Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) (22 page)

“Since when?” I ask.

“Forever,” he tells me. He’s now looking at the floor and obviously thinking.

“Why haven’t you two gotten together? I mean, I’m sure she loves you too. At least I think she does.”

He gives me a sad smile then slings his arm around me. “Soph and I. We’re not… I mean… we don’t do relationships, Pea. We would ruin our friendship. There’s too much to lose.”

“But—” I attempt to say, but he interrupts me.

“It’s done, babe, just leave it.”

I grumble under my breath, but he just laughs and throws me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and chucks me on his sofa.

“Weren’t you going home?” he laughs and winks while he walks off into the bathroom.

Git!

It’s just after 3.30 p.m. and I know Dane is picking me up at 6:00 p.m. Soph must be at work as she isn’t in the house, so I put on my iPod and Snow Patrol’s ‘Set Fire To The Third Bar’ comes to life. I turn the speakers up loud... really loud, and go upstairs to run a bath. I chuck in lots of bubble bath, knowing I need to relax as much as possible and I light some candles.

I go into my bedroom and open my wardrobe, mindlessly trawling through my clothes. I’m looking for something to wear for tonight, but I’m not entirely sure why I feel the need to dress up. It’s like I’m looking for armour, protection of some kind and I’m not sure why.

I hear the music change and realise I’ve not checked the bath, and my bath fills up really quickly, so I run into the bathroom to see the bath overflowing with bubbles. I turn the taps off and put my hand in the water. Thankfully the bath is only two-thirds full, it only looks overflowing because I added so much bubble bath. I leave the bath and go back to my room deciding to choose my clothes after my bath. I undress and realise I didn’t grab a towel from the bathroom. I creep into the bathroom naked, I’m not really sure why because nobody is here except for me.

I ease myself into the hot water and sigh, releasing all the aches and tension I didn’t realise my body was holding. I lay my head back and close my eyes.

My life has changed so much over the last couple of months. I’ve been at both my lowest and my highest points. I have lost friends and gained friends and I have finally met myself.

It dawns on me why I’ve been worried about tonight. It’s because Dane has made such a difference in my life, more than he realises. I’m afraid I will hurt him. I don’t have the best track record when it comes to reacting to things.

My mind wanders to Con. It’s the first time I’ve allowed it to since I talked to Saul. No matter what my fears are though, I can’t keep the smile from my face whenever I think about what he said. The idea of being back with him is something I’m almost too scared to dream about, in case it doesn’t happen. What would be even worse would be to see him with someone else. I’m too selfish to say, I just want to see him happy. I mean that’s true, I do want to see him happy. Happy with me. Only me.

I shiver and realise the bath water has gotten cold. I get out and wrap one of my fluffy towels around me. I empty the bath and shuffle into my bedroom. I hear movement downstairs, so I know Soph is in. I carry on where I left off with my wardrobe, trying to find something to wear. I’m still staring at my wardrobe five minutes later when Soph pokes her head round the door.

“Hey girlie, so tonight is the big night huh?” she says giggling.

“Don’t Soph, this isn’t funny!” I moan at her.

“It is a bit funny,” she says still giggling.

“It’s not! What if he tells me something that I don’t like?” I ask.

“What like he used to be a woman?” Soph laughs.

“It’s not funny! And anyway I wouldn’t care if that’s what it was… that would be a relief!” I answer.

“Oooh, I know! He’s in the Secret Service like James Bond.” I actually give this some thought for a second as Soph’s eyes widen realising what she’s just said and whether it could be true.

Then I laugh. “Don’t think so Soph, he wouldn’t be able to tell me even if he were,” I point out whilst finally grabbing skinny jeans and a jumper from my wardrobe.

“Shame,” she murmurs.

“I know what it is,” she crows tapping my arm like I’m not standing right next to her. “He’s sold you to an Arab prince for two camels.” She throws her head back and laughs hysterically while I roll my eyes. “He’s secretly scared of chickens as he knows one day they are going to try and take over the world.” She’s belly laughing now and I can’t help, but laugh myself. After a few minutes I calm down.

Soph is still wiping the tears from her eyes as I say, “I think it’s something to do with his family. I mean he’s told me a bit, but he’s still quite closed off about it.”

