My Body-His (28 page)

“
As we will be having the wedding at our new
house … no dress will be necessary.”

“
Very funny, Luke,” I said. “What do you think
of it? Not your taste? There’s another ….”

He seized the magazine from my hands and tossed it
down on the coffee table. I looked down where it had landed. He
lifted my chin so I looked up to him. “No dress, Jane. Your body’s
mine. It’s the symbol of what you’re pledging to me.”

“
My mother won’t come, my friends won’t come.
Luke, no, I have to draw the line somewhere.” I flumped down on the
couch and crossed my arms. “I want a dress.”

“
Then what you want is to marry someone else.
You clearly don’t want me and what I’m offering. I guess I’ll go
return the ring.” He pulled a black box out of his pocket. “I was
going to present it to you over dinner, but now ….”

“
Wait,” I said. “I don’t know.”

“
Your body’s either mine or it’s not.
Apparently it’s not. So we’re done here, Jane. Sorry you wasted my
time.”

“
LUKE, wait,” I said as I stood and began to
pace.

Panic-stricken, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted
him, I wanted Luke, but did I really want what he offered me? He
had bestowed such freedom upon me and yet exerted such control. I
couldn’t fathom who I’d become if I continued to let him push my
boundaries. He’d push and push. Would there ever be an end to it?
How far could I or would I go? I thought all of this as I stood
there, forcing back the tears. I willed myself to walk away but I
couldn’t. When someone has intertwined their energy with yours,
walking away is akin to having your guts ripped out, your soul torn
in two. I couldn’t will myself to leave any more than I could will
myself to stop breathing.

The tears finally mutinied and spilled down my cheeks
as I walked up to him. “You haven’t wasted your time,” I said.

“
Good. I hate being wrong about a person,” he
said. He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his
waist. He hugged me to him, his sandy brown hair tickling my cheek.
“You actually scared me, Jane, and I don’t scare easily,” he said
into my ear.

Somehow that disclosure made me sure I’d made the
right decision. I had no idea how I’d survive a wedding naked but
in my mind I made as if it was in the far off future and not right
around the corner. I decided not to think about it again that
night.

“
So what would you like for dinner,” he said as
he sat down on the couch with me on his lap.

“
The ring,” I said.

He laughed. “I don’t think that will be very
filling.”

“
Oh, I’ll manage,” I said. “I’m not quite as
hungry as I was before.”

“
Well then,” he said, shifting me onto the
couch and getting down on one knee.

“
Jane Jesse James … will you marry me?” He held
out the box and opened it.

“
That’s Jane Jessica Stiles. Pretty darn close,
though.”

“
Ahem. Jane Jessica Stiles, babe, my love, will
you spend the rest of your days with me?” He took the ring out of
the box and held my left hand.

“
Yes, Luke,” I said. I threw my arms around his
neck before he had a chance to put the ring on my
finger.

He hugged me and set me back down on the couch. He
slipped the ring onto my finger and it fit perfectly. “I have
friends in the business and they sell one of a kind jewelry. The
minute I saw it I knew you’d love it.”

“
What a gorgeous ring. Are those purple stones
on the sides? I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s
beautiful.”

“
The center stone is one and a half carat. I
wanted it to be something you could wear every day.”

“
You continue to amaze me. I hate the really
big diamond rings and somehow—”

“
I know you, love,” he said, taking my face in
his hands and gently kissing my lips. He pulled away and said, “So,
Soon To Be Mrs. Luke Hall, what would you like for
dinner?”

* * * *

It wasn’t until Thursday of that week that I finally
met up with Parker. She was dressed impeccably as always, and I
thought, not for the first time, that she’d missed her calling as a
runway model. I wondered if her lack of success in love had more to
do with the sheer intimidation of her beauty and poise or her
no-nonsense nature.

We hugged each other and took our seats at the
café.

After we settled in, I blurted out, “We’re getting
married.”

“
Wow. Okay. Let me digest this,” she said. She
looked out at the walkers along the boardwalk while we sat at a
table outside the restaurant awaiting our food.

“
I want to be happy for you, but have you
really thought this through? I mean, what do you know about him?
How long has it been? A few weeks, right?”

“
Almost a month and a half. Forty-two days, to
be exact. Why do I know this? I shouldn’t, right?” I laughed at
myself. I wondered if all women kept track of that sort of thing. I
failed to mention his absence for two weeks of it.

“
That’s a very, very short amount of time to
get to know someone,” Parker said.

Our food arrived and we ate without speaking. I
couldn’t fathom how I would prepare her for the fact that I’d be
naked.
How do you explain that to someone?
I had no idea how
to tell her about my new lifestyle. I hadn’t told Sandy, either, or
Allison. I still thought that Parker would be the one who would
refuse to come. I did harbor some hope that everyone had their
private kinks and could relate on some level. Hell, I didn’t want
to do it, so why should other people want to take part in it?

I must want to do it or I wouldn’t have agreed,
would I?
At least I tried to convince myself of that. I knew it
would make Luke happy and proud and maybe for that reason alone I’d
be strong enough to go through with it. It seemed far easier to
imagine myself doing something in the future and down the
road—especially a challenge such as this one—than actually doing
it.

“
There’s more,” I said as we finished eating.
My heart pounded out of my chest and I tried to calm my
breathing.

“
More? More than what? More than getting
married?”

“
Yes. More to tell you and you are not going to
like this any better than me getting married in the first
place.”

“
Terrific. Let me have it,” Parker said,
leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.

“
I will be naked at the wedding,” I said. I
experienced intense relief in saying it out loud to
someone.

