Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) (16 page)

She’s nodding. “Yeah Pea, I mean it’s hard, but he needs to know. He deserves to know,” she’s talking to me gently like she’s done for years. All it does is piss me off. Not with her. Never with her. Just that I made her behave this way when truthfully, I deserve a slap for never telling him.

“I never gave him the chance to grieve them,” I say absentmindedly.

“Them!” Soph screeches.

I look over at her and although I feel sad I manage a smile. “Yeah, twins. I was twelve weeks pregnant. I’d had a scan as I wasn’t sure of my dates, and being in another country they wanted to scan me. So I saw the two of them.” I can feel the tears welling in my eyes now, so I take a few deep breaths. Soph walks over to where I’m standing and puts her arms around me.

“Pea... I’m so sorry for you.” She rubs her hands up and down my back for a few minutes then she says, “That’s why you reacted like you did after the accident?” She has a little line of salt water running a track down her cheeks.

I nod. “Yeah, I guess... I mean, I haven’t really thought about it until recently. I haven’t been able to process everything.”

Soph takes a deep breath. “Pea,” and I know what she’s going to say already. What she doesn’t understand is that I already know and have made my peace with it. Whatever the outcome.

“You need to tell him.”

“I know. I said I will.”

I stand in her embrace for a few minutes longer then she steps back and grabs my hands in hers and stares at me.

“I felt like I caused the accident,” I say and I release a breath I didn’t know my body was holding, along with a truckload of tension. Just saying it out loud, what I’ve been beating myself up about for months, is a relief.

“Don’t say that Pea, it was an accident.”

“I think I’ve finally worked that out. But we were arguing about telling Con, it’s the only thing we ever argued about.” I hang my head.

We’re both quiet for a moment. “Soph?”

“Yeah?” Soph says apprehension in her voice.

“There’s something else.” She’s quiet waiting for me to continue, “I’ve been visiting, Saul.”

Soph sucks in a breath and steps back, cutting off our contact.

“Why?” she asks.

“Because I needed to.”

“I’m sorry Pea, I don’t understand!” She walks to the other side of the room and crosses her arms. I understand her sudden bitterness.

After the accident, I was on a downward spiral. I became depressed. Then Saul’s mum banned us all because she blamed me. We had all agreed to stay away, to wait for him to recover until he could speak for himself. We’d agreed on phone calls only. Then Con and Soph sat me down and had that ‘chat’ about making Saul a taboo subject for my own wellbeing. That just served to piss me off. However, I knew they were trying to help so I let them have that. What they hadn’t realised is that I’d then done everything within my power to make sure I could see Saul, including getting my new job. They knew the job was at the hospital. What they thought though was that I’d applied for it prior to the accident, and it was just a coincidence. They also thought I was too compliant to try and visit Saul. I’d enjoyed my visits with him, even when he was unconscious. Although I preferred being able to talk to him. But I missed the other two. It had always been the four of us and I was very aware that by doing what I’d done I was in some way betraying their trust. I had to try and explain this to Soph.

“Soph, let me try to explain.” I motion for her to sit back on the sofa which thankfully she does.

“When I recovered from the accident I was completely broken.”

“I remember,” she injects.

“I was already on the edge from the first miscarriage to then have another one... it nearly killed me.”

Her face softens and she grabs my hand. “I can imagine,” she says and her voice is laced with pain, which makes me wonder why.

“Soph, are there things you need to tell me?” I ask.

She watches her thumb rub over the back of my hand. “Another time, Pea.”

“Soph?” I whisper.

“No Pea. Now it’s your chance to let go, mine will be another day.”

I sigh, knowing I’ll never get anything out of her if I force the issue.

“Anyway, I needed to see Saul and she took that away from me.” I look down at my feet, my red nail varnish flaking from my toenails.

“I didn’t know what to do and I was messed up. I just needed to see him and I had tunnel vision.”

“Oh, Pea.”

“When I came to my senses, I wasn’t sure what I should do for the best, and all the people who I’d usually ask for guidance were involved or not around anymore.” I let a tear that I didn’t know was there escape the corner of my eye.

