Only the Strongest Survive (28 page)

They walked
past each other like strangers, neither greeting nor looking at
each other. They were in the same room, breathed the same air, but
didn
’t see each other. Or at least they
pretended not to.

Sally was the
first to say something: “Listen
, Emely, I
really didn’t know that it would get to you like this. I was also
shocked when it first happened to me, but I took it much better
than you.”

Emely glanced
at her. “Oh, I’ve forgotten it all,” she lied. She had rubbed her
body in the shower every day in the hope of washing all that dirt
from it. She would have given anything to be able to turn back the
clock. But that was not an option. The worst thing was dreaming
about it at night, reliving it. She woke up sweaty all over, her
body shaking, and wondered what was happening to her and why she
couldn’t stop it.

“
I would have
done it sooner or later anyway,” Emely said, even though she didn’t
mean it.

“Listen, let’s go to the movies, my treat.
What do you think?”

“
Mmm …. Oh,
why not.” She was still mad at Sally, but it seemed pointless to
prolong this situation. They were friends, after all, and they had
never argued before. Why would she want to keep up this
disagreement? All those previous days filled with hatred were
enough.

When they
were later sitting, drinking coffee, and Emely was listening to
Sally’s tales of what had happened during those five days, she had
to admit she had missed her. Particularly her loud, animated voice
and endless giggling.

*

Robert Miles listened as Sally told him
things that were of no particular interest to him. From everything
she had told him thus far, he would only be able to write a few
sentences. But at that particular moment, this did not matter. His
head was spinning and Emely was of no importance to him anymore.
What he wanted was Sally, who had been leading him on all along.
When she was talking, she kept pursing her lips, trying to endear
herself to him like a cat.

He put his recorder down and pushed away the
table. Sally gave him a surprised look as he ran his right hand
through her thick hair and pulled her closer. They merged in a
passionate kiss.

Soon he was on top of her as they lay on the
sofa.

“Please, take me now,” she begged.

Robert
unbuttoned his shirt as if it were red-hot. He waved his right arm
around, trying to get rid of the sleeve, but it got stuck. At the
same time, he was passionately kissing Sally and undoing his
cufflink. He lost his balance and fell off the sofa.

“
Why don’t we
do this on the bed, it’s much more comfortable,” she said,
giggling.

“A wonderful idea.”

He
resumed kissing her while unfastening her dress
at the back.

Sally felt
her dress coming loose and she took his hands
, saying, “Let’s go.”

When they
reached the huge antique bed, he again embraced her so tightly that
she could feel his defined muscles. With a single move he undid the
rest of the buttons on her dress so that it slipped to the floor.
As if wanting to protect her, he put his right arm around her and
laid her down.

*

Their lovemaking lasted nearly two hours.
Finally, they lay there exhausted until their breathing settled
down.

“Robert, that was wonderful,” she said in his
ear as she thought how Joe was not as good in bed.

Chapter
14

_______________________

One evening
when the skies were particularly clear so that every star was
visible and John and Emely were sitting in bamboo chairs on the
terrace, Emely asked, “John, what would you do if you had lots of
money?”

“You mean as much as you?”

She smiled. “No, not quite. I don’t know, a
few million?”

John thought
for a while and then said, “Nothing.”

“
What do you
mean, nothing?”

“I wouldn’t do anything. I’d let a
stockbroking company invest the money and I’d live very well for
the rest of my life on the income.”

Emely nodded, expecting an answer like this.
“I could never live like that. I don’t know, I just got so used to
stress at work that I’d probably miss it.”

“Nonsense. You don’t even have time for a
hobby. You can’t have a life without ever having lived.”

“What do you mean, I’ve never lived?”

“
Not like you
live. I mean, most people are so obsessed with success that they
end up forgetting to live. You know, the present moment is not
important at all. It’s all work and more work. Can you tell me the
last time you took a walk before you came here?”

She could not remember.

“Can you remember when you went hiking in the
mountains?”

No, she had no recollection of that either.
“Maybe I didn’t want to go hiking in the mountains,” she said,
trying to defend herself, but deep down she knew that she loved
nature, just never took the time for it.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” With his finger
he pushed a stray strand of her hair behind her ear in order to
better see her face. “I just want to say that there’s no point in
accumulating heaps of money if you don’t know how to enjoy
life.”

“Maybe I really did work too much, but I was
going to take it easy later in life.”

“But would you ever be able to?”

She felt as if she was being interviewed by
the police and it made her angry. “I think I could, yes,” she said
with stubbornness.

“I don’t think so. You’ll always sit in your
office morning till night until you get old. And by then you’ll
have forgotten what it means to live.”

“
I agree with
you up to a point. But you don’t know how it was in that orphanage.
At the thought of ever being that poor again and having to do
without everything, I panic.”

“
But all that
was then, this is now. If you sell your company now, you’d never be
able to spend all the money.”

Emely contemplated this for a while and had
to agree with him. “Perhaps I’ll do that. Maybe I’ll sell Donnovan
Corporation.”

This answer
satisfied John. He didn’t expect it, but was happy that she was
ready to at least think about the idea.

Their eyes met and both became
embarrassed.

“I wouldn’t really want to have as much money
as you have,” he said.

“I don’t believe that.”

“
Seriously,
Emely. You’re not safe even when driving.” He instantly regretted
saying this. “I mean …”

“You’re right there,” she said angrily.

“What I wanted to say is that you’re not as
free as you were before becoming rich.”

“Everything has its advantages and
disadvantages. You can’t have everything.”

