Perfectly Broken (31 page)

* * * * *

It wasn’t the only time they made love that
night. Now that Susanna had told him of her love, being with Tomas
took on new meaning. He was as sexy as ever, but deep emotion
touched her. He said he loved her, again and again.

And she believed him. It still scared her to be
at the mercy of another. If she lost him, Susanna didn’t know what
she would do. Or how she would live. And she had a habit of messing
up her life. But she was determined to show Tomas how much she
loved him.

He gave her every opportunity to do so. Sex with
Tomas was thrilling, and even more intense now that they’d
professed love. It was exhilarating, and unlike any high Susanna
had ever had before. She wanted more and more, unable to get enough
of him that night.

Tomas was more than willing to give her
pleasure, and ready for her again when she wanted him. He was
unlike any man she had known. Now that she’d been with Tomas, and
experienced true intimacy with him, life had changed for her.

She was still terrified of the future, but
focused on the present. And she did her best not to let her mind
take her to dark places. In his arms, Susanna felt safe and cared
for, in a way she never had before. Just before sunrise, she
drifted to sleep in his arms, and the last thing she remembered was
the warm glow that filled her heart and permeated to her very
soul.

*****

It was the weekend, so they had two days
together. Tomas decided they should take a day trip to Cliffs of
Moher, and she readily agreed. Susanna didn’t mind the long bus
ride because she was next to Tomas. Nothing else seemed to
matter.

They had made a quick stop at her apartment so
she could get some clothes for the weekend. Kiara and Chace were
there, so she let them know she wouldn’t be back until Monday.
Tomas fell into conversation about business and investing while she
packed her bag.

After a light breakfast, Tomas got seats for
them on the next bus, and they settled in to enjoy the scenery. The
drive was along Ireland’s western seaboard. It was a coastal route
with breathtaking views. There were stunning beaches and colorful
villages visible from the road.

They took the route to the Cliffs of Moher. The
coastline with its high cliffs and deep blue water far below was
enchanting. Over time, the cliffs had been carved by the ocean and
weather, into fantastic shapes and formations. The Atlantic Ocean
crashed up to the sides of the cliffs, and birds soared
overhead.

The cliffs rose over six hundred feet high, and
were one of the natural wonders of the world. The cliffs were
vertical and the edges were abrupt. Standing at the protective wall
and looking at the spectacular scene was breathtaking.

They could hear the ocean booming far below as
the waves crashed and gnawed at the soft shale and sandstone. It
was cold and breezy, so Susanna pulled her cap down. Tomas stood
behind her with his arms around her waist.

She looked up and he kissed her cheek. “It’s
magical here,” she said.

“Yes, I think so.”

“You made me believe,” she said.

He kissed her again. “In what?”

“In life,” she said, and rested her head against
his strong chest. “In love.”

Tomas squeezed her tight. “I’m so glad,
baby.”

They stood for a while taking in the beauty,
then strolled along the cliffs. To the south of the visitor center
they followed the path, and stepped along the edge of the cliff to
O’Brien’s Tower. The structure built in the 1800s was two linked
round towers made of local stone. A third tower had a spiral iron
staircase that led to a viewing platform.

From the platform on the roof, they could see
the Aran Islands etched on the waters of Galway Bay. Leaving Dublin
behind for a day had been a great idea, and though it was overcast,
the dramatic view was worth seeing.

They made their way to the quaint village of
Doolin for a late lunch in one of the pubs. They chose McGann’s.
Even bundled up, it was chilly, and they welcomed the warmth of the
traditional restaurant. They had fish and chips with beer, and
found a lot to talk about.

Tomas had plans to have his own company one day,
and excitedly told her how that would work. His high school
buddies, now successful in business, could help. Sean Reid was a
well-known name in social media, and his brother, Bradan, was an
accomplished web programmer. Their other friend, Nic Romano, had
started a chain of coffee shops in Tuscany, and from what Tomas had
heard, he had become a talented business manager.