“I fucked up, Soph. I fucked up.”

Soph leans forward and again enveloped me in a hug.

“I was there today.”

I feel Soph stiffen at my words, slowly she releases her muscles. “You were?” she asks but it’s tight.

“Yeah, he’s coming out on Sunday.”

She jerks at the news. “He is?” she asks surprised.

“Yeah, you didn’t know? I thought he spoke to you on the phone?”

“We do, but it has been a few days,” she shrugs.

“Well, anyway, he wants me to go and pick him up. He doesn’t want his mum anywhere near him.”

Soph sucks in a breath.

“I had to tell him.” Her eyes widen, but she knows what I mean. It’s not the worst thing, it just shows his mum in another bad light. We all agreed to not tell him that his mum had banned us. He already had a shaky relationship with her and we didn’t want to be the cause of making it worse. Still, I couldn’t have him thinking that Soph and Con didn’t care.

“What did he say?” she gingerly asks.

“Well, he wasn’t too impressed. He called her some names. Then he said, ‘Thank fuck’.” Soph has a look of confusion. “Yeah, I didn’t understand at the time either and you know what he said when I asked him why the ‘Thank fuck,’ comment.”

Soph shakes her head.

“He said he’d much rather know his mother is an interfering bitch than think two of his closest friends didn’t give a shit about him.” With that Soph and I stare at each other for a second then burst out laughing.

“So what time Sunday are we going to get Prince then?” she asks after we’ve composed ourselves. I chuckle at his nickname that she gave him ten years ago due to him constantly rapping the title music to ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.’

“I’m not sure, he’s going to text or phone me on Sunday when he’s ready,” I answer and Soph beams out a smile.

Just then the doorbell chimes. “Oh yeah, that will be Dane,” Soph says automatically and gets up to let him in.

Over the last couple of weeks, Dane has become an almost permanent fixture around here. I used to worry that some woman would date one of the guys and encroach into our group. I never expected it to be another man, not that anyone is dating him... still.

“Hey sunshine,” he says as he comes into the lounge room and then bear hugs me.

“Hey Dane,” I say then yawn.

“Tired?” he asks looking concerned.

“Mmm... a little bit,” I mumble.

“You okay?” he asks looking between Soph and me.

“Um-huh!” I nod. “But, I think I might take a rain check on hanging out tonight and head to bed. Soph can fill you in on our night.” Soph looks at me with questioning eyes.

“Soph, you may as well fill Dane in, I’m trying to get rid of my secrets... not add more.” I wink at the two of them. Soph with a look of surprise and Dane with a mixture of bewilderment and frustration on his face.

When I’m in bed, I grab my phone and do something I’ve been doing for the last two weeks. I put it on silent then I tap out a text.

Me:
Night Con. Miss you.

I then turn over and go to sleep with a smile, knowing in the morning there will be a text waiting for me which reads.

Con:
Night precious. Miss you too. Always.

It’s been two weeks since I’ve started making plans to move back to London.

Mr. Stephens wasn’t happy when I told him I needed to relocate. He did say that it was in my contract to be here in New York if the paper needed me to be. The fact is, for the first time in years, most of the sports coverage I’m writing about isn’t being included in the paper and it’s bothering me. Although a few of the US tabloids have been using my pieces for their own paper, some personal agreement that they have with the boss man.

Still, I don’t let the contract bullshit stop me. I told him they could find someone else if they felt the need to, and that I needed to be back in London due to personal reasons. I wouldn’t fight them if they wanted me out of my contract and out of their paper. This had actually served me well because, although it wasn’t an empty threat they immediately changed their opinions and were all for me coming back over here. Amazing! They would’ve undoubtedly elbowed out some other poor dick to be able to fit me back in, but that isn’t my concern.

Anyway I know, and they know, that there are a number of papers which would snap me up. I’ve been headhunted more than once and if I wanted to go freelance that was always an option.

Still. It doesn’t matter. I have to do this. There’s nothing I’m going to let get in my way this time. Not even myself.