Their conversation about working too much
continued throughout the evening. The temperature had fallen and
she was getting cold. When she mentioned this, John took off his
sweater without hesitation and put it across her shoulders,
embracing her gently. His gesture came as no surprise to her. She
was expecting something like this to happen sooner or later.

“John,” she said in a deep, stern voice.

He did not release her, but embraced her even
closer so that she felt the warmth of his body.

“John, we agreed we wouldn’t go beyond
holding hands.”

“I know,” he said, moving his arms slightly
higher, to her breasts, her most sensitive place. She had to take a
deep breath as she was suddenly very hot.

“Emely, I love you so much.”

There was silence.

“I love you in a way, too,” she said with
difficulty. “But it’s only like sisterly love.”

He moved his
hand and she stopped talking, afraid that her voice would betray
her. She could feel every bit of his body that was touching hers.
Waves of arousal traveled along her body and she found it difficult
to keep her voice normal. She had to get out of his
arms.

“Emely, I love you.” His arms tightened
around her. “I’d do anything in the world for you.”

“
How’s that?”
she said, her tone stern. “As things stand at the moment, I’m your
beloved bird in a cage and then you dare say that you’d do anything
for me. So what exactly do you mean by that?”

“
I’ll let you
go, Emely, I promise you. But at the moment the thought of having
to live without you is too terrible, inconceivable for me. Never,
with anyone …”

Without
seeing his face, Emely sensed that he was crying. Her voice became
softer and more understanding again. “But John, you know you cannot
demand love.”

“
I know that.
I was hoping that with time, if you married me, I’d do anything
…”

“Married you?” Her voice turned angry
again.

“I’d go to jail and serve the punishment for
all those terrible things Ronald and I did to you.”

He was silent for a few moments. “I’ll die
for you, if you want.”

She wanted to add something to the theme of
marriage, but what he said now touched her so deep that she
remained speechless. No one had ever said something like that to
her before. No one in the world had ever loved her enough to be
ready to die for her.

“
I promise
I’ll let you go,” he said after a while. “I tell myself that there
is life without you and when I’m strong enough …” He broke off,
sobbing again.

Emely sat still, not knowing what to do. She
wanted to push him away, but was unable.

“
I know
you’re not happy with me. I love you too much to keep you here
against your will for much longer. … I will let you go, I
promise.”

She could
hold on no longer. However hard she tried to stop it, a tear
escaped from her right eye and slid down her cheek. She didn’t want
him to see her cry, but found it impossible to keep back the tears
that so badly wanted to come out.

After a few seconds, she took his hand.
“John, let’s go in.”

He listened
to her this time and let her go. His head bent down, he walked
beside her forlornly, still holding her hand. It was so nice out
there. A slightly humid breeze, full of scents from the trees, was
announcing the arrival of winter. At least that
was what it smelled of. The sun had long set and the moon,
perfect and shining, ruled the sky. The stars were incredibly
bright.

Emely stopped for a few moments and admired
all that beauty. Then she looked at John, who was still looking in
another direction remorsefully, and they went on toward the
house.

When they got in, John proposed a
nightcap.

Emely was still restless and accepted the
suggestion. “Scotch, please,” she said. “A double.”

He poured
their drinks and added some ice. Still ruminating over his words,
Emely sat down on an oversized sofa. She lifted Kitty and stroked
her stomach.

John drank
half of his
Scotch on the way to the
sofa. He sat next to Emely and before she was able to stop him, he
placed his head in her lap, like a child. Knowing that in this
state he could not harm her, she didn’t push him away. She stroked
his hair and shoulders, smiling.
What’s happening to him could be interpreted as my
revenge,
she thought. He was suffering,
hurting inside so badly that he was crying in her lap, wailing and
sobbing like a baby. Was this not what she had wanted? Had she not
wanted him to suffer as she had? She wanted him to pass out with
horror in the end, just like she had done. Yes, she wanted all
this. What he was experiencing was only the beginning. She would
get him into a position where he’d ask her to kill him and save him
from such a miserable life. She wanted him to get sick from the
torture she would inflict on him. And when she finished with him,
it would be Ronald’s turn and his suffering would be a thousand
times worse. She would shoot his limbs one at a time so that he
would lie there in front of her, asking for mercy, but she
….

She looked
around the room and noticed a metal poker leaning against the
fireplace. She shivered from head to toe. Her eyes could see
clearly again and her breathing became inaudible.
If I hit him on the head
….

Calmly she
lifted her right hand and slowly moved it toward the
poker
, which was only a couple feet away.
She kept looking at John’s head shaking in her lap and her own
right hand at the same time. Her moment had finally arrived. The
moment she had been waiting for all that time.
Oh God, please, don’t abandon me now. Finally, a
unique opportunity has presented itself. I can’t mess up
now.

Her hand was
nearly by the poker.
Only a
little farther, only a little. This is such an opportunity. It’s
now or never.

Her fingers
touched the poker.
God,
please. I have to grab the poker and then strike with all my might.
Easy, anyone could do it.

She was
holding the poker, looking at John’s head.
I only have to hit it. Just one strike and it’ll all
be over. The door to freedom will be open and all my suffering
ended. I’ll go home.

All her
muscles tensed, her jaw tensed … but … but … she
couldn
’t do it. However much she tried to
persuade herself, she couldn’t go through with it. How could she?
She pulled her hand back and put it on John’s head again. His short
hair created a pleasant feeling on her palm. She stroked him
perfectly calmly, staring at one of the paintings on the wall. The
question,
What should I
do?
reverberated around her
head.