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This weekend apart seemed to come at just the right time. They needed time to cool off and Jeremy needed time to think. Actually, I need time not to think. Spending the evening with Craig would be just the kind of evening he needed. The same comfort he had felt as a kid had returned now that Craig was back in his life and he couldn’t wait for Andrew to leave so he could begin his weekend.

“Don’t forget to pack your casual dress pants. You’ll need them for the evening events.”

“I did pack them.” Andrew rifled through his suitcase to prove that he had only to find jeans, underwear, socks and t-shirts. When he turned to face Jeremy, he was holding them. “Thanks.” He grabbed the pants and shoved them into his suitcase.

Jeremy huffed, a short grunt of a laugh, and turned to leave the room. “I’ll make some coffee for you.”

Andrew sat down on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands.

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relationship in his life had turned into the blackest hole. His home had become the one place where he felt the most judged, the least comfortable. Walking into the bathroom, he checked to make sure he had all of his toiletries, then returned to his bag, zipped it up, and carried it into the living room.

The scent of coffee wafted through the room, a pleasant smell to go along with a beautiful view. The only thing missing was the loving man to round out his perfect life.

Jeremy walked over to him, travel mug steaming. “I made it just how you like it. Black with one sugar.” Jeremy’s voice and tone had softened. As he handed the mug over to Andrew, he leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Have a nice trip.”

Andrew gave him a quick peck and headed out. Ten minutes later, he sat next to Robert in his convertible and they worked their way west to the Henry Hudson Highway.

The day was clear and warm so Robert had the top down. When Robert spoke, Andrew could tell he was brimming with excitement. “This is going to be an exciting trip, Andrew. The national convention is perfect for networking.” When Andrew remained quiet and sullen, Robert glanced at him. “Something wrong?”

Andrew shook his head. “Yeah. No. I don’t know.”

A concerned expression crossed Robert’s face. “Want to talk?”

Andrew started blurting everything on his mind. “Things haven’t been great between me and Jeremy. I know you and I talked about this before, but the distance between us is growing. The list of things he doesn’t like seems to increase daily; our new place, the fact I’m financially providing for us, redecorating the condo. I’m trying everything I can think of to make him understand I don’t care about our financial differences, but he’s so damn stubborn. He hates the idea of me supporting him.”

”I’m sorry. You said you’ve been experiencing problems for a while now.” Robert’s voice was filled with sympathy, something Andrew desperately needed. “I didn’t say anything at the bar on Tuesday, but I could sense the tension between the two of you.”

“Who could miss it? This has been going on for a couple of years. I’ve been on his case to do better for himself. I’ve tried to convince him to switch over to the public schools where he would make more money or to get his administrative license to become a principal or an assistant principal. He won’t listen to me. He says he’s happy where he is.” Andrew fisted his hands in his lap. “I don’t get him. I mean, if money is what’s bothering him so much, this is the perfect way for him to make more so he can contribute more…not that I’d give a shit if he paid nothing.” Although you know that isn’t the truth anymore. Their problems ran far deeper than money and Andrew wasn’t sure anything would be enough to fix the problems between the two of them.

“Why do you think he won’t make the move? He seems pretty clear about what’s bothering him.”

Andrew leaned his head back and allowed it to loll to the side so he was looking at Robert. The way his head was tilted, his Adam’s apple stood out, appearing masculine 115

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and delicious. “He says he loves where he works and doesn’t want to leave. Do you mind if we don’t talk about this?”

Robert smiled. “Sure. No problem. But if you want to talk, I’m all ears. Why don’t you tell me more about the two of you? The good stuff I mean.”

Andrew’s lifted his head. The good stuff. Why was the good stuff hard to think of now? It would have been easy a few years ago. He would have jumped at the chance to talk endlessly about Jeremy. Now, the topic drained him. “We met eight years ago, when he moved to New York City. I was a nobody at Fidelity and he had started his job at his school. Neither one of us made much money, but we didn’t care. We spent all of our time together, exploring the city, making love, sharing our hopes and dreams.”

“Sounds romantic.”

“He was everything I had ever hoped for.” Andrew smiled thinking back on the earlier days of their relationship, but then his chest seized causing him discomfort.

Thinking of happier times only increased his current sense of loss and unhappiness.

“We moved in together six months later. I had never been so happy, but then I started to move up at Fidelity. The portfolios I managed flourished, and my supervisors gave me more and more responsibility. My salary increased and I wanted to take in more of what the city had to offer. I was promoted rapidly over the next two years until my salary had tripled and I had my own department to manage.”

Robert glanced at him, his smile warm. Andrew smiled back, enjoying the chance to talk to someone who could understand him. The wind caught Robert’s hair and caused it to blow carelessly across his forehead, the mirror of his glasses giving him a slightly mysterious appearance. A mystery Andrew wanted to figure out. His high cheekbones carried a hint of pink, sun-kissed, adding just a twinge of color to his otherwise bronzed complexion. “Sound like everything was going perfectly.”

Andrew sighed. “I thought so too, up until my last promotion two years ago. I was promoted to portfolio manager and oversaw all the investment bankers underneath me as well as their assistants and interns. I had to work longer hours and I started making lots more money. I didn’t have as much time for Jeremy and the number of functions I had to attend increased significantly. At first Jeremy came with me to the functions, but eventually he said he didn’t like the impersonal atmosphere and how little attention I was able to give him. I didn’t blame him. I mean these were business events after all. I had to network; to be seen and to plug my company and department. You understand what I’m saying.”

Robert nodded. “I do. Networking is an important part of the job.”