I’ve been trying to spend time with the guys before I go back, they’re bummed that I’m leaving so early. Tonight we were going to Bisque, a local club. The guys no doubt want to get some pussy. Well, Lewis definitely. Sam and Tyler are more laid back. Sam was in a relationship for six years which ended only a few months ago. I have no idea why and I’ve never met her. Still he obviously had his heart invested as much as I have with Pea because the most I’ve seen him do is dance while very obviously letting his hands wander. That’s not to say there hasn’t been more, just not that I’ve noticed while I’ve been around. Tyler does have his fair share of women as does Lewis. But with Tyler, I think he’s just sowing his oats for when he meets the one. Lewis is different, he uses one night stands as a form of detachment. He reminds me of Saul, just a couple of years older. He has the same arrogance too, the prick. Still, I can’t help but like him.

I’ve gotten to know Libby in the last few weeks too. She’s a nice girl. Actually she would’ve become a good friend if I’d stayed here for the whole six months. Once she stops trying to put your cock in her mouth, she lets her personality out and she’s funny and sweet. She does remind me a bit of Pea, but I’m glad I never went there with her. She would’ve been a poor imitation of the real thing and I wouldn’t have felt like I had gained another friend in New York, albeit temporary.

I told them all yesterday, after it was confirmed, that I was going back in one week. They weren’t happy, but at least Libby and Sam seemed to understand. I didn’t hold shit back either. I told them I got a girl that I’ve loved forever. Lewis tried to take the piss at first. Then I asked him what he would do if he’d fucked up with the love of his life only to then find out some other guy was spending time with her. Even if it was purely platonic. That’s when he stopped laughing and told me he would break the fucker’s kneecaps. Of course, we all stared at him wide-eyed for a second until we pissed ourselves laughing. He wasn’t impressed and kept calling us fuckers. Eventually, he started laughing too. I wish I had more time with them though. It’s obvious they all have stories, I just won’t get a chance to spend time finding out what they are.

It’s 5:00 p.m. now so I know it’s 10:00 p.m. in the UK. Pea texted a couple of hours ago. It’s unlike her to text so early. I hope it was because she was going to bed early. My mind did bounce momentarily to the idea that she was going out on a date and so I worried she would forget to text me. I dismissed that thought almost straight away because to have that thought, I need to give up my man card and basically I don’t give a fuck if she’s out on a date, when I get back she’s mine and if she’s dating anyone he better step aside. Or he’ll get shoved.

We have been texting back and forth because I’ve made it happen. There was no way I was going back to silence with her. Although I’ve been careful to try and avoid phone calls. I always find they can cause problems. The fact that I’m going back is something I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want her to have the opportunity to overthink and overanalyse the situation because then she’ll put her walls up. No. I’m not going to give her a choice, I’m only going to give her, me.

Although it’s Thursday, I’ve made plans with Dane tonight. I’m looking forward to my shift being over. As I glance up at the clock, I notice Chloe hovering. 2:00 p.m. hmm. Only an hour until I can head home. She’s still hovering.

“Chloe, do you want something?” I ask whilst keeping my eyes on the files in front of me as though they’re the most important thing in the world.

“I was just wondering...” She’s nervous… strange, she’s never nervous. This time I actually look at her and I can see the uncertainty in her eyes. “There’s a team leader position in the outpatient’s clinic.” I look at her waiting for the rest of the sentence. “I was wondering if you were going to go for the position?” This is strange, having Chloe on edge, makes me on edge. Chloe always exudes confidence around me. She has no cracks – or maybe she does?
Wow!
Everyone has weaknesses, I guess.

I shake away my thoughts and answer, “No Chloe, I’m not interested in the position.”

She relaxes, then immediately pulls her posture back up. “Well, I didn’t think you would. I mean you barely get to work here on time. Plus, you don’t like working full-time,” she says and dismisses me instantly, turning her back and busying herself with work. I chuckle quietly to myself.

