Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) (19 page)

We asked if they would like company for the day, but they declined saying we needed to do things that young people do and not spend the day with a couple of old codgers. When we argue they tell us off, much like I would imagine they would tell off their grandchildren, making me think that maybe we were wearing them out. So, we agreed we would go our own way, but I asked for their address at the home so I could write to them both. They seem pleased with that and the notion that I would actually write a physical letter.

When we’re getting ready to depart Jean calls out to us and both Soph and I look over to her on the other side of the carriage.

“If you want to take a bit of advice that’s actually worth a damn from an old lady, it is don’t ever let anyone break you… not even you. Don’t ever let someone else speak for you or make your decisions, and if you ever give your heart away, then you must make sure they are worthy of such a gift. That they are going to protect it forever and that they will willingly hand over their heart in return. Because there is no point involving your heart at all, unless you’re ready to hand it over to someone. You have to feel the same about each other. Otherwise you’re just listening to the concert from the bathroom, and then how would you ever know if your tickets were worth it?

I move over to Jean and wrap my arms around her and inhale her Anais Anais perfume and her Elnett hairspray, just like my gran used to use. She gently pats my back and I whisper in her ear, “I hope we become lifelong friends.”

She just pats me a bit more and says, “We will dear.” And as I move from Jean, I walk to Enid, who looks horrified at the idea of me hugging her, but I do anyway stifling a laugh while I tell her I’ll write her. She gives me a couple of pats on the back and then straightens. I step away for Soph to move in so she can hug her and hear Enid huff. It just makes me smile more. I know she’s loved our company, she’s just too stubborn to admit it.

By the time we’re off the train and out of the station we have completely lost sight of the two of them. I assume they’ve been ushered off by the carers from the home.

It’s only a twenty-minute walk from the station to the beach and Soph and I walk in comfortable silence. When we get there, I move onto the pebbled beach and sit myself down. It’s quiet because it’s November, and I love it. I listen to the waves ebb and flow. It’s like the sound clears my mind. I breathe in the fresh, salty air and smile. Gran would love it here on a day like today.

After about ten minutes, Soph comes to sit next to me.

“Where were you?” I ask her.

“Oh, I just wanted to take a walk along the beach a little. Just hadn’t stretched my legs enough on the walk here.”

“Okay,” I say and we sit again in silence both staring at the sea. I don’t know why I didn’t come here earlier, this place puts everything into perspective for me. Straightens out my mind and dusts away the cobwebs while chucking the clutter in the dump. I close my eyes and just listen. I think about what Jean said and what I’ve been through over the last few years, but instead of feeling like my heart is being ripped out my chest like I used to, I just feel peace, like I’ve finally moved past everything.

The sad things that have happened will always be there, but I can deal with them now. I can give them the acknowledgement they need then put them away. I do know one thing though, without any doubt whatsoever, I still love Con. I love him with my whole heart and if Jean was right then I am that person ready to hand my heart to him, forever. The only problem is, I have this massive cloud hanging over us that he doesn’t know about and I have to get past that to the sunshine.

“Shall we take a walk?” I ask Soph.

“Sure, how long have we been sitting here?” she asks.

“About half an hour.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise we had been here that long!”

“Come on,” I say linking my arm through hers. We walk to the walkway beside the beach and amble along slowly, taking everything in.

“Soph,” I say after we’ve been walking for a bit.

“Yeah?”

“That thing with Dane earlier... Why did you think I would be pissed? Is it because you do have a thing for him?” I ask.

She sighs, stops walking and turns toward the sea. “I don’t have a thing for him, Pea,” she states.

“Oh, okay, my mistake.”

“No, I don’t have a thing for him, but I had a thing
with
him a couple of years ago,” she replies and it shocks me enough that I’m quietly stunned for a minute.

“Oh,” I say when I finally get my voice back.

“So what happened?” I ask.

“Nothing. Nothing happened. That’s the point.” She sighs again and turns us so we’re walking back the way we came.