Andrew’s mood began to rise. The understanding coming from Robert was like a lifejacket. He couldn’t remember the last time he was able to talk about work and his responsibilities without being accused of something. Robert knew the pressures he faced and didn’t judge him for his upward mobility. If anything, Robert admired him for it. Talking about his problems became easier. “That’s when we began to fight. They were small fights at first. I would have to cancel dinner plans and when I got home we 116

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would discuss how he was hurt or disappointed. Eventually, the fights started to get bigger.” Andrew started to use his hands to emphasize his points. “I started buying things for the apartment. Big TVs, lots of expensive gadgets, stuff for convenience and luxury. Jeremy complained, saying our home was becoming more and more my place instead of our place.”

Robert shook his head. “I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting nice things if you can afford them.”

Andrew beamed. “That’s what I told him, but he didn’t care. He said I was beginning to care about my money more than spending time with him. He said we were becoming more about what we had than what we had been. Does that even make sense?”

“Well, I think so. I mean, Jeremy is a teacher. He works in an occupation unconcerned with material wealth. His professional rewards come from the social, emotional, and academic growth of his students; he measures success differently than we do.”

He hadn’t considered Jeremy’s position the way Robert had stated it and felt like an ass. How could he not have taken into account that Jeremy wanted and needed different things in order to feel successful? Despite his guilt, it was Robert’s words that resonated. It was the fact he had said that Jeremy measured success differently than we do. Those two words hit home more than anything else.

Robert understood him. Andrew imagined coming home from a long day at Fidelity and kicking back to a stiff drink while looking out over Central Park, Robert by his side. They would talk about the market, the trends, how their investments were prospering. They would have a compatibility Jeremy and he could never have.

Andrew had already figured out that he and Jeremy were growing apart. He didn’t want them to end up hating each other, but if something didn’t change, they would. His thoughts were interrupted by Robert.

“I’m sure the two of you will work things out. You seem to love each other.”

Andrew threw his head back against the seat once again. “That’s the thing tying me up in knots lately. I love him, but things have changed between us over the past couple of years. I don’t feel that head-over-heals, heart-goes-pitter-patter sort of love. I mean I get that the novelty of new relationships wears off, but lately I’ve been wondering if you can grow apart as your lives move in different directions, even if you love someone.”

“That’s an interesting point. Sometimes people grow apart. That can happen, even if there’s no blame to place. But truthfully, if two people are meant for each other, they find ways to work past these kinds of problems.”

Andrew dropped his head into his hands. “I think you’re right. We’ve been growing further and further apart, especially since my last promotion a few weeks ago.

The salary boost pushed me to buy the condo, but also escalated our problems. The 117

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kicker, the part causing my head to spin, is I would choose to buy the condo again, even though I’m aware of how much the move bothers Jeremy.”

Robert smiled sympathetically, understanding pouring out of him. “Tell me. What do you want?”

“I want to be able to enjoy the things I can afford. Growing up in western Massachusetts, I didn’t have the same things Jeremy had growing up. We didn’t live in a big house or go one annual family vacations. We didn’t have a summer home and I didn’t inherit my father’s BMW hand-me-down once I got my license.” Andrew stopped himself, realizing how bitter he sounded. The fact that Jeremy had grown up privileged was not the issue. He had known that from the beginning. The fact Jeremy had chosen a life that would never match what he had growing up, that material goods weren’t important to him despite his upbringing, had been one of the strongest draws when they first met.

“What I’m trying to say is that I work my ass off all day and I want to be able to benefit from the fruits of all that work. I love the new condo. I love traveling. I love going out to expensive restaurants and ordering ridiculously decadent bottles of wine or champagne. But I want someone to enjoy those things with me. I can’t enjoy them if I want those things but my partner doesn’t.” Andrew felt his spirits rise as he listed the things he enjoyed. He also felt better listing things which didn’t put Jeremy down. The fact that they wanted different things didn’t have anything to do with their history. It had everything to do with their future and how they wanted different things.

“Well, like I said, sometimes people grow apart.” Robert put a hand on Andrew’s leg. Heat radiated from the spot where his hand lay and travelled to his genitals, causing them to shift in his jeans. “For what it’s worth, I totally get where you’re coming from. I like being able to enjoy the things I can afford as well. I don’t think you should beat yourself up for wanting that.”

“But Craig is doing well for himself. I bet he doesn’t complain when you want to splurge on him.” Andrew’s felt his mood go sour once again.

“You may think so, but you’re wrong.” Andrew’s head snapped to face Robert, his mood lifting once again. “Craig is a wonderful man, but he doesn’t share my ambition. I think he’s a lot like Jeremy, which is no surprise. They did grow up together; brought up in the same culture and with the same values. His business does all right, don’t get me wrong. They’re moderately successful and he’s excellent at what he does, but he could do so much better.”

Robert shook his head. “Boris offered him a position working for his company. His salary would have significantly increased. He turned him down. I completely understand why. Craig started Spectacular Designs with his friends and is loyal to them, but his loyalty is holding him back. If I’m offered an opportunity to make something more of myself, I grab it. Craig, on the other hand, is content. We have a fundamental difference in how we view our professional lives. Maybe Craig and I seem to be the model of a happy couple, but I don’t think we’re so different from you and Jeremy.”

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Andrew glanced at him, shocked by Robert’s revelation. Relief filled him knowing that Robert understood what he was experiencing on a level he dared not hope. Robert wasn’t happy with Craig either. As he stared at Robert, he saw a man who understood him, not someone else’s boyfriend, and the thought confused him. Despite the problems he had with Jeremy, he had never looked at another man beyond surface appreciation of good looks. What he saw in Robert was someone who shared fundamental goals in common with, goals he feared Jeremy would never share with him. “I’m glad I can talk to someone who understands what I’m going through. You love Craig, but if you and Craig want different things for your lives, maybe love isn’t enough.” It was delivered as a statement, but Andrew held his breath as he waited for Robert’s response.