Microsoft Word - MeantForEachOther.doc (33 page)

The pounding came hard and fast. Each thrust like a sledgehammer, banging against his prostate. Blissful pain and pleasure joined together into a blinding fury of passion.

“Yes. Fuck me hard. I’m gonna come.” Jeremy’s entire body tensed. White lights danced behind his tightly closed lids. Every hair on his body stood on end as wave after wave of ecstasy filled every inch of his body. Finally unable to hold out any longer, his muscles clenched as the first gush of semen flew out of him. “Oh my God. Craig!”

The moment the word escaped his lips, he realized what he had done, but the rapturous sensations flooding him were too intense for him to care. Stream after stream of cum pulsed out of him. The first jet hitting his cheek, several splattered onto his chest, and several more flowed out of his cock and onto his belly. When he could finally focus, he realized he had not even touched himself.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and peered up, confronted by Andrew staring at him with a pained expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” He closed his mouth. Nothing would make up for shouting out Craig’s name, especially at this particular juncture in their strained relationship.

Andrew slowly withdrew from Jeremy and got up from the bed.

Resting his weight on his elbows, Jeremy faced him. “I’m sorry.”

Before going into the bathroom, Andrew turned to him. “I can’t believe you just did that.” He went into the bathroom and closed the door.

He heard Andrew turn on the shower. Guilt racked him. The entire time, he had been aware of his fantasy; had needed it in order to become aroused. And once he called out Craig’s name, instead of losing his ability to reach orgasm, he experienced one of his greatest releases ever.

153

D.H. Starr

Meant For Each Other

Jeremy slapped his hands to his face, whispering a single word to the empty room.

“Fuck.” He lay in bed, aware he had hurt Andrew to the core, and even more aware that nothing would make it right.

154

D.H. Starr

Meant For Each Other

Chapter Sixteen

Craig threw himself into work for the rest of the week, the first to arrive and the last to leave. He went directly to Janet’s after work, bringing a laptop with him and working until exhaustion made focus impossible. He would then go to bed and start the cycle over the next day. He could live with this routine for a while. It allowed him to escape into his imagination and tap into his creativity while protecting him from facing the hurt and humiliation he had experienced.

At the end of the week, Craig went to his doctor to get the results of his HIV test. As he expected, he was negative, but he left the doctor’s office only marginally comforted.

Although he suffered no physical scars from his eight years with Robert, he still had to deal with the fallout of remaining in an emotionally abusive relationship.

He had always thought of himself as strong. The fact he had chosen to stay with Robert despite his unhappiness haunted him. How would he be able to let himself trust anyone else if he couldn’t trust himself to make good decisions?

He spent the weekend buried in books, reading all day long, only stopping to cook meals. The weather remained beautiful, the heat that came with June only a week away, but Craig kept himself holed up inside the apartment.

On Monday, while in the middle of a project for one of Boris’s clients, Janet came into his office and closed the door behind her. “I want to talk to you, Craig. I know I don’t usually have serious discussions with you, so I’m kind of nervous. Can you let me finish before you say anything. You may not like everything I have to say.”

Craig swiveled in his chair and faced Janet, who sat on the edge of his desk. “Sure.

Shoot.”

She stared at Craig, remaining silent until he faced her. “I’m worried about you. I understand it hasn’t been long, but you are heading in the absolute wrong direction.

You are isolating yourself and won’t even let your friends help and that’s not like you.”

As she gazed at him, concern evident on her face. “I hated Robert after you had been dating for only a few months. We all did. We had no idea why you liked him.

Opposites attract, but you guys were polar; different species.”

Craig rolled his eyes forcing Janet to back-track. “Okay, I’m exaggerating, but you get my point. Robert had a bad effect on you. You even said so yourself when you called me to ask to stay with me. I want to make sure you don’t shut yourself off from finding love again. No one expects you to jump back on the bandwagon anytime soon, pardon the cliché. Eight years is a long time and you need time to grieve and process, but if you shut down, you may not find your way back when you’re ready. You’re way too special to me for me to sit by and allow you to close yourself off to finding love again.”

Craig stared at her. The thought of going out for a drink caused his gut to recoil. “I know you mean well, Janet, but—”

155

D.H. Starr

Meant For Each Other

“Listen, please. You need to go out. Don’t date, but go be around people. Have fun.

You’ve taken a huge step forward. No matter how much you think this rock you’ve been hiding under for the past week will protect you from getting hurt, the fact is, you got out of a bad relationship on your own. None of us pushed you. Now that you found your strength, go out and enjoy your freedom. You haven’t played the field for eight fuckin’ years…literally. I can’t even begin to imagine sucking the same cock for that long.”

Craig chuckled, but remained silent, waiting to see if Janet had anything more to say. When she sat quietly, looking at him, he decided he could safely speak. “Honestly, I don’t want to go out and make new friends, or date, or fuck around. I need some time to remove myself from the whole scene, to find myself again and figure out why I allowed myself to go so long in such a rotten situation.”

Janet nodded. “Okay, understandable, but if you want to wait until you figure yourself out, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life. None of us ever figures ourselves out, and when we think we have a pretty good idea of who we are, we change. I’ll tell you some things that haven’t changed in the twelve years we’ve been friends.”

Craig leaned back in his chair, settling in for round two of Janet’s pep talk. “You’re a kind and loving person. You go out of your way to help others and put their needs before your own, sometimes to a fault. Robert is a case-in-point. You’re outgoing, funny, and make friends easier than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re the biggest klutz in the world. Most importantly, you are one of my best friends and I want to make sure you don’t shut down completely. So here’s the deal. Get the fuck out of here by five o’clock and go out to bars or someplace else. Meet guys as friends. Test the waters.”