Soph bursts out laughing again and tries to tell me something through her laughter, after the third attempt I can just make out, “Maybe he has sister wives,” and she dissolves into laughter again.

“What the hell are sister wives?” I ask starting to laugh again myself, but not really knowing why, other than Soph is laughing and it seems contagious.

“Have you never seen the programme?” she asks through her laughter and I shake my head no.

“Bloody hell, I can’t believe you haven’t seen it. You have to watch it!” she shouts slapping my arm

“Okay, okay!” I say rubbing my arm.

We both start laughing again and I shove her out the room so I can get dressed.

Forty-five minutes later and I’m dressed, with light makeup and my hair is blow dried straight and gathered at the base of my neck into a pony. I make my way downstairs to Soph, who’s sitting on the sofa pretending to read.

“He likes to dress as Tina Turner and wants to enter the X-Factor with you as his singing partner,” she snorts and laughs at the same time to that little gem. I shake my head and roll my eyes at her with a chuckle.

The knock on the door brings me out of the jovial moment. I gather my thoughts and open it.

“Hey Dane,” I say as I open the door.

“Did you check the peephole?” is the first thing he says to me.

“Well, hello to you too, happy bollocks!” Soph says coming round the corner. Dane frowns at her and says, “You two are here by yourself. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to be careful!”

“Okay, okay happy, calm down!” I inject.

“Are you ready to go?” he asks looking down at me questioningly.

“Yeah sure,” I answer and follow him out as he says goodbye to Soph over his shoulder. I look behind me to Soph whose eyes are wide and I mouth, ‘Wish me luck!’

Travelling in the car with Dane tonight is a new experience for me. He usually makes me feel at ease, especially as he knows my fears. Tonight, however, I just feel wary. I’m not sure if it’s him or if it’s me. We arrive on a street lined with large houses and expensive looking cars.

“Here we are,” he says while pulling into a driveway. Looking up I see a large Victorian house. We’re on a gravel driveway and the house must have a basement as you have to go up three steps to get to the huge black shiny door and it has one of those old style knockers. The house is double fronted with what looks like sash windows on each side of the door.

“Come on,” he says walking up the steps and opening the door. He holds it for me to enter first.

The floor is parquet and beautiful, and even though the house has an expensive air to it, it still feels homely.

“The lounge is through there,” he points toward the first door. I go inside and see soft browns and creams, the whole room is warm, there’s a fireplace in the centre of the room and what looks like a flat screen television above it. Taking a seat on the sofa, I wait for him to sit down.

“Do you want some dinner?” he asks.

“I guess,” I reply.

“Do you or don’t you? I don’t want to force you,” he snaps.

“Dane, what the hell is going on? You’ve been off with me for days and now we’re here and you’re supposed to be explaining stuff, but instead you’re snapping at me about food?” I exclaim.

“Food, I’ll make some food,” he murmurs and spins around and walks out the door. I sit there perplexed for a moment, and then stomp after him with annoyance consuming me.

He’s standing staring at his fridge not moving. I can feel something radiating off of him, it feels like fear. That scares me. Faltering for something to say I opt instead to find a bathroom and freshen up. I know it’s the coward’s way out, but I just need to take a moment. Not sure of where I’m going I decide to creep upstairs, feeling like a criminal I throw myself into the first door I find.

Gazing around I take in the soft white décor with black accents creeping up the wall, and curtains and a black throw and scatter cushions on the bed. This room looks like it was designed for a woman, although it doesn’t look used. Looking at the old dressing table under the French doors, I catch my breath when I notice how similar it is to the one my mother had when I was a child. Unable to stop myself I sit at the beautiful table, it’s white with a stunning gilt mirror. I think I remember Gran saying it was French Chateau. It has two drawers protruding from the flat surface, one on each side of the mirror, with little black intricately designed knobs to pull open the drawers, the same style of drawers are on either side underneath the flat surface. Running my hand along the wood and feeling my eyes glisten, remembering my mum brushing her hair and smiling down at me while sitting on a stool just like this. Lost in my thoughts, I don’t hear the door open or Dane come in. It’s not until he speaks that I nearly fall off the stool.