“I liked him, Pea, really liked him. He was the first person I really liked since…”

“What did he do?” I ask, knowing I will throat punch him if he’s knowingly hurt her.

“He didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. We agreed to a mutually beneficial relationship.”

“You agreed to fucking with no strings?” I ask and she smirks at me. “You know me so well.”

“So what happened?” I ask.

“What happened is I broke my number one rule and I let my feelings get involved. Not love, just pretty close to it. Then one night I saw him out with another of the models. They were all over each other, that’s when it hit me what we were. Fuck buddies. Nothing more. I couldn’t complain, I’d actually agreed to that. I mean that was my go to relationship. I guess I just never expected to start feeling something for him. When I realised what was going on I ended it. He was upset, but only because he enjoyed what we had. We remained friends.” She shrugs, but I know there is something she’s not saying.

“What else, Soph,” she doesn’t say anything so I nudge her. “What else?”

“Well, it’s just over the years we have developed a really good friendship, and sometimes I get the impression that he wants to have something more with me. He has made comments, throwaway lines about how if I ever decide to have a real relationship that he would happily take me out. I’d usually laugh them off, but I’ve become more aware of him lately since he’s been around so much. But now... since the attack, well, I’m just not interested. It isn’t just him, it’s all of them... men. I know I shouldn’t tar them all with the same brush, but I just can’t imagine a time when I’ll be ready to start something with someone, whether it’s him or someone else. It doesn’t matter who.”

I slide my arm around her and give her a squeeze as we walk.

“You genuinely don’t want to be pursued by anyone at the moment, do you?” I question.

“No Pea. No, I really don’t.” I nod and let the subject drop. We walk to an arcade which is practically empty and try our luck on some of the machines. When we lose everything, Soph suggest the 2p machines. The ones that you put your money in hoping it will push down the other coins and you’ll get a windfall. After Soph has spent roughly a pound in two pence’s, she gets annoyed, as there’s a big gathering of coins right on the edge, ready to fall. So, she nudges the machine to try and get the money to topple over the edge, when it doesn’t she nudges it again, only harder, still nothing. The third time she throws her whole body into it and an alarm goes off. We stare at each other, then over to what looks like some kind of security man coming toward us. She grabs my hand and runs pulling me behind her. We run and run, the wind rushing over our faces until we’re sure he isn’t following us. Then we stop and dissolve into fits of laughter, in between huge intakes of breath from the running. We sit looking at each other laughing both wiping the tears from our eyes, with the occasional passer-by obviously thinking we’re crazy.

When we calm down, I look across the road and notice there’s a karaoke bar, open in the daytime. I look over at Soph.

“Oh no!” she says shaking her head.

I laugh. “Come on.” I grab her hand this time and drag her inside.

It’s pretty empty, but it has warmth, a bar, food and singing.

I smile at Soph and say, “You go get us a drink and order some food, and I’ll go book a song.” I wink and laugh at her while she shoots me daggers. I used to do this to her all the time, years ago. She doesn’t really mind, but she likes to complain and put on a show, mainly because she loves to sing, but she’s really bad at it. So when she complains, she can use that as her excuse to try and get out of singing. The only time I don’t push it is if we are out and Soph has a date because she absolutely
will not
show weakness in front of a guy. Luckily it’s just us and a bunch of strangers.

I choose the song and the guy tells me it will be about thirty minutes as there is a queue in front of us. This surprises me slightly as I didn’t think there were many people here, but I also know from years ago that these types of bars often have people hidden in the dark corners.

Walking back to the table, I can see our food is already there. “Bloody hell, that was quick!” I say.

“Yeah, I only ordered a sandwich each, ham salad for you, so it didn’t take long to make.”

“What did you get?” I ask eyeing her sandwich.

“Just tuna.”

“Tuna? That’s it? What about mayo?”

“No mayo, it’s too fatty, just tuna.”

“Okay.”

I sip my diet coke... the girl knows me and look toward the stage listening to a man of about fifty-five singing an Elvis track. It makes me smile because it reminds me of the bar I used to sing at back in London until it closed.