When I finally get home after taking a detour and going to the library for a paperback, because every girl needs to give her Kindle a rest sometimes, and then to the supermarket for some milk, bread and apples, I grab a CD and jump in the shower. Washing the day away and making myself fresh for my night ahead. I’m really looking forward to spending some time with Dane. We’ve built a solid friendship over the last few weeks, but as Soph has mostly been with us there’s been something else, some kind of tension between the two of them. Not the kind of tension that indicates they dislike each other, more like there are some unresolved issues between them. I’ve asked Soph, but she just shrugged and said they’re friends. The thing is, I don’t think she’s lying, so I’m not sure what the undercurrent is.

Tonight though, it’s just Dane and me and I realise while I’m getting ready that I’ve missed this. I pull on my three-quarter sleeved grey sweater dress, with black leggings and my
U
ggs. I plait my hair, which hangs over one shoulder and put on a light dusting of makeup. I’m just gathering my purse when I hear the door and Soph answers it.

“Pea! Dane’s here,” she shouts up the stairs.”

“Okay, just a minute,” I shout back.

I rummage through my wardrobe until I find my long woollen coat, throw it on and head downstairs.

“Hey Dane,” I say while looking around for Soph.

“She’s gone to make herself a cuppa. You ready to go?”

“Yep! Let me just go say bye to her,” I answer whilst walking toward the kitchen.

Soph is stirring her tea, staring into the cup like she’s a million miles away.

“Soph, I’m off out,” she jerks at my voice the turns around with a fake smile plastered on her face. “Soph?” I question worriedly.

“Sorry Pea, I’m tired tonight. Just need to have a cup of tea, then curl up with the ‘Big Bang Theory’ and drift off.” She smiles again and I can see she really is tired.

“I can stay here if you want me to, hunny?” I offer.

“No, it will be nice to have some alone time, no offence chick.” She smirks at me and I see my Soph. I nod and go to Dane.

“Everything all right?” he asks looking toward the kitchen.

I stare back at the kitchen door. “Yeah, she just wants a quiet night,” I answer.

“She’s had a lot of those lately,” he mumbles.

Dane takes me back to the local Indian. This time he hasn’t booked the restaurant out and I feel like it’s been years since we were last here.

“You still like this place, right,” Dane asks with a smile. I nudge into him and he does it back to me. I love this easy feeling.

As the dinner moves along, I find we don’t have a quiet moment. I can’t believe I’ve spent so much time with him lately and yet we still have so much to talk about.

“So Dane, how did you decide to become a Public Relations Director? That’s what you do, right?” I ask while trying to get an onion bhaji on my fork.

“I didn’t, well, what I mean is, that it was never a conscious choice. I started out as a model.”

I stop trying to get the bhaji and look up to him. “You used to be a model?”

He grabs my fork from me and pins the bhaji with it, then hands it back to me whilst responding, “Is that so hard to believe?”

I narrow my eyes and grab my fork. Cocky git! He knows he’s gorgeous. “No, obviously not,” I say and gesture at his face and body. “I’m surprised is all. I mean you don’t seem showy, which has always been the type of models I’ve met, even Soph. And apart from that I’m surprised you’re not still a model. I mean you have the looks.” I stuff my bhaji into my mouth and close my eyes groaning as the flavours explode around my tongue.

Dane chuckles. “Enjoying that?” he asks.

“Mmm,” I nod, he shakes his head with a smile looking down to his plate.

“I didn’t much like the modelling thing. You’re right, I’m not really showy. At least not in the way most models are. Plus, I hated all the hanging around. Shoots could take forever sometimes. It just wasn’t for me.”

“And the PR thing?” I ask stuffing my face with naan bread.

“Just a gift I have, blagging. Just something I’m good at. I kind of fell into it really. My boss spotted me one day fixing a shoot which had gone wrong. I managed to calm all the parties down and negotiate a solution. Something the manager of the shoot couldn’t do.” He shrugs. “He asked me a couple of weeks later if I was interested in working in his PR department, as he’d been informed I was looking for a job. They knew I didn’t want to model anymore.”

I stare at him. “That easy, huh?”

“I guess. I was on his radar after I fixed the other situation.”

I nod and pop another bhaji in my mouth, this time with my fingers.

On the walk home, I decide to broach a different topic. “Dane?”