To get going, Tomas could tap into their
expertise and connections. And in return, they could reap the
rewards of investing in his venture. The profits from bookmaking
were promising. Though there was always a chance of failure, the
upside potential was huge.

“That’s exciting, Tomas. I know you’ll do
great.”

He held her hand. “What about you?”

“We’ll see. If I do anything it will be with
children. I haven’t figured it out yet.”

“You will.”

They finished lunch and bravely went back out
into the cold. As long as they were there, Susanna wanted to walk
through Burren National Park, a vast limestone region, reminiscent
of a lunar landscape and bursting with rare flowers. “It’s like
being on another planet,” she said.

Since they were having so much fun, Tomas
decided they should stay the night, and he secured a room at a bed
and breakfast. The rooms were a good size, and the place was
comfortable, cheerful, and relaxing. The proprietors, Kate and
Charles, were friendly and welcoming.

The coastal area was west facing, and from the
porch they enjoyed the spectacular sunset before venturing out for
the evening. Music was a major attraction in Doolin, and the pubs
were within easy walking distance. Tomas and Susanna went to Gus’s
for some traditional Irish music and beer. The pub also had good
food, so when they got hungry they shared the pan-fried crab
claws.

The night in the small inn was romantic and
sensual. In the privacy of their room, they made love as
passionately as ever, if a bit more quietly. Susanna fell asleep in
the arms of the man she loved, and it felt like a dream come true.
She couldn’t believe her luck in finding such a kind, amazing, sexy
man. The fact that he loved her was more than she could have hoped
for.

The next morning, breakfast was provided at the
inn before they caught a bus back to town. As they cruised along,
Susanna gazed at the rolling hills, shimmering lakes, and medieval
castles in the countryside. Whatever magic Tomas had worked, he had
made it happen. She knew without a doubt that she was living a
fairy tale.

But the weekend wasn’t over. When they got back,
Tomas managed to get tickets to a concert. After they rested and
ate, they took the light rail to Dublin Docklands and listened to
Michael Bublé. His lyrics were heartrendingly romantic.

The performance at the O2 concert arena was
memorable. It was a huge amphitheater, and many stars had performed
there, including Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, and U2. The venue was state of
the art, with world-class acoustics. Once the music started,
Susanna was swept up in the lyrics and beautiful music.

As they walked back to the tram later that
evening, she looked up at Tomas, still filled with emotion from the
rendition of “How Deep Is Your Love.”

“Did you enjoy it?” Tomas asked.

She smiled. “He is a powerful performer, but I’m
wondering about your choice. Isn’t that music a bit sappy for
you?”

He laughed. “Romantic, you mean?”

“Okay, it was
very
romantic.”

Tomas ruffled her hair. “What? You’re not a
romantic?”

She giggled. “No comment.”

On the way back, they stopped for a late dinner.
Tomas had a craving for steak, so they went to Bad Bob’s in Temple
Bar. While he worked on his sirloin, Susanna savored her
beer-battered cod, and they split a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

“You really know how to treat a girl right,” she
said.

Tomas looked up from his meal. “You deserve to
be treated right.”

She teased him. “You’re determined to make the
fairy tale come true, aren’t you?”

“You don’t like it?”

“It’s been amazing. I love you, Tomas. And this
weekend away has meant a lot to me.”

He pushed his plate aside and sipped his wine,
rubbing his foot against hers under the table. “I love you, baby.
And to hear you say it too makes me very happy.”

Susanna had been in the protective bubble of his
love all weekend. Her fear and trepidation had taken a back seat.
Inside, she was still taking it one day at a time, pleased that she
was making Tomas happy. So far.

Emotions she would rather not deal with had
subsided. It didn’t mean they were gone, just that she was dealing
with them for right then. Susanna was even hopeful for the future
for the first time, but dared not place too much faith in it.

Depending on Tomas, and loving him, was still
scary. Maybe it was fear of abandonment. Susanna wasn’t sure.
Possibly, she wouldn’t be able to figure it out. But she could work
on not letting it ruin her life. And she was making progress.

She took a sip of her wine and looked across at
Tomas. He seemed thoughtful.

