Secrets (26 page)

My vision was blurred and I couldn’t see out of one eye because a warm stream of blood flowed into it.  He thrust his body a f
ew more times and then collapsed on top of me panting when it was over, his sweat was causing him to stick to me and I shivered with disgust.  The smell of him made me want to throw up as did the scent of those vanilla candles; the thought of him leaving his remains inside of me filled my heart with rage. I looked for something close by that I could hit him with, but the nearest thing was the lamp a couple feet away.  Still, I had to try.  The insides of my thighs were raw and stinging from friction as I scooted up the bed slowly, hoping he wouldn’t notice.  It was impossible for me to move under his weight, though, so I lay there crying soundlessly with his lifeless body resting on top of me.  In his mind, this was what I needed.  

It felt like a lifetime had passed before he finally moved a
way.  He smiled at me as he stood to his feet and adjusted his pants.  He was acting like nothing had happened while he stared at me on his bed.  I turned over onto my side and pulled my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly as I stared in the direction of my phone - my only possible savior. When Antonio heard me sniffing back tears, he rubbed the side of my leg.

“I promise it won’t be so bad for you next time,” he stated. 
“You were just tense.”

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was somewhere else
–
anywhere
else.  He blew out the candles on the dresser and pulled the cover up over my body before lying beside me like what we’d done was consensual and this was the next natural action.  His skin felt like it was coated in venom when he wrapped his arm around me while I shivered with pain.  We lie there for several minutes and then I finally heard him begin to snore.  I thought that would be the best time to reach for my phone and call
anybody
, but just as my hand twitched to go for it down on the floor, Antonio reached over me, found my cell through the darkness, and tossed it across the room.  With my only option no longer an option anymore I closed my eyes and cried, letting his sheets absorb all the pain he’d caused me. 

I wanted my mother so badly that I almost called out for her. 
My father’s protective embrace would’ve been so welcoming right then.  I thought back to everything I’d done since getting to Charleston.  I’d been so insistent on asserting myself as an adult, but…now all I wanted was to be a child again.  The thought crossed my mind that maybe I wouldn’t make it out of this to see her again.  I mean…what was Antonio going to do after this?  Just let me go and trust that I wouldn’t tell?  This could’ve quite possibly have been the end for me, unless some miracle took place.  That’s when it happened, Antonio drifted off into a deep sleep and rolled over onto his other side, lifting his arm from around me.

My heart sped up.  I had to go for it then or
another chance might not come.  I wanted to give him time to drift back off until he snored heavily, but I didn’t have the patience to lie there next to him any longer.  I pulled the cover down slowly and lay still to see if he was going to move.  When he didn’t, I eased my feet down onto the carpet and slipped to the floor quietly.  I crawled slowly toward my phone, sobbing silently as I considered what could happen to me if I failed.  Antonio shifted in the bed and my breath hitched in my throat.  I clasped my hand over my mouth and shut my eyes tightly.  When nothing happened a few seconds later, I moved toward the phone a little more. 

It was now
just an inch or two away from me and I realized that it could go off and wake Antonio, foiling my plan.  This understanding made me move more quickly until it was in my hands.  As soon as I touched it the tears flowed faster and felt like I had at least some hope of making it out. 

It seemed like a mile separat
ed me from the bedroom door.  If I could only make it back into the hallway, I could run for help.  With my mind made up that I had to do this, I stood to my feet and walked steadily, not wanting the floor to creak.  Every step I took felt like it was going to be my last, but I had to push myself.  With about two more feet to go, Antonio shifted again and my heart stopped. 
Just keep moving your feet. 
I shook off the fear and took the last few steps into the hallway, bolting toward the living room the second I crossed the threshold.  I didn’t care about anything else.  My purse?  My keys?  My boots?  None of it.  All I wanted was my freedom.

When I got to the front door,
the sound of Antonio’s voice made my hands shake violently as I fidgeted with the deadbolt. 

“Sam?”  He called out sleepily.  He knew that I wasn’
t there in bed, so there wasn’t any reason to be quiet anymore.  I clicked the locks and undid the chain noisily and made a run for it, gripping my phone tightly in my hand.  I made it across the grass in no time and I turned back to find Antonio chasing behind me, quickly closing the gap between us.  I couldn’t let him take me back there, so I pushed myself as hard as I could. 