Janet meant well, but she didn’t seem to understand how frozen he felt. “I don’t want to make new friends right now or to date and test the waters. I spent the last eight years in a relationship and allowed myself to remain miserable half of the time. Jeremy shows up in my life once again and I screw that up royally. Why in the hell would I want to expose myself to more pain? So I can wake up eight years from now and realize I fucked everything up even more? There’s a plan I’d like to witness.”

Janet pursed her lips. “Why don’t you leave the sarcasm to me?” Craig glared at her and her demeanor softened. “All I’m saying is be careful about closing yourself off.”

Craig sank back in his chair. “I’m hyper-defensive and sensitive right now.”

“I know you are, sweetie, and I don’t expect this to happen overnight, but promise me you’ll think about what I said and be careful not to shut down.” She stood up and headed towards the door, but stopped abruptly, turning around. “Oh, I almost forgot.”

She walked over to him and gave him a hug “I wanted to tell you how much I love having you as a roomie. I almost got a cat, so you saved my ass from becoming that single, crazy cat-lady.”

Craig laughed. “Thanks. I worried I was taking advantage and had started looking for new places.”

156

D.H. Starr

Meant For Each Other

“Well, take all the time you need. You can stay as long as you like or until I find a boyfriend who I want to move in with. I’ll evict your ass when that happens. So I’d say you’ve got a few…decades.”

“Do I detect someone who can’t take her own advice?”

Janet gave Craig a kiss on the forehead. “Love you, babe.”

“Love you too.” Craig smacked her ass as she turned around, and was rewarded by a giggle.

* * * * *

Jeremy sat on one of the benches lining the playground, watching his students during recess. The minimal effort required to watch the children and the warm weather leant themselves to idle thought and reflection. It had been a week and he still couldn’t believe he had called out Craig’s name during sex with Andrew. Although Andrew had forgiven him, the days that followed had been tense. Jeremy had tried to fight the truth; nothing would be the same. Not only because of Monday and his monumental fumble in bed, but because they had grown apart. It was hard to admit that eight years of being together was coming to an end, but knowing the direction things were going relieved him as well.

He leaned back on the bench, tilting his head to face the sun. When he glanced at his students, he was surprised to find Seth staring up at him. “Hi, Mr. Finn.”

“Hi, Seth. Why aren’t you playing with your friends?” Seth had been playing more with the other kids and had become less reserved in class since the field trip to Spectacular Designs.

“I came over because you looked sad. Are you sad about something?” Jeremy marveled at the sweet directness of children and the utter lack of hidden meaning in their questions.

“No, I’m not sad.” Jeremy would miss having this kid in his class next year.

“Really? Because you look sad.”

The conversation made him uncomfortable. He was sad, but the reason couldn’t be discussed with a seven-year-old child. “I’m thinking about things, but I’m okay. Why don’t you go and play with your friends?”

Seth sat on the bench next to Jeremy. “I think you’re sad about something.”

Clearly, Seth wouldn’t leave him alone unless he said something. “What makes you think so?”

“You look the same as my mommy and daddy did when they told me they were getting a divorce.” He delivered his statement with innocence, cutting straight to Jeremy’s heart.

Not knowing what to say, Jeremy thought for a moment. How do you tell a child you’ve ruined your eight-year relationship with your boyfriend by fantasizing about your long-157

D.H. Starr

Meant For Each Other

lost best friend while being fucked through a mattress? “Maybe I’m a little sad, but I’m okay.”

Seth’s expression became serious for a minute. “Did you love someone, but you don’t love them anymore?”

“Something like that, I guess.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be sad. My mommy and daddy are still friends. My mommy even likes my daddy’s new girlfriend. She says anyone who is nice to me is someone who she can be friends with.” Seth smiled up at Jeremy, his expression revealing he was certain he had solved all of his teacher’s problems.

“Thanks, Seth. I feel a lot better. Why don’t you go play with your friends now?”

“Okay.” Seth turned and ran toward the monkey bars where several students hung upside down by their knees.

Jeremy laughed. Seth was one hell of a kid. He seemed to be destined to teach the adults around him lessons about life. But Seth had nailed one thing right. Nothing catastrophic had gone wrong between Andrew and him. They simply grew apart and had different wants and needs. That wasn’t a situation where you place blame, it just was.

Although more complicated than Seth’s simplified summary. He and Andrew should be able to remain friends. They had to talk, listen to each other, and come to an agreement, but they should be able to break amicably. Sure, it might be difficult to see each other for a while, but once the pain of loss subsided, they would be left with years of good memories and the knowledge they had never stopped loving one another as friends.

However, how to fix things with Craig weighed on his mind. He should have turned around as soon as Craig walked away from him at Thai on Two, after the immediate pang of emptiness when he watched Craig turn the corner down Tenth Street. So many should haves. It would do him no good to look back. He needed to look forward and hope for the best.

It was one thing to realize that his relationship with Andrew was over. It was something altogether different to realize that he saw a future with Craig, one that would make him happier than he’d ever been. He wanted to call Craig, to run from school and beg him to forgive his stupidity, but he had one thing to do first. He had to talk to Andrew.

A series of images flashed through his mind: he and Craig sitting together in Thompkin Square Park, Craig talking to Seth at Spectacular Designs, their kiss in his classroom, their kiss from fifteen years ago. As the images continued to play in his mind, something inside him unlocked. He had always known Craig was his soul-mate, that Craig was the one who knew him best and loved him more purely than anyone else. Over the years, he had learned to barricade those thoughts, thinking they only held him back from moving forward in his life. But he had been wrong, had it 158