When Soph and I have finished our food it’s twenty-five minutes later and we are listening to a young couple singing ‘I Got You Babe.’ I smile and think of all the songs the four of us have sung over the years. I love getting up on that stage and singing. It makes me feel empowered, it makes me feel strong, and it makes me feel alive. Still there’s something better about going up there with someone you love. It makes everything ten times better being able to share the experience, and it makes it more fun.

Before I realise it, they’re calling us.

“Come on Soph, let’s go.”

She grumbles light-heartedly and follows behind.

We get up on stage and each are handed a mic. Soph is staring at the screen waiting to see what I’ve picked. The first few beats start and she realises what it is. She turns to me and smiles, places her arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her and that’s where I stay the whole time while we sing, with each other and to each other, with megawatt smiles across our faces.

When we finish the meagre crowd start clapping, and the man running the show announces, “Well everyone that was Sophie and Pearson singing ‘Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves’ by the Eurythmics and Aretha Franklin.”

“You need to sing something, Pea,” Soph says as we’re getting down. “Come on, our train leaves soon, put your name down now,” she urges.

“Okay, okay!” I laugh.

She walks back to the table leaving me to book my song. Ten minutes later I get called up. I walk onto the stage and take a deep breath. I can see Soph at our table smiling at me.

The music starts and I begin to sing, its Keane’s ‘Somewhere Only We Know.’ I can see Soph’s smile morph until it lights up her whole face, and I know why. This song… it means something. This was our song. When I say ‘our’ I mean it was the four of us – Soph, Saul, Con and me – this was our song.

When I finish, it’s to loud applause, either more people have arrived or everyone really was hiding. I almost jog to Soph and pull her into a hug and say in her ear, “Let’s go home. Watch some bad Saturday night television with takeaway Chinese and rest up. Then let’s go get one of our boys tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” she answers with a tired smile.

“We’re going to get the other one soon too. I just haven’t worked out all the details yet.” She jolts with obvious surprise when I say that. She pulls me back and looks into my eyes. I can see a misty sheen, then she pulls me back into a hug and squeeze’s me hard.

Later that night as I’m lying in bed I grab my phone and tap out a text.

Me:
Night Con. Miss you more every day.

Con:
You have no idea, precious. No idea. x

I’m sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in one hand and my new paperback in the other, falling more in love with my latest book boyfriend, when I hear Soph pad down the stairs.

She walks through the door rubbing her eyes.

“Tea,” I say and she jumps.

“Shit Pea, I didn’t see you there.”

“Ha ha. No you were too busy waking up still.”

Soph has never been a morning person. Unlike me, when my feet hit my bedroom carpet getting out of bed in the morning, that’s it, I’m awake. Soph takes ages to fully come round, and lots of tea or coffee depending on what she wants that day.

“Tea please,” she murmurs shuffling into a seat. I watch her for a minute, she stares at the table zoning out with a glassy-eyed expression. I carry on with my book and give her some time to wake up.

I’m just getting to a good bit in my book, the heroine has been kidnapped and the hero is about to find her and rescue her, when my phone buzzes. Forgetting I’d put it on silent, I turn the volume back on and look at the text I just received.

Dane:
Do you want to come to my place tomorrow night, sunshine?

I stare at the text for a little while. He will have known I’ve read it because he’ll be able to see that on his phone. Still I can’t quite bring myself to answer. I want to know why he has been so secretive, but before yesterday, I wasn’t really worried about what it could be. Since Soph opened up to me, I’m slightly scared it’s going to be something that’s going to make me want to knee him in the balls. My phone lights up again with a ‘ping’ this time.

Dane:
Come on, Pea. You wanted me to be honest and I’m ready to share. Why aren’t you answering me? What’s changed?

I glance over at Soph and wonder whether I should have this conversation on the phone or wait until I see him.

Me:
Nothing Dane. Come get me at 6pm tomorrow, if that’s not too early?

Dane:
No, that's fine. 6pm. Later sunshine.