A trickle of blood streamed
down my legs as I ran, but I ignored it and kept going.  This was me fighting for my life and that was what kept me going.  I wanted to see my mother and father again, Terrell, Deanna, Maisha…..and especially AJ.  I saw a turn coming up and I hit it quickly and then cut across a playground.  The sand beneath the swing set made me lose traction so I slowed down a bit and started crying again, fearing that he’d catch up to me now.  Just past the playground was a school and then a thick patch of trees.  That was my new goal; I set my sites on it and pressed for the mark. 

I glanced behind me one last time and saw that
Antonio was still too close for comfort.  Fearing that the white stripes on my dress would give away my whereabouts once I was in the woods, I struggled to pull it over my head again and tossed it into the grass.  Once in the trees I ran straight for the biggest one I could find and stood there with both of my hands over my mouth as I breathed erratically.  I could hear sticks breaking and leaves rustling off to my left and I prayed that he wouldn’t find me.  He called my name a few times and then everything went silent except for the sound of crickets in the distance.  I continued to wait there for ten whole minutes after I thought he’d gone, just to be sure.  When it finally settled in that I’d made it, I fell to my knees and hyperventilated, resting my head on the ground as I tried to catch my breath. 

Everything he’d done to me was so fresh in my mind that it felt like it was still happening.  I screamed out
hysterically.  Things like this were not supposed to happen to people.  How could someone violate another person, leaving them to feel invaded and unsafe for the rest of their lives?  But this felt like it was mostly my fault.  I should’ve never gone to him in the first place.

I’d nearly forgotten that I had my
phone while I lay there falling apart until it went off in my hand.  It was AJ.  I answerd with my hands shaking violently.  I pulled the phone close to my face slowly and said to him through sobs and a hoarse unfamiliar voice, “I need your help.”

C
hapte
r
14

AJ

All Sam could tell me was the cross streets and that she was somewhere in the woods behind a playground.  Terrell was already with me when she called; he showed up to make sure I was okay after I came to the conclusion that Sam wasn’t meeting me like I thought. He proved to be helpful with navigating because he knew the area better than I did.  Neither of us said a word as we drove because we were unsure what we were about to find.  Sam’s voice sounded so strained that I thought I misdialed.  But then I realized that it
was
her and she was in serious trouble.

I pulled into the parking lot of a school near the intersection that she gave me and I could see the playground across the clearing.  Cutting the car off was not a priority, so I jumped out
almost as soon as I put it in park and raced off into the darkness.  Terrell followed behind me closely as I tried to see as far off in the distance as I could.  Just past the swings there was something white lying in the grass and I rushed over to pick it up.  It was a striped dress and I recognized it immediately as being Sam’s.  I almost fell apart right then, but I knew I had to find her quickly.

I
t was worse than I thought and I started to panic as I rushed into the woods to look for her.  The leaves crunched a few yards in front of me and that was when I saw her lying there.  I had my shirt off before I got to her and hurried to cover her naked body.  I didn’t know where to touch her without causing pain.  Her legs and mouth were bloodied and bruised and I could see that her face was purple on the left side with a small cut over her eyebrow.  She was still clutching her phone in her hands from when I called her.  I choked back tears and tried to focus so that I could get her the help she needed.  Terrell turned his back when he realized that she was naked and growled in anger, pacing amongst the trees. 

“
W-who,” he stammered, and then gave up.

I’d just seen her the night before, making it ha
rd to believe the state of her now.  This wasn’t how the night was supposed to go.  When I picked her up in my arms she didn’t respond at all because she’d gone into shock.  Terrell ran back double my speed because I was carrying her, so he made it to the car and drove it to where I was near the playground.  I climbed into the backseat still holding her and Terrell rushed us to the hospital.

I burst through the doors of the ER and got the atte
ntion of the first nurse I saw.  “Someone has to help her!”

The woman assessed Sam’s condition and immediately motioned for me to follow her as
she ran to an open bed.  I lay her down and stared at her helplessly.

“What happened
? “  The nurse asked while she was rushing around Sam quickly, prepping her for IV’s and checking her vitals. 

“I don’t know, I-I-I-
called her and she said that she needed help and this-this-was how I found her.”  While I was explaining, a doctor and three more nurses rushed past me to Sam’s side. 