“
Oh, so Luke’s a nudist?” Parker said,
matter-of-factly.

“
Not exactly. I’ll be naked, he’ll be
dressed.”

“
What the hell?” she said, uncrossing her legs
and leaning forward. “You’ve got to be kidding. And you’re okay
with this?”

“
Well, it’s not my first choice but yes, I’m
okay with it.”

“
Jane, what about your mother? What about your
other relatives?”

“
The wedding will be small and I imagine my
mother won’t come.”

“
You haven’t told her?”

“
I haven’t even told her I’m getting
married.”

“
Look, I like Luke and all but that, but come
on, Jane, do you know what the hell you’re doing? This sounds crazy
to me. And controlling. Do you want someone controlling you like
that?”

I didn’t know what to say.
Did I want someone
controlling me like that?
My mind said, “No fucking way.” But
my body said, “Yes, please!”

I needed Parker to be there. I needed to convince her
that this was what I wanted.

“
I want everything Luke is offering me. Please
tell me you’ll be there.”

“
Of course I will. Who else will give the
Justice of the Peace the reason the wedding shouldn’t happen?” she
said, laughing.

“
You wouldn’t,” I said, laughing with her but
scared she meant it. “Oh, and one more thing—”

“
I’m not sure I can take much more.”

“
Very funny,” I said. “I’ve given notice at
work.”

“
Yeah, I know. Allison told me. We’ve been in
touch since your party.”

“
Oh cool. Um, let me tell her about the nudity,
’kay? I’ll do it tomorrow. That way you can talk to each other
about it and decide just how crazy I am.”

“
Sounds like a good plan,” Parker said and
chuckled.

* * * *

Allison did take the job, as I suspected she would.
Training was a breeze and even fun. Nice to enjoy the last two
weeks of work knowing it would all come to an end shortly.

On Friday I told Allison about my lack of attire for
the wedding. Parker had beaten me to it but I couldn’t be mad
because it actually took some of the stress out of telling Allison.
I laughed.

“
What’s so funny?” Allison said.

“
I was thinking I should have Parker call my
mother and Sandy to tell them about my nakedness.”

Allison laughed with me and said, “Oh, she would be
good for that.”

* * * *

When I got home that Friday with just a week of work
left, Luke greeted me at the door.

“
It’s all been arranged,” he said.

I began unbuttoning my shirt and said, “Are we
talking about the wedding?”

“
The wedding, the house, movers … all of it,”
he said, taking my blouse from me.

“
Wow,” I said. “You’re fast.”

“
We need to deal with your apartment. Do you
want me to send my guys over to pack the rest of it up
or—”

“
It’s mostly just the kitchen stuff and
cleaning supplies under the sinks in the bathrooms. Oh and the
furniture. I forgot about the furniture. What am I going to do with
that stuff?” I handed Luke the rest of my clothes and we walked
into the living room together.

“
Like I said, I can have my guys take care of
it. Is there anything personal you still want from
there?”

“
I don’t think so, but I’ve had that furniture
for years. I got some of that stuff back in my college
days.”

“
If anything is important to you we can bring
it over to the new place. If not, we’ll buy whatever we still need
or want to fill the house. Do you have a desk you want to keep? We
can put it in your new writing room.”

“
Oh, I guess not,” I said. A part of me
wrestled with letting go of all my old possessions; it was one more
step away from my former self. I wasn’t really attached to any of
my things, but I knew giving them away would make it even more
difficult to turn back.

“
When is all of this happening?” I said. I
stared down at my hands, not looking directly at him.

“
Baby,” he said, lifting my face. “Look at me,
love. I know you’re scared. It’s a lot of change. Tell me what you
need.”

“
It’s just that it’s hard to let go of
everything in my other life and I’m doing it all at once … or,
well, it feels that way.”

“
We can keep your condo and rent it out if
you’d prefer. We can even leave the furniture there.”

Just having the option made me realize I didn’t need
it. All I needed was Luke. All I wanted was our life together.

“
Thank you for offering but I think you’re
right. It’s time to sell it and move on with our life.”

“
Excellent,” he said. “I’ll take care of
everything except calling the people you want at the wedding. You
can do that.”

* * * *

The last week of work flew by, leaving me to sit in
the apartment writing on my laptop. The movers came and went as I
sat naked on the couch pounding away on the computer. I had stopped
caring who saw me naked. It did help that the laptop covered my
lower half. Luke came in and out while running errands. I made it
over to the beach most days to get my runs in and never encountered
Scott again.

Time was growing short and I still hadn’t called my
mother or told Sandy about my nakedness. I knew Luke and I would be
moving into the beach house soon and that the wedding would take
place a week after that. A part of me had resigned myself to my new
life but another, larger part remained in denial about dealing with
the old one.

“
You haven’t mentioned your mother,” Luke said
as we lay in bed together. “You still haven’t called her, have
you?”

“
No, and I haven’t told Sandy about my
attire—or lack thereof, I should say.” I ran my hand back and forth
over his chest.

“
Jane,” he said.

“
Hmmmm?” I said.

“
What are you waiting for?”

“
I’m just too happy right now to let my mother
rain on my parade. With Sandy it’s just laziness.”

“
Go get me the phone,” Luke said, “and know
that you owe me for this.” He pushed me to the edge of the bed and
I climbed out.

“
The cell?”

“
No, mine from the office.”

I walked into the office. Boxes were scattered
everywhere. The photo album I had surreptitiously leafed through
lay out on the counter. I wondered why it wasn’t in its box. I
picked up the phone and grabbed the photo album as well.

“
What’s this?” I said as I strode back into the
bedroom holding out the black bound book.