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Authors: Allison
D.H. Starr
Meant For Each Other
completely backwards. The gates swung open and his heart embraced the one truth it had always known—he and Craig were meant for each other.
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Jeremy left school right at three o’clock and headed home. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Andrew since his therapy session with Seth at recess. Once he knew what needed to be done, a weight had lifted from his shoulders. Even so, the conversation might go either way depending on Andrew’s reaction. Then he had to face Craig and hope he hadn’t pushed him away. Regardless of the outcome, he was determined to do the right thing.
Andrew wouldn’t be home for quite some time, so Jeremy had time to plan out what he would say. Fifteen minutes later, he hopped out of the cab he had taken and headed up to the apartment. When he entered, he was shocked to find Andrew, sitting by the window, shoulders slumped and a sad expression on his face.
Jeremy dropped his bag on the floor and walked over to him. “Hey. What’s up?
Why are you home?”
Andrew sat quietly, staring at Jeremy. “I didn’t go in to work today. I needed to think. We need to talk.”
His stomach still lurched at the solemn tone of Andrew’s voice. Even though he’d been thinking about breaking up with Andrew all day, it seemed that Andrew had been thinking about the same thing, his “Okay. I actually wanted to talk to you as well.”
Andrew’s head snapped up, curiosity written plainly on his face. “I wonder if I’ve been worrying myself crazy for nothing.”
“Well, my stomach is dancing the Macarena right now. If that’s any indication, I guess we’re in the same boat.” Jeremy managed a weak smile.
Andrew took a deep breath, never releasing Jeremy from his gaze. “Ok, I need to start. I’ve been sitting here all day thinking about what to say.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Over the past week, I’ve realized we are trying to force something which can’t be forced. We aren’t the same as we used to be, individually or as a couple.
I understand couples grow and change over time, but this doesn’t seem like growth. It feels like we’ve moved further apart.”
Andrew took Jeremy’s hand and squeezed it. “I want to be completely clear. My feelings have nothing to do with last Monday night, when you…”
Jeremy winced. “Yeah. I know.”
“But this past week, it seemed like we were trying to connect to something which no longer exists. I thought about couple’s therapy for us; that someone else with an outside perspective might help us find the road back to each other.”
Jeremy hadn’t considered therapy and wondered whether he should have. “Is that what you want to do?”
Andrew shook his head. There was more going on here than a misunderstanding or infidelity. Issues could be worked through. No, this ran far deeper. When he had been with Robert, it had unleashed something in him that he hadn’t realized he had been 160
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missing. To allow himself to become vulnerable, to open himself up and literally let someone else in, physically, was something he knew he couldn’t live without. The problem with Jeremy was: he couldn’t picture allowing that with him. It didn’t fit, and he didn’t want it to. Jeremy was a man, a good man, but he wasn’t manly by Andrew’s definition and it wouldn’t work…and now he knew he needed someone who could take charge. He’d spent far too much time controlling things in his own life that being able to simply let go—
Pushing the thoughts out of his mind, he focused his attention on Jeremy. Jeremy didn’t need to know what he was thinking in terms of his sexual appetite. Not at this point when things were over between them. “Honestly, I don’t think therapy would change anything. We’ve never had difficulty communicating with each other. When we have a problem, we talk openly. I don’t see how a therapist would bring something out we haven’t figured out already.”
Andrew was right. Despite the serious topic of conversation, a wry laugh escaped from Jeremy. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing because this is funny, but I’ve been thinking about us all day and planned on talking to you tonight about what I had come to understand.”
Andrew sat quietly. “I’m not surprised. We’re usually on the same page about most things.”
“You’re right, even if they aren’t happy things.” Jeremy leaned back in his chair.
“What I realized is we’ve been growing apart for years. I don’t think either one of us did anything specific, we just started moving in different directions. I’m happy doing what I’m doing and you’ve been working so hard and are so good at what you do. You deserve your promotions and the money you make. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be able to enjoy your money. What’s been eating away at me is that I’ve been so inflexible. It’s more than not wanting to change, it’s that I’ve been resenting you for pushing without seeming to understand how I truly felt, what I truly valued. I didn’t stop to think how I was doing the same thing to you. You want to be able to enjoy yourself without worrying about how your desires are going to be resisted by me.
You belong with someone who can move forward with you, not someone who is going to take away from what you want and need in order to enjoy your life. I’m just not that person. There are certain things I can do to accommodate you, but there’s nothing I can do to alter the core of who I am and what I value.”
Andrew smiled. “It’s funny. Most people would be upset, yelling and pointing fingers, but I’m not angry with you. I’m not even angry at myself. You nailed it when you said neither of us is to blame. We simply grew apart.”
They both sat in silence for a while, looking out the window over Central Park. The paths were littered with individual and pairs of joggers, enjoying one of the few natural areas the city offered for longer runs. Kids practiced their skateboarding in the area of the park where the cement boarding walls were located. Others lounged in the grass, spread out on blankets or towels.
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Jeremy sighed, turning back to Andrew. “So I guess we’re saying we’re over.”
Although he had planned on this outcome, the finality of the statement hurt. A lump formed in his throat as his vision blurred and hot tears spilled down his cheeks.
Andrew sat quietly as Jeremy cried. Once Jeremy regained control of his emotions, he lifted his gaze to Andrew. “You know,” he said, his voice calm and quiet although tears were running down his face, “you are almost perfect for me, almost everything I want, but that’s not enough for either of us, is it?”