They did a quick assessment, deciding where to start. 
“There’s some obvious head trauma and possibly a sexual assault,” the doctor said quietly to the nurse, but I still heard every word.  I paced in the doorway like a mental patient.  I was supposed to have been there to protect her.  This was all my fault.  Once I figured out who’d done this to her, he’d better pray that the cops got to him before I did.

“What’s her name?”  The nurse asked without turning to look at me.

“Samantha Kelley.” 

“How old is she?  Do you know if she’s on any medication?”

“She’s 19 and I think just birth control,” I replied.  It felt like I should be doing more for her, but I was useless.  The doctor saw me at war with myself and came toward me.  “You did good getting her here.  We’ll take care of her.  Try to relax and we’ll come get you in the waiting room in just a bit.”  He smiled reassuringly and I turned to leave the room.  I found Terrell sitting on the edge of his seat with his elbows resting on his knees.  His eyes were red from crying.  I put my hand on his shoulder and sat in the chair beside him.

“
Maisha’s gonna be here in like five minutes.  She said she’ll call Sam’s parents when she gets here if you want her to.”  I’d almost forgotten that someone would have to break the news to them, and I wouldn’t even know where to start. 

The clock on the w
all said that it was nearly one in the morning and I couldn’t believe that things had turned out this way.  When Sam didn’t show, at first I thought she was just being stubborn and that she wanted me to sweat a little because she was still upset.  But when it got later and she didn’t even call or answer her phone, I started to think that something was wrong.  So, when I called again at midnight, that was when she answered and confirmed my suspicions. 

I glanced over at Terrell again to see how he was holding up.  His expression was tense as he stared at ground.  “
We have to find out who did this,” he mumbled.

I looked up as Maisha was rushing into the waiting room.  She was still wiping tears from her face when Terrell met her in the middle of the room to embrace her.  When he
let her go, she came in my direction and wrapped her arms around me.  “Are you ok?”  She asked.

I couldn’t even answer her question because I wasn’t sure what to say.  She rubbed my arm consolingly and backed away.  “Have the doctors said anything yet?  Can we see her?”  She asked frantically.

“No, we’re still waiting,” Terrell replied.  They sat side by side with their hands interlocked, staring at the doorway.  “AJ, do you want me to call Sam’s parents?”  Maisha offered.  That sounded like the easiest way, but I felt like I should do it myself.  I had to stand up and be a man even though at the time I didn’t feel much like one.

“Thanks, but I’ll do it.”
  I stared at my phone in my hand and decided to wait until the doctor had more to tell us.

“Who would’ve done this to her?”  Maisha asked
, not actually expecting a response.  Terrell turned to look at me and then shook his head.  

Time crept along as the three of us continued to sit there, waiting. 
Three whole hours passed before a doctor came into the room and walked in our direction, we all hopped to our feet instantly.  “I’m Dr. Murphy.  You’re here for Samantha, correct?”  The woman asked.

“Yes.
  Is she alright?”  Maisha responded frantically.  Her expression was hopeful as she anticipated the doctor’s answer.

“She’s fine.  Most of her injuries are superficial, and
she’s awake now if you’d like to see her.”

Maisha and Terrell took off for the door immediately and then the doctor amended her state
ment.  “But, she’s understandably still shaken, so I think it would be best if you went back one at a time,” she added.

Terrell was visibly disappointed when he paced back to his seat and put his head down.  This was hard for everyone, but for him it was like pouring salt in a wound
considering the connection between Sam and his sister.  I watched him for a second before turning to follow the doctor to Sam’s room.  It felt like my stomach was doing flips as we got closer and closer.  When Dr. Murphy stopped and knocked on one of the doors, I held my breath, unsure if I could really deal with this.  But the reality of it was that I didn’t have a choice. 

“Samantha, someone wants to see you,” Dr. Murphy said softly.  Sam was facing away from us, staring at the wall.  She didn’t respond to the doctor as she lay there motionless.  “Give her some time,”
Dr, Murphy whispered to me and patted my arm as she left the room and shut the door.  I walked toward the bed slowly and had no idea what to say to her.  How could I ever understand what she was going through?  When I pulled the chair toward her bed, the sound of it scraping against the floor made her flinch.  I sat down cautiously and reached out to touch her arm.  When she felt me, she pulled away slowly and still wouldn’t turn to look my way. 