“I thought you’d left,” he says with a sad lilt to his voice.

Shaking my head no, I spin around so I’m now facing him. “This room is beautiful.”

He says nothing, just nods sadly. I’m not used to this side of him and I don’t know what to make of it, but I’m worried about him, I want to take away his pain.

“Do you want to see the rest of the house?” he asks suddenly and a frown crosses his face.

“Sure, you don’t have to show me round though.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” he questions.

“Well... no reason, it’s just... you offered me a tour then looked shocked and annoyed that you had said it.”

He chuckles at me. “You caught that, huh?”

“Mmm huh,” I nod.

“I don’t really bring people here and I never show people around. This is my sanctuary.”

“Well, I’m happy just to be here. We can go downstairs and have some food if you like. I didn’t mean... I wasn’t trying to push... I’m sorry about downstairs and pushing you. We don’t have to go any further upstairs,” I’m willing to say almost anything to make him fall back into the old, in control, self-assured Dane that I’ve gotten to know

“No, I mean with you, I feel comfortable showing you around, bringing you here... there’s so much... I feel like I can be honest with you... I feel happy around you,” he pushes out as his eyes widen with what looks like his own realisations coming to life as he tells me.

“Well, I’m glad you feel comfortable around me, but that’s no reason for me to push you. Look, I know you invited me here to tell me something, but I’m done with pushing. It’s not fair and it’s not me... hell, I’ve kept so many secrets over the years, who am I to push you into being honest with me!”

“Pea, you don’t understand, I appreciate what you’re saying, and that you’re willing to give me space and believe me if it were anyone else I would rip their arm off for that chance. What the fuck am I saying... anyone else wouldn’t even be here in the first place. Nobody else would get this far into my life,” he mumbles as though he’s talking to himself now and I’m not sure exactly what’s going on. I’ve never felt like there’s been any romantic vibes between us, but the words he’s saying to me has me starting to freak out slightly now.
Have I misread all the signals? Does he want or even expect something more?

I search around the room to see if the path to the door is clear, but he’s standing in the line of flight. He must see my panic and my flitting eyes as his brow creases.

“Pea?”

I say nothing just shake my head from side to side.

“Pea, what’s wrong?” he asks concern thick in his voice.

I shake my head harder, unable to form words. I’ll lose him. He will be someone else I lose in my life now because I’ve led him on. I must’ve done, he wouldn’t be about to tell me he loves me if I hadn’t.

“I don’t love you,” I blurt out as I stand quickly stand up.

“What?” Complete and utter confusion crosses his face.

“I mean as a friend, yeah, but I have a Con and he has a love and it’s in my thing that’s in here,” I mumble incoherently while stabbing myself in the chest over my heart again and again.

He laughs at me.

Laughs!

“What? What? The laugh?” I’m still mumbling, this just makes him laugh harder.

“Pea,” he says through laughter. “Pea! Oh my God, you are so funny,” he laughs doubling over with his arm across his stomach.

Now I’m pissed. I have no idea what is going on, but Dane thinks it’s funny and I feel like a complete idiot, and I’m not even sure why I feel like an idiot. It’s like there’s some secret joke and I’m the only one in the dark.

I stop talking and wait to see what he’s going to say next. Once he’s finally finished laughing.

“Sorry Pea,” he says through deep breathing, obviously trying to not start laughing all over again. He waves his arm and points his finger up at me telling me to give him a minute. I, in turn, cross my arms over my chest and start tapping my foot.

“This shit isn’t funny anymore, Dane,” I state. I’m starting to feel like a complete fool. I mean he obviously knows I thought he was going to declare his undying love and it scared the shit out of me.
What? I don’t get it, why that’s so funny?

“Is it that funny? The idea of you being in love with me?” Shit, I said that out loud.

Dane sobers up pretty quick and narrows his eyes at me. “Sit down,” he says while gesturing to the stool I’d just gotten up from. I sit not wanting to argue with this mood change.

“Are you Bipolar?” I blurt out.
Fuck!
What’s wrong with my filter today?

“What?” he asks biting his lip. I’m not sure whether he’s confused or trying not to laugh again, but at least his mood seems to have changed.