Jeremy laughed. “I was thinking the exact same thing; how you’re almost perfect for me as well. We both have our faults, but for a relationship to work, you have to be able to bend and adjust to changing needs and wants. If you can’t grow with someone, the match is wrong. Bottom line, we weren’t meant for each other.”
“I’m so relieved we could have this discussion and end up as friends.” Andrew smiled, although his expression remained sad. “I truly love you, Jeremy.”
Jeremy took Andrew’s hands. “I love you too.” They sat for a few more minutes, neither of them speaking. Finally, Jeremy broke the silence. “What are we going to do about living arrangements?”
“We have the extra bedroom. I can’t think of a reason why we have to rush into figuring that out. I would like to keep the place, but I don’t want to set a time limit on you moving out. We’re not splitting on bad terms.”
“No, we’re not. We’re going to remain friends.”
Andrew tilted his head to face Jeremy. “I’ll hunt you down and beat sense into you if we don’t.”
Jeremy smiled knowing everything would be okay; better than he dared hope. It was no surprise. Andrew was an amazing man.
* * * * *
Janet entered his office at five o’clock. “Okay. I’ve sat by long enough. I’m putting my foot down. Get your ass up out of that chair, grab your shit, and get the fuck out of here.”
Craig started to protest but Janet raised a hand, halting any argument. Craig scowled at her, but then dropped the façade, pouting instead. “Fine. I’m leaving. You’ve become such a task-master, maybe I will take Boris up on his offer to steal me away from here.”
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Janet smiled. “Fine. I’ll be the first to write you a recommendation.”
“Bitch!” Janet was too good. She could call the bluff of a World Poker Championship winner without even breaking a sweat.
Janet smiled. “That’s Ms. Bitch to you, sweetie. Out!”
Craig turned off his computer and neatened his desk, lining his projects on his desk in order of deadline so his morning would start smoothly. He walked past Janet, about to give her one last wise crack, but decided against it and continued toward the door.
His progress was halted by a sharp slap on his ass. “Ow! Hey. That’s sexual harassment.”
Janet walked out of the office with him. “Well, you got the ass part right anyways.”
Craig headed down the street chuckling. Each year, when the weather became warm, he walked everywhere and his skin had already taken on an unfortunate two-tone color, his neck and arms a coppery-brown and his shoulders and torso a ghostly white. He took off his shirt and slipped it into his belt, despite the hideous t-shirt tan.
Without a cloud in the sky, the weather was perfect for balancing his two-toned skin.
As he headed across town from Chelsea to the East Village, he noticed guys turning to look at him. He had never noticed others checked him out before, but the attention boosted his ego. Wait, they’re probably wondering why I would ever walk around without a shirt on. He squared his shoulders, ignoring the self-conscious thought, a tiny strut creeping into his walk.
Janet lived in a small two bedroom on Thirteenth Street and Avenue A. He had never spent much time in the East Village except for his bar hopping days when he first moved to New York. Now with the time to explore the neighborhood, he had grown to enjoy the comfortable friendliness of the area.
He crossed Thirteenth Street, not even glancing at the stores which had become familiar to him. Instead, he studied the people, young mothers carting their babies around, grunge rockers with tattoos walking into the many record stores, homeless people sitting at every corner, cardboard signs next to them requesting money. The diversity caused him to think of Jeremy who loved living in the East Village. He had said all walks of life lived together peacefully. As he glanced around, he realized Jeremy had been right. Maybe I’ll try to find an apartment here when I’m ready.
Back at Janet’s, he took a quick shower before slipping into a pair of comfortable jeans and a form fitting white t-shirt. He had decided not to wear underwear, knowing the jeans would hug his ass and show off his package better without the constriction of boxer briefs. Besides, free-balling was kind of sexy. Huh, Janet might be right. I should test the waters. The thought surprised him. He had been adamant about not going out and meeting anyone. Now, a physical connection with someone else seemed like the kind of thing he wanted. Just to feel another person’s body against his own, to know he’s not alone.
Craig crossed the street and went into Phoenix, one of the many gay bars in the neighborhood. All of the East Village bars had a relaxed atmosphere, perfect for a few 163
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beers after work. He figured he may as well stick around for about an hour, before leaving to continue working on his laptop back in the apartment.
When he entered the bar, his eyes had to adjust to the dim light, a stark contrast from the brightness of the June sun outside.
Craig ordered a Bud Light and sat at the bar, scanning the row of liquor bottles. The bartender stood with a few other customers before walking over to Craig. “Hi. I haven’t seen you around here before.”
Craig smiled. “I moved in with my friend a week ago. She lives across the street. I thought I should come in and check the place out.”
The bartender extended his hand across the counter. “Name’s Peter Somers.
Welcome to Phoenix.” Peter wore a tight pair of jeans and no shirt. The light glinting off his smooth, hairless torso made his muscles seem chiseled out of marble. Craig had to admit, Peter was attractive.
Peter peered into his eyes, and smiled, the corner of his mouth slyly creeping up the side of his face. “You caught my attention the moment you walked in. Those jeans fit you real well.”
Craig blushed, grateful the bar was dimly lit. No one had flirted with him so openly in as long as he could remember. “Thanks. This place is cozy.”
Peter stood up, drying the glass in his hand with a cloth. His muscles undulated under his skin, revealing each contour of his thick arms and bulging pecs. “That’s what I like about the place. When I’m not working, I’m a customer. I’ve met some cool people at this bar.” He blatantly ogled Craig, allowing his eyes to glide up and down, without trying to hide his interest. “I get off in about an hour. Would you stick around and have a few drinks with me. We could get to know one another a little bit.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.