“The weekend was good for you too, right?” For
some reason his silence bothered her. He was thinking about
something, and she wasn’t sure what.

His eyes sparkled. “It was an amazing weekend.”
He leaned forward on his elbows. “You’re amazing.”

There was something in how he said it, something
more. But she couldn’t put her finger on it. Susanna was high from
being with Tomas. She knew it would take time to come back to the
real world, and even going back to work seemed remote.

In her giddy daze, she didn’t foresee his
intention. She really should have, all things considered. But it
hit her out of nowhere, and it hit her hard, considering how much
her head was in the clouds. The impossible fairy tale came crashing
down around her as Tomas spoke.

“I love you, Susanna, and I only want to be with
you,” he said.

She looked into his stunning green eyes.

“I don’t want you to be with anyone but me. I
need to know that those days are over. I want you to tell me that
you won’t have sex with any other man but me.” He paused. “I need
to hear you say it.”

Susanna was stunned. She had opened her heart,
given him the love she had, and told him how she felt. Now he was
asking her to do something she didn’t know if she was capable of.
Tomas was making a demand, telling her of something he needed, but
it was too soon. Her feelings were still raw, and she was just
beginning to have confidence that their relationship would
survive.

But
that
. If she said it, Susanna had to
mean it. Bullshitting him wasn’t an option. Tomas was one man she
couldn’t wrap around her finger, and he would see through a lie in
a second. She wanted to tell him the truth. And she longed to tell
him what he wanted to hear.

But could she? Susanna looked at him, but Tomas
didn’t flinch. He waited for her answer, unyielding, and she knew
this was a turning point in their relationship. Desperately, she
floundered for what to do, and how to make him understand.

Pleading or begging wouldn’t help. She had to be
direct. That was the only thing he responded to. Susanna took a
deep breath and wrapped her hands around her waist. She looked at
Tomas. Her throat seemed to lock up, and no words came out. She was
panicked over how to respond. Could they have come this far only to
have it all fall apart?

* * * * *

This couldn’t be happening. A bizarre thought
about the fairy tale clouded out everything else in her mind. It
wouldn’t work for her. But Susanna had tried to believe. She
shouldn’t have.

Before she could recover, Tomas went on. “If you
need to talk…you come to me.” His look was unrelenting. “If you
need love…you come to me, baby.” He paused. “If you need
fucking…you come to me. No one else.”

Suddenly, she exploded. “You have balls, you
know…thinking I would be
only
with you.” Feeling under
attack, Susanna instinctively fought back. “You are asking me to
change how I’ve been since I was fourteen years old.”

“I’m not asking.”

She stared at him, fuming, with her heart in her
stomach.

“I expect the same of myself,” he said, not
reacting to her anger. “I won’t be with any other woman. I don’t
want to be. You are the only woman for me.”

“It’s not the same for you. You
know
it’s
not.” As the magnitude of what was happening began to sink in,
Susanna panicked. “It’s gone too far, Tomas. What you’re asking
it’s…it’s…terrifying.”

He leaned closer. “Guys use you, don’t you see
that?”

Regaining a shred of confidence, Susanna said,
“No, I use them.”

“No, you were just fucking, that’s all.” Tomas
looked disappointed. “You weren’t making love, baby. You’re just
learning how.” He paused. “Stay with me. I’ll show you real
love.”

She shook her head.

“I want to do this, baby. I
want
to be
with you.” His green eyes looked sad. “I don’t know
what
you
want.”

Susanna clenched her jaw.

Tomas ran a hand through his hair. “If you can’t
commit to our relationship…then I have to look at why I’m with
you.”

In her desperation, Susanna tried to make him
understand. “It’s like asking an alcoholic not to drink. The
promise can’t stand up to the strength of the addiction.” She
rubbed the back of her neck. “I warned you, Tomas. So many
times.”

“Yes,” he said, “and I heard you. But I think
you are stronger than that. I have faith in you, baby.”

Susanna let out a long sigh. “It’s all just a
fairy tale, Tomas. Don’t you see that?”