“Sorry, ignore me,” I say shaking my head to myself like a complete moron.

“Pea,” he whispers and he kneels down in front of me.
What the fuck?

“I didn’t want to do it like this.” I open my mouth, but he holds his hand up to signal for me to shut up. “No, I’m not going to ask you to marry me!” I pull my lips in and bite them both, he knows me far too well and he obviously notices me doing that as the corner of his mouth twitches.

“Listen, there’s a lot for me to tell you. A lot to explain. I want you to know before I tell you my secret that you need to hear me out. I don’t want you freaking out on me. I need a chance to talk to you about this?” He gazes up at me like I’m his saviour.

“Dane, for the first time since I’ve met you... you’re kind of scaring me,” I admit.

He grabs my hand which makes me jump, but then he starts rubbing the back of it with his thumb and it soothes me.

“Pea,” he takes a deep breath in then releases it all at once. He pauses for a moment looking into my eyes. “You were right, kind of... I do love you, but not like you think. Pea... I’m your brother.”

My whole world stops spinning right in that moment. I still, like my body has forgotten how to move, how to blink, how to breathe. As if in slow motion my senses come back to me and I shake my head, no. I don’t understand. How could he be my brother? How could I have a brother? Nobody told me... did they know? Did they keep this from me? Who knows? Why would they leave me feeling like a fool when they all knew?

I slam my hand over my mouth as tears spill over my eyelids and down my cheeks and the sobs I didn’t realise I had in me until this second take over my body.

“I’ve been so alone!” I wail and Dane must hear the pain as he winces. “I’ve been so alone,” I say again in a whisper this time.

“Why... why wouldn’t anyone tell me? Why would they let me think I was on my own?” I ask. Even as I say it I know realistically I had Soph, Con and Saul, but all these years I thought it was just Gran and me. I knew she wasn’t going to be around forever and I’ve had to prepare for that. As a child, that thought was soul destroying. Knowing when your gran dies you will be truly alone. All this time I did have someone.
How long had he known?

“Did you know all along?” I question with a snap as I draw my emotions back in.

He rubs the back of his neck. “I knew about a year ago. I mean I always suspected I had family, just... well... I didn’t find out about you until then.”

“So why now?” I narrow my eyes at him.

“I never wanted to barge into your life. I found out about you from afar and you seemed happy. I wasn’t sure if my secrets would’ve been welcomed or not,” he answers and I see that same sincerity on his face that I did the first night I met him.

“Wait! So the night we met... you knew my name?” he nods his answer.

“So the whole taking the piss out of my name thing was a joke for you?”

His eyes widen. “No, I mean, yes it was a joke. It was always meant to be, you know, to break the ice, but yes, I did know your name already.”

I put my elbows on my knees and hang my head in my hands. I don’t know what to ask. I don’t even know where to begin.

“Thank you for not running off,” Dane whispers breaking me out of my thoughts.

“There’s still time,” I reply not looking at him and I hear his humourless chuckle.

I don’t even know where to start with my thought processes, but Dane must realise this as he talks for me, answering all my unasked questions.

“I wasn’t wanted as a baby.” At this, I snap my head up and watch him tell me his life story. “I was an embarrassment for my mother.”

“Wait!” I shout making Dane rock back on his heel. “Who?” I ask and he squints his eyes in confusion.

“Who what?” he asks.

“Which parent... or both?” I ask horrified at the thought of my mum giving her child away. His face clears as he realises the question.

“Dad, we have the same, Dad,” he clarifies and I nod. Sitting up slightly straighter and giving him his time to carry on with his story. He gets up and moves to the bed to sit down.

“My mother was rich... high society... huh!” he stops and shakes his head. “She didn’t mean to get pregnant with me, our dad was a typical bad boy. I guess she was sewing her oats or whatever. I don’t think her parents even knew she was pregnant. As far as I can gather from the limited information, she told them she was going to Paris for six months and instead she came to London and stayed with a friend. The only person who knew apparently apart from our dad, after she gave me away, was the man who would become her husband. They went on to have another kid three years after I was born. Me, she kept as her dirty secret.” He works his jaw, obviously trying to get his anger under control.