his mum will be impressed with me picking him up and taking him home on Sunday, and I also don’t think it’s good for Saul’s health to have a showdown with his mum at the hospital. She will do that to him. She wouldn’t give a second thought to his health or how it will affect him. She’ll only care about how she’ll look if he goes home with someone else.

“Saul... your mum?”

“Don’t Pea, okay? Just don’t. I don’t want to go anywhere with that woman, and I certainly don’t want her to try and convince me to go and stay with her. She’s driving me crazy pretending like she gives a shit.” He stops and shakes his head like he can’t believe what he’s said, or maybe what he’s about to say. “You know, when they first brought me out of the coma, I was alone.” A stabbing pain shoots through my chest. “Two days later my mum came to visit me. During those two days, I’d been chatting with the nurses... you know, the nurses know everything, right?” he laughs, but it’s soulless. “They told me she had visited me roughly three times, Pea.”

He shakes his head again, then scares the life out of me when he shouts,
“Three times! She’s my fucking mother.”
I reach my hand out and grab his, he clings onto my hand like a lifeline. “The first time she came to visit me after I woke up, I pretended I was still asleep. She stayed for five minutes.” I reach my other hand out and hold his face. “Some people don’t deserve to be parents.” He looks at me and a flash of pain crosses his face. “Yeah, you’re right, but she doesn’t get to play the perfect parent picking me up on Sunday. Then trying to force me to stay at her apartment while I recuperate like she’s Mother-fucking-Theresa and can then tell all her friends how amazing she is.” I remove my hand from his face as he turns to stare out of the window. “Pea... why haven’t they come?” I know what he’s asking. I’m just not sure what to say.

Later that day as I walk home I’m contemplating what I already know I need to do. I thought about the various things that have happened in my life and the many explanations I owe people who are always there for me. People who deserve to be told. I also think that if I finally start letting things go, and opening up, it’ll help me to get back to being me again. Because somewhere in the middle of all the secrets I’ve lost myself.

Just before I get home, my phone sings out, ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence and I grin to myself –
Con.
Since Soph was attacked, Con has been texting me. It started with him asking me about Soph. Him trying to make sure she really was okay, and not just spinning him a line. Surprisingly Soph has bounced back, apart from this not going out thing she has going on. The police still haven’t caught her attacker, however that news doesn’t seem to bother her. She’s spent most of her free time with me and Dane, who seems to have become an almost permanent fixture at my house. I pull my phone out of my pocket.

Con:
Hey precious, how’s your day?

I smile and text him back whilst trying not to walk into people.

Me:
Hey Con, my day has been good. You?

Almost immediately he responds.

Con:
Would be better if I could see your face
.

I shake my head even though he can’t see me.

Me:
Con, it’s not the dark ages. We can Skype when I get home if you want?

Con:
Nah, I’m off to kickboxing, got to keep the body in shape.

Me:
True, you don’t want the women to stop ogling you. :-)

Con:
Did you just send an emoticon? Did hell just freeze over?

Me:
I send them sometimes.

Con:
Hmm.

Me:
I do! I’m evolving! ;-)

Con:
Wow! Next you will be using text speak!

Me:
Let’s not go too far now! :-D

Con:
Okay precious, catch you later.

Me:
Okay Con.

I stop and shake my head, pop my phone back in my pocket and continue on my journey home. Five more feet and Evanescence alert me to another text. I grab my phone again.

Con:
Your face isn’t the only part of your body I want to see. ;-)

I’m gobsmacked for a moment, but I can feel my heart pounding in my chest while heat rushes between my legs. I put my phone away and walk the rest of the way home with a secret smile on my face. Only this time I have a good secret.

When I arrive home, Soph is busy in the kitchen. She’s making some kind of salad with nuts – rabbit food. She’s smiling and singing, ‘The Only Exception’ by Paramore. She’s beautiful and she looks calm. I’m so glad she’s picked herself up since the attack. I go and perch on the sofa and when she’s finished she comes and sits with me.

“So Pea, what’s new?” she asks and inside me something clicks into place and I just know that it’s time.

“Soph, I have something to tell you,” I reply.

“That sounds ominous!” She laughs nervously.

“Well, the truth is there are a few things I’ve never told you because I was scared.” She looks confused. “Scared of how you’d react. Scared of me, but mainly scared because those things have brought nothing but heartbreak and arguments,” I sigh, “and those things are why Saul is where he is.”

“Tell me,” she answers gently but firmly, and I know she’s got this.

“Okay.” I release a weight from my shoulders knowing I’m finally doing something I should’ve done ages ago.

“Six years ago I went on my holiday.”

She nods. “When me and Saul came out to visit you… go on Pea,” she urges.

“I’d just suffered a miscarriage.” Soph slams her hand over her mouth and tears well in her eyes.

“What?” she whispers. “Oh Pea.” She shakes her head no like it can’t possibly be true. “Pea... why didn’t you tell me?”

I stare at her like she can give me the answers I need. Then I get up and pace. “I don’t know, Soph. I have no answer to that question.”

“Did... did you tell, Con?”

I smile at her. This is because, unlike Saul, she knew it would only ever be Con. Then my face drops when her question registers.

“No.” I shake my head again and stare at the photographs above the fireplace. “I never told him, Soph.” I hear her intake of breath. “I never gave him the opportunity to feel elated. I never gave him the opportunity to fix things with us... although that was more my fault.” I ponder that thought for a second before Soph chimes in again.

“He still doesn’t know?”

“No, but I need to tell him,” I state this to her knowing my mind is clear and that this is another step I need to face if I’m going to be able to move forward, but also knowing this is the one that scares me the most.