Tears filled
my eyes and I lowered my head, unable to tell which emotion I was feeling more strongly, sadness for her or hatred for whoever did this.  I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be ok, but she wouldn’t even let me get near her.  As I sat there beside her, I heard her move in bed.  When I met her gaze she was staring at me blankly and I finally got a good look at her face.  She had about four stitches over her eye and her mouth was bruised and a little bloody still.  Her eyes welled up and when she closed them, tears fell down her face just before she turned away again.  I should have been able to do more, but I didn’t know where to start.

“Sam, I…
,” was all I could get out before I gave up trying to speak.  It seemed cowardly to cry when she was in so much pain. I pulled myself together and wiped my face with my hands.  She needed for me to be strong for her.  I noticed that an officer left her number for Sam, so I knew that they’d already been to see her.  That meant that they should already be looking for the bastard who did this.

Sam twitched as she began to cry again.  This time I moved in more slowly and she let me hold her hand.  She wiped her face gently and then turned back toward me.  Her expression was desperate, like she still hadn’t been rescued from whatever it was that she went through.  “Is there anything I can do?”  I asked her quietly.

She shook her head no.  “Did you call my parents?”  She asked hoarsely.

“No, I was
just waiting to hear something more from the doctor.”  When I reached for my phone to make the call, she stopped me.

“
No!  I don’t want them to know.  Promise me you won’t say anything,” she pleaded.  I was confused, but I agreed.

“I promise.”  It didn’t make sense to me that she didn’t want her mom to be with her
, but now wasn’t the time to protest.  I ran my thumb over her hand and she seemed to be uncomfortable.  When I pulled away, she moved her hand too and shoved it under the cover so I wouldn’t reach for it again.  She obviously didn’t want to be touched and I could understand that, considering what she’d been through.

I didn’t expect her to talk about what happened, so when she did I leaned in and listened intently.  “I was so scared,” she forced out.

“I know you were, but it’s over now.  You don’t have to be scared anymore.  I’m not leaving you, so there’s nothing to worry about,” I stated.

“No, he has my purse, my keys, ev
erything.  I can’t go back to my room,” she said shrilly.”

“Don’t worry about that.  We’ll figure something out,” I replied reassuringly.
  “If you’re afraid, you don’t have to go back.  I’ll get you a hotel room until things die down.  I’m sure Dee or Maisha will stay with you.  I’ll get a room next door, so I won’t be far.”  She nodded, agreeing that she’d feel better being somewhere else.  I would have offered to stay with her myself, but I thought that she might be more comfortable having another woman with her.

“Did everything go ok when the officer came to see you?”  I inquired.

Sam shrugged and stared at the ceiling.  That made me more curious, but I approached the subject carefully.  “Do they think they can find whoever did this?”  I asked the question as if I had no idea who was responsible.

Sam sighed heavily
and stammered a few times before she finally spoke.  “I was still in a daze when they were talking to me and asking a thousand questions,” she replied flatly.  “I’m gonna call her and tell her everything soon.  I just…I just needed to believe that it happened first before I could talk to them.”

I understood how she must feel, but I also understood that if the cops weren’t looking for the gu
y,
I
should be.

“Sam…I know you’re not ready to give details to the police, but who –”

“It was Antonio,” she blurted without hesitation.

My blood ran cold in my veins.  I hadn’t even considered him, mostly because I’d all but forgotten that he was even nearby.  I could hardly control my breathing.  As if I didn’t have reason enough to want to kill him before…

The doctor came back in and I didn’t even notice at first.  My thoughts were stuck on what I’d do to Antonio when I tracked him down.  The doctor spoke and I stood from my chair, preparing to step out into the hallway for the sake of Sam’s privacy, only half thinking due to the rage currently pulsating from my chest. 

“Where’re you go
ing?”  Sam asked nervously.

“Just out
there so you can talk to the doctor,” I said, motioning toward the door.

Her eyes looked sad and I realized that she wanted me by her side.  Without hesitation, I sat back down in my seat.

“Samantha, if you’re feeling up to it, you can go home first thing in the morning.  I’m going to write you a prescription to help ease any discomfort that you experience and the rest of the instructions will be in you discharge papers.”  The woman smiled weakly.

“Thank you,” Sam replied softly and then th
e doctor left the room and Sam let her head sink back into her pillow.

There were no words to express
how heated I was.  My knee bounced uncontrollably as I sat there imagining my hands around his throat.