I’m still staring at my phone wondering whether I’ve upset Dane ten minutes later when Soph comes alive.

“Why have you been staring at your phone for ages?” Soph questions and I snap my eyes up to hers and notice she has her eyebrow raised in question. I try to brush it off.

“Oh, sorry,” I reply shaking my head as though in a trance “You know me, always wandering off somewhere,” I say tapping the side of my head.

“Hmm, so where was it this time?” she presses and so I give her a half-truth.

“Dane is taking me to his place tomorrow.”

She gasps and I look at her confused. “What?”

“No, sorry Pea, it’s not bad. It’s just, he doesn’t take people back to his place. He never has. Well, I mean, I guess he does if they’re friends and family, but not women,” she states.

“Yeah, but Soph you’re forgetting, I’m his
friend
. There is nothing there romantically,” then I add, “from either side.”

“How do you know there isn’t anything romantic from his side?” she asks the question, but I can hear an edge to her voice.

“Soph, he’s never given me any indication of anything romantic, not a touch, not a suggestion, nothing. You said yesterday that he has given you suggestions over the years about dating, so I’m pretty sure he would’ve done the same to me should he have wanted to.”

I can see Soph’s brain processing what I’ve just said and I add, “Anyway, he doesn’t strike me as the kind of man who’s backwards in coming forwards, if you know what I mean. I’m sure he would make it known.”

She frowns then concedes, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Still doesn’t explain why he’s taking you to his place.”

This time I frown at her. “What? Are you saying that he can’t possibly be just my friend? That he doesn’t just enjoy my company?”

Soph chuckles at my dramatisation. “No silly. I just think it’s odd, and why now? There must be a reason?” I sigh knowing I shouldn’t keep things from her anymore. I’ve learnt my lesson.

“He has something to tell me, I guess. Before you ask, I don’t know what it is, or even what it could possibly be, I’ve had no clues and I haven’t pried.”

Soph crosses her arms over her chest with a huff. I answered all the things I knew she was going to ask before she’s even had the chance to ask them. “Don’t sit there with a sulk on, just because I know you so well,” I say trying to control my smile.

Soph’s face changes from annoyance to wonder. “What could it be? I’m so intrigued,” she says.

“Me too, I guess I’ll find out tomorrow and then when I get home, I’ll tell you.”

“Ugh! I feel like I have forever to wait,” she moans and I laugh.

“Well, how about we concentrate on getting Saul today, huh?” I reply and her face lights up with a genuinely happy smile.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see him.” Then her smile drops. “He’s going to be so pissed that I didn’t go visit,” she says almost in a whisper to herself.

“No, he won’t. I explained, remember? He knows that you had no choice and that his mother stopped you.”

She nods, but then looks away. “Yeah, but you found a way. You didn’t give up.”

I sigh. “Remember Soph, I was in a really bad place, I thought it was all my fault. I had nothing keeping me going except the thought of seeing him. I wasn’t healthy myself... I just didn’t realise it then.”

Her eyes go soft and she nods. “Yeah Pea, I know. I just can’t wait to see him.”

“Me either,” I agree.

Two hours later and as per usual I’m waiting for Soph. “Soph,” I call up the stairs just as I hear a beep outside.

“I’m coming!” she shouts back.

“Hurry up, the taxi’s here!” I shout again, just then she starts making her way down the stairs.

“I know, I heard it and I’m coming,” she replies.

I take her in, she’s wearing a pair of black, high-waisted faux leather trousers, with an open toed pair of what must be five inch patent peach heeled shoes, a peach blouse which is tucked into the trousers, and a black biker jacket with a clutch. Her hair is in a high pony with the sides all gelled into place, and the top has a sort of puffy bouffant thing going on. She is fully made up... albeit with daytime makeup, but still. I stare at her then look down at my black leggings, Uggs and baggy jade green jumper. My hair is in a low pony and I have lip gloss and mascara on. I now feel completely skanky standing next to her.

“Errm, Soph, we are still going to the hospital, right? I mean I haven’t got my days confused?” I ask looking down at myself again.

She chuckles. “You look great, Pea, but I just wanted to dress up a bit. You know as I haven’t seen Saul in so long.”

I shake my head and joke with her, “Yeah, but you realise it’s a private hospital, right? They may take one look at you and think you’re a high-class prostitute,” I say winking.

She smiles at me and replies, “As long as they realise I’m high class, I’m good with that!” We both walk out the door to the waiting taxi laughing.

It's only halfway to the hospital that I realise I got in the taxi without even thinking about it. I smile out the window.

I grab my phone and dial Saul’s number, putting it on speaker while I get dressed. I’ve just come up from the gym and need to head into work to tie up some loose ends, but I know Saul’s coming out today and I want to let him know of my plans before he does.

“Con,” he answers. “Hey bud,” I say and continue, “How you feeling?”

“Con, you ask me that every time, I keep telling you I’m good. I’m getting out like I said to you two days ago, that’s all I care about, getting out of this hole.”

I sigh, I wish I’d gone to see him, and told his mum to stick her demands up her arse. At the very least I could’ve visited him when he woke up. She wouldn’t have been able to remove me then. I feel like a shit friend and I know I’ve let him down.

“I’m sorry, Saul, I know I haven’t really told you, but I am sorry I didn’t come.” He knows about what his mother’s done, Pea told him the other day and one of the first things he did was phone me up and chew me out for not telling him.

“It’s all right, Con, we went over this the other night. You have always been the same when it came to Soph and me, always trying to protect us and hoping that our egg donors will suddenly see the light and turn into different people. Not everyone is lucky enough to have had family that loves them.”

I stop getting dressed and sit on the edge of the bed looking at the hem of my jeans and my bare feet.

“I know Saul. I know.”

We’re both silent for a beat, then Saul says, “I’ve missed you guys, more than you know.” It surprises me as Saul isn’t sappy… at all. He’s an amazing friend. He would be behind me in the blink of an eye if I needed him. He’s taken me home drunk and made sure I didn’t choke on my own vomit. He’s backed me up in the odd bar fight when we were a bit younger. He gave me a place to stay when my mum died and I was left with all her bills and had to sell her house. And he’s held me up, literally on a couple of occasions when Pea left me. He’s crazy and funny as fuck and can give the most epic advice. But he’s never sappy.

I swallow a couple of times, I’m not sappy either, but I’ve known Saul for twenty-three years and he’s never said anything like that to me. I know he has to the girls, but that seems different somehow.

“I missed you too,” I push out.

I twist my neck side to side clicking it. I’m not sure why I do it, but I feel like it’s helping me pull myself back into line before I grow a pussy.

“So... I have news,” I say.

“Oh yeah?” Saul replies.

“I’m coming back,” I state.

“Well, I know you’re coming back, you weren’t planning on living there... right?” he asks, obviously confused.

“Huh, hospital must’ve made you slow,” I joke with him.

He chuckles and says, “Fuck you, man!”

I laugh along with him and then say, “I’m coming back this week.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“When? Wait, hold on… why are you coming back early?”

“Ahhh, you wound me,” I say whilst holding my hand over my heart in a gesture he obviously can’t see, he just chuckles at me again.

I go quiet for a moment. “For her,” I say.

“Ahhh,” he murmurs.

“I have to give it one more try.”

“I know you do,” he replies and I can imagine him nodding his head.

“Con, listen,” he says sharply and I wait almost holding my breath wondering what he’s going to say.

“She’s been through a lot, more than anyone knows. She hasn’t always dealt with things in the right way. You might have to move on from the past to get to the future you want.”

I’m dumbfounded. I can’t help but wonder what his cryptic little speech means, and what secrets Pea has that I don’t already know. It also scares the shit out of me, knowing Saul wouldn’t tell me this if there wasn’t a reason to. I also know better than to press him, he won’t tell me Pea’s secrets, he values us all the same and he would never break our trust, any of us.

“Okay, well, I’m not really sure what to say to that,” I state standing and rubbing the